I’m not there, not watching any of it, haven’t the faintest clue what’s happening or who’s playing, and I’m entirely happy with the situation. I’ve parked on my own land, the toilets are clean. there’s food and drink, and plenty of music should I want to listen to any. I’m wearing my usual Glasto trews, baggy cotton, and a t-shirt with the legend TROPHY HUSBAND. I may have a nap later.
Glastonbury
by 69 Comments
I’m on holiday and we don’t have a telly, or, rather, aren’t watching it, as we haven’t worked out if it shows any “foreign” stations. Unbothered, the view out the window is better. I will still see as many the headliners as I did last year. When I was there. Ghastly extravaganza, whipping up home viewers into frenzies of excitement, unmatched by the “revellers” there, as they trudge aimlessly about, in search of something, anything. “But it isn’t about who’s on, it’s the vibe, blah blah blah, I didn’t see any headliners and had the time of my life etc etc” Well I can do one better: I can see none of the headliners, none of the iconic future stars, none of the cult idiosyncurious Glasto regulars and none of the dullard dubious dunces chanting lookatme. And I’m ‘appy with that.
I’m not there either and I probably won’t be watching it on telly. However, I will be outside in my own back garden later with a nice bottle of Sauvignon. On my headphones will be the Felice Brothers playing tracks from their new album. Headlining will be Neil Young & Crazy Horse who will be playing early versions of some of their songs circa 1969. There are rumours that Johnny Cash may have a guest spot playing from a new album of rarities. It’s not rained for a week or two so mud will be minimal.
Anyone else have their own personal alternative Glastonbury planned?
It’s the Light’s birthday today and we’re heading into London later for the afternoon show at the Top Secret Comedy Club, then an early dinner before Cosi fan tutti at the Royal Opera House. It’s Pride today too, so I’m sure Covent Garden and Soho will provide all the festival flags and colour we could wish for while still allowing us to sleep in our own bed.
I like concert going, not that I do much these days, but I have never seen the appeal of festivals.
My highlights for today are cleaning the bathroom and making a nice salad for when we get back from the pub.
Over the years the good Mrs F has tried to cajole me into applying for tickets which I have managed so far to valiantly resist. Looking at the line-up this year I would have been mortified if we were ‘lucky’ enough to be going. I’ve found 4 artists through the whole bill that I would pay to see and only one on the main stages (Michael Kiwanuka).
Jolly Boys in York today with my best mates. Good conservation, session IPA’s and pies.
Should be decent.
Saying Jolly Boys in York I thought you meant these.
A brewery I find.
We caught the intriguing Heilung last night on a random iPlayer Glastonbury trawl.
What an astonishing bunch of utter loonies! Great entertainment, woadtastic toplessness and endless drones ‘n’ drums with carefully disguised assistance from Bronze Age synths. Just the sort of left-field bonkersness I look to Glastonbury to serve up when I’m least expecting it. Just the sort of thing poo-poo’ed by the tedious, humourless retrowhinge posted up the page.
Obviously, true to form, the BBC’s iPlayer coverage this morning does NOT include their set, so I can’t point you at a runic ritualistic rumble with the rural continentals. Clueless, clueless, clueless catch-up coverage, this is NOT what I pay my licence fee for.
You can still check ’em out on Yewchoob anyway, obv.
Celtic Woman with a drum machine and a few dancers from the Arts Lab.
TMFTL
I think this is great – a shoe-in for next year’s Eurovision I’d say. And the drum machine has arms. Disappointed by the lack of woadtastic toplessness though.
I am a suckered for this sort of thing, but find The Hu or even Otyken to be more engaging.
Their whole set is now in the Hidden Gems bit of on iPlayer, Foxy.
Is this the moany, negative, Glastonbury thread? Excellent. This chap came up on my computer today for some reason. Barry Can’t Swim. I can’t really hear the music but I can hear the beat, which sounds pleasingly regular, and the way he randomly twiddles knobs and presses things seems to imply he has something to do with the music. I wonder if the fact that he can’t dance influences his dance music? The crowd seem to enjoy him, many of them nodding their heads in time with the beat and some of them moving their shoulders. What I’m really wondering is, were he to be completely absent from the stage, would that detract in any way from his performance?
The man has all the charisma of a bus stop.
Or the charisma of
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Alas, I am not that lucky. It’s a whey-faced herbert in a lime green shirt being really interesting with a record player, and a lot of people with flags and baseball caps are standing watching him and twitching.
..and quite right too. Standing, watching and twitching are an important part of our musical heritage.
My busier-than-usual weekend “Festival”:
Yesterday, after partaking of my morning coffee and medications and the usual buttered toast, I did some grocery shopping, had some more coffee, descaled my kettle and snoozed on the sofa to the strains of Daniel Casimir & Tess Hirst’s “These Days”.
After an early evening curry ready-meal, I ventured out into London to see a short Tomorrows Warriors live set up in the performance space of Foyles bookshop, Charing Cross Road. 7-piece band led by guitarist Shirley Tetteh.
From there I made my way straight to The Elephant Inn in North Finchley to catch my funky pals Dex & Soul Mates, with guest female vocalist Lily Dior.
I had a couple of beers. Utopian British Pale Ale, 4.4%, which was very pleasant.
Home at midnight for a large G&T and bed.
This morning provided a repeat of the old coffee/meds/toast routine and a listen to a couple of albums. Blue Lab Beats “Xover” and Makaya McCraven’s “Universal Beings”.
Another sofa snooze is likely, before another curry dinner and an expedition out to Luton’s Bear Club, to see guitarist Nigel Price and pianist Leon Greening recreate Wes Montgomery & Wynton Kelly’s “Smokin’ At The Half Note”. Hope I find a parking space nearby.
Tomorrow evening I’ll be back in North Finchley, at The B3 Lounge in the basement of the Bohemia bar, To see singer Dexter Moseley and his quartet play an early evening gig. After paying £415 to tax my car for another year. I remember the days when insurance used to be the biggest annual expense of car owning. Now it’s road tax, and the roads are potholed like farm tracks. Ho hum.
On Monday night I’ll be at The Lexington in Islington to see Stewart Lee supported by Glasgow garage-rockers-known-to-our-parish The Primevals. Or is that the other way around and Stewart is supporting them? Whatever, it will be a pleasant palate-cleansing change from my current diet of jazz and funk.
Am I the only person who, as this post began to gather pace, heard it in the voice of Aidan Moffat?
“ Utopian British Pale Ale, 4.4%, which was very pleasant”, being the clinching moment..
Accompanied by a lampshade. But give him a break – it must be a bit gobsmacking to be suddenly transported to Glastonbury direct from your bedroom.
There’s football today. And tomorrow. Nuff said.
I’m not moaning. Merely following posts that were aimed at those attending and those watching remotely. Those doing neither should not be de-platformed, and I deeply resent Foxy sneering about retrowhinging. I shall give his ear a good twist if he’s ever up this way. Not doing Glasto is the new doing Glasto, and I dress up for it.
Retrowhingeing offers a valuable service, to spare others the heavy lifting of disappointment old men often find when fings ain’t what they were. I honestly think @vulpes-vulpes would hate it now, having some idea his tolerances from reading his posts here. Not a dig, an observation. I know some people can find fun in anything placed before them, and power to their elbows, knees and cerebella. I hope our correspondents there this year have a blast, but again and again and again, when there are so many better festivals near every week of the summer? Pas pour moi.
In simpler times
That is very interesting @Gardner. Remarkable how it’s all developed.
‘
But could we perhaps go back a little further in time?
Has anyone got a programme for Glastonbury Fayre 1179? That year, I believe the headlining act was The Crusaders.
I believe Joseph of Arimathea was possibly the first person to tour Glastonbury. I don’t believe he had tour jackets or programmes at the time, though it’s said he did a bit of tree planting.
Thanks Hubert. Once again, you are a mine of useful, esoteric information.
https://www.glastonburyabbey.com/myths-and-legends.php
Apparently the inspiration for the song Hey, Joe, (“Hey, Joe, where you goin’ with those seeds in your hand?”
I went to Glastonbury a few times when there wasn’t even a festival on. It was a groovy place to sit on a ley line and recharge yer chakras. I kept a sprig of that thorn tree in my dope pouch.
This thread would have been improved by renaming it “Glastoffbury, don’t you think?
We are Glasnostics.
Gorby and the Glasnostics! Remember them?
I don’t they’ll be playing any major festivals in 2024.
I am at Wilco’s Solid Sound Festival in Massachusetts. 3 days of glorious music, comedy and art. And we are staying in a lovely Airbnb about 20 minutes walk away. It’s rained a fair bit, but 2 Wilco sets for the ages, night 1 “deep cuts”, night 2 featuring A Ghost is Born in full has made it a glorious weekend and this is the festival I love to be at (my 4th time)
That sounds very enjoyable, Dai. A truly civilised festival.
Venus was certainly one of the highlights. 78 unique songs (no repeats) played over 3 nights including quite a few new ones from Wilco/Tweedy. Incredible! Jeff said that his “sad songs” were perfect for a festival! He added we could be playing Glastonbury but they heard our songs and said “do your own festival” 🙂
Other highlights included Jason Isbell, Dry Cleaning, Nick Lowe and (especially) the wonderful Iris Dement
Jason, Iris Nick and Dry???
That is a pretty amazing list of support acts, each of them worthy of being top of the bill. I’m sure they all want to be part of a special event.
The excellent Dry Cleaning must have been an interesting contrast to the other acts.. Talking of Iris…I just stumbled across this. Three minutes into the clip she pops up to sing a Beautiful South cover.
Wow that’s a bill. I’d have been there!
Come in 2026! Dry Cleaning were good, but a few sound issues meant her vocals were a bit hard to hear. Wilco’s sound, especially on the 2nd night, was as good as I have ever heard at a festival. Not a massive Isbell fan, but enjoyed this cover.
I was at a different festival yesterday. It was held in a sports hall in a village in Brittany. Hundreds of people got very hot and happy there. I suspect that only one of them was not from Brittany. I was overwhelmed, in a way I could never be at Glastonbury.
Those Marine Le Pen rallies can be overwhelming.
Chapeau!
Or, as we say here in Brittany, Hat!
Possibly the most annoying thing about Glastonbury (and there are a few to choose from) is the way fans sitting on people’s shoulders always seem to get on tv. Don’t enable these types: they’re blocking the view of everyone behind them, the cads!
Generally, the person on someone else’s shoulders at a festival is female*.
Can a female be a cad? When I think about cads, an image of Terry-Thomas springs to mind.
Is there a (non-discriminatory) word that can be used for a female bounder**?
Should one be invented?
*Unless a small child.
**No. That doesn’t seem right either.
Difference between a cad and a bounder: Bounders are blatant. A cad is a slimmer, sneakier bounder.
Are you saying there’s no such thing as a fat cad?
I was referring to the guys who lift their young ladies! I am also a massive liar who was clearly one over the eight after suffering the England v Slovakia match. I felt like these two:
https://x.com/BBCJoeInwood/status/1807535189523943762?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1807535189523943762%7Ctwgr%5E1538761a408a8cc4948aefb7e78f812fb34ded01%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmetro.co.uk%2F2024%2F07%2F01%2Fmoment-england-fans-left-stadium-early-realise-dreadful-mistake-21135543%2F
A grim alternative to the folks on people’s shoulders crowd was seeing James play sometime in the mid 90’s I think and although most folks were standing around nodding their heads and generally soaking in their safe pop-lite vibes there were James fans near me desperately urging folks to “SIT DOWN” when the band played erm, Sit Down. It was really annoying at the time, I told one one who tried to push my shoulder down to get on the grass to fuck off and I have put up mental barriers in my head to avoid the band (and their fans) ever since. I’m sure James are lovely as a band and there may be nice fans of them somewhere but I don’t know any and have no James records in the house.
Isn’t that what opened plastic bottles filled with urine is for?
* Not that I condone that sort of behaviour
Those pictures of thousands of people and flags and things give me the horrors. Couldn’t contemplate being in the middle of that lot.
Definitely for the young and fearless, that sort of thing.
If Sunak hasp pitched his doomed national service “initiative” like this,
he’d be the one romping home with a supermajority this weekend
We have a flag pole with a couple of flags on it for festivals, but we have it up by the tent. Helps to find your way home after a couple of festival pints of an evening. Other festival goers have said it can help them to navigate their way back to their tent too, so that’s cool. I’d never take one into the arena/big top tents as it feels a bit rude to block the views of others, but I suppose people take them for the same reasons as above (trying to find where you were stood after a couple of festival mojitos and a trip to the loo).
Do they have flags to be considered an independent state for the duration of the festival? You can’t be a real country if you don’t have a flag.
And a National Anthem too, RD.
No half measures.
A couple of flags deserve marks for lateral thinking. One said “ANNOYING FLAG” and the other “OBSCURING THE VIEW SINCE 2002”. Top marks.
Neither beat the sight of a Hetty vacuum cleaner atop a flag pole, however.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0ve1zn9wlyo
Go to the loo during a performance. At the pyramid stage? And find your way back? Be allowed in or out by the sardines rammed upside beside you, more like. Impossible to even think about. Plus it’s a mile to the periphery of the audience. Who have been standing in the field since dawn, whoever was on, as they wait for the band only they and 50,000 others want to see. Ghastly.
Back in my day, I had wore a ghastly lime green and fluorescent yellow nylon bucket hat (purchased from a pound shop in Skeggie) for post-pee navigation. Nowadays nobody would see a shiny hat for all the flags.
That’s another reason to not go a-festivaling at my age. Not a great idea with the condition of my prostate.
Conveniently, my acquiring a taste for single malt was coincident (and caused by) going to festivals. Quality not quantity works very well.
For years there was an old version Wolverhampton Wanderers flag at the front-ish of all the gigs on the big stage (no idea what that stage is called,even after watching for years ) I always thought they were so dedicated to get to the front all the time, even if it was a team of people there with the flag to signify where they were. Not seen it this year.
Heilung – pagan crusties in need of a good wash. Just what the world needs. I bet they smell of wee.
Fontaines DC – actually a rather good band with some interesting sounds. Unfortunately spoiled to a great extent by the worst singer the world has ever known, dressed as a slaughterhouse worker version of Axl Rose.
Aurora – I’d never heard of her before and was trying to work out country (or indeed planet) she was from. I have to admit I was totally entranced by her and one song she sang was so beautiful it almost made me cry. I doubt if Nigel Farage is a fan.
LCD Soundsystem – imagine Scott Walker as the singer with Yazoo or schoolboy-era Depeche Mode. I think they beefed it up a bit towards the end of their set but I’d gone to make a cheese sandwich and a pot of tea by then.
Kim Gordon – trans version of Iggy Pop Should really have been at home watching Monkey Life with a hot water bottle and velcro slippers.
The Breeders – Kim Deal was definitely alive because I heard her singing, but I think the others had been dug up and wired into lorry batteries.
Paul Heaton – deary, deary me. Some people seem to think this tone-deaf chancer doesn’t sound like a donkey stuck in a barbed wire fence. They are deluded.
I like this reviewing style of yours @hugh-janus.
If you’ll indulge me:
Yard Act: Jarvis Cocker’s cousin fronts Fall tribute band
Kasabian: the opening scene of 2001: A Space Oddysey with musical instruments instead of bones
Justice: pleasant enough electronica emanating from blokes at desks WAIT I’M HAVING A STROKE
Cyndi Lauper: Your Mum
Damn. It’s not as easy as you make it look..
That’s the best description of Kasabian I’ve ever seen.
Lankun – Beardy, Irish, finger-in-one-ear music that smells of Capstan Full Strength, old socks and mothballs. Their first song was revenge on the English for subjecting suicidal audiences in folk clubs all over Great Britain to all 298 verses of Matty Groves.
I don’t think Toyah and Robert were filmed for the iPlayer, but I suspect half of an initially eager audience left in disgust when they realised she wasn’t going to get her norks out. Those that were left annoyed the band by chanting, “Oi – Fripp. We want Baby’s On Fire”, or “Play Deception of the Thrush, you bastards, complete with the that bat-bothering, squeaky intro which gives everybody life-long tinnitus”.
Post of the Thread, so far – shurely…
Anyone know what Polly Harvey was writing in her notebook when she sat at her desk?
It was a bit of frantic scribbling, so it wasn’t a crossword puzzle. I reckon a shopping list for Shepton Mallet Tesco after her set:
Microwave chicken Biryani for one.
Six cans Stella.
20 Bensons.
..spatula
corn plasters
chocolate.
“To The Lead Singer of Echo and The Bunnymen,
Dear Mr Echo …”