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But does it pass the supermarket test?

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Yesterday when I collected my 7 year old grandson from school he was holding the program for his upcoming school musical (we’re going tomorrow night). It lists all the kids taking part by their first names and surname initial. In one kindergarten class there’s a Bowie, a Hendrix and a Zeplin (sic). In a year 1 class there’s another Hendrix, and a Ziggy. And a Dusty in a Year 2 class.

A long time ago when we were naming our kids (and had other friends with new babies, or about to have them) the discussion about names was always “will it pass the supermarket test?”. In other words, if you lost your child in the supermarket would you feel OK about yelling out their name in a loud voice so everyone could hear.

Not sure about those above…

2

Comments

  2. Thai kids get given nicknames, nearly always English, which are easier to remember and more characterful than their given names. I’ve known a Bogie, a couple of Donuts, a Cocaine (from the Clapton song, his dad informed me), a Jetski, a Puter (computer), a few called Benz, a Speed, an Owen (from Michael), a Disney, and a Toaster. Other nicknames are available.

  3. An acquaintance of mine called her son Jaxon (yes, it’s pronounced Jackson). This is just utterly pointless and condemns the poor lad to a lifetime of having to correct people.

  5. In my previous employment, I had dealings with a Taiwanese factory. There were two fellas with names impossible to us westerners, so they chose the name of their favourite American film stars. So I had to deal with two different Clint Eastwoods, both working for the same firm…

  8. I used to recommend a similar test for pet owners when I was a vet: will you be OK walking up your street at 2am calling it out?

    This year I’ve been involved in a couple of investigations for fatal incidents in Nigeria working closely with Nigerian colleagues. I love the joy in their names: Promise, Fortunate, Godson, Godswill etc.

  9. In a former job I employed a temp member of staff called Layla. I remember the interview. ‘Hippy parents?’ ‘Oh yes’. I used to worked with a lovely bloke called Joe, not Joseph, who had been named for the Hendrix version of Hey Joe. He was at the Stones in the park gig, albeit in utero.

  11. One of my work colleagues was named Aldous. When he was introduced to other members of staff he was often met with a quizzical look and trotted out the well rehearsed stock reply, “My dad named me after some bloke who wrote a book.”

  12. When I was a secondary school teacher I was puzzled by the plethora of Damians in the fourth and fifth year groups.

    I could never be sure whether the parent(s) had been either incapable of understanding the plot implications of a recent cinema blockbuster franchise, or if they had simply refrained from christening their offspring until early behavioural patterns had become clear.

  13. I was in an AD in that Chester last Friday picking up a watch I had ordered when a young fella called Thor entered the shop accompanied by his mum who if memory serves me well must luxuriate in the name Fjörgyn.

  14. How times change. As a child possessing the exotic surname of Floridia used bring forth sighs of appreciation, mainly from old spinsters. “What a lovely name” they would coo.
    Now all I get is a snigger and the comment that it sounds like a sexually transmitted disease.

  15. Back in the mid-80s my mum owned a tea shop opposite the birthplace of D H Lawrence. In addition to the American and Japanese tourists who would frequent the place, there were also plenty of regulars. One woman who was a regular had a baby daughter and, clearly inspired by Top of Pops the week of the birth, named her Nikita Eloise.

    • I think the worst example of recent years is the number of parents who blessed their daughters with the name Khaleesi, either not knowing or caring that it was the character’s title and not her name, and also before said character became a batshit crazy mass murderer.

  16. I argued that my first born should be named Stanley because it is perfect for shouting out loud in the supermarket.

    “Stanley! Put that back.” ” STANley! Where are you? StanLEY! STANLEY!!!”

      • Many years ago, we were in a very posh resort next to some extremely well-heeled types. A couple of their kids had probably had a bit too much sun or fizzy pop, because the relaxing afternoon was shattered by a stressed mum shouting, “Charles! CHARLES! CHAAARRLLES!” and “SEBASTIAN! SEB-AS-TIAN!”

        I wasn’t aware of Brideshead Revisited at the time, but now I can’t watch the TV adaptation without remembering those names being shouted at full volume.

  17. I could not help asking a 40 year old colleague of mine whether there was any significance in her given name. The reply was “If you’re asking the question, you already know the answer”. Apologies, Kayleigh.

  18. When my sister was very young she worked in a library and would regularly come home with highly amusing names of library users, and hysteria was often the result. However, the last 10 years or so of me working in Education saw some of the most ludicrously named kids you could ever hear. I genuinely can’t list any because it would too easily identify them to anyone local, so you’ll have to go on trust, but suffice to say there really should be someone employed at Registration of Births, Deaths and Marriage offices whose job it is to take parents to task on their choices, and say an absolute no if necessary. If such a person exists already then they clearly have no real authority.

  19. My GP practice serves among the 2% most deprived in the country. At one stage, there was a run of alcohol related names: Chardonnay, Tia Maria, Bailey, Jack Daniel etc. We are all looking forward to a left shift into infectious diseases: Chlamydia, Varicella, Rosacea.

  21. Oh, I desperately wanted an exotic first name as a kid! My three older siblings all had them, but when I came along I guess the imagination well had run dry, so they named me Anna.
    Now, it’s still a popular name in Sweden, but in the 70s when I started school there were usually two or three Anna in every school class, and you ended up forever being known as Anna + the initial of your surname (in my case Anna O), which was, and still is (it’s happened a few times at work) very ugly and annoying.
    I tried to change my name as a teenager, but wasn’t allowed to do it officially. But I went by my chosen name among friends and (some) family, still do but only by a very few these days.

  22. In my days as a postman there were some exotic/unusual/weird names. One I recall is Godiva C. Whiteside, which always made me think of the Marx Brothers. She lived next door to one Antoinette Buckett.

    • No I only played with Bernie a couple of times, I was shit scared that I’d stuffed up the horn parts* so sat in respectful silence.

      *Historical note – the parts were OK

  24. Last year I found myself at the airport sitting near a couple of children called Mikey and Madison. That’s like calling your children Glenda and Jackson, isn’t it.

  25. I think that there should be some sort of law where you are not allowed to have the same name as someone famous e.g. if the child’s surname is already Sheeran then you can’t call them Ed. It bothers me a little when I see that happen (a fairly frequent occurrence where I work in healthcare). Obviously you’ll have problems naming your child if your surname is Smith, but that’s probably where the double barreled surname comes in handy.

  26. At school I had a chum who’s given name was Warwick. A short walk from school there was a great little secondhand book store we could visit at lunch time. It was stacked full of paperbacks, and we used to plunder it for sci-fi novels, racy stories with racy covers and, especially, bloodthirsty J. T. Edson cowboy yarns. However, one day I spotted and bought a copy of “The Pan Book of Boys’ Names”, which I still have. Pointing out to my chum that ‘Warwick’ was not listed, he admitted somewhat ruefully that he had never been told the source of his moniker. If he did eventually know, he never let on.

  27. A work colleague once showed me a letter addressed to a member of staff who went by the name of Mr. A Wankling. “If I was him, I’d change my name,” I said.
    “What to” she replied.
    “Tosser” I suggested.

  28. A couple of years ago my youngest shared a primary school class with children with the memorable names of Biro, Eggay and Tuna. An educational salad nicoise.

    This is the joy of living in a multicultural area; you move away from half the class being named after the disciples and into the realm of absolute magic. We also once hosted a playdate for a little chap of Nordic origin with the fabulous name Storm.

    Massively in favour of unusual names, and it remains my hope that one day the scales invert and we look down our collective nose at parents who don’t even bother to dig deep at the registry office and provide the rest of us with a little extra joy.

  33. At Wilderness Festival a few years back, we were all woken up one morning by a worried young mother because little Atlas had gone walkabout.

  35. Slightly tangentially, my granddaughter’s name is Aoife. You either know how to pronounce it or you haven’t a clue. Somewhat ironically, my daughter always castigated us for giving her the middle name of Siobhan because no one knew how to spell it or say it…I have resisted pointing this out.

  37. I have seen as well the phenomenon of the slightly unusual spelling of a name, which makes me think of New Romantic bands who did this quite a bit. Dramatis had someone called rRussell Bell, for example.

  39. Thinking about the names of local kids, there are few like Nyx, Helian and Teona. I don’t know whether these are down to: parents playing scrabble to arrive at an unusual name; parents who are well into Classics; or, at least in the case of Teona, parents from Georgia or some such, where I read it’s a popular name.

    Others are new to me, for example Layan, Bence or Aydin, but seemingly common in their parents’ country of origin. Similarly, there is an Odein, which I thought was either an Odin variant or made-up, but might be an abbreviation of Tamunodein, which is Nigerian.

    There is one Huxley, as mentioned by someone above. Don’t know whether he was named after the author, or Huxley the Hot Water Bottle ( a pig) as sold by Boots in the 90s.

    In terms of popular culture, there is a Woody, some Harleys, Logans etc

  41. Full disclosure: my great-grandson’s name is Apollo, at which I admit to cringeing and ‘wtf’-ing upon first hearing, but now seven years later is just accepted and deemed pretty cool, actually.

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