You all know the drill. Line up in front of your most carefully curated bookshelf / LP shelf / CD shelf, make sure you are not on mute, and please share with us all – what have you been listening to , watching, reading over the last month ?
And how are you all doing anyway ? Please share any little pieces of joy or any tips for coping with it all
I’ve been working from home, for which I am grateful, and last week switched from 4 days a week back to 5, which is a boon. More time to do all the work, and a decrease in stress levels.
Best thing I have heard all month is Curtis / Live! – I bought the double LP a couple of weeks ago, having had the CD for ages. It is wonderful – soulful and righteous and groovy. I have also been enjoying Thelonious Monk – Live At Town Hall, and Ornette Coleman – The Shape Of Jazz To Come.
I’ve not watched much TV but I did enjoy Anthony Bourdain’s visits to Glasgow on Parts Unknown.
Reading is not back up to pre-Covid levels but I did enjoy Mark Blake’s biography of Peter Grant, packed with showbiz tales, and there is a lovely set of incidents where G keeps bumping into blokes he knows from when he did the door at the 2i’s who are now General Manager of a Casino in Atlantic City, or managing Queen. Like most showbiz stories, it all turns grim once cocaine is the main sustenance for the parties involved.
As ever, I have been working on music – Quarantunes – Volume 8 is now out there, pay what you like https://tomrafferty1.bandcamp.com/album/quarantunes-volume-8
As soon as the word “cocaine” appears, I stop reading, watching or listening.
Saw the film about Jim Marshall at the beginning of the year .. didn’t seem the biggest laugh in the world, but undeniably was there photographing Beatles, Stones, Jimi, Miles, Dylan …
… “cocaine” gets mentioned …
“Oh right, pictures, fashion, music – everything – now shite,” and what’d know, it was!
You could set your watch by it.
Enjoyed the Peter Grant bio too – debunks some of the myths in Hammer Of The Gods, a paints Peter Grant in a better picture than the snarling fatman Manager (although you still wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of him).
Didn’t know of his close connections with Mickie Most
Is it Friday already? Time flies.
I’ll throw in a couple of:
Seen
Staged is by some way the most entertaining lock-down television I seen. The Good Omens team of David Tennant and Michael Sheen play Zoom versions of themselves as a hapless producer tries to make them rehearse for a new production of Six Characters in Search of an Author. It’s funny, sweary, engrossing, but ultimately about connection and kindness.
If you want something which will make you feel like you never want to go out again, or at least be glad you will never have to do so as someone who is young, then watch I May Destroy You, Michaela Coel’s brilliant portrayal of modern sexual and social media life. Only 8 of the 12 episodes are available so far but I would be surprised if anything better appears on television this year. It switches direction with every episode without losing its own unique character, and it is just superb.
June. A month beset by snakes and frogs.
Heard.
The music I have returned to the most…
Marc-André Dalbavie / The Seattle Symphony Orchestra – La Source d’un Regard.
Larry Young – Unity.
Lettuce – Resonate.
Nils Petter Molvaer – Khmer.
Nat Birchall Meets Al Breadwinner – Tradition Disc In Dub.
Akale Wube – Mata.
Kuttiman – 6am.
The Danny Thompson Trio – Live In Session 1967.
Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher.
Szun Waves – New Hymn To Freedom.
Henri Dutilleux / Arditti String Quartet – Ainsi La Nuit.
Floating Points – Crush.
John Tavener / Steven Isserlis / London Symphony Orchestra – The Protecting Veil.
Read. ( Apart from tea leaves and the lay of the land )
Crimes In Southern Indiana – Frank Bill.
Young Man With A Horn – Dorothy Baker.
The Dud Avocado – Elaine Dundy.
The Devil In The Flesh – Raymond Radiquet.
Checkmate – Dorothy Dunnett.
One Good Turn – Kate Atkinson.
Treasure Island – R. L. Stevenson.
The Songlines – Bruce Chatwin.
Seen.
Not a lot. I’ve been watching the remakes of Alan Bennett’s Talking Heads here and there when I have the odd half an hour and I’ve dipped into some of the Glastonbury stuff. Apart from those a few old arts documentaries on the iPlayer.
I avoid the news.
Life is so much more pleasant without it.
A.O.B.
Painting and drawing. Picking away at The Gordian Knot.
Still immersed in AC Odyssey now and again. Met Hippocrates t’other day. Nice chap. Gave good beard. I stabbed him. It didn’t make me popular.
Read:
As per lockdown usual not much apart from the usual random magazines courtesy of Readly. Can highly recommend the latest issue of Air Forces Monthly with it’s in-depth investigation into the Royal Jordanian Air Force. 🙂 Tried a few books but not got anywhere. I’m enjoying Magpie Lane by Lucy Atkins, about an intolerably self-obsessed Master of an Oxford college and his equally so wife, whose disturbed daughter goes missing. Does the nanny know more than she’s letting on? Good unsettling stuff. Just bought Jonathan Agnew’s new Cricket anthology, which will be perfect for dipping into.
Seen:
Still working through the DVDs – Cul de Sac, The Knack, Day of the Jackal, couple of Tatis, Das Boot, Cool Hand Luke…not applying any critical faculties, just letting them wash over me, and if I fall asleep, so be it. Particularly enjoyed one I’d never got round to watching before – Hitchcock’s Stage Fright, with a terrific cast – Dietrich, Jane Wyman, Alastair Sim, Richard Todd, and a nice little bonus cameo from Joyce Grenfell.
Otherwise can thoroughly endorse Gatz’s enthusiasm for Staged – a joy. Those two guys work so well together. Also the reboot of Alan Bennett’s Talking Heads. Haven’t watched them all, but Imelda Staunton knocks it out of the park as you might expect, and Jodie Comer is absolutely brilliant.
Music:
Nothing really stands out. Continuing my no-risk explorations of French classical music courtesy of Spotify. Late C19/early C20, groovy guys like Vincent D’Indy, Ernest Chausson, Albert Roussel…doesn’t always pay off, but I’ve found some lovely stuff. I’ve also been giving Louis Armstrong a good workout, particularly The Decca Singles 1949-58 which contains this gem:
https://youtu.be/YDeQzjKHaeE
By the time the next Blogger Takeover rolls around I will, if all goes well, be in Oz, just released from hotel quarantine hell. I’m making a break for it on July 15, courtesy of Emirates, who have just started flying to Brisbane again. Considering I haven’t been anywhere further than the bins for 3 months, quite an ambitious first trip…Two weeks in a hotel at the expense of the QLD government, in the tender care of the army, seems a small price to pay to see Mrs thep for the first time since August. Wish me luck!
Good luck 🙂
Happy trails!
I knew you were an old hippy!
Safe travels (;
bon voyage!
Reading has been a struggle, lately.
Watched – ‘The Miracle’ [Sky] Italian drama, with subs, about a statue of the Madonna that starts to weep blood and comes into the possession of the Prime Minister who is trying to lead the country through a vote to remain in the EU, while trying to keep his private life from unravelling. Well worth a watch, has some interesting themes and a satisfying conclusion.
Heard – ‘It’s Only Us’ by Monophonics – best thing I’ve heard by far in the last month.
‘The Miracle’ trailer
Read
GBH by Ted Lewis
Cold, sleazy, unsavoury. Which is pretty much all I want from a British crime novel, But I was disappointed by a limp finale.
The Last by Hanna Jameson
A post-apocalyptic murder mystery in which guests and staff find themselves holed up in a Swiss hotel at the end of the world. Presented in the first person, it literally tells you early on that this is an unreliable narrator. By the end, you’re not quite sure if any of it happened, at least not in the way it was recorded.
Recursion by Blake Crouch
A SF novel dealing with time, memory, loss, fate, choice, free will. So, you know, the usual. Good genre fun with some well-drawn characters.
Heard
Binging on Spotify. A few highlights from this months’ Spotify binge.
Joni Mitchell – I’ve not listened to much of her stuff before. Enjoying Hissing of Summer Lawns.
Drugdealer – A modern take on 70s MOR. Listenable and rather moreish, the track Fools is great.
Seen
We got a projector and so we have been watching Star Wars and Marvel films on the big screen (well one of the walls, anyway). A good way to while away these lockdown evenings – now every night is movie night.
Florida Project
A funny, touching and ultimately heart-breaking film set in an Orlando that is figuratively a million miles from Disney. Some wonderful performances (from first time actors and seasoned pros) bring their characters to vivid life. A small gem of a film.
The Ritual
If you go down to the (Swedish) woods today…Nicely creepy horror movie, that plumps for dread over jump scares and gives us glimpses of the big bad monster before the final reveal.
The Blair Witch Project
Still weird and scary. Although it has to be said that Heather is not a very sympathetic character.
What we do in the Shadows
The second series has been great fun. Especially enjoyed the episode that focussed on Colin Robinson. And Matt Berry’s mangled diction.
Killing Eve
Series three has been a chore. There was a great moment with a pitchfork at the end of one episode that seemed to jolt the programme out of its comfortable rut. But then it undermined that a couple of episodes alter. I have 2 episode’s left, but the whole thing’s running on fumes.
What We Do In The Shadows series 2 was consistently ace. Every time you hear they’re about to make a tv show out of the Snowpiercer movie or the Dirk Gently books or the interior of DJ Trump’s twisted mind (“Space Force!”) you get apprehensive that what follows will be, at best, misguided, but, more probably, godawful cack.
What a pleasant surprise this series has been. And it’s getting better as it goes..
Mark Hamill’s guest turn in one of the episodes was an absolute delight.
Sadly Killing Eve was a mess. I enjoyed the second series more than many but after this third one it really does seem that the well is dry. There were some good moments, always involving Villanelle’s too rare appearances in the earlier episodes, or the Elton John family dinner in Russia.
Spoiler The final straw was the world class, state of the art investigative team who didn’t realise that they had video footage of Kenny on the day is his death until the very end of the plot, and then didn’t even comment on their oversight.
Recursion by Blake Crouch- yeah!
I thought it was a terrific read – nice to come across some SF that took the time to explore pretty much all of the ramifications of its starting premise.
I’d read more by the author.
Having loads of extra spare time to listen and read remains an illusion, but I am grateful for being one of those still full time employed. That said, over the last three months, there has been just enough moments to dip back to artists who are not core to my tastes, where maybe I have one or two albums, especially from the time before I went all folkie. I am pleased to say, plenty has held up – Midnight Oil’s Diesel and Dust, Matching Mole’s first, Kirsty MacColl’s Tropical Brainstorm, or a little gem like Martin Newell’s Greatest Living Englishman.
Sam Lee’s Old Wow, much lauded in these parts, set me listening to his previous releases – I’ve been a fan from first hearing that voice, and he is an engaging live performer. I would encourage anyone taken by Old Wow to look back at Ground of its Own and Fade in Time.
Sam Lee’s in here @thecheshirecat I thought you would have seen this earlier.
I did indeed.
Heard
It’s been all about Bob. I’m not at all sure that Rough and Rowdy Ways is the masterpiece that many would have us believe, but it is a fascinating listen in a way no Dylan album has been since at least ‘Love and Theft’. Everyone is talking about the lyrics, as they always do, but what strikes me most is the production and sound of the thing – it’s one of the cleanest, clearest productions of any Dylan album ever. No producer is credited – I assume it’s Jack Frost aka Dylan, but it’s intriguing that Blake Mills plays guitar on it – there is a spaciousness and economy that you hear in his productions, and I wonder how much influence he may have had.
Read
SebastIan Barry’s A Thousand Moons. What a novelist, what a writer he is. For an Irish 21st Century heterosexual male to convincingly get inside the head of a protagonist and narrator who is a young Native American 19th Century lesbian rape victim is astonishing.
Seen
When They See Us on Netflix, a drama based on real events, about the miscarriage of justice that saw 5 black kids jailed for a crime they didn’t commit 20 years ago. Brilliantly done; unmissable stuff.
I wonder did Seb Bazza get his ‘A Thousand Moons’ title from a lyric in Pentangle’s ‘Light Flight’?
Great spot Colin – entirely plausible I’d say!
Heard:
Nothing new but Paul Weller and Sparks arrived this afternoon. I’m sure they will be filling the next couple of weeks.
Most of June has been soundtracked by Scott Walker, and a couple of NWOBHM compilations.
Seen:
Nothing memorable … all pretty inconsequential really
Read:
Finished Mark Blake’s Peter Green bio – interesting read
On the whole, June has just sort of happened with nothing happening …
Read:
The Monuments Men, which read as a background to the movie. Enjoyable enough, but bordering on the James Patterson in terms of short chapters.
Listened to: Nothing new. At all. Just my amasses playlists.
Watched: Sport. I don;t think I’ve made an effort to watch anything else. NRL, AFL, Super Rugby…there isn’t a lot on right now.
On reflection: I have been a cultural desert this month.
what have you been listening to
I’m about to move so have most of my CD’s packed away. I am left with two to listen to – The Best of the Kinks 1966-67 – comfort listening – a cheapo Pickwick compilation CD, which takes the best of Face to Face and Something Else and singles and B-sides and for me makes the most satisfying 48 minutes of the Kinks at the height of their powers – as I find those two albums great but uneven.
A Short Cut to Teenage Fan Club – saw them twice in 1990 (including their London debut at the Falcon, supported by my mates’ band Milk, members of who went onto Rockingbirds, Edwin Collins, Beth Orton, Dexys etc) and thought they were amazing but after being disapointed by their first album I’ve never heard another album and found them a bit cloying and sickly when heard on the radio. Anyway decided to punt £3 or £4 to give them another chance. Still slightly unconvinced, I can admire the songwriting, harmonies etc but they lack killer punch and get a bit samey over the 80 minutes.
Watching –
Up the Junction on Talking Pictures – kitchen sink goes a little psychedelic in 1968 Battersea. Brilliant film, really evocative, great performances from Dennis Waterman, Maureen Lipman and Adrienne Posta, an interesting plot line that makes you think.
The Best of Glastonbury – dipping in with the good lady girlfriend – watched most of Primal Scream – Screamadelic set , Toots and Maytals, David Bowie and Amy Winehouse sets. (I was there for David Bowie and Amy Winehouse, and have seen Primal Scream and the Maytals at Glastonbury but not those performances screened) Our thoughts:
Primal Scream – pretty competent these last few decades. Bless em – who thought they would have been the ones from the whole Living Room/Falcon scene to make it. Unlike most of my peers I have found Screamadelica not the total classic it was reckoned to me. Even though most of the singles are amazing – although they chose the wrong mix of Come Together for the album I find the complete album a bit overlong and uneven in sequencing, pacing and some of the songs – the ballads etc – too long. My girlfriend tells me it’s because I was never a big enough stoner for it – probably right.
Bowie – she thought it was a bit staid and lacking. I thought pretty fucking powerful – great band with Garson playing a blinder, great choice of material l ‘All the young dudes’ particularly rocked and stuck out. Whilst live on the night I found the new low key intros to Lets Dance and Heroes a bit too meandering and clever clever – I now think they work very well.
Amy Winehouse – We both agreed – f***ing amazing – in a flawed way. A bit of a jazz club set – changes of pace, band solos which doesn’t work brilliantly on a festival set but the breathtaking, insightful, audacious songwriting, the effortless singing. My girlfriend hissed every time we got to see Blake hanging out side stage. Me I’m more sanguine about her tragic life and death but I must admit I get a bit riled how big Adele is, thinking she has stolen the crown that rightfully is Amy’s. How I would have loved to have heard Amy writing about her life as she reached full adulthood and old age – she would have been 37 now.
Reading
Sean Conway – Lands End to John o Groats and World Cycling Stripped Bare – This guy who first cycled LEJOG in a totally unprepared style – just took the train to Lands End and pointed bike north – with little training, the wrong equipment – in about 2008, has now become an ultra-endurance sportsman and has cycled round the world and also ran LEJOG and swam the whole circumference of the the British Isles, has published a guide (WCSB) on advice and how to prepare for a round the world cycle trip. I am taking avid notes as plan a two week tour of Scotland this summer building up to a 2 – 3 month Spain, Italy, Greece,Turkey (taking ferry in between) and then cycle back towards Blightly until the weather turns, I get bored, it gets too expensive in autumn 2024 – when I will be 60.
And how are you all doing anyway ?
I am off work for a few days as have had a bit of sore throat, fever and tiredness. I think it’s just a bit of a seasonal cold as I’m run down prior to moving home but as I work as a nurse in a hospital – I have to take the Covid test – due today by courier – results back in two days – before I can go back in. Very low incidence in Bristol at the moment so the chance of having it are tiny. Actually pleased to get a few days off as generally I am in good health and very conscientious, dragging myself in to work when not too feeling great and generally only take a day or two off work every couple of years when severely unwell.
I watched the Amy documentary, which I missed when it was released in 2015, this week. What a terrible tale of a young woman who was so talented but so damaged and vulnerable, and spent her far too short life surrounded by dreadful, dreadful men.
Get well soon, Stan.
thank you
@stan-deely Just catching up with this – are you OK?
Hadn’t heard of Sean Conway before, and it sounds like I should have done. That has really piqued my interest. I did LEJOG in 2002, and I remember exactly that feeling of seeing a thin strip of grey pointing north east and, figuratively, diving off the diving board, making that commitment to see it through.
Don’t know where you’re based, but it sounds like we could meet in a real / virtual pub somewhere and enjoy a good exchange. I’m just piecing together my fortnight in Scotland too.
Listening:
I found the new Phoebe Bridgers a bit disappointing. I absolutely love her debut, and enjoyed the Boygenius and Better Oblivion records, but this one hasn’t clicked with me at all. Similar story with Neil Young‘s Homegrown. Quite a lot of it is already available on other albums or bootlegs, the alt versions of Homegrown and White Line are interesting but not as good as the earlier ones, and the stuff that was brand new to me includes Florida, which might be the worst thing ever released under his name (and I’ve heard Americana). It’s not bad, but it’s not the lost gem the marketing would have you believe. But enough of the disappointments, what did I actually like? Daniel Avery‘s new one is probably his best yet, moves from full on bangers to more reflective ambience. He’s definitely been listening to Aphex Twin a lot, but , you know, if you’ve gotta have an influence….also in electronica upsammy‘s Zoom is delightful, airy melodic dance music that was perfect for hot summer days, and still sounds tasty now it’s raining all the time. Nihiloxica are a multinational act with four Ugandan drummers playing off a couple of UK synth people. I’d say anyone with a passing interest in percussion needs to give it a go.
Watching:
The best film I saw was The Vast Of Night, a very confident debut that riffs on The Twilight Zone and 50s B-movies, aka so far up my street it’s practically knocking on the front door. The worst was a Spanish “comedy” about football playing monks called The Holy Goalie. Don’t be tempted by the title, it’s dismal.
Reading:
oooh, loads. I devoured the entirety of Giant Days, a set of graphic novels about three young women embarking on their university lives in Sheffield. It’s funny, caring, likeable and extremely charming. At the other end of the spectrum, we have The Living Dead, a doorstop horror novel begun by the legendary George A Romero and completed after his death by Daniel Kraus. It captures the movies’ mix of gore and trenchant social commentary, and I suppose the best praise is that it feels authentically Romero. Also read a couple of good thrillers by Anthony Johnson set in a very modern cyber warfare environment that ticked my nerd and action buttons- the first, The Exphoria Code, is only 99p on the Kindle.
I’ve just bagged The Exphoria Code. Thank you for the tip. Also looking forward to new Daniel Avery, although mine hasn’t reached me yet. Grr!
I’ve only been streaming the Daniel Avery. I don’t think the physical release is until October, so you could be waiting a while…
Heard
I’m a total devotee of the reggae discomix. A discomix in the context of reggae is the original roots tune followed by either a DJ or dub version of the same track. I sort of collect them in a sad kind of way. Anyway, this month was mainly dominated by ‘Sly & Robbie Present Taxi Gang In Discomix Style 1978-1987′ and of course it’s excellent. I’ve also been bang into Leifur James, who is basically yer Floating Points’ fan second-favourite artist.
Seen:
Still watching Better Call Saul. And sorry Lodestone, but I still totally love it! All my trendy pals seem to love I Will Destroy You, but I watched the first two episodes and decided it wasn’t for me. Elsewhere I’ve been catching up with or sampling Succession (brilliant), Snowpiercer (undecided), Orphan Black (also not for me), Penny Dreadful (nope. too YA), The Fabulous Gemstones (I quite liked it, Mrs Bangs didn’t) and Ken Burns’ Vietnam doc (brilliant).
Read:
London Blues by Antony Frewin was ace. Miami Purity by Vicki Hendricks wasn’t. I quite liked Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut (even more so, when I began to suspect that MES had cribbed it for the plot of Wings), and I quite liked A Good Year For The Roses by Mark Timlin. My world went upside down, however, when I ploughed through The Power of the Dog by Don Winslow. What a book. Talk about tense. I read most of the second half standing up. I’ve gone straight onto The Cartel.
It’s not that I think Better Call Saul is, like, bad – it’s just not as good as many people claim it is. And after an episode of three it’s slowness goes beyond slow and into “get a bloody move on!”. And no, it is definitely better than Breaking Bad.
Listening –
I haven’t heard much new stuff this year, but June was a bit of a bumper month with new releases from four favourites. Gretchen Peters’s Mickey Newbury tribute album was much better than I dared hope it would be. I’m not really that familiar with Mickey Newbury, but Gretchen’s album is a lovely piece of work, very tastefully done. I also had quite low expectations of Dylan’s Rough and Rowdy ways which were confounded by a pretty good album. Neil Young’s Homegrown which appeared around 45 years late is a bit of a mixed bag, and it’s quite hard to slot it into his mid-70s output and make sense of its part in his progression. Some of the songs are a bit on the slight side, but hey, it’s mid-70s Neil, and that pretty much makes it essential for me. Best of the bunch for me was Ray Lamontagne’s Monovision, a lovely slice of laid back Americana which probably won’t win him many new fans, but is probably the best thing he’s done since his debut album Trouble.
Reading –
Loads of stuff, including a weighty and detailed biography of Humphrey Bogart by Ann Sperber, which I am two thirds of the way through. It’s compelling stuff, especially in its detailing of the marital disharmony (punch-ups pretty much) between Bogart and his wife Mayo Methot. It’s also hard to be entirely open-minded about his courtship of the 19 year old Lauren Bacall, especially as he was a quarter century older than her at the time. But it was a marriage that lasted, and Sperber, perhaps conscious of 21st century sensibilities is at pains to point out that Bogie’s behaviour was impeccable at all times.
Watching –
Not a lot really, unless you count paint drying as I’ve just decorated the bathroom. Missing seeing Wimbledon on the telly.
Strange days keep on delivering strangeness. And lots of parcels.
I have been retreating deeper into my cave as the weeks drift on, this proving a handy opportunity to continue cataloging my near 100 “mixtape” cds of cover songs culled from channels paid, begged, borrowed and, OK, stole, accumulating as the years go by. Lots of forgotten goodies from TV shows and films, bandcamp, discogs, amazon marketplace, from blogs, youtube. Great fun, if I am feeling I am becoming the @beany of covers.
My new listens have been mentioned in my best of the year thus far thread, but loadsa old too: Cinematic Orchestra have hit my radar with an exhilarating bump, with their last two, Ma Fleur (2014) and To Believe (nowish.)
The latest (2019) discs from Elephant Sessions (What Makes You) and Pons Aelius (Fire Under the Bridge), contemporaneous bands deriving from the Newcastle Folk degree, as they plough their different furrows of folk filtered thru’ dance (ES) and prog (PA) respectively. Both terrific. (And don’t start that you can’t ‘learn’ folk nonsense up again…..)
Various “the new Billy Bragg”s have cropped up, with, via Frank Turner, I have found Gaz Brookfield and Darren Hayman. Yup, a bit earnest but at least they show some spine. A lateral move was to discover the Tom Morello Worldwide Rebel Songs.
My blogging for covers site Cover Me Songs has led to purchases of the Churches’s A Box of Birds and the Walkabouts’ Satisfied Mind. The first is sadly a bit naff in the choices of songs, redeemed by a (the?) definitive cover of Cortez the Killer, the second some sterling americana noir. The presence of Mark Lanegan on the latter reminded me of why I like him so much, and I have some more of his varied oeuvre on order.
And finally, as it was Bandcamp first friday of the month yesterday, I downloaded that RT’s latest, an EP of 6 songs called Bloody Noses. All acoustic and nothing out of his normal fare, beginning to recycle on himself a bit, but, on first listen, one outstanding new in opener As Soon As You Hear the Bell, which has a delightfully vintage doom and gloom vibe. And that is even before I check out the lyrics.
Seemed to have hit a brick wall in the old bedtime reading, nothing new to report, still reading Sally Rooney’s Normal People, and it isn’t even that long or complicated.
Getting bored with the telly. I have been getting much enjoyment from Ozark, replaying the first one and a half series I saw before, so just edging into some new, with the arrival of Janet McTeer. Got a horrid feeling the fabulous Peter Mullen won’t make it into series 3. Meanwhile the wife, bored with Ozark, has been revisiting Dark series 1 and 2 ahead of a splurge to the end of 3. Far too clever for me, I am staying well out of it.
Strangely, the most pleasure has come from re-runs of Escape to the Country, unbelievably cosy telly but finding a spot. I think we are itching to downsize somewhere like Shropshire or the other counties bordering Wales. Scotlands is to far, as is Northumbria, what with the extended Modern Families we have contrived to collect.
Gaz Brookfield is a Bristol lad, and fairly popular round these parts – he plays an end of year show in a 1000+ capacity venue every year (maybe not this one). He’s normally at one of Bearded Theory or Beautiful Days as well – the header photo on his FB page is from last year’s BD, and if you look very closely you can see myself, Mrs Dynamite (not that one) and the little Dynamite down the front. He’s great live, better than the records – try and catch him if we are ever allowed to go to a gig again.
@retropath2
Did you not like the Church’s cover of Faith Healer? Thought it quite broody. Quite like their version of All too much even with Kilbey’s cheesy ad-libbing.
Faith healer was good, it just seemed a tad unnecessary. Mind you, it was one of only 3 tracks I bothered ripping to the comp. Obviously Cortez one of the others but guess the third…..
Without being an expert: I only have their greatest hits, albeit the/a normal one and the one where they did some acoustically, I had always thought the band a bit better than the second rate chug through Dudes and Silver Machine displays.
@retropath2
Hiroshima mon amour? Nope too synthy…Friction?
To be fair , A Box of Birds isn’t their best but I think at their best they are unparalleled.25 or so albums into their “career,” I’ve tried and and failed to convert my friends to no avail. Not too keen on their two acoustic albums but no too keen on acoustic albums generally. Try “Starfish” (the “hit” album..,) “Heyday “ or “Priest = Aura,”
Better late than never…
http://www.covermesongs.com/2020/07/cover-classics-the-church-box-of-birds.html
I was too tired to participate last month, so this is more or less two months worth of experiences coming up…I’ll try to be somewhat brief!
Read:
Andy Partridge & Todd Bernhardt – Complicated Game is a collection of in-depth interviews about songs from the Partridge catalogue, and although I’m not a musician and not that bothered about chords and such, I enjoyed it mainly thanks to Andy’s sense of humour. Unfortunately I didn’t have the opportunity to listen along as I was reading it, which probably would have improved the experience quite a bit… Still, I wish it had been a complete run-through of all his XTC songs, and not just a choice few (also some DOS tracks, and I’ve never been able to get into them for some reason!)
The Years by French author Annie Ernaux was very interesting – the whole book is a sort of chronological and poetic list of memories, images, events, overheard dialogues, thoughts, news; told in short paragraphs and creating an autobiography, at times her own but also a sort of autobiography for her generation, and for a nation. I liked it a lot!
The best novel I’ve read in years is Days Without End by Sebastian Barry, a short book of absolute beauty and one of the best love stories I’ve read as well. I’m off to find the Barry novel recommended by @Blue-Boy above now!
The latest Stephen King short story collection, If It Bleeds, was fun, especially the opening story. But it’s not a must-read (unless you’re a completist of the Mr Mercedes-universe…)
Susanna Clarke’s The Ladies Of Grace Adieu is another collection of short stories, this one inspired by fairytales, highly entertaining and very well written.
I also read a collection made of content from the notebooks of Marguerite Duras – first drafts and rewritings of themes later appearing in her novels. OK, but not really my cup of tea.
And by Swedish autors I’ve read: a very interesting book about the last big Swedish famine that drove a large portion of the population to emigrate to the USA; a (badly written) biography on Jenny Lind; a slightly dull book about DNA-tracing and mapping the development of mankind from the beginnings in Africa; the entertaining third installment of the story of Sally Jones, the typewriting, accordeon-mending engineer gorilla by Jakob Wegelius; a first (and fairly good) installment of a new fantasy-trilogy written by a former chef; a very interesting book about conlangs/artlangs – made-up languages in literature, film/TV etc; the highly entertaining diaries of a Swedish journalist/author (which then led me to her novels, the first of which I’m reading at the moment); and a fascinating biography of another Swedish journalist and author and feminist pioneer.
Seen:
Doctor Sleep: the parts I didn’t like in the novel was done better here, but then the parts I enjoyed in the book was made worse… The ending differs from the novel, since the director has chosen to use the Kubrick film of The Shining – which this of course is part two of – and that ending differed from King’s original novel as well. The Kubrick version of the Overlook Hotel is skilfully incorporated into this one, but I’ve never been a huge fan of that film… Unusually I wasn’t that keen on Ewan McGregor’s acting in this, but Eva Green was brilliant as a charismatic soul vampire.
I made the huge mistake of finally trying to watch The Hobbit… I got through the first film (barely), but I’m absolutely not going to go on with the rest of the trilogy.
Cheesy, overloaded, scenes full of clumsy dialogue exposition, horrible music & songs, bad acting, bad prosthetics, dwarves portrayed most undignified and made to look way too annoying, adding extra lore for no reason, Gandalf used as some sort of ninja/deus ex machina constantly, dull battle scenes…I could go on. Only Gollum is a treat to see again. Three parts of this? NO.
The reboot of Jumanji was silly fun and Annabelle Creation had even more of “why would anyone do that?”-scenes than your average horror film, and an ending that avoided explanations, but I guess that compared to the other Annabelle-movies it’s a masterpiece…which isn’t saying much, as bad as they were!
On TV I’m slowly making my way through the Mark Cousins series Women Make Film, in umpteen parts…I love the visuals and getting to see scenes from a lot of (to me) unknown films, but I could do without most of the narration, which at times is too pretentious for my taste.
Heard:
Watkins Family Hour – Brother Sister is sweet folky acoustic stuff, guitar and fiddle mostly, the harmonising voices of Sara and Sean Watkins, very nice.
Dana Gavanski – Yesterday Is Gone is a grower, the more I listen to it the more I love it – but I’ve no idea how to describe it. Sort of a mix between Laura Gibson and Holly Heynderickx but with a voice sounding more like Keren Ann…(well, those are the names that popped up just now, not sure how accurate that description is!) It’s no masterpiece, but it’s very good.
Frazey Ford’s new album U Kin B the Sun came with a burden of expectations that would cripple most, but I think it stands up well despite not being Indian Ocean… There’s no replacing that album’s musicians, and the songs aren’t quite as strong, but compared to lots of other artists it’s still very good.
I like myself some iron-lunged rockabilly females from time to time, and Tami Neilson fulfills my needs perfectly on her album Chickaboom! Tons of fun and energy, perfect soundtrack to dull chores on a rainy day.
Moses Sumney is such a brilliant vocalist that he could sing the phonebook and make it interesting, so his new album Grae is balm for the ears. Having loved his previous album Aromanticism so much however, it’s a bit like the Frazey Ford dilemma of living up to the first album that made you fall in love…but with every listen I’m enjoying this more and more and realising how great it is! This is a work of art.
Swedish artist Anders F Rönnblom is a life-long favourite of mine, and his latest album BLÄRK! – Ballader och Mysterier is one of the very best from his late renaissance period. It’s not for you guys, of course…but being a true “F-Head” I need to mention it as often as possible anyway! 😀
Another Swede I’ve been listening to this month is the brilliant Mattias Alkberg who on his latest album Bodensia is experimenting with some autotuning/manipulating of his vocals. It’s a bit odd at first listen, but the songs are so strong that I quickly forgot to notice it. Great lyrics, great storytelling, as always.
Kassa Overall – I Think I’m Good is a mix of jazz/hip-hop/r’n’b/soul, with a pinch of classical inspiration thrown in for good luck. Another grower, took a few listens to really get into. Highly original.
Swedish-Finn band Vasas Flora Och Fauna has a new album out called Möte Med Skogsgardisterna which is a mix of very good, OK, and rather weak. Over all it’s still worth it.
(Their former member Iiris Viljanen has a new album out as well, and I adored her solo debut, but I’ve so far been unable to get hold of it, annoyingly. )
AOB:
I had one short but much needed week of vacation around Midsummer, with perfect weather. When back at work the heatwave arrived and caused The Big Annual Freezer Breakdown in the store, and lots of smaller instances of crisis all week long – thankfully I was in a state of stress-free bliss from my short break, so it didn’t knock me off my feat…things were calmer this week as the holiday season’s clearly started – although more people sticking around at home than other years of course…
I’m still acting as librarian for my “quarantined” mum, although I’m soon running out of interesting hard-back books in Swedish translation…she can’t read the smaller font of paperbacks, nor English…which is at least 70% of what I tend to buy. I guess I’ll have to visit a charity shop soon and see what I can find there!
My project of making photobooks for all of my family members, after having scanned all of the family photos, continued with one for mum on her birthday in June. It’s a lot of work, but fun to make everyone’s book different and personal, and to see how appreciated it is. My oldest sister is next, end of July!
Won’t take vacation until late July again, when I get four weeks off. It’s all a countdown from here…
Dana Gavensky was the support for Damien Jurado at my last gig before the big V, in a cold church and maybe 40 in the congregation. Her and a male doubling on guitar and keys. Not unpleasant.
I’m doing this from memory, without any crib sheets, and my mind isn’t too good at the mo, but here goes. And apologies in advance on ending on a downer.
Seen
Watched the first two series of Le Bureau, a french spy thriller. It is excellent and looking forward to 3 and 4. Re-watched Life On Mars and halfway through Ashes To Ashes. I only watched them when they came out and enjoyed LOM immensely, but I remember being disappointed with the first series of ATA. LOM is still immensely enjoyable (although I still don’t know why he didn’t head straight to the bookies, cos who’d have thought Sunderland would have beaten Leeds?), but I am finding the first series of ATA hugely enjoyable too, and I know series 2 is excellent, although I didn’t notice at the time how much they had changed the excellent Dean Andrews’ character, Ray, from the cynical thug of LOM to more of a comic turn In ATA. I was also surprised to read that Marshall Lancaster basically retired from acting 8 years ago and started a construction firm.
Heard – whilst still on my reggae crash course I decided to dive into the world of jazz. I had planned to wait until I’d spent some time exploring reggae, but my mate recommended a few jazzers, I listened to Cannonball Adderley’s Somethin’ Else, loved it, and off I went. I’d say my new favourites so far (I was already a big fan of Chet Baker, who gets a kicking in the Rough Guide to Jazz!) are probably Lester Young, Dexter Gordon and Herbie Hancock, although I listened to an album yesterday by Clifford Brown that is excellent. I’ve mainly been in the gathering phase though, so I have a lot of listening to do, including some recent stuff that I like from the list @tiggerlion put on another thread. Matthew Halsall’s Fletcher Moss Park accompanied my walk to the GP yesterday and it was great. So mainly reggae and jazz for the next few months for me. And the excellent new Joe Pernice album.
Read
I have been scouring reggae and jazz blogs and the Rough Guides to both. I’ve also bought the Rough Guide to Classical Music, so that will be next, as I only know the 20-30 most popular pieces.
AOB – Mmm, where to start? My world collapsed on Thursday when, following my 14 year old daughter catching her mum, drunk (as usual) having a late night conversation with her ex-boyfriend (from around 27 years ago – midlife crisis or what!) my wife (and love of my life) of 20 years has told me we’re finished. I am totally heartbroken, not just for myself, but for the kids too. I went through similar when I had just turned 13, so I know how devastating it is. She isn’t leaving me for anyone, in fact she’s trying to make me leave, but her mind is made up, egged on by her mother, who has never liked me and who has tried to break us up several times in the past. We haven’t told our 10 year old son yet. He is the perfect, happy boy and it is going to break his heart. And we had just turned a corner with our daughter, after a very difficult year., involving social services, the police, etc. We had just had the happiest few months as a family since she was a toddler, and we are in the process of enrolling her in a new school, which is a big thing, because she has barely been to school since January. It is still raw and, as I say, I am heartbroken. I need to get some advice, but I am planning on devoting my life to the kids. Once I have stopped crying. Maybe I should skip jazz and start on the blues?
That’s awful, Paul, so sorry to hear that.
I won’t attempt to give any advice, as relationships are a complete mystery to me, and I’ve spent all of my life avoiding them…
But if your wife has made her mind up, try to come to an agreement with her to keep it civil for the kids sake, and to never badmouth each other in front of them. A divorce is bad enough for them without having to feel that they have to choose sides (speaking as a child of divorced parents…)
Good luck for the future – and stay off the blues! You need something to cheer you up, not drag you down (speaking as a lifelong blues-fan…) Blast that reggae on eleven.
My commiserations, Paul.
Yes to what Locust says. What makes a bad breakup even worse is when people, not just the kids and immediate family but close friends too, find themselves in the position of having to choose a side, because the two parties can’t manage to be civil about it.
Oh gosh, Paul. That’s just awful.
You are right to get some professional advice. The first 30 minutes of Solicitor time is free. Pick an excellent divorce lawyer and make good use of that time by preparing your questions in advance.
Gird your loins for a rough few/several months ahead. It’s never easy. But, most people get through it and work things out. In the longer term, the future should be bright.
From one, like many on here it seems, who went through a pretty nasty divorce all I can repeat is that things will eventually get better. Try not to get too bitter (especially in front of the kids) and accept there will be some shit days ahead.
And of course – feel free to vent with your virtual mates in our virtual pub.
Thanks mate. I’m a wreck at the minute, trying to hold it together for the kids. A friend of a friend is a lawyer and is going to have a chat with me in advance of speaking formally with a lawyer, so I should soon have an idea what she can and can’t do. If I have to leave the house and the kids I’m going to really struggle to get through it.
Sorry to read of your travails Paul. I cannot offer any advice as I was one of the lucky ones who enjoyed a very happy marriage but I can offer you a virtual manly hug from a safe distance and hope that you and all concerned find a safe harbour and a fair and peaceful settlement in the fullness of time.
Be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
@Paul-Wad , sorry to hear of your situation. As has been commented, many of us have been thru this, in various roles, and
it is shit. But you are amongst friends here. For your jazz kick can I suggest streaming ABC JAZZ an exclusively jazz station on a Govt run station. This is ABC Australia btw.
@Paul-Wad sorry to hear that news Paul. It is shit – I still remember how I felt and that was 25 years ago.
Don’t think anyone can give you too much advice as we are all different but allow may to make couple of observations.
Firstly if a woman has made up her mind it is unlikely she will change it. Where we are similar in this respect is that the announcement I got from my ex was also when I thought we were actually okay. When I look back on the 12 years we were married there were many times when I would have understood her decision more readily.
Look after yourself and as was said above be kind to yourself – your kids will adjust more swiftly if they see you are happy in yourself – you don’t want them to be worrying about you on top of their traumatic situation.
And finally at least you will be shot of the Mother in law – she sounds like a right cow. My ex mother in law was vile and not having to ever speak to her again was an unexpected bonus.
I was about to start spouting about the greatness of Life On Mars and Ashes To Ashes – Series 3 was good but felt a bit rushed at the end.
And then came the last paragraph.
Sheesh – June has not been kind to you.
Perfect forum here for a vent if you need it (as long as you don’t mind the lists).
All the best to you
Oh Paul, I am so sorry to read this. I have no useful advice I can offer but I’m sending you my very best wishes
Never less than a virtual 2 metres away, all of us, buddy.
I’m so sorry you’re going through such a tough time. Is there any prospect of couple counselling, or have things gone beyond that? Be sure to look after yourself, while you’re trying to hold things together for your kids.
*manly hug*
I think it is beyond that. We did try that when she was going through a flaky stage a few years ago, but the counsellor was crackers and it was all a bit rubbish. If I’m honest, things haven’t been great between us for some time, and then we had all the issues with our daughter, but having turned the corner with her, and with her about to start a new school it makes the timing so much worse. I accept a lot of the points she makes about me, but I have bit my tongue and not resorted to ‘worrabout…’ as that just leads to a big argument, and one thing I’ve learned after 20 years is that she doesn’t take perceived criticism well.
So it’s been horrible that we’re splitting up because I’ve done XYZ, but there’s no point me responding with the reasons for a lot of my actions and what I have had to put up with, because it’s not going to change anything except make her angry. It would be like watching footballers argue after being given a red card. The reaction from my best mate and my brother is that I am better off without her, and I may feel like that in the future, but right now I can’t see it that way. I think I would be better off if we both made the changes needed to love each other again and provide our kids the stable background that neither of us had, but I know I can’t have that. Christ, all I need now is to choose an Air Supply song and I’ve written an Our Tune for Simon Bates!
Sorry to hear this, Paul. Not that we know each other, and advice from strangers etc, but once the initial shock has subsided, I really would recommend keeping things as rancour-free as you possibly can. (And as lawyer-free, as much as is practicable.) You’ll have to bite your tongue a lot, but it’s doable if you keep your eyes on the prize.
The prize is obviously your kids: they love you both, and neither will ever thank you or your wife for knocking lumps out of one another, no matter how provoked. Winning is absolutely nothing – *nothing* – compared to their wellbeing. Letting them see two adults for whom things haven’t worked out settle their breakup in a mature, calm and loving way is beyond priceless. They’ll take that into their adult lives, and relate to their partners all the better. You don’t have to be a pushover, but you also don’t have to fight everything.
(The opposite approach is beyond ruinous, as I’m sure you know.)
I really do wish you all the best, and so sorry for what you’re going through. I hope your wife is open to the good approach and that the two of you can work things through productively.
Yes, thanks, that is definitely the best approach. It’s going to be hard telling our son that we don’t love each other any more when that’s only half true. It’s going to be one of the hardest conversation I’ve ever had. We had to tell our daughter, around the same age, that her best friend had been murdered by his dad. That wasn’t easy either.
Oh crikey, Paul, I am sorry.
If your wife drinks a lot now, it might be that she’s unhappy, and getting through whatever is to come will see her right in the longer term. For your kids’ sakes, I do hope so.
My mum stayed married for ‘the good of the kid’ for far too long. I had to watch my father become increasingly drunk, violent, bitter and nasty. I might have had a functioning relationship with him into adulthood if my mum had left him 5 or 10 years before.
It’s obvious that you love your kids and they’ll love you back, whatever your new normal is.
My own mum left home shortly after my 13th birthday. I was awoken by my dad, in floods of tears, telling me she’d run off with his only mate. I didn’t see her for 18 months after that and only got back into contact because my dad’s abusive new girlfriend had driven me to the brink of suicide. I was determined that my kids would grow up with both parents and a happy household.
So sorry to hear what you’re in the midst of, Paul. Like many on here, I’ve experience, both personal and professional of the awfulness that so often ensues. Without wanting to over-personalise or over-generalise, I’d echo what others have said about the financial side, and not ‘give up’ housing/money etc without getting damn good legal advice.
Something that crops up a lot in the therapy work is the fears many men have around seeing their spouses getting upset, the result being that blokes often will just ‘walk away’ rather than stick around and attempt to sort out a reasonable balance re childcare/finances etc. I’ve a hunch this stems back to the terrors of potentially ‘losing mum’ in early years and, later, of separating from mothers and heading off into the world. Girls, it’s reckoned, can find that shift easier because they don’t lose mum in the same way (they internalise her) whereas young men can feel bereft (this perhaps is a factor in nostalgia tending to be more a male thing).
The one thing I’d like to think I got right in the 19 years since I went through it, is parenting. You’ve nailed it there, from the sounds of it, and I wish you so much good stuff in continuing with it.
Sounds like neither of us had an easy start, but I sometimes wonder if we’d be quite so determined – “bloody-minded”, as Mrs F sometimes puts it – were that not the case. Things like turning down better-paid jobs because I’d have to sometimes be away overnight, that kind of thing.
Your kids will grow up with a loving father, they don’t really need much more from you.
Very sorry to hear this @Paul-Wad. I have been through this. I think every situation is different, but some advice from others can be useful. I handled it very badly, but as others have said it is the kids who may be affected the most, especially with your daughter at that age (and given her previous issues). Your main aim, as I am sure it will be, should be to be the best father you possibly can be even if it is unbelievably difficult at time.
I would echo those who say you should get legal advice especially before you make any change to living arrangements. My lawyer advised me not to leave the house as it could be considered to be “abandonment”. We ended up staying all together in same small flat for 6 months after it was over, which was extraordinarily difficult, not sure if it was the right thing to do. Eventually she moved out though.
I would also recommend getting mediation. Even if it is too late to repair your marriage it can help couples to move forward towards separation with some constructive discussion.
My heart goes out to you, was the worst thing I ever went through. It took us 4 years to reach a separation agreement, at which point we sold our property and split the proceeds. Our relationship improved a lot after that. However your financial position may be better than our was.
Just an add-on from my own experience – we tried as much as possible to avoid lawyers and pretty amicably worked out an agreement all on our ownsome. It took several years to realise I had financially shafted myself re future pensions etc. None of this was my wife’s fault – naive people who had been together for thirty years trying to be kind to each other. Get yourselves separate lawyers asap and instruct them to be fair and reasonable. End of sermon.
Lawyers are a necessary evil I think. Mine wanted to avoid going to court at all costs, even though it would have been personally more lucrative for her. And I think having a female lawyer was helpful for me.
Yeah, I think keeping lawyers to a minimum is the ideal, but you’re gonna need a little bit of one. Minimal, not absent.
I’m sorry to hear this @Paul-Wad. My divorce became final a few months back, and I’ve been living on my own since the end of January. There’s some sound advice in the comments here but one point I will add is that my ex and I used a divorce mediator and the whole process remained lawyer free.
It won’t be right for everyone, but it saved a bunch of money. It really hinges on both sides being willing to be open and prepared to compromise. The main benefit is that there’s one third party involved, working with both sides rather than 2 lawyers, each looking to get the best just for their client. Ours did all the legal paperwork and flagged when they thought third party might be needed (i.e. pensions valuation). PM me if you’d like more details.
Beyond that all I can say is that it’s a miserable thing to have happen but as much as I didn’t want it to happen, and as much as I feared the future, I’m still here, still with a dodgy taste in music, and when I think about it mostly better off (if not financially) than I was before. Just keep stopping by and talking about whatever you need to.
Yes, hopefully we can get away without a big legal battle. We had a brief chat this evening and it is clear that she intends to remain in the house and, if not, will fight dirty to get her share of the equity now, which would then mean that we would have to downsize drastically anyway. So the only way the kids won’t have the upheaval of a house move, on top of anything else, is if I move out. She earns twice as much as me, since I had to stop working, so she can afford to stay on here, even though it is not going to be anywhere near as easy as she thinks. I can’t, and certainly can’t be taking on a mortgage double the size it is at present. It really rankles with me, what with her being the one that wants out of the relationship, but also because we were only able to buy this (large, lovely, detached, in a nice area) house because I already had a house in London with plenty of equity before she moved in with me. At aged 50, with a wife and kids I adore, in a house that is the culmination of working hard all my life, until I was no longer able to, it’s a killer to not only have to separate from my wife and kids, but to move to a much smaller house in not as nice area, through no fault of my own (she may disagree). I have to admit, I was feeling very low indeed as the realisation set in that I have pretty much been stitched up. However, my little sis said I could go for joint custody, which I had never heard of, in which case, if I am strategic with my location, I could end up seeing more of the kids than she does and not be liable for having to pay her as much, if anything. I am going to bed a much happier man than I was an hour or so ago, although still blooming unhappy at the unfairness of it all. I love my wife, I love my kids, I love this house. The big concern is that I fill a 5 bedroomed double garaged house with all my collections. There is going to be no way of getting it into a small three bedroomed house. I won’t have enough wall space by a long way for all my framed stuff. Fortunately, I won’t have any problem living with boxes all around me. And living without the nagging, the volatile drunkenness and, especially, without ever having to be in the same room as my mother in law again does have its appeal.
I know plenty of couples where one parent has the kids one week, the other the next. Generally works well. Both see the children equally and share parental responsibility and both can have a life in between.
My brother in law got divorced when his son was 12. His son wanted to stay with his Dad not his mum – they went to court and won the case. If your erstwhile wife has a drink problem and associated rages it wouldn’t be clear cut that she would win a custody battle. It depends how far you want to take it and also what your kids want – if you are not working you would be entitled to legal aid.
I have shared custody, my daughter physically spends more time with her mother, during school time anyway, but shared custody means we both equally discuss and make decisions about anything that affects her. I paid spousal support for a few years (determined by separation agreement) in addition to child benefit that will be paid until she is an adult. I am (easily) the main earner in our family though.
Absolutely re the shared parenting. That’s officially the status I had with my ex, though in reality I was pretty much a single parent. Which leads me to my next thought: a big factor in me being the parent was my ex’s alcoholism (not acknowledged by herself, but ‘no further questions, m’lud’ would swiftly be uttered if evidence were ever presented). You’ve mentioned your wife’s drinking a few times, and without sounding too Mental Health Professional about it, there may be a safeguarding issue here regarding the kids. At the very least, it isn’t good for them to be constantly privy to the blueprint, the normalising, not to mention the unpredictability/inconsistency from the person who’s meant to be stable. Perhaps you’ve been gaslit and told it’s all your fault that she gets drunk, or that there’s no harm in it and that you’re boring because you don’t know how to enjoy yourself. Even if I’m projecting a bit here, it’s further reason to go down the hands on shared parenting route.
I once considered trying for full custody, my lawyer told me that if my wife was a crack addict I might have a chance, but even then a judge might rule for the mother.
A couple of thoughts @Paul-Wad based on what I was told during my divorce that I wasn’t clear on when I started. If you are already up to date on this apologies, I don’t mean to lecture – this is just stuff I wish I’d known at the start when I was really fearful of what was round the corner.
If you’ve been married over 10 years then then it’s long enough for the start assumption to be a 50/50 split of assets. That’s everything – house, savings, cars, pensions, jewels and CD collections. For the most part it doesn’t matter who bought what into the relationship so my ex got half of pensions I’d earned years before we ever met. I was able to agree a slight increase over a 50/50 house equity split on the basis my dad left me some money a few years back but I was told most divorce courts won’t accept too much of a bias.
Currently the basis on which she can divorce you is limited. This is fairly key as it means as much as she might want you gone, she has no actual basis for it. “No-fault” is not yet possible, so the the only options are adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion or already living apart. So unless she can prove any of the above, she can’t divorce you without some degree of co-operation on your part, which ought to give you some say in proceedings. In the end I agreed to unreasonable behaviour because refusing to engage wasn’t going to help me any, but I could have just sat on my hands and said “nope”. The basis of the divorce has no bearing on the split of assets and you can ask for the basis to be kept confidential. On the face of it you might have grounds to divorce her, but it’s hard to see how that would help you any.
It’s important not to move out or agree to anything on the house until you’ve got everything else agreed. In getting to a split of assets, everything is negotiable, and you can trade pension against house equity and so on.
If she’s earning twice what you are, you might be able to claim maintenance. The court will mostly be interested in how the kids will be housed and provided for.
My ex and I agreed at the outset that we wanted to remain friends – a cliche of course, but it helped keep the split civil and mostly without rancour. As the one being dumped there were times when it felt very unfair – and it still occasionally does – but I was mostly able to remind myself that getting combative wouldn’t really benefit me in the long run.
Thanks mate (and everyone else), all good advice. As I was explaining to my wife this morning that, okay, it makes sense for me to be the one to move out, she also said she thinks she was trying to hang on to the house for selfish reasons, so we can try to work out how we can afford for me to remain here. So I think we will be able to work something out. I really can’t see how we can afford for me to remain here and her buy another property though, And I even think she’d struggle to keep it on unless I agree to wait for any share of the house and rent, but we’ll see. I’d give everything up to remain with her though, but it seems that isn’t going to happen. We were fine last week. I’m finding it really difficult to accept though, when I know it can all be fixed with a few tweaks. What can’t be fixed is that she just doesn’t want me any more. It would be easier if she had run off with someone else. It’s years since I felt like this and I thought it would never happen again. I can ruddy we’ll guarantee it won’t this time.
I`m so sorry to hear about your predicament Paul. Many of the good people on the AW have said what I`d have said.
I`ve been married three times and had a long relationship between marriages 1+2. So I know what feelings you are going through.
It seems to me you are aware of all the issues you face especially with your children.
I just hope everything works out for you and the kids.
Peace and Love, Richie.
Just wanted to add my best wishes to others here.
yikes, not good at all. I hope you come through this as best you can
Can only echo what others have said, Paul.
Hoping it all works out better than you fear right now.
Keep posting here when you need to.
Crikey @Paul-Wad I didn’t see that one coming. You have my deepest sympathies, what an utterly shit thing to happen. I have little useful to offer other than two things from when a horribly destructive relationship I was in ended over 30 years ago now.
First, don’t let yourself be bounced into agreeing to things which are unreasonable in the interests of keeping things civilised. I did and got shafted and regretted it after (along with a couple of years of mega skintdom). Firm but fair is the order of the day.
Second, as my dad said to me at the time, now is the time for dignity at all costs.
Have a virtual hug and blokey punch to the shoulder. You’ll be OK. Good people and bad people have karma to deal with some time.
Sorry folks, and thanks for all your advice. It will all be taken onboard. I’m afraid I’ve stopped what is usually a happy thread, where we come to read about new things to check out. Hopefully someone will get that back on track!
No need to apologise Paul – you’re going through the wringer here.
It’s a bit more important than the last CD I bought
(well, marginally …)
Please don’t apologise, Paul! Otherwise I may describe what I have been listening to. No one would want me to get inspired to tell you all about my latest Norwegian boxset of vintage Hardanger yodelling.
I am very happy that the rest of us can provide a little moral support at this difficult time. Please count me in as one of Team Paul.
I really hope that you will be able to find a neutral someone, either a family friend or a professional if need be, who can help you go forward.
You are clearly a very loving father. You got your daughter back on track and I’m really hoping you’ll be able to keep that moving in the right direction.
We had an “interesting” year or so with our son so maybe I know a little about what you have been through. And how totally emotionally draining it can be.
Stay strong! We are here for you,
Well, since it’s you doing the asking, Paul:
Heard:
A Girl Called Eddy – Been Around. Pre-ordered this, had it since release, still loving it.
Kansas Smitty’s – Things Happened Here. Youngsters of the London jazz scene. My pal’s lad plays drums. By crikey, they’re good.
Read:
Having finished Broken Greek, I read (his wife) Caitlin Moran’s ‘How To Be Famous’, the follow-up to ‘How to build a girl’. Set in Britpop-era Camden, it is half-diary/half-fiction and very funny. What a talented household.
Seen:
Lots of Glastonbury coverage. I greatly enoyed the two documentary films, which show the full range of bonkersness.
Normal People, Killing Eve and now Line of Duty: we’re into series 3.
Other news:
Offspring the Elder had another fit at 1am last Saturday, followed by what the ambulance crew thought might be a stroke, so another night spent in A&E. MRI scan says it isn’t epilepsy, but the symptoms are similar. One spin-off benefit of Covid is she won’t have to wait 9 months for her next consultant appointment, as so many people are staying away. Trying to look for the positive, she turned 17 last month but won’t be able to drive until it is resolved, thereby saving me the cost of driving lessons and a car.
Blimey Steve! Fingers crossed for your daughter (and you & Mrs F).
She’s been having regular fits since last October so we’ve kind of got used to it. They’re all at times of high stress and/or fatigue. The first was during the day time, on a park bench in Cambridge, meeting an Unsuitable Boy (who had the sense to call for an ambulance before legging it). The rest have been in the early hours, talking to boys on Skype. At least the latest had the sense to take my number (he was very sensible and polite, so she dumped him). I’ve got used to my mobile waking me. “I’m terribly sorry to wake you, Mr Fenton, but I think your daughter is having a stroke” is a new one on me.
She went vegan shortly before the first, hadn’t eaten all day, and had been up half the night. Consultant told her to eat properly, regularly, and go to sleep when tired. But she’s 17 and knows it all. “There’s no point going for the tests, I know I am allergic to dairy” being a typical example.
Oh no, that must have been worrying. There are a lot of things that could have caused it though and not all are as serious as you might dread, so fingers crossed it is something that can be easily diagnosed and treated.
Through the power of social media, Mrs F has diagnosed it as Functional Neurological Disorder. Amazing the consultant neurologist didn’t spot it right away! I fear the clinical diagnosis may take a little longer…
Crikey, @paul-wad and @fentonsteve you’re doing it tough. Got nothing useful to say, just hope it all works out for both of you.
It has become our new normal. At least she has the sense not to drink or take drugs. Are we absolutely sure she’s related to me?
I have done a bit of work with FND. Please feel free to PM me if you need any advice/ideas/let off some steam.
Neurologist s like to prove ahead of making a diagnosis. The problem with FND is that they are seen by many professionals as being put on for show and thus not worthy of their attention. The truth is that they are not a voluntary decision and are as real to your dter as any organic fit. A good neuropsychiatrist, straddling the interface of both disciplines is usually required.
Yes, there’s more to this medical diagnosis lark than a quick Google. If only Mrs F would take that on board…
My biggest fear is O.T.E. will miss out on A-levels/university next year, and we’ll be stuck with her at home for another 12 months.
Hope your daughter is fine @fentonsteve Scary stuff.
The first time I witnessed a fit definitely was scary, but we’re getting used to it now.
Thanks, everyone, but we’ll get there. Plenty have it much worse than us.
I hope as we all do that things work out Steve, Richie.
Best wishes to you and yours, Steve
Oh, and I forgot one:
Heard:
Eileen Rose – Muscle Shoals. 9 new songs and 8 old favorites re-recorded on one 79-minute CD, and two more ‘old’ as downloads. The sound of a shit-hot live band having fun playing live in a vintage studio. Her best since her debut (20 years ago).
ooh, I will have to investigate this one. I liked her first two records a lot, not so fussed on the third and then she dropped off my radar.
There’s not a good time to go through this shit @Paul-Wad but during this period, it must seem a lot worse. Sorry old chap.
As it seems, there are quite a few of us here in the Divorce Club and I was lucky to get a good lawyer and be resolute that I was going to get the kids as she was so shit a person and I knew it was the right thing to do…. Easier said than done though, especially in 2003 when the law was skewed totally for the woman. It sounds nasty, but I kept a diary of all the “wrong” things she did when looking after, or in the presence of the children. It helped focus that I was in the right and could have been used in court instead of just saying that she was shit! Sounds like the drinking situation should be documented in your case.
I believe the way forward now is joint custody so I don’t think you have any worries on that front.
I would concur that you do not leave the house in any circumstance until the legal measures are all over…it’s not nice at all but you are trying to protect your lifestyle and in essence the lifestyle of your kids when they are with you after the divorce. Don’t waiver, my ex wanted me out and I told her that i wasn’t fucking going anywhere and put a stake in the ground (again easier said than done, I know)
It all ended up pretty messy but I got what I wanted (the kids) and now we never talk, even at our grandson’s funeral last month. All very sad and at the time I wished the divorce had not happened….now I’m over it and can say that I did move on.
Married again for coming up 10 years and it’s not a bowl of cherries either but that’s another story LoL.
Last thing…do at least one thing a day for you, for nobody else. Something you like that you can own. Doesn’t have to take a lot of time and it doesn’t matter what it is but a small bit of happiness in a dark time really helps.
Thanks mate, but grandson’s funeral? That puts any separation into perspective. I can’t imagine how tough that must have been.
My condolences, horrible.
I also kept some sort of diary just in case, basically making a record of the verbal abuse she was hurling at me. Never needed to use it though.
I never have, but my sister seemingly doesn’t delete anything, as she has told me the date that the wife and her mother lost my then 13 year old daughter in Spain, as they were busy knocking the wine back and didn’t follow her when she walked off in a strop (at them sitting drinking, when it was supposed to be a trip for my daughter’s Christmas box and she wanted to look around the shops). And the date when the wife had poured to vodkas in the J2O bottles of then 13 year old daughter, whilst her and her friend lingered in the curry house for 2 hours after finishing their meal cos they were chatting to two blokes. They then followed the blokes across the road to a packed pub, dragging my daughter with them, who felt very embarrassed cos everyone was drunk (it was gone 11) and was looking at her (in her crop top – she’s not a teenager who looks old for her age). When my daughter wanted to go home. The wife walked her to the door of the pub and watched her till she had walked out of sight (on the busy Saturday night in the local town, with drinkers outside all three pubs), so the first 100 yards then, before letting our skinny 13 year old daughter with two vodkas inside her walk the rest of the mile or so home (We are semi-rural here, so it wasn’t a walk down well lit streets with houses on either side) in the dark at chucking out time. I wasn’t happy. Perhaps I should have kept a diary, if nothing else, to give to the wife!
SEEN
We are now on season 3 of The Sopranos – the comedy factor being upped notably, as in episodes such as the one where Paulie and Chris get lost in the Jersey woods while burying a body (not quite dead).
Films On our classics trip The Big Sleep still rocks, Meet Me In St Louis is charming wartime propaganda (‘what we’re fighting for’) but inconsequential is overstating its lack of story. Excalibur is a must-watch if you have not seen it, for the incomparable roster of luvvies and OTT visuals at every stage from Boorman.
READ
In addition to Jenny Hval’s Paradise Rot (reviewed) I am working my way through all the Raymond Carver short stories – 500 pages of smalltown affairs, redundancies, housemoves and alcohol. Hey that makes them sound a downer, and many are, but his writing is so beautiful that they end up as up as down.
HEARD
Blue Note – Horace Silver, Eric Dolphy, Coltrane, Tyner etc.
The new Four Tet is as excellent as most of his work.
Is there a more joyfully goofy album than Can’t Stand The Rezillos?
Re-appraisal of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers – Blood Sugar and By The Way if no others are solid gold.
Getting back to the subject of the post and thankfully nothing as traumatic as @Paul-Wad and @fentonsteve :-
HEARD;
Neil Young’s Homegrown is a disappointment. It is described as a bridge between Harvest and Comes a Time. Whilst it is not terrible it is not as good as either and I would say the bridge is a bit wobbly. What I would say is the merits of the album are spoilt by the song Florida – what the hell was he thinking? Unadulterated shit.
Ron Sexsmith – Hermitage – a couple of very good songs and many that could have fitted onto any other Sexsmith album – you don’t get any surprises with his releases.
Bob Dylan – Rough and Rowdy Ways. Really like this – it has a very comforting mood and the last song on the first disc Key West is just superb.
My favourite release this month is the Stax boxset 1968 – 5 cd’s of sheer brilliance and an avoidance of the more familiar.
I also got the Miles Davis Warner Brothers boxset from my mate @Baron-Harkonnen – its not his most revered period but there is some exceptional stuff on there new to me. Was familiar with Tutu and Siesta but not the rest. Surprisingly I didn’t get ripped off either.
Nadine Shah – Kitchen sink – great album, really surprised she isn’t more prominent.
Khruangbin – Mordechai – I like this, it is woozy and as expected however not sure how many albums they can make like this without changing style – they need to add an element of surprise.
Ray LaMontagne – Monovision – fantastic, back to his best after the disappointment of his last one.
After everyone on here has been banging on about Bandcamp I have dipped my toe in there to purchase digital releases that wont get a physical release – thank you to Dave Alvin, Richard Thompson and Martin Stephenson.
READ: Very little – Still finishing The Vinyl Countdown which I started last month, couple of pages to go – have enjoyed it and its easy to read in bitesize chunks without having to think much about it which suits me in these challenging times.
SEEN:
Just watched a French prison film A Prophet which I though was fantastic – very violent but very credible.
Also watched the documentary of Hillary Clinton – not her biggest fan but a riveting documentary and its pretty criminal that the ’email’ issue was raised by the FBI again 10 days before the election and several months after she had been effectively exonerated from any wrongdoing.
Did this effectively give us the 4 years of mayhem we have had to subsequently endure?
Also the Alan Bennett Monologues that I have seen have been very enjoyable. The one with Sarah Lancashire playing the part of a mum with sexual feelings to her son was harrowing but superb. She is a class actress.
Which Stax box set is that exactly, please, @SteveT?
@Tiggerlion it’s a 5 cd set called Stax 68 – A Memphis story. Very nicely presented and some excellent stuff on there. Got it from Amazon Germany for a tad over £ 30.00.
I thought it was. It looks lovely. The notes won a Grammy (Yes! There has been a category for best sleeve notes since the seventies). I love Stuart Cosgrove’s Memphis ’68: The Tragedy Of Southern Soul. Are the sleeve notes up to that standard? And have they done anything to update the sound?
It is a fairly recent acquisition so I haven’t had time to read all of the notes yet but the package itself is sumptuous and sound wise it is excellent.
Excellent! Thank you
“Surprisingly I didn’t get ripped off either.” Blackcuntry Boy, you cheeky monkey!
I saw that French movie A Prophet a few years ago, in fact I have it on DVD, it is rather good.
Thoughts with all of the above going through tough times. Nothing of that importance here, indeed here’s the most trivial additon to the post:
GAMING
Breezed through the latest COD, Modern Warfare, campaign only. Only son’s fast-twitch muscles are quick enough for multiplayer. Distasteful and insanely U-S-A at times but beautifully rendered. One level sees a mass shooting at Piccadilly Circus.
Now enjoying scifi throwback shooter (ie game from 5/6 years ago) Killzone: Shadowfall. No dodgy politics and enjoying it immensely.
Daughter has been playing the ridiculously on-trend Death Stranding from MGS auteur Kojima: after a plague wipes out most of humanity you play a futuristic DHL delivery driver walking across America delivering parcels. Oh and you have a baby in an artificial womb strapped to you who can see ghosts. So pretty much the view from my front window, apart from the strapped on baby thing.
SEEN:
Nothing really. Spend most days with an unruly young retriever, walking miles across the West Cambridgeshire Hundreds – a patchwork of ancient woodlands dotted across the local prairie. Learning to identify trees, flowers and butterflies without getting too Robert McFarlane about it all.
READ:
Struggling to concentrate on anything too heavyweight, so breezing through Peter Robinson’s latest police procedural “Many Rivers to Cross” and Andrew Cartmel’s “Vinyl Detective: The Run Out Groove.” Both entertaining in their own way.
HEARD:
A couple of great new compilations from Ace Records – “Big Soul Voices” and “Thom Bell: Ready or Not.” The former is all about the transition from the 50s crooner style black music to a more uptown soul sound – emotions in check early in the song before letting rip in the final minute or so. Some well-known names are mixed with obscure one-off tracks on a brilliant set.
Then there’s musical genius Thom Bell who created a complex singular sound that melded his classical training with the sweetest of soul voices. He throws in all sorts of instruments – celeste, sitar, kettle drums and fabulous strings – amidst tricky time signatures and yet still managed to produce hit after hit for the likes of The O’Jays and Detroit Spinners featured here amongst lesser known gems.
The latest “Too Slow to Disco” release features another round of breezy female yacht-rockin’ obscurities. Worth buying for Marti Caine’s much sought after slinky groover “Love the way you love me.”
Another rarity – Dee Dee Bridgewater’s “Afro Blue” – finally gets a UK release. One of the finest jazz vocal albums of the 70s – and only previously released in Japan – it’s now available in a sparkling remaster via Mr Bongo.
New stuff is a bit thinner on the ground – enjoying the new Marcin Wasilewski/Joe Lovano album -and there’s also some strong one-off tracks by Jorja Rose on a version of St Germain’s “Rose Rouge” and particularly “Lest We Forget” by Judi Jackson and Spirit Fingers.
Finally, some Bill Evans – via Marc Myers always interesting blog. Here’s the back story to a beautifully recorded late period set available on Youtube:
https://www.jazzwax.com/2020/06/bill-evans-stuttgart-1979-1.html
AOB:
With the economy in freefall and the high street emptying, I’ve decided now is an ideal time to open a second-hand record and book shop. Pre-lockdown, I took a small corner space in an antique centre in downtown Hitchin and was pleasantly surprised that I shifted some vinyl that had been languishing in a lock-up for several years. When it reopened, my neighbour was busy emptying her space so I’ve now doubled in size.
There’s close to a couple of thousand albums across multiple genres in there now and a modest array of music books with more general stock to come once I sort out the shelving. Nothing rare and hopefully not too much for Ebay grifters – just a decent range of stuff at reasonable prices for civilians and enthusiasts alike.
There’s also a couple of rails of exciting “vintage” clothing in there from my son’s business with a rather fetching Michael McDonald US 1994 tour t-shirt currently up for grabs! The good thing – for customers more than anything – is that I’m rarely there so please don’t be concerned that I’ll be hovering to pounce on people to bang on about obscure 80s soul rarities. Besides, we had a socially distanced “soul bore” meet up last weekend.
More to come once I sort out my exciting multi-level multi-platform social meejah plan – probably an Instagram feed. Anyway, it’s all happening at the Lifestyle Emporium in what used to be called a shopping “precinct” just off the main square – decent secondhand market on a Friday and a car boot on a Sunday. Open seven days a week!
Very commendable @Morrison – something I might consider for retirement. I would be happy to cover my expenses and do it as a hobby.
Reading
In these strange times, and with no daily commute, I have found myself hardly reading anything. Despite this, I finally opened ‘MUTE – A visual document from 1978 – tomorrow’, which I bought a time ago but never got round to it. It’s a fantastic catalogue of a fantastic record label, well worth a look for those with an interest in Depeche Mode, Moby, Nick Cave etc.
Listening
New Sparks album has arrived, so the plan is to give that a spin this week. Bought some new Monitor Audio Bronze 5 speakers and a new Technics turntable, so I finally unwrapped my Depeche Mode 12” box sets. Some great remixes.
Watching
Battling through Ozark – onto season 3, but I’m getting slightly fatigued by it now.
Ozark: hmm, know what you mean, a real sense of jumped shark. Midway thru and the contrivances are extending. Spoiler alert: Darlene/Wyatt? WTF???
Wrong! Best of all the series so far – and the ending!
Absolutely right. Three is on another level. Like all the best series the characters are kept true to themselves as they react to events while developing naturally. It all feels inevitable. The more you get in deep the more your options are limited. And the ending was brilliant.
Brilliant? It needed to be or there would have been red faces all round. O, there were. Seriously? I couldn’t wait for the finale to end and had almost taken my eyes off the screen. Yes, I’ll persevere when s.4 arrives but bear in mind I only bailed Walking Dead this year…..
Agree with you Lodey – the ending literally shocked me as I didnt see it coming.
Cant wait for S4
In the meantime started watching Kill Shorty last night – not many people can successfully transfer Elmore Leonard to the screen but this one seems very promising 1 episode in.
Have to say, season three has really improved as I have gone through it. Almost there now – although I understand season four is in the pipeline.
Wow – did not see that ending coming for S3!
@native
My copy of the new Sparks album arrived too. Possibly a bit too long but possibly a career highlight,
I’ve enjoyed all their recent albums – completely agree that they are a few tracks too long, like most albums these days!
Think I slightly prefer ‘Hippopotamus’ to this one, but early days.
I find Sparks a bizarre phenomenon. Ask most folk of a certain age, as in AW vintage, and they may, with a lot of thinking and maybe some prompting, come up with “This Town Ain’t etc”. If told the brothers have a long and illustrious career of music stretching to this day, and, if you take off your glasses, look virtually the came, they would be astonished. I’d love to see their accounts.It would be like discovering the Grateful Dead still have an active following years after they all died in that plane crash.
(I have only knowingly ever heard This Town. Fun for 1937 or whenever it was released.)