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From Johnny Logan to Bambie Thug. From Ding Ding Dong to Rim Tim Tagi Dim. Welcome to Malmö 2024!

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What a magnificent week this is for anyone trying to escape reality for a few hours.

First there was The Metropolitan Opera Gala in New York. Marina Hyde ín the Guardian hit the nail on the head; “In these dark times, let us be grateful for the ludicrous spectacle of the Met Gala. Roll up for a buffet of baffling outfits, celebs scared stiff of Anna Wintour and an utter refusal to acknowledge the outside world”

If you haven’t seen the photos of all those preposterous outfits, you are denying yourself a major treat.

No sooner was that over than it was time for another campy, hilarious, preposterous orgy in bad taste; the Eurovision Song Contest in Malmö

Am I watching it? Of course I am! One of the conditions for them granting me Swedish citizenship is that every year I should religiously watch the ESC. And vote for the Norwegian entry.

The first ESC Semi Final on Tuesday was full of surprises. After two rather lack-lustre pieces of Europ-pop, enter the Irish contestant: Bambie Thug singing Doomsday Blue. Let’s just say Bambie is one of the most refreshing and enjoyable acts I’ve seen on any stage,( let alone ESC), for quite a while. No spoilers from me! I want you to enjoy it all for yourself. To describe the chap who is dancing with her as a major, notorious, international, celebrity just does not do him justice.

And then for the intermission spot, who should appear but “The King of Eurovison”, Johnny Logan, singing a beautifully re-arranged, string-based, version of Loreen’s mega-hit Euphoria. Splendid! You could not hope for two more radically different musical snapshots of Irish music on the same stage.

Time to be grateful. The ESC has given us many songs with memorable lyrics such as Ding-a-Dong by Teach-in and Diggiloo Diggiley by Herreys. This year Croatia’s ridiculously catchy song, Rim Tim Tagi Dim by Baby Lasagna, which deals with the vexing problem of economic migration among young Croatians, in an addition to that list. Hanna Fahl of Dagens Nyheter described the songs as “A schlagerfied Rammstein for cat lovers and anxiety sufferers – it’s both lovable and troll-friendly in all its simple silliness.”

Malmö did not get the jolly, care-free, ABBA-tastic music festival that it hoped for. On Thursday 10,000 people marched in support of Palestine and against Israel’s participation in the ESC.

Helicopters in the air, a very considerable police presence everywhere, snipers on the roofs: the security is tighter than if there was an EU summit or US president was on a state visit.

Two questions for you!

Do you have a favourite song for this evening’s ESC? (There is a splendid variety of styles. And a great deal of humour and panache.)

And do you have any favourite songs containing “nonsense” lyrics?
From Shakey’s There as a lover and his lass ( with a hey and ho and a hey nonny no) to The Edsels’ Rama Lama Ding Dong. From Manfred Mann’s Do Wah diddy diddy to Lewis Carroll’s poem The Jaberwocky. There are a lot of them around.

Gabba gabba! We accept you! One of us!

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Comments

  2. Here’s Croatia’s Baby Lasagna!

    And few of the songs are as charming as Armenia’s Ladaniva and their song Jako.

    Quite irresistible!

    Sing along if you want to!

    Ինձ ասում են.
    Ժակո՛, քեզ խելոք պահի՛,
    Շատ մի՛ խոսա,
    Շատ սուս էլ մի՛ նստի,
    Հագի՛, բացի՛, փակի՛,
    Աղջկա պես քեզ պահի՛»:
    Ես աղջիկ եմ ազատ,
    Ես կպարեմ, դու էլ նայի՛:

    Լա Լա Լա

  3. I can’t answer the first question having not heard any of the songs in this year’s ESC (and am too deaf to do so now), but as regards nonsense lyrics, there’s none more better than Beck’s Loser imho. Every single line is nonsense, every single line is brilliant.

    In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey
    Butane in my veins, and I’m out to cut the junkie
    With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
    Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
    Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
    Stock car flaming with the loser in the cruise control
    Baby’s in Reno with the vitamin D
    Got a couple of couches, sleep on the loveseat
    Someone came, saying I’m insane to complain
    About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
    Don’t believe everything that you breathe
    You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
    So shave your face with some mace in the dark
    Saving all your food stamps and burning down the trailer park
    Yo, cut it

    I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me?
    (Double barrel buckshot)
    Soy un perdedor
    I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me?

    The forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
    Ban all the music with the phony gas chamber
    ‘Cause one’s got a weasel, and the other’s got a flag
    One’s on the pole, shove the other in a bag
    With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job
    The daytime crap of the folksinger slob
    He hung himself with a guitar string
    A slab of turkey neck, and it’s hanging from a pigeon wing
    You can’t write if you can’t relate
    Trade the cash for the beat, for the body, for the heat
    And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite
    Who’s choking on the splinters

    Sean Ryder comes a close second, with his “poetry”:

    I don’t do what you do
    And you don’t do what I do
    But you should do
    You
    Oh, you’ve got your voodoo
    But you’ve got no clue
    You know me easy bongo poo-poo for me

    or…

    Oh my father’s father’s father’s father
    By nature he was bendy
    We are the chi chine tribe
    And we are over friendly

    • Thanks for those gems, @Gary. I’m very sorry to hear that your deafness now prevents you from listening to music. That sounds grim. Hope you are settling in nicely in Sardinia.

      I’ve heard Loser many times, but clearly have not listened properly one single time. Shame on me!

      Shane has quite a way with words too.

      We British have a long, magnificent tradition of nonsense verse. The Runcible Spoon Hitmaker, Edward Lear, and the Dad of the Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll, are two of the most famous bards of baloney.

      This Wikipedia entry is very informative:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonsense_verse

      • Thanks KFD. But going deaf at my age isn’t so grim. (I’m not completely deaf yet, but I will be soon.). I would have hated it in my younger daze, but now I’m quite enamoured of peace and quiet and thankfully I’ve already heard and memorised all the good music there is. And I’m actually finding deafness quite an interesting challenge.
        I haven’t yet made the move to Sardinia. Shipping furniture over at the end of this month. On 15th June the world and his wife will be coming to Puglia for the G7 (literally just down the road from me) so I want to be out before that happens. I don’t want to be going for my morning swim and have Sunak and Biden gawping at my shapely thighs!

  5. Thanks for starting the annual AW Eurovision thread! I think the rumour that ABBA will reform has been thoroughly dismissed, but a small, tiny, part of me is hoping for a halftime surprise. That footage of the Israeli singer rehearsing being booed was bizarre.

    I really like the Croatia song – reminds me a bit of Panic! at the! “Disco”.

    Apparently the UK performance underwhelmed at the semi final, so I am not holding out much hope. We achieved absolute zero a few years ago, so we can’t get worse than that.

    As always, I will have the YouTube feed on, accompanying my breakfast on Sunday morning, our time.

  6. I was rather taken by Bambie Thug too. It had so much going on and a tune as well. Top 5 at least. I wouldn’t be surprised if it won.

    Most of the rest that I’ve heard are a bit more formula. The UK song is a bit flat. Decent enough tune. Will get lost in the middle.

  7. The UK were ahead of their time in 2006 with this song. I know the co-writer John Matthews, aka Ricardo Autobahn, who tells good stories about being at the competition. I stayed in the Eurovision hotel in Birmingham in 1998 and photographed Dana International coming in with the winner’s trophy.

  8. Of course I don’t have a favourite song. I have no idea what any of them are yet. Eurovision has nothing to do with music; it’s an annual television treat to be enjoyed with scorecards, cheesy snacks and colourful cocktails. I haven’t heard a second of any of the entries and it’s highly unlikely I will remember a second of any of them after the credits have rolled. I’ll enjoy it enormously while it’s on and completely forget about it until next year. This is as it should be.

    • A musician friend of mine wrote on facebook last year that he watched the ESC and thought the music was crap. I thought that was like going to eat at McDonald’s and then deriding the quality of the food.

      • It’s like people getting annoyed when ‘reality’ TV programmes are produced and edited to make the most entertaining television, not to reward the worthy but dull entrant who is best at whatever is supposedly being assessed.

  11. A friend of mine drives buses in Malmö. He said that he’s picking up a lack of enthusiasm for the contest among his passengers. To quote him “I’ve never overheard the Swedish for bullshit as much as this week”.

    • I can easily imagine that the good burghers of Malmö are sick of the ESC, @Bamber.

      Security barrier and police everywhere. Demos every day. Helicopters overhead all the time. And the whole city on alert for a terrorist attack.

      Even if Israel was not competing in the ESC, there would be a serious threat picture. There have been some much publicised Koran burnings in Sweden which have enraged Moslem fundamentalists. Why the police allowed these burnings to happen is a mystery to me, Free speech, my arse!

      So, lack of enthusiasm is not surprising.

    • Baffling! These artists always have an entourage of minders. How was he able to commit a criminal offence surrounded by so many people? I’ve read that he threatened the woman. All very nasty. And sad. His Europappa must be turning in his grave.

  13. I haven’t watched any of it yet, and I don’t think I will watch the final tonight either.
    I’ve felt a huge lack of enthusiasm this year, beginning when they voted those Norwegian chipmunks to be the Swedish entry. Not bc they’re Notwegian (I’m half Norwegian myself) but because I thought we should have taken the opportunity to send a really silly entry this year, when we definitely don’t want to win again anyway! And those chipmunks really takes it seriously…and it’s a shite entry, without being shite enough.
    Like that interval song (above) stated; we’re seen as taking it too seriously and being a bit safe and dull, so we should have taken the opportunity to send one of those bonkers Mello entries that usually gets voted out – or at least something weird and very local, preferably in Swedish as we never do that anymore.

    Also, the politics/non-politics of it all lies over it like a wet, stinking blanket, so I’m not in the mood to watch it. I think I’ll see a film instead.

    • I completely agree with you about the Noggy chipmunks, @Locust. They have a very simple job to do this evening: Not win! But do they understand that?

      The problem for SVT is that the whole Swedish selection process has become such a popular piece of Saturday night television, that it’s difficult for them to pull the plug out and cancel it.

      Something very weird and in Swedish would have been perfect. Next year perhaps they should get in a crack team of Finnish and Estonian songwriters?

      Mercifully there are some entries this evening that dare to be bonkers, like Ireland, Estonia and Finland, Switzerland and Croatia. I would love to see one of those win.

      What I absolutely do NOT want to see is a victory by Israel.

      That would leave a very sour taste in the mouth. And I don’t doubt that the audience in Malmö would express their displeasure very vocally.

      Fingers crossed for a happier outcome!

      If you are going to watch a film ,make sure it’s one with a good soundtrack! Finding better music than the ESC should not be difficult!

  14. Nothing remarkable so far. Israel’s song comes and goes without incident.

    There’s a welcome return of the pre-song 1 minute video, with footage of the performers playing table tennis, feeding ducks and laughing and pointing.

  15. Estonia have the first wacky one. Missed an opportunity for funny costumes though.

    Completely eclipsed by Ireland’s Bambie Thug. Sounds like three different songs into one. Death metal, Lorde-ish and then Kate Bush. Actually, could be a more out-there Kate number. Liked it.

  16. Finland hilarious. Chicken dinner to Helsinki.

    Two male singers – one serious, the main singer and the other one wears a T Shirt and nothing else. He parades around, and items like an audience-member’s hat mean we don’t see his penis. And then his shorts appear from the roof and he puts them on. Either nul points or 1000.

  19. I wanted Croatia to win, largely because of it being nearly Rammstein-lite (including the singer almost doing the Till-hammer move), but it’s that “uh-oh-oh” from Switzerland that is going to be stuck in my brain.

    Thought the overall standard of songs was lower than normal, with too many that were just meh, and not enough outright lunacy.

    Based on Bambie Thug’s image, I thought they might be my cup of herbal pagan tea, but sadly they appear to have spent so long on their image that they didn’t have enough time to come up with a cohesive song.

    And I’ll be happy to never hear from Ollie Alexander again. I forgot his song the second it was over.

  20. A few moments of note in the scoring:

    1. Israel were nowhere and then they received a huge public vote, propelling them to the top.
    2. UK were nowhere (but not dead last) and were the only country to get zero in the public vote.
    3. Ukraine were mid-table and they received a huge public vote and went top.
    4. Croatia did well and achieved a huge public vote (the highest public score) and went top.
    5. Switzerland were well ahead but got fewer public votes – but just enough, winning by 44.

    The Swedish presenters were natural, relaxed and funny and the staging was impressive, as it has been for at least the last 10 years.

    Very enjoyable and the best song won. Bambie Thug from Ireland will go on to bigger things I think.

    • Hope you are enjoying your Kiwi breakfast, @Black Celebration.

      A few reactions to your comments.

      I was surprised by the large public vote for Israel and was very happy they did not win.

      I do not understand why the UK got zero points from the public. It might not have been Olle’s absolute finest hour but it was very decent song and well presented. It deserved better.

      Croatia’s Baby Lasagna was magnificent. The audience loved them to death. Talk about a crowd pleaser!

      Bambie Thug was one of the most extraordinary acts I’ve ever seen at the ESC. I have great hopes for her.
      .
      Bambie Thug w

      I liked the Ukrainian song and hopefully they will realise that they are not forgotten.

      • I think the UK song/performance was just too crude/sexual. It reminded me in intent of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Relax video and in quite clearly simulating oral and anal sex , it went too far. I found it uncomfortable viewing with my daughters, both under 10 and my mother-in-law, over 70 when the video was shown during one of the semi-finals during the week. I can’t picture it having broad appeal with older UK ex-pats who might boost votes in continental Europe and “the colonies”. The Eurovision is panto and, at a stretch burlesque, but it isn’t hardcore gay cabaret that might alienate straight voters. There was no playfulness or campness in the UK entry. They reaped what they sowed.

        I was shocked at the number of votes Israel received from both juries and the public. Hard to believe in the context of current events and it seemed to be mostly Western Europe voting for them including Ireland where I live. I look forward to enlightened analysis because I’m baffled. It wasn’t even a very good song.

        • The Israel public vote. I would think, is a concerted and coordinated effort on the part of pro-Israelis voting for them. There cannot be an anti-vote and, in context of the total votes cast, it’s probably a sizeable minority.

          There is no way to use the vote for a political statement unless you vote for Israel.

          The UK song was boring. I suspect they knew that and decided to make the routine edgy. It didn’t work to the point of probably making it worse.

          • Reading various newspapers’ comments sections (and X) over the weekend, there seemed to be a certain number of people who had nobly ‘downloaded the app’ so they could protest the ‘woke’ ‘Hamastani’ ‘Greta Thunberg’ ‘Khan’s Londonistanis’ ‘LGBQT+ muppets’ ‘screaming millennials’ (take your pick)

            Not the sort of people who’d usually be enjoying and voting in Eurovision I’d imagine.

            • I think that’s the first time I’ve seen it called X. Most people seem to still call it Twitter. I know I do. Even the newspapers call it “X (formerly Twitter)”. I’m might call it X from now on. The times they are a-changin. But what are Tweets called? And how does one say “s/he tweeted something” now?

          • Or maybe people just liked the song. Before the contest was overtaken by all the controversy (read “virtue signalling”), a lot of people were saying this year’s Israeli entry was the best power ballad since “Rise Like a Phoenix”. So rather than questioning whether the public vote was, er, kosher, perhaps we should be asking why so many of the juries completely ignored such a strong contender.

            It’s supposed to be a song contest, not a do-we-approve-of-what-the-government-of-the-country-under-whose-flag-this-song-is-being-sung-under-is-doing-right-now contest.

  21. I’m a confirmed ESC-denier. The entire concept of it repels me.
    I’ve not watched the contest in the last 20 years at least.
    I can’t recall the last ESC-entry, let alone winner, that I’ve knowingly heard. Don’t want to either and hopefully this blissful ignorance of mine will continue indefinitely.

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