Time we had another modern life is rubbish thread.
It’s just been two things that have bugged me recently.
– What’s happened to the good old Charles Charlie Charles handshake ? It all seems to be that FIFA sanctioned handshake of peace which has now hit Wimbledon. Does that happen in business ? Did Merkel and Tsipras do this ? I’ve never really noticed it anywhere else, but then I do avoid Shoreditch as far as possible.
– Business spokesmen who say “we are complying with the legislation” (or words to the same effect) as if this were earth shattering news and we should all be grateful.
Over to you to contribute or ignore, as you wish.
Oh god … Fist bumps, high fives, complicated cantilever hand things. I never, ever, ever, get them right. Nearly as stressful as pecking ladies on the cheek (both? one?).
I can answer this: always kiss both ladies. It’s rude to only kiss one of them.
Yeah, you told me that before, you irresponsible bastard.
I suppose you think court orders are just a big joke!
Cheeks? Pecking? I usually try for all 4.
I suppose this is a fairly standard generic complaint about manners and perhaps not quite what you mean, but I shall say it anyway.
The widespread lack of a ‘thank you’. I am usually pretty conscious that I’m always laden down with work bags, shopping, child + scooter and I try quite hard to keep out of people’s way: always let people pass first on the pavement, let people off the bus first, let people into the school gates before me, open doors for people etc. and this rarely gets a ‘thank you’.
I am aware that child+ scooter is the greatest annoyance on earth to busy London commuter types but I do try. I don’t expect applause (after all, it’s basic manners) but an acknowledgment and a quick thanks wouldn’t go amiss.
Similarly on a crowded bus the other day I accidentally tapped a woman on the back with my bag; I apologised profusely and got the Look of Death as if I had unforgivably violated her personal space.
Also (on a roll, now) I live on a private estate; it’s not that big, most people know each other at least by sight. But I can walk down the driveway, pass someone within a few feet, and they will NOT get eye contact , never mind a ‘hello’ or even a head-nod. I find this weird but maybe I’m Northern and a bit over-familiar. 😀
Manners, eh? Sniffs.
I’m Northern, missus, and you’re not over-familiar enough for me.
PS. You have a child with a scooter and it’s you who carries the shopping? Dear oh dear…
I was walking back from school yesterday and realised that I was carrying five bags plus dragging that child along. On his scooter. He wasn’t even using his feet to push, at all. Much to the amusement of the blokes having a pint and a fag outside the pub we passed.
And he had an ice-cream in one hand.
And did I get a thank you? No I did not. Pah.
I went really badly wrong somewhere. Bring back National Service, starting at about 6.
Six years, or six months?
I think I’ve complained about pram size & the attitude of some mums, before and was rightly given a kicking, so not going there again.
I’m with you 100% on manners & engaging in the public space. It doesn’t take much, and I blame the smart ‘phone. Get on bus, look at phone. If you look at someone or pass comment = weirdo. I once, on a crowded tube, put my hand out to stop the swarm getting on to allow someone off. She didn’t thank me, no big deal, but the couple rushing on had the temerity to accuse me of hitting them. Now it makes me laugh, but at the time I gave a right tongue lashing and they came to their senses.
Yes I think there is an issue with pram size and a sense of entitlement from some and it really can make traveling around more difficult for everyone (including yourself as a parent). I deliberately chose a small and light one (for myself and my bad back as much as anything else.)
There’s a whole book to be written about prams and size and expense and status and child development and ‘doing good pram’ and a sense of security *breathes* but that’s for another day, maybe. 😀
I guess if you have twins you’re inevitably going to take up a lot of space.
I think generally we all just need to learn to get along with each other in public spaces: roads, buses, strap-hanging on the Tube, joggers, commuters, parents, pram-pushers, scooter- skivers…..and yes, the phone doesn’t help and I have been very guilty of glancing at my phone when I really should be looking where I’m going.
Charles Charlie Charles? Handshake of peace? What they?
At least I can answer BC, easy.
All 4.
Yeah the cheek-pecking thing. What’s the rule? I usually go for two but have often been met with surprise and much awkwardness. Does the hug suffice? I just don’t know any more. Can’t we just shake hands?
Just a warning. If you go to Sicily and get three pecks on the cheek, you must have upset the local Mafia capo and you want to be leaving pretty sharpish.
We need more of that wartime spirit.
What Max Bygraves needed was to be bombed a bit more.
Don’t get me started. Poor old Max. I discovered only yesterday that our Max, who has been dead since August 2012, has an official website that has not been updated since October 2009. That is not the way to treat a rock & roll legend.
http://www.maxbygraves.com/index2.htm
We should build an online shrine to the great man. Max, Brucie … we won’t see their like again.
Men hugging – what’s all that about then? Back in the day my Dad and now my brother were the only man-hugs. Now I’m supposed to embrace a bloke I met last week at a party like he’s my best mate?
What’s wrong with the merest of slight nods and if he really is my best mate a “how’s things?”?
The correct way to greet your best mate is, “Alright knobhead?”
I LOVE man hugs. Particularly when it takes the other dude by surprise.
Best of all is when someone offers you a regular handshake and you unilaterally switch it up into a bro grip and then use the rapport to pull them into you for a full hug – one hand across the back, the other still locked in the shake. That’s that real shit.
A friend of mine delivered a surprise man-hug a few weeks ago as we left his house, despite having no track record for that sort of thing.
Turned out that a combination of my mentioning I’d had an MRI (it’s just for my worn-out hip, but I’d forgotten that I’d not mentioned it before) and nodding off after dinner (due to a combination of a heavy pasta-based meal and overdosing on hayfever medicine) while looking a bit flushed (due to him having the heating up too high) had convinced him that I was seriously ill and he got a bit emotional!
Only realised that a few days later when he asked my wife how ill I actually was.
Nice to know someone cares I guess…
Can we not just ban hugging generally? It’s just all a bit…weird. (Apart from with your SO, obviously.)
Nooooooo…!! Hugging is fantastic and life affirming. I thought you were northern and over familiar. I’m with Moose. You aren’t over familiar enough.
🙂 Yes but I am also very, very English.
I need to get used to this hugging lark. My son is teaching me.
I would give you lessons, but they might soon start to get a bit “pointy”.
What’s the world coming to? Taking surreptitious photographs of comedians from police helicopters. In my day we would be satisfied with a crafty polaroid snap.
He wasn’t even doing anything interesting. At least Jerry Sadowitz would have bee nicking some Toffos.
I was peripherally involved in an actual conversation about the untimely demise of the pre-decimal ha’penny piece only this morning. Modern life? Pah!
I was on the cusp of moving from primary to secondary school when decimal money came in. Sometimes, I find myself looking at things and converting back to pre-decimal prices – 15 bob for a KitKat? 15 shillings?!
‘One pound is a hundred new pennies, a hundred new pence to the pound’. . .
The fear of children/ some teenagers.
As Scroobius Pip says in Thou Shalt Always Kill track:
“Thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile. Some people are just nice”.
I don’t have any sprogs of my own and I just get nervous round them more than ever these days.
Recently, I handed a ball back that had been kicked over a fence outside a primary school. The playground supervisor glanced over, looking at me suspiciously. Or maybe my paranoia made me assume that she thought I was lurking? Cue someone making a joke about ‘what was i doing hanging around outside a primary school anyway?’ Arf.
Now. What would you do if you were out walking on the beach on your own one evening and you found a small child alone crying and there was nobody else about? And you didn’t have your phone?
This event actually happen to me as a younger man. I remember holding the crying little girl’s hand and we both walked back to the caravan site to find her folks. The searching family eventually found us ten minutes later and they were very, relieved, embarrassed and naturally grateful. Yes, they more embarrassed than terrified.
I can honestly say, I would be utterly bricking it if I was put in that same situation today.
.
And I thought those aliens in Under The Skin were cruel. Turns out they just weren’t sure of the appropriate way to deal with a spare child on a beach and didn’t want to cause offence..
When I was young, it was taken for granted that a child would stand up to give their seat to an adult. Your parents would be embarrassed if they even had to remind you. But the bus I get to work goes past a couple of schools, and the parents seem quite happy for their children of primary and junior school age to remain seated while adults have to stand. I don’t know if this is a change for the worse, the better, or just a change.
As a child, I recall I would give up my seat for a woman or the elderly.
As a young man, I would give up my seat for a pregnant woman or the elderly or anyone really who looks knackered. But offering a seat to a young woman might be gallant and old fashioned, but there’s also the risk of it coming across all creepy.
I hold doors open for anyone, though. I once got a grumpy “I’m quite capable of opening a door by myself thank you very much! ” But I soon forgot all about it. It was 12th March 1992.
Oh and another thing…holding a door open for people and they just breeze through without a glance or a murmur of acknowledgement. When I’m feeling brave I might call after them….”no, no! Thank YOU”.
“You. Are. FUCKING. WELCOME!!!”
Run after them and give them a hug. If that doesn’t mortify them enough to change their ways, nothing will.
About 15 years ago, me & mine & my best man & his were doing a ghost walk in York (trust me, it was a lot less creepy than it sounds). These take place in the evening & it was early evening so fully dark, cold & foggy – in other words – perfect.
My mate & I were at the back of a decent ish crowd of people where we saw a little girl, no more than 6 years old, she was crying & looked quite scared & stressed. Simon (my mate) went to his pocket, got out his Police ID card, & squatted down in front of her & said “I am a policeman, you dont have be scared, why are you crying”? in between sobs she said she had lost her Mummy & Daddy. He just said, hold my hand & we will find them.
He went to the front, asked the man telling the tales if he could use his mike for a minute & said “We have got a little girl here who has lost her parents – within 30 seconds 2 out of breath, frantic parents were reunited with her & all ended well.
I think if I had been on my own, I would have shit myself – middle aged man & a crying little girl = Paedo alert. IMHO, a sad reflection of our times.
I’m genuinely fond of small children. (I even had to debate with myself to write that lest it be misconstrued)
Sometimes, when I’m out having a coffee, I’ve found that I’ve become more and more unwilling to smile at some little kid going by my table. I just don’t want some cretin accusing me of being a nonce. It’s very dispiriting.
Nonce.
Et tu, Binge?
*sobs quietly for loss of innocence
“Genuinely fond” … that is your problem right there.
I still don’t know what this Charlie Charles Charlie wotsit is?
Or the peace one.
Charles ‘Charlie’ Charles:
Still a genius sketch, along with the cod Public Information Films. They must have had so much fun doing those.
Normal handshake – hands palm-to-palm, with your thumb resting ‘flat’ on the back of the other hand.
The handshake of peace – I think – is where the thumbs involved point skywards, and you wrap the palm of your hand around the back of the other person’s. A bit like how you’d grip for arm wrestling.
Seems compulsory for sportsmen, especially Formula One drivers.
Golf clubs.
No, not the buildings that don’t allow women to enter, but the ones used on the green…..putters.
I refuse to accept any man as a true winner of The Open if he uses a ridiculous ten foot putter or one that has the look of a driver about it (Scott, Goosen), in much the same way that I don’t accept Chelsea’s ‘success’ stolen from the mouths of the Russian people.
It simply doesn’t count.
Totally agree. They’re cheating. Problem, I believe, was that USGA were terrified of being sued by manufacturers. Should have clamped down on their use by professionals from the start.