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Carolina – On my mind

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Hello everyone,

I haven’t been on here recently as things have been going downhill since beginning of year, treatments failing and state of liver worsening significantly. If I were a horse running the Race of Life I would be in the final furlong, (and I do like oats, carrots and apples so may well have an ancient horsey forbear). I am out of treatment options now, my pre-existing illnesses ruling out any chemo so have stopped treatment. My care will be now overseen by the local hospice but I’m not right at the end yet. “Months” was what my oncologist said, but how many is an unknown quantity.

Energy levels are extremely low but I have come on to say that this place and all the contributors have meant a very great deal to me over the years. If you want to write me a message, say something nice, funny or cheery whilst I am still extant please do so below, though my ability to reply to everything may be limited.

Another thing I wanted to tell you was about my Spotify Playlists. You can find them under the name Linda2048 (yes am finally unmasking myself, Carolina being a nom de plume). Ones you may like include Mostly-Chilled Sublime Singer-Songwriters part 1 and 2, Women Sing Out, Shameless Nostalgia, Spiritual Balm and Stir and A Comforting Light. Any comments you would like to make about them gratefully received, as long as they are positive! And of course fabulous if you want to add any to your library and have a proper listen.

I continue to follow new music and was particularly moved by this recent Mary Gauthier Track Till I see You Again.

With my very best wishes and love
Linda aka Carolina xxx

10

Comments

  2. Oh Carolina – or, if I may, Linda – I am so sorry to hear this. But thank you for posting. I’ve had a very quick skim of the playlists and there is some great looking stuff there – i will definitely check out the Comforting Light one – and I will hold an imagined light for you as I do so. May music continue to be a force for good for you in the months ahead.

  3. Hi Linda.
    I have nothing to add here other than to let you know that I will of course be emailing you at the beginning of next month in accordance with what has become over the years a cherished practice.
    Always in my thoughts dear friend.

  5. Very, very sorry to hear this. Thoughts with you. You’ve been a great asset to this place and a pleasure to know virtually. And your courage has been and is inspirational to me.

    • Thanks so much Gary. A friend recently told me a definition of courage that I found helpful. It is not doing something “brave” that comes easy to you, like a mountaineer shinning up Ben Nevis. It’s doing something that is extremely difficult for you but doing it anyway,

      • Quite.
        Holly Johnson famously wrote “Do not go gentle into that good night”, but I think a gentle departure is exactly what I would wish for myself and for you. I imagine the inevitable goodbyes are the most difficult thing to bear.

        I don’t think I’ll be frightened when my time comes and I hope you aren’t. I don’t entirely agree with that Hamlet fella. I agree with him that the thought of eternal sleep, no more, is not an unattractive prospect. But his “dread of something after death” I don’t share at all. Who cares what dreams may come, for if there is something, anything, that will surely be the most interesting revelation ever!

        Thinking of you, my favourite poem comes to mind:

        They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,
        Love and desire and hate:
        I think they have no portion in us after
        We pass the gate.

        They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
        Out of a misty dream
        Our path emerges for awhile, then closes
        Within a dream.

  6. We’re a funny little community here – a few years ago, I would never have believed that I could develop such genuine affection for people that I had never met, or were likely to meet.

    Linda (Carolina), I’m so sorry to hear your news. I look forward to listening to all your playlists – if this music has been keeping you upright and facing forward, then it can only do my soul some good – and I’ll think of you when I listen to it. Thank you for sharing. God bless.

    • Thank you, fitter. I’m so glad you feel like that about my playlists. I did compile them with a lot of thought and care though I realize they won’t be everyone’s cup of tea! But there is plenty of uplifting and consolatory music and I feel like they are part of my legacy.

  7. May your days turn into months, your months turn into years. May your end, when it comes, be calm and peaceful, and may the music ease your way – that’s a dam fine collection you’ve put together there.

  8. Anyone who has not heard the inaugural 121cast which starred Carolina and was such a joy I have relistened to it a number of times. – brighten up your Saturday by listening here.

    I take no credit for this – she is so warm, funny and interesting that it was simply a matter of making sure the mic was being recorded.


    Hang on in there girl, the show must go on.

    xx Twang

    • Thanks so much Twang. It was such a joy for me doing the podcast, you made it so easy, and I have kept it on an ipod so I can listen at any time and also give it to others to hear. When I’ve been ill years back my voice has gone peculiar and if that happens again it will be a great comfort to hear the real me and show others “she” is there too. I will hang on in there for as long as poss.

  10. Sad to say you seem to have stopped posting here before I started, but liver problems are an awful, awful thing to have to bear.

    Not much comfort, but you are taking this with a lot more fortitude than I think I would be able to muster up.

    Fingers crossed, we’ll have time to get to know each other a little better

    • Thanks Jay. Probably the best way of getting to know me is to hear the podcast, where I allude to some pretty bad previous health problems when I was younger and have shaped the way I am. I may sound like I’ve mustered a lot of fortitude but there are difficult times esp in the dark hours. Still there are flowers outside my door in the daytime.

  11. Lovely to hear from you. Always enjoyed your contributions and very sorry to hear of the prognosis.
    Rest assured we will continue to niggle, nit pick, advise , assist and empathise.

  13. Hello Linda, you appear to be facing up to the world with a spirit, honesty and inner-strength to be proud of.

    The Mary Gauthier track you posted is beautiful, my copy of the LP arrived today and I will listen to it thinking of you.

    Peace & love, BH

  15. Thank you for the update, Linda. I remain in awe of your serenity in the face of adversity. Your playlists are sublime oases of calm. Besides your 121, highlighted by Twang, I always enjoyed your video diaries. Plus, your cards have brought pleasure to many members of my family and friends.

    I hope you have no pain and I wish you well. Keep posting for as long as you can. Lots of love coming from me.

  16. Every time I think it’s time I took a little break from this place because I’ve said everything, told every story, have nothing more to add and reviewed every 80s heritage act possible a post like this comes along. It reminds me that this is a real community full of real people with real life stuff going on. I can check out any time I like but I can never leave. @carolina I don’t have the words but may your months become years and have a none more Dave Amitri song 🙏

    • Many thanks Niall and do keep on writing! My magnum opus this year has been filling a blank book with childhood and adolescent memories, illustrated with photos and pics off google. Hugely therapeutic to evoke happy times with loved ones.

  23. Oh gosh, Carolina, there’s nothing sensible I can think of to say. Have been around here for what seems like forever in various guises, so am familiar with your calming testosterone free presence adding some common sense and balance. Stay strong, and keep posting for as long as this place brings you some comfort. ♥️♥️♥️

  24. What have The Afterword ever done for me?
    Well, apart from the obvious aqueducts, I’m most grateful that it allowed me to get to know you, during these last years.
    What would be the equivalent to “a prince of a man” for a woman? Princess is too Disney, queen is too male…how about “a lioness of a woman” – quiet strength and a gift for friendship and sharing with the flock? Ignoring the antelopes in this metaphor, of course!

    • Pride of course…not flock! That’s a Swedish thing; all groups of fish are a stim, and all birds and most – if not all – mammals are a flock. Animals not known to congregate en masse (a flock of hedgehogs would turn this cute creature into stuff of nightmares…) make do with “group”, “family” or “pair of” when described.
      I honestly can’t understand why you make things so complicated in English, using a different collective noun for each animal! 🙂

      (I’m keeping it light and silly to distract from the lump in my throat, as I think you know)

      • Sorry to tangentially take a different route, this is the D’afterword after all.
        How can you not enjoy a crash of rhinoceros, or a bloat of hippopotamuses.
        Also trying to keep it light and silly for the same reasons.

      • A Lioness of a woman, that sounds rather aggressive, dangerous and always on the prowl but I will totally take your definition of it and not mine! And getting to know you has been a fantastic journey, and a window on a different country’s life and culture, as well as your own. Your animal group classification system sounds a lot simpler than ours, but then it sacrifices all those possible crossword clues!

        • You’re thinking about the parts of their lives we get to see in nature documentaries, the high drama of selecting a prey and chasing it down.
          Most of the time a pride of lionesses will lie in the shade, probably having a nice conversation about their Top 100 noises of the savanna, sharing a hyena joke or two, and playing with the collectively raised cubs, before taking one of many naps of the day. Of course, occasionally they’ll have to go “grocery shopping”, but what’s a girl to do when she’s feeling peckish? 🙂

  27. I’m so sad to read this, Linda. When I saw that you’d posted, I was hoping that it would be … better news.
    Thank you for all your positive posts on this board, and for that remarkable interview with Twang, and thank you for introducing me to one of my favourite albums of the 21st century (Gabriel Kahane’s “Book of travelers”). You’ll always be fondly remembered in this community we have here.
    Sending warm thoughts,

    duco

  29. Sorry to hear your news. Sorry for me and the rest of us, that is. For you I’m sure it just is what it is.
    I’ve nothing else to say that hasn’t been said already above, except to wish you a safe and smooth passage onward. Now to check out those playlists.
    Big Love XXX.

  32. Obviously this song comes to mind, JT in his pomp. I learnt it from a friend of mine at school who got it off his big brother’s album and we’d pick it out at the folk club. To this day its beautiful simplicity moves me.

  33. All I have to offer here are words and yet words fail me. Words are not enough to express my own feelings. And yet your words are so beautiful, moving and eloquent. Everything I want to offer you, but can’t.

    We, all of us, will follow you down this road. The light you are shining down it, is a kindness and a comfort you give us. I only wish we could offer you something as great.

    All my love x

  34. Hi Linda, sorry to hear about deteriorating health, but thanks for reaching out with such a lovely song. I know most here will agree this place offers a warmth and empathy that demonstrates the best of who we can be as people. You epitomise that – Om Shanti.

  36. It’s taken me a day to work out that I don’t know what to say. You are always a thoughtful and interesting contributor and I look forward to many more.

    I hope you keep comfortable for a long time, whatever long means. And thank you for the playlists – I shall explore.

  37. I now know you are Linda but to me you are still @Carolina and I still recall your warm voice and the kindness that you exuded in all of your posts. I haven’t had time to check your playlists yet but can say that many songs on this recent Mary Gauthier album produced a lump in my throat. The news is very sad but I admire your fortitude and wish you peaceful days to come surrounded by those that mean the most to you. Keep strong and let the sunlight in.

  39. Thank you for sharing that news, Carolina. It must take a lot of courage just to start typing.
    I am a very occasional visitor to this site these days, so have only just found out about your situation.
    I wish you peace and hope you are surrounded by loved ones who can take strength from your resilience and give you back love and joy in the time that remains.

  42. My sweet Carolina. The love for you here is overwhelming, as evidenced above.

    I have a mental picture of you opening your front door to me when I delivered my collection of Word magazines which you took off my hands when I ran out of space.

    As so many have said, your presence here has always been positive, kind and thoughtful. That’s a legacy enough for any lifetime. Go well, but please not just yet.

  43. Like everyone else, I don’t really know how to say anything fitting, so I’ll just say this: you’ve always seemed like a really good, funny, warm person who has brightened the old place up whenever you’ve looked in.

    May the road rise up to meet you; may the wind be ever at your back, and all of that good stuff. Thank you for gracing us, Linda. It’s been our privilege.

  44. Absolutely zonked out today so can’t reply to everyone as I would like to, but your words have touched me more than you can know. I will return to this page and reread it during the difficult times that lie ahead and I am sure it will be a source of strength and comfort. Also I will share it with my sister and other loved ones who will be extremely heartened to read all your wonderful comments.

  45. Oh Carolina!

    Unlike all the above who said they didn’t know what to say and then said something profound and caring, I do know what to say, but it isn’t profound, and may come across as crass, but it’s not meant to, except possibly as something the anarchopunks might hide in their lyrics. I hope it might make you giggle.

    Also unlike many above I haven’t really had/taken the chance to get to know you – shame on me. But whenever I see your name, I think of Shaggy:

    Oh, Carolina is a girl
    She deh pon top of di world
    Well now she rock her body
    And a move just like a squirrel

    May you continue as long as possible to get pleasure out of the erudition of other Afterworders, and cheap laughs out of fools like me.

  46. Hi Carolina – you just keep on keeping on writing on this little ol’ forum here. Like everyone I was delighted to see a thread from you pop up and then less delighted (to put it mildly) when I read it.

    What I like about this blog is that this is very much an online place where you can just be. All the very best, Linda.

    • Yes sorry about the good/bad news. It is definitely a place where you can just be and now like the Cheers theme song, it’s a place where everybody know my (real) name.

    • Thanks so much Lando. Grace by Rose Cousins (and a cover version by Lizz Wright) are on my playlists, or at least one of them is and they lyric helps me great deal when I listen, ending with “Let me find my way to Grace.”

  49. Your lovely words and the responses from the members on this site are remarkable. May you keep on keeping on for a long time yet….Right i’m off to enjoy your Spotify lists. Love and peace be with you…love H x

  50. Oof – I’m so sorry to hear this, Linda. You’ve always been such a positive presence on these boards, and I think the messages above demonstrate pretty clearly what you mean to the community. I will definitely be checking out the Spotify playlists; what a lovely idea to share them with us.

    Wishing you all the best for the path ahead. As others have said, we can only hope to face such moments with the style and grace you’ve exhibited here.

    BL

    x

  51. Been struggling for the past two days about what to say, but I wanted to say something. I thought it was brave to post and tell everyone know your news, regular posters and lurkers alike. Thank you for your openness and thanks for the Spotify playlist- just sacked it off and got apple music for the family, pah!

    • Thanks a lot paws. It was v nice of you to say something at all. It wasn’t easy to post and I did think briefly of delegating but actually realized it was something I really wanted to do myself. I see Junior has given a nod to my playlists below! However at least with Apple music you are getting Joni Mitchell. David Crosby and Neil Young which is a big drawback now with Spotify.

  53. I’m going to borrow and repeat (if unphysically) the words of hedgepig, but it could’ve been almost any of the above.

    Thankyou Carolina. It has indeed been our privilege.

  55. @carolina I have thought long and hard about posting this, but it was a great comfort to me and I hope it will be to you and yours. It just seems right for here.

    “If I should go before the rest of you
    Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,
    Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday voice
    But be the usual selves that I have known.
    Weep if you must,
    Parting is hell,
    But life goes on,
    So sing as well.”

    ― Joyce Grenfell

  57. If I understood you can be sure everyone else did…. Hope you’re ok 👍. This is a reply to Lodestone..

    @Carolina / Linda I can’t imagine being in your shoes. Please keep your updates coming. That poem along with others here are remarkable. When my Dad passed away the first thing I heard after leaving my mum to try and make sense of it all was Holding Back The Years. Mick Hucknall is no Joyce or Chapman and certainly not capable of what you’ve written but it’s stuck with me for 30 years. I suspect your beautiful, heartbreaking poem will stick with some of us too. 🙏

  58. Hi Carolina. Like everyone else, I was very sad to read your post a fortnight ago.

    You’ve been in my thoughts a lot since then as I lurked in the shadows, hoping I would find something useful, encouraging or meaningful to say. Well, that never happened!!

    You do certainly do bring out the best in the ramshackle bunch of ruffians on this website.
    Reading through what has been written on this thread was very moving but also very amusing. Locust and her lionesses made me chuckle.

    Thanks a lot for pointing us towards your playlists. They are smashing and say a lot about you, in a very good way.

    If (and when) you have the energy, do please put together another playlist, if you feel like it.

    There are many people out here sending a lot of love and good feelings to you, Linda.

    We may not all always say so much, but we do care a lot.

    Here’s Kari Bremnes with a gloomy song from about rural depopulation in the Lofoten Islands in North Norway. It’s a gem!

    • Thanks so much KFD (I typed KFC first of all which would be quite a different conversation!) for your lovely words. Am so glad you enjoyed the playlists – my energy seems to be depleting so another one is not too likely just now. I am annotating my Grandma’s collection of photos when I am up to it, as it will mean more to the family if they know who the picture is of. So useful if people had already done this at the time, There’s one of my great -grandfather holding a placard reading Kanada 157 for reasons I can only guess at, like the number of a ship a relative might have emigrated to Canada on. Beautiful song you posted – my rudimentary Swedish makes me think the title is People in the house. Lovely to see the rural Norwegian scenery even if the houses are standing empty.

      • KFC indeed! That would be a bird of a very different feather.

        Annotating old family photographs sounds like a very meditative and fruitful activity.

        Back in the day, for someone to take your photo was a very rare event. Quite a contrast to 2022: the most photographed generation that ever lived.

        I’m very glad you enjoyed the Kari Bremnes song. I’ll push my luck and treat you to another song from North Norway. Tove Karoline Knutsen put a poem by Arvid Hansen to music. I like it a lot.

        “Come Summer Wind”.

          • Very glad you liked it.

            Here’s another gem from Norway. I was at Roskilde this weekend and the ever-reliable Kings Of Convenience performed this song. Even without Feist it was magnificent.

            They explained that “Love is a lonely thing.” is the last sentence in the book «The song of the red ruby» by the Norwegian writer Agnar Mykle, written around 1955. The Kings had both read it when they were 18 and it had left a big impression.

      • @Carolina
        You’re right to annotate the photographs as I’ve just come across lots of old slides taken by my dad in the sixties.
        Unfortunately he’s not around to ask about them, who the people shown were, why he took them etc.
        All the best.
        Hubes

        • Thanks Hubes. That’s very frustrating with your Dad’s slides with mysterious people and all too common. I found a quite a few unknown people plus a family dog I’d never heard about but whose name was at least written on the back!

          • It doesn’t have to be a long time ago. The joy of getting a roll of film developed that has been used over several months is one of the great lost pleasures of modern life. What have I been up to recently? let’s see…

            As a young man I developed a roll of film and amongst the perfectly innocuous holiday snaps and usual D’OH! ones of the inside of the camera case, there was a baffling picture of me pointing into a lavatory in a private house. Thankfully the contents of the lavatory are not visible.

            The photographer, the location of the lavatory, its contents, the look of weird solemnity on my face…. a total mystery.

            • I thought I’d get in touch with some of my university chums to tell them Offspring The Elder is now in higher education. Trouble is, it was 31 years ago now, and I can’t remember their names. “You know, that bloke from Wales, could down a pint in three seconds. Went by the name of Wodge.” Turns out he’s not on FB or LinkedIn. I did find an ex-girlfriend. Probably best not…

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