This came up on FB and I posted it to the AW page there and a couple of people made the usual witty contributions.
So let’s try it here
Georgia – Midnight Train
Clarksville – Last Train
The Gulf of Mexico – Straight Down the Mississippi River
etc etc
Bumpity-bump…
Phoenix – there might be some delays
Tulsa – will take at least 24 hours
To reach Liscombe (via Herts), go…
I think it’s opportune to post this here if we need to Bumpity-bump.
USSR – fly in from Miami Beach, but it might be a dreadful flight.
Home for Christmas – drive
The wild side – walk
To me – run
Very good!
What’s Me like? I’ve never been
Try psychotherapy.
Although Home any other time of the year is also Run.
Ryde – Ticket
Heaven – Stairway
Hell – Highway
Brixton – With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun
Ardglass – On and on over the hill in the jam jar
The River – Riding in my brother’s car
Stonehenge – taking my hand and going back in time to that mystic land
Mansion on the Hill – with my daddy, riding through the streets of a town so silent and still. Alternatively, around the next bend, taking the highway to the sun on the rocky road, it really don’t matter which one.
And in a similar vein…
Home – walk, but it’s going to be a long one, so don’t wait up.
The bus stop – run with a dime in your hand, and don’t forget your old man’s paper.
Promised land – sit tight and take hold on the front seat of my car.
Alternatively you could wake up high over Albuquerque on a jet to the promised land, having ridden a Greyhound from your home in Norfolk (not that one).
Re Ardglass – yes but I strongly advise you not to follow Van’s directions to Coney Island – he goes all over the place. I know, I tried it once. God knows what he found to take pictures of in Shrigley.
Denver – you can only get out of it
St Cloud – bus
Away from your lover – there’s 50 ways so I won’t list them
Follow the river down the highway through the cradle of the Civil War.
Amarillo: this way?
St Jose: Sorry no idea mate
You will need a beautiful balloon if you want to go up up and away.
San Fernando you need to catch that last train, should you by some chance miss it you’ll find there isn’t another one, Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom.
See also Trancentral
Sets off at 3am, E-terminal – or something like that
See also: Glasgow Central
Me.
I don’t know. I’ve never been there.
That must mean that you’ve been to “The Isle of Greece”, though, Diddley…
Yes, many places. Including paradise, so can’t complain.
Houston on the midnight plane (original title)
Bangkok. Thailand Express leaves in 30 minutes, hitting a variety of stops along the way (Bogota, Jamaica, Acapulco, Morocco, Lebanon, Afghanistan and Kathmandu). Smoking is permitted.
Hotel California – on a dark desert highway
California – ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
Manhattan – downtown train
Margate – catch the coach at 8
Town – the 8.21
Up that hill – running
backwards
FYI “Finchley Central is two and sixpence from Golders Green on the Northern Line” though actually you’re probably better catching the 460/13 bus it only takes 14 minutes and as Golders Green and Finchley Central are on two different branches of the Northern line you’d have to change at Camden Town and TFL don’t even recommend the tube.
Just a reminder that due to inflation your journey will be more expensive than the two shillings and sixpence recommended.
Now my conductress on the number nineteen, she was a honey. Pink toenails and hands all dirty with the money. Greasy, greasy, greasy hair, easy smile. She made me feel nineteen for a while.
I went down to Chinatown. In the backroom it’s a man’s world – all the money go down.
Duck inside the doorway, duck to eat, just ain’t no way, you and me, we can’t beat walking in the wild west end.
Rudy’s on a train to nowhere. And he doesn’t even want to get there. I can’t imagine how the conversation at the ticket office went.
Lodi – ride in on a Greyhound but make sure you don’t get stuck there.
Buffalo. You could shuffle off, but it’s a long way to Buffalo, and, if you were thinking of it as an alternative, it a a long way to Belfast city too.
Carrickfergus – swim over the deepest ocean.
As I can’t swim over, I prefer to use the handsome boatman.
The Isle of Everywhere – have a cup of tea
Mannheim – set out on a rainy Saturday
Solsbury Hill – break out of the rut
A loot-filled secret cave – knock down 40,000 headmen
Chattanooga – take the choo choo
Donegal – sail away, sail away, sail away – across the Atlantic then down the coast highway, blowin’ where the air was fresh and clean to the mouth of the Orinoco.
LA California, from Tidewater, in Norfolk Virginia
1. Greyhound bus across Carolina, via Raleigh, with a stop in Charlotte but not in Rock Hill
2. Stop due to a breakdown in Birmingham Alabama
3. Catch a direct train to New Orleans
4. Call on friends in Louisiana who owe you a favour, and get a change of clothes and a plane ticket to California
5. Go to sleep and wake up as the plane flies over Albuquerque. Possibly whilst ‘high’.
6. Order a T-bone steak and eat it just before the plane comes in to land.
7. Phone home.
Oh darn, someone beat me to it higher up in the thread. That took ages to work out, too…
To wherever The Proclaimers are: find their significant other, walk 500 miles in the direction of two blokes shouting in harmony. You should be able to hear them easy enough.
I always want to walk 500 miles in the opposite direction. And the bastards are all over this summer’s festival circuit like a rash……….
Saginaw to Pittsburg – hitchhike (takes four days)
Pittsburg to New York – Greyhound
Dallas – come in on a DC-9 at night.
20,000 feet – riding in my bird of silver steel
Chatteris – by bus, they’re highly dependable.
Yeah, but if you’re not there then I may as well be in Ely or St. Ives.
If Oleta Adams asks you to pop over, several options appear to be available
👏👏👏
Wherever it is, you can’t get there from here.
Your door – down a long and winding road.
This Town. Its big enough so I`m not leaving.
Are you sure.? The latest census says there’ll be more girls who live in town but not enough to go round.
It’s not big enough if I’m there too.
You are someone else. I am still right here.
Rockville – don’t go back there
Temple of Love – run for cover
Black Planet – ride down the Highway 101, (by the side of the ocean headed for sunset)
The finest destination song of all time tells me I’ve been from Tucson to Tucumcari, Tehachapi to Tonopah, and driven ever kinda rig that’s ever been made doing so.
Yep
The Moon – fly me.
If you’re looking for Transverse City, it’s past the condensation silos and the all-night trauma stand.
Destination Anywhere – just ask the man at the railroad station for a ticket just for one …
East or West, I don’t care
You can get to “Lost” in a leaky boat – if you’ve got your signals crossed and the compass points to Lost…
Mornington Crescent.
Afterword Rules of course
Uh-oh, I’m in Nidd.
As long as you don’t end up in The Strid
But they must be mediated by Rafferty’s Straddle.
Nick is happy to go anywhere… as long as it isn’t that particular lake.
Manadaly – meet one night, in the silvery light
Oooooooh
Amarillo – ask Peter Frampton
I you’re “on the road to alcohol” you need to be “a level-headed dancer.”
Should you be feeling peckish then head down to Soho especially if the precipitation is fallimg. Watch out for hairy-handed gents though you may bump into Lon Chaney with the queen too.
New York to San Francisco via Vengabus. Presumably like a Megabus but cheaper.
If you’re off to Zululand, you’ll need a Kawasaki.
Hum diddle de dum hoo wah he ho
I’ll hop into the van then.
Not sure where the destination is supposed to be but it ends up in deep water.
Where does it go from here?
Is it down to the lake I fear?
Ay-yah-yah-yah, yah-yah
Ay-yah-yah-yah-yah-yah-yah, yah-yah
If I remember correctly, someone actually says ‘I dunno’ after this first question is posed. Which is odd because you’d think it was intended to be rhetorical
Chicago to LA – via Joplin, Missouri, Oklahoma City, and Gallup, New Mexico among others.
If you’re coming into Los Angeles, you should probably come in from London, from over the pole, flying in a big airliner.