I know you lot don’t really care. To be honest, I’m not that funked myself. But I was bored. So I got to thinking: How do we win this thing, assuming we want to?
I reckon… Get Matt Bellamy to write the song – big, hooky, cheesy, obvious, dramatic, his stock in trade. Get Mark Ronson to produce it – he can turn stuff into gold, and he’s got some cool mates. Get Adele and Tinie Tempah to sing it, with manipulated ghost backing vocals from Amy Winehouse.
Dynamite!
I’m half serious, oh yes.
First things first. You need to really want to win and your fellow countrymen and women need to want you to win and support you. Måns Z, who was already pretty popular, is now an A List national hero here.
In my opinion, the Swedes probably take it far too seriously. But they get results.
I’d say that first and foremost the Swedish TV and Swedish media take it seriously, and by doing so they’ve built up an interest among the people (but certainly not everyone in Sweden) that wasn’t always there.
It used to be an event mainly for mockery, but then SVT turned it into must-see-family-TV, making sure to select as many varied contestants as possible, to please every type of consumer; from the sublime (obviously never winning) to the ridiculous (not winning either, but sure to be a sing-along hit in every daycare in the nation for months) and everything in between, and managing to get all sorts of artist to compete in Melodifestivalen without shame (to get a hit and make money, probably gaining new audiences as well).
It takes six weeks to select a “song for Europe” in Sweden these days, and I’m guessing the Swedish music industry is laughing all the way to the bank the whole time.
The song writers included, having found out how lucrative the ESC business can be the Swedish songwriters are now entering competitions all over Europe selecting songs for the ESC, and often winning.
Do Swedes in the general public take it too seriously? Nobody I know, but I think we love it as a topic of conversation. It wasn’t that long ago when we only had two TV channels, and every coffee break would start with the words “Did anyone see…?” and most people would say “Yes!”
These days you can’t even discuss a series that everyone IS watching, because one will be on series two, another series five and the third one will just have started watching, so the slightest mention of a show will have people screaming “No – don’t say anything! No spoilers!”
So the “Mello” unites us again, once a year we’ll have something to discuss at work, among friends, with people you don’t know very well at a stiff party, with perfect strangers at a bus stop waiting for a bus that never comes.
“Did you see…?” “Oh yes – we did, wasn’t it AWFUL!”
You hit the nail on the head. SVT have really got kids on board. All the way from nursery up to college.
And whereas 10 years ago it would have been career suicide for many artists to be on Mello, the goalposts have really been moved.
Next year we might even get Bob Hund representing Sweden?
Nul points!
Maybe David Cameron can supply a John Barnes-style rap in the middle 8. Something about needing to repatriate powers to the UK parliament. That’ll put the tin lid on it.
and Boris could play whiff-whaff in the background.
Becker?
Did you hear the Muse track they did for the Olympics? It sounded like Laibach, and was about as popular with the world’s broadcasters.
I wanna hear that so bad
I’ve said this before, but we could bring Lennon and Harrison back from the dead and have the Beatles do our Eurovision entry and we’d stillget about five points, tops.
Everyone.
Hates.
Us.
Nonsense! Scandinavia at least is teeming with Anglophiles.
But that’s not enough to make them vote for a crap song. Like this year’s UK entry.
Don’t we need to grow a Baltic coastline or something like that?
A Baltic coastline would indeed be handy.
Incidentally, the entries from the Baltic republics were all rather good this year. Maybe it is something in the water?
We could get Slartibartfast on to it.
Bagpipes
Now you’re talking! Preferably duelling ones. The Treacherous Orchestra could do us proud.
Actually The Treacherous Orchestra could perhaps pull off a Lordi. Much stranger things have happened.
Depeche Mode could do 3 minutes of arm farts and get Douze Points from most of continental Europe. But just to make sure, they could perform a song.
There are several ways, real talent is one, the swedish technic is another, then, talently attract vote from a minority that wouldn’t vot normally or that have influence. It worked with Lordi (people being bored of the same “schlager style” all the time and that wants to make a statement against it),; Conchita Wurst (everyone knows the reason); It didn’t work with those talentless songs about those communities such as armenians that meant well (I hope), but sounded bad and cheap.
In reply to @tiggerlion I don’t think the Steely Dan hitmaker would be allowed at Eurovision. This is probably posted in the wrong place.
Of course not. But the German tennis player would. Especially if he wears drag.
Can’t see why the Dan man wouldn’t be allowed. We’ve had Australians sing before, and Celine Dion isn’t Swiss!
A couple of interesting points that have come out in the media here about last Saturday.
The Russians were not popular in the arena in Vienna. Every time they got high points, there were very loud boos. These were turned down in the mix so that we couldn’t hear them so much at home.
There’s also a rumour circulating that any segments that featured that depraved European pervert Conchita were not shown on healthy, wholesome Russian TV. This seems to be wishful thinking rather than fact.