I didn’t realise I wanted to say these things, or even realise that i felt them but following a lovely morning with my wonderful family my attention has been focussed on Fathers rather than on a random day to celebrate them.
My feelings about Fathers are somewhat confused. My relationship with my dad was not good, it became adequate as he got older and he and I both grew up a bit but for the period between about 10 and 30 I really had no relationship with him, didn’t see him for about ten years and frankly didn’t want to.
In that period I had a caring and secure home life made for me by my mother and my step-father John, step-father doesn’t begin to describe his role, he was my dad when my dad wasn’t there and is still the most tolerant person I have ever met. To put up with that, no doubt standard, S..t from a kid is hard enough but when you are only doing it because you love his mother must have ben even harder. I still aspire to be the man he was. When he died I felt that my Dad had died.
And yet over the years my relationship with my Dad grew a little better, he probably needed me a bit more and I was able to help him. Life beat many of his delusions out of him and he became a better person i think, a some still remained but hey, there by the grace of god…
So its fathers day, I’m pushing 60 and my children have been all over me this morning (as far as a non resident 24 year old son, two late teenage daughters and an angst ridden 12 year old, son can be) I am having a wonderful day and wanted to share my ramblings with all the Fathers and Step-fathers on here.
I’m pretty sure they are almost all doing the best they can and like me have no real clue how to be good at this wonderful, difficult, joyous privileged role.