Hair. Long beautiful hair. Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen, down to there.
In the history of rock’n’roll, in fact in music, the barnet’s been pivotal, every bit as important as tight trousers, attitude and, er, talent. (Much more so than talent actually, since everyone knew that having shit hair meant you could never be a star.)
A curio, sure. A one hit wonder, a novelty act, a bit of comedy and you might get away with it – but if you wanted to hang around, be taken seriously and – most vital of all – be seen as sexy, you needed hair that was defiantly long, impressively thick and – best case scenario – recognisable. Hair that entered the room – and therefore the pop psyche – before you did.
But time moves on. Not for them of course. Their look – in the style of Her Majesty – (a very nice girl) – remains the same, but your look – well that’s the one, the look of the fan – the acolyte – the follower – that’s the look that does, that must change.
Oh, you can try to flog the same old, hairy knackered cheval. You can continue to unreservedly pronounce your identification with Rod, Jimi or Bowie. You can even persist with the dramatically evolving-but-still-somehow-staying-the-same Brian May look (you know why you are); but for most blokes the reality of excess recession, not enough melanin, an unsympathetic spouse or an incompetent barber, undoubtedly begs the question: what exactly is a Good old bloke’s hairstyle?
Well let’s go in descending order. The worst of all is …