I’m certainly not talking about the best songs. You Can’t Put Your Arms Around a Memory is a good song, but it’s a better song title. New Order have form (Bizarre Love Triangle is a fine title). Morrissey’s solo career doesn’t really interest me, but the Last of the Famous International Playboys is a great title (the song less so).
Over to you..what are the best song titles, even if you don’t (or do) like the song?
There is no band on Earth with more consistently brilliant song titles than Mogwai:
Kids Will Be Skeletons
It’s What I Want To Do, Mum
Like Herod
I’m Jim Morrison, I’m Dead
Glasgow Megasnake
Hunted By A Freak
Young Face Gone Wrong
Secret Pint
You Don’t Know Jesus
Wake Up And Go Beserk
My Father My King
etc etc etc
It can only be this…
Can’t see it…video unavailable…
It’s the ‘Vish’s ‘Sapphire Bullets of Pure Love’.
John Fahey had a deft way with titles too – much better than most of the music…
The Transcendental Waterfall
Dance Of The Inhabitants Of The Palace Of King Phillip XIV Of Spain
The Downfall Of The Adelphi Rolling Grist Mill
Revelation On The Banks Of The Pawtuxent
The Death Of The Clayton Peacock
The Portland Cement Factory At Monolith California
Commemorative Transfiguration And Communion At Magruder Park
The Singing Bridge Of Memphis, Tennessee
Dance Of The Inhabitants Of The Invisible City Of Bladensburg
The Story Of Dorothy Gooch Part I
Thus Krishna On The Battlefield
The Voice Of The Turtle
The Waltz That Carried Us Away And Then A Mosquito Came And Ate Up My Sweetheart
Ann Arbor / Death By Reputation
The Approaching Of The Disco Void
Delta Dog Through The Book Of Revelation
The Minutes Seem Like Hours, The Hours Seem Like Days
In Darkest Night: The Objectification And Recurrent Sightings Of Bizarre And Cathected Screen Memories (From Below) Along The Sligo
The Thing At The End Of New Hampshire Avenue
On The Death And Disembowelment Of The New Age
Chelsey Silver, Please Come Home
A History Of Tokyo Rail Traction
Despair
View East From The B&O Railroad Viaduct And The Riggs Road Intersection
The Assassination of Stefan Grossman
One or two titles in that list sound like they should be HP Lovecraft short stories…
They Might Be Giants have one with that title too
Half Man Half Biscuit must be in with a shout for having the most great titles e.g.:
I’m Getting Buried in the Morning
Tess of the Dormobiles
Big Man Up Front
Token Covid Song
and those are just a sample from their latest (15th) album, The Voltarol Years.
Paintball’s Coming Home
Bad losers on Yahoo chess
Penguin Cafe Orchestra – The Sound of Someone You Love Who’s Going Away and It Doesn’t Matter
In 1988 Danny Kelly secured from Chuck D the vital information that Public Enemy tracks were routinely built from the title up. Hence:
Rebel Without a Pause
Terminator X Speaks With His Hands
Terminator X To The Edge of Panic
Terminator X Goes Quantity Surveying
Black Steel In The Hour of Chaos
Night of the Living Baseheads
Prophets of Rage
Countdown to Armageddon.
….all but one of these on the same album.
….well alright, two.
Absolutely…just reading these song titles make me want to dig out my Public Enemy albums.
And that’s not including…
Fight The Power
Miuzi Weighs a Ton
Bring The Noise
Long And Whining Road
Fight The Power alone is probably the greatest song title ever. The history of rock music in three words.
Pinched from The Isley Brothers though.
Welcome to the Terrordome was pinched from the title of the Melody Maker’s review of Nation of Millions.
Michael Marra was always good for a song title e.g.
Mac Rebennacks visit to Blairgowrie
I don’t like Methil
If Dundee was Africa
Shenectady calling Peerie Willie Johnson
Frida Kahlo’s visit to the Taybridge Bar
Just across the Tay at Anstruther, King Creosote has a knack of great titles too.
Saw Circular Prowess
Faux Call
Two Frocks at a wedding
Camels swapped for wives
Fell an Ox
I love all of the above
“Mac Rebennacks visit to Blairgowrie” – this is great both as a title and an event. You can stuff your FDR In Trinidad!
Genesis – The Grand Parade Of Lifeless Packaging
I think Barry Wom’s When You Find The Girl Of Your Dreams In The Arms Of Some Scotsmen From Hull wins this one, doesn’t it?
We know him, don’t we?
Specials – What I Like Most About You Is Your Girlfriend
(one for the recent Put Downs thread maybe)
Sensational Alex Harvey Band – There’s No Lights On The Christmas Tree Mother, They’re Burning Big Louie Tonight
That title could not be more Scottish.
@Moose-the-Mooche
It could if they substituted “Hamish” for “Louie”
Andrew Lloyd Webber has fashioned hit musicals with less
Half Man Half Biscuit must win this, shirley?
And that Wayne County & the Electric Chairs single (you know which one!) must be in with a shout?
If You Don’t Want To Fuck Me, Fuck Off.
…..sorry, did you ask something?
As a chat up line, it’s not one of your best.
It’s value is its directness. It has no other value, but still…
Mental as Anything’s ‘If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?’ …
…springs to mind.
This is a fine list of country and western song titles of the “She got the Gold Mine, I Got The Shaft” type;
http://tonmeister.ca/personal/geoff/stuff/funny/country.html
My favourites include “I Knew I’d Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You” and “The Pint of No Return”
Reminds me of Billy Connolly’s C&W supersong.
My grandmother drowned in a grotto at Lourdes cos a hunchback pushed her in
I like to listen to Country & Western backwards.
You get out of prison, your dog is no longer dead, you stop drinking, and you live happily with your wife & kids
Apparently a real C&W song :
“If You Leave Me, Walk Out the Door Backwards ( So It Looks Like You’re Just Comin’ in).”
The first two are Kinky Friedman songs. Fine songs, too.
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life was written by Paul Craft recorded by Bobby Bare.
I recommend ‘My Uncle Used to Love me but She Died’ by Roger Miller.
Oh and ‘Squeezing Sponges Over Policemen’s Heads’ Gong
’11 Moustachioed Daughters’ V Stanshall
Roger Miller had form:
Where Have All the Average People Gone
The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
You Can’t Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd
Squares Make the World Go Round
In his book, One Hit Wonderland, Tony Hawkes details many country music song titles. Alongside the brilliantly-named Drop Kick….there was a ditty called I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or go Bowling.
“Timber! I’m falling in love” is a great one too.
Did anyone ever hear anyone announce the full title of The Faces final single?
You Can Make Me Dance, Sing Or Anything (Even Take The Dog For A Walk, Mend A Fuse, Fold Away The Ironing Board, Or Any Other Domestic Short Comings)
I cannot imagine Rod or Ronnie doing any of the things in those parentheses. Rod can’t even fill a bleedin’ pothole properly.
Or sing a Jubilee song.
He can dig a grave very well though
The mighty Hatfields:
Gigantic Landcrabs in Earth Takeover Bid;
(Big) John Wayne Socks Psychology on the Jaw;
Chaos at the Greasy Spoon;
and the ever-green Fitter Stoke has a Bath!
The last title is a bit far-fetched….
🤭
Following Hubes’ example above – a picture…bet you can’t guess which one…
The actual phrase “Fitter Stoke” seemed to confuse the digital engine –
The top one is Endtroducing, shirley…
Though there are the usual suspects, HMHB, Carter USM, The Fall, Sparks. The Bee Gees (really!), I would like to offer up the following intriguing titles from more mainstream artists
The Records – Rumour Sets The Woods Alight
Kim Wilde – Child Come Away
Nick lowe = Nutted By Reality
Fischer Z – Pretty Paracetamol
Flamin Groovies – Shake Some Action
Radio Stars – No Russians In Russia
Classix Nouveaux – Never Never Comes
I think this is a very good angle. Strangely-titled songs are even stranger when they are from usually more straightforward artists:
Bee Gees – New York Mining Disaster 1941
The Monkees – Alternate Title (Randy Scouse Git)
Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
The Lighthouse Family – Dysentery Man
The story of the, er, titling of the Byrds’ (Untitled) album is quite funny. You wonder if it might have been more of a hit if it had been called Zounds! Behold the Golden Dawn or whatever.
I’m not sure these are amongst the best song titles, but they certainly vie for some of the most gratuitously offensive. From the abomination that was the Dead Kennedys, I give you the following:
Holidays in Cambodia
Too Drunk to Fuck
Nazi Punks Fuck Off
California Uber Alles
Triumph of the Swill
Take This Job and Shove It
Chickenshit Conformist
Kinky Sex Makes the World Go Round
Kill the Poor
I reckon some of the most conventional song titles are among the best, e.g…
She Loves You
Do It Again
Let’s Dance
I Feel Good
‘I can’t get Bouncing Babies by the Teardrop Explodes’, by the Freshies.
Meanwhile, the Captain has form…
Lick my Decals off Baby
I wanna find me a Woman that’ll hold my Big Toe till I have to go (followed by one of the great non sequiturs in rock, but that’s for another thread.)
Cardboard Cutout Sundown
And then there’s the other Captain:
Exploding Heads and Teapots (Past Their Prime)
Riot on Eastbourne Pier
Vosene
Eric Clapton’s Wallet
A Nice Cup of Tea
T.I.S.M. aka “Merry Pranksters In Balaclavas”
“I’m Interested In Apathy”
“The Mystery Of The Artist Explained”
“If You’re Creative, Get Stuffed”
“Anarchy Means Crossing When It Says “Don.t Walk”
“The Ballad of John Bonham’s Coke Roadie”
“The Fosters Car Park Boogie”
“Defecate On My Face”
“The Penis Is Mightier Than The Sword”
“Slave To The Economist”
“I Might Be A Cunt But I’m Not A Fucking Cunt”
“Thunderbirds Are Coming Out”
Vocalist Humphrey Flaubert. What a great name in it’s own right!
I’m already singing the last one to the tune of Hard-Fi’s Feltham is Singing Out.
And their classic “You’ll never be an Old Man, River”, the chorus of which goes “I’m on the drug, I’m on the drug, I’m on the drug that killed River Phoenix!”.
Other Good Ones – “Greg’ The Stop Sign” – “They Shoot Heroin” – “Leo’s Toltoy” – “If Your Not Famous at 14, You’re Finished” – “They Shall Not Brittany Spear” – “Come Back DJ, Your Record Is Scratched”
Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict – Pink Floyd
Careful with That Axe, Eugene – Pink Floyd
Jesus Built My Hotrod – Ministry
From Sufjan Stevens’ “Illinoise” album come these gems:
1. “The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You’re Going to Have to Leave Now, or, ‘I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands!'”
2. “A Short Reprise for Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, but for Very Good Reasons”
3. “Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Stepmother!”
4. “To the Workers of the Rock River Valley Region, I Have an Idea Concerning Your Predicament, and It Involves Tube Socks, a Paper Airplane, and Twenty-Two Able-Bodied Men”
5. “The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!”
6. “Let’s Hear That String Part Again, Because I Don’t Think They Heard It All the Way Out in Bushnell”
7. “Riffs and Variations on a Single Note for Jelly Roll, Earl Hines, Louis Armstrong, Baby Dodds, and the King of Swing, to Name a Few”
8. “Out of Egypt, into the Great Laugh of Mankind, and I Shake the Dirt from My Sandals as I Run”
I wish my beer was as cold as your heart.
In Every Dream Home A Heartache
Watermelons In Easter Hay
What’s So Funny About Peace Love And Understanding
Two recent ones from Telefís
Sex Bunting
Ballytransnational
The first one’s a Tom Jones cover, IIRC
Hamish Hawk – This, whatever it is, needs improvement.
I’m not sure we should forget the classic Freshies song “I’m in Love with the Girl on the Manchester Virgin Megastore Check-out Desk”.
It was re-titled to I’m In Love With A Girl On A Certain Megastore Check-Out Desk for fear of advertising (the bloody BBC eh?)
They also had an earlier EP titled The Men from Banana Island Whos Stupid Ideas Never Caught On in the Western World as We Know It
Elvis Has Just Left The Building
Brown Shoes Don’t Make It
Echidna’s Arf (Of You)
Hungry Freaks, Daddy
The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing
Harry You’re A Beast
Oh No
Eat That Question
Sexual Harrassment In The Workplace
Let’s Make The Water Turn Black
I’m The Slime
When Yuppies Go To Hell
A Pound For A Brown On The Bus
My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama
Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously?
All by Frank Zappa
Also….
Pooftah’s Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead
Penguin In Bondage
Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top
Don’t You Ever Wash That Thing?
Nasal Retentive Calliope Music
Also…
Toads of the Short Forest
Planet of the Baritone Women
Canard du Jour
“A pound for a brown”? Even in the sixties this seems an inadequate fine for defecating on public transport. The traffic jams weren’t even that bad then, so you had no excuse..
Forgot my favourite:
Tryin’ To Grow a Chin
“I’m Basting a Turkey With My Tears”
“Don’t Look Up My Dress Unless You Mean It”
“I’m Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth”
Lurlene Lumpkin
Morrissey’s got loads. Also Mark E Smith Rebellious Jukebox, Disney’s Dream Debased, The Man Whose Head Exploded, How I Wrote ‘Elastic Man’.
Morrissey, We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful, Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me, Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now. The master.
The Man Whose head EXPANDED
(not quite as dramatic as ‘Exploded’!)
Also:
Hot Aftershave Bop
Gut of the quantifier
Arms Control Poseur
Faust Banana
Paranoia Man In Cheap Shit Room
He Pep!
….I think this last is the archetypal MES title – the punctuation plus the obscure film reference. Couldn’t be anyone else, except maybe Busted.
Some Wedding Present gems:
Nobody’s Twisting Your Arm
What Have I Said Now?
You Can’t Moan Can You?
Everyone Thinks He Looks Daft
What Did Your Last Servant Die Of?
“Three Dead Passengers In A Stolen Second-hand Ford” Dave Graney
“Shake Me Like A Monkey” Dave Matthews
“I Sold My Heart To The Junk Man” Basin Street Boys
“Problematic Art Of Conversation” Leonardo’s Bride
Fatima Mansions had some great song titles
Only Losers Take The Bus
Popemobile To Paraguay
Look What I Stole For Us, Darling
More Smack, Vicar
Blues for Ceausescu
The Holy Mugger
Chuck Prophet;
High as Johnny Thunders
Bobby Fuller Died For Your Sins
Best Shirt On
The Return of the Giant Hogweed. I have seen it once in my life in the 1970s and it is frightening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTuJQL8GBqY
If you mean the plant, here’s one I photographed recently.
They are fab plants. We’ve got Cardoons (TMFTL?) which are just as big. No need to paint the greenhouse white, just plant a Cardoon nearby. Instant shade. And the bees love the thistle-like flowers.
Coil. His Body Was A Playground For The Nazi Elite. And the perennial toe tapper Homage To Sewage.
Maybe the People Would be the Times or Between Clark and Hilldale – Love
Also:
Erk Gah
Nirvana for Mice
The Tenth Chaffinch
Bittern Storm over Ulm
Some Questions about Hats
All Henry Cow, of course…
Brand X:
Smacks of Euphoric Hysteria
Why Should I Lend You Mine (when you’ve broken yours off already)?
Noddy Goes to Sweden
…and the evergreen…
Algon (Where an Ordinary Cup of Drinking Chocolate Costs £8,000,000,000)
“I Am The Black Gold Of The Sun” by Rotary Connection takes some beating.
“Hang Up Your Hang Ups” by Herbie Hancock is also ace
An obvious one perhaps but “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag” is just a brilliant title as well.
“Daft Punk is Playing At My House” by LCD Soundsystem is another cracker.
James Brown also had For Goodness Sakes, Look at Those Cakes!
Not a song about bakery products.
‘papa’s got a brand new pigbag’ is equally as good
Dumb confession time. It wasn’t until this very moment seeing this written down, that I realised “Papa’s Got a Brand New Pigbag” was a play on “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag”… I genuinely never connected the two titles…
More Doozies (that I own)
“Burt Leaves The Cabin With A Rifle” by Doc Holliday Takes The Shotgun
“Until We Burn In The Sun The Kids Just Want A Love Song” by Bedouin Soundclash
“Bulls Make Money, Bears Make Money, Pigs Get Slaughtered by Chiodos
“The Only Survivor Was Miraculously Unharmed” by Underoath
“Black Spartacus Heart Attack Machine” by Tom Morello
Mummy Was An Asteroid, Daddy Was A Small Non-Stick Kitchen Utensil – Quiet Sun
Starting In The Middle Of The Day We Can Drink Our Politics Away – Matching Mole
Skunk (Sonicly Speaking) – MC5
We’ve Arrived! (And To Prove It We’re Here) – Rutles
Don’t Come The Cowboy With Me Sonny Jim! – Kirsty MacColl
Ride ‘Em Jewboy – Kinky Friedman
Indeed some people had a strange paternal parent.
Trembling Bells “My Father Was A Collapsing Star.”
Possibly preceding becoming a rolling stone.
Somewhere In America There’s A Street Named After My Dad.
Probably.
A street called Norbert P. Snodgrass? I am doubt!
I find this song title quietly devastating ( the sound of someone going away and it doesn’t matter) and the music fits it perfectly
‘Isle of View’ is my favourite PCO song title.
how about the Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper classic ‘Debbie Gibson is pregnant with my two-headed love child’
..and Redneck Rampage, also by Mojo Nixon
The best song title is Wooly Bully by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. It is also backed up by fantastic opening lyrics:”Uno dos, one two tres quatro!”
Let me point out incidentally then, that it is no mean feat to have possibly the best ever song title, and band name, and unforgettable opening lyrics. So much so that, if it were you, you would probably not see any point in writing any more songs after that. Sam the Immortal, hail!
What Gives You The Idea That You’re So Amazing, Baby? by Leicester grebos Crazyhead.
Are there any song titles about hampers?
Cat Food King Crimson
If you’re caught out in the rain
Your mother’s quite insane
Cat food cat food cat food again
Lady Yellow Stamper with a fillet in a hamper.
Corsair (Chicken) – Boards of Canada
Betty BooBoo liked picernic hampers.
Saw the band His Lordship on Thursday.
Song title. My Brother is an Only Child.
Not a song title but I do like the Super Furries’ line “I was born at such an early age”