There was a guy panic buying toilet rolls in Budgens last night. Budgens! They’re about a quid each, and made from a loose weave of spider webs and spit. With maximum poke-through potential, he’d need to wash his hands with bleach after every crap, if he could find any bleach on the shelves. He’s clearly not worried about food shortages because he’s planning to shit just as much if not more than usual for the next six months.
Meanwhile in Sainsbury’s there’s no pasta. Has it been withdrawn from sales because it’s from Italy? Or are people stuffing their cupboards with low-cost, long-life carbs? Has the penne dropped? Should we panic now?
And signs of mass hysteria near you?