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Best Fictional Tracks

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Sorry if we’ve done this before, but how about collecting our favourite tracks by fictional (non-existant) artists? I’d imagine the richest seam will be songs from movies & TV series, but I think we can stretch things to include artists actively performing under assumed identities (e.g. Dukes Of Stratosphere, even Chris Gaines or Silicon Teens), though if there’s a “rule”, it would be that this doesn’t apply to simple pseudonyms (so no “Layla”).

I’ll kick things off with the track that put the idea in my head – “All Over The World” by Strange Fruit, from the movie Still Crazy, and featuring the collective songwriting talent of Mick Jones and Chris Difford (with Marti Fredriksen) – surely this would have been a hit in “real life”…?

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      • I really like that song. Used to do it, long ago, in a band. Learnt it (pre internet) by going to see the film a few times, in the cinema, specifically to learn that song! Film also has Rickie Lee Jones’s fine “Lucky Guy” in it.

        • Ah! The joys of waiting until the end of the film to try and spot the name of the track played.
          I too was introduced to ‘Pirates’ by Ricky Lee Jones thanks to Subway.

  2. Rock Follies was a series that entertained my brother and I back in the old days.
    Each song seemed to be dreadful and tune-free, possibly on purpose – but this is not too bad. I can imagine a Morrissey single called this and I can imagine Morrissey singing this.

    • No, nay and nah! Never have I had cause to be so disagree here on the Afterword! I am outrage, in fact! “Dreadful and tune free”? The two Rock Follies albums are both brilliant and oft played chez my house. Both of them featured and still feature in my All Time Top 100. Nary a duff track therein. (Must be said though, the better-produced versions found on the albums are noticeably superior to the telly versions. In fact, if you watch the DVDs now, the actual drama has aged really badly, unlike the albums). Here be another great track, lookit:

      • apologies Gary, I didn’t think anyone would feel strongly about yer Follies. I thought that the songs were written intentionally to be not-that-good to make some point about the music biz. There was one that me and my brother liked but I can’t quite remember which one. It’ll come back to me..

    • According to (Walter) Hill, the film’s origins came out of a desire to make what he thought was a perfect film when he was a teenager, and put in all of the things that he thought were “great then and which I still have great affection for: custom cars, kissing in the rain, neon, trains in the night, high-speed pursuit, rumbles, rock stars, motorcycles, jokes in tough situations, leather jackets and questions of honor”. (Wikipedia)

  6. Since I always land first on the Updates page, I read this thread from the bottom up, thinking “I know which song I’m going to post! All Over The World from Still Cra….. oh”.

  7. The Flame Still Burns from Still Crazy is a gorgeous tune which has a double life as a fictitious song – there’s an episode of Californication where a burned-out rock star played by Tim Minchin doodles it on the guitar.

  18. Shame on you sir, Stoneground were a fine, um, were a band from L.A. in the early 70s, whose album sleeves, along with Pacific Gas and Electric, It’s a Beautiful Day and Seatrain I would rifle through whilst listening to stuff in Case Music in Eastbourne, during my formatives.

  21. Groovy, man! some cool cats at this party.

    From Russ Meyer’s Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, the tale of a young band, The Kelly Affair, seeking fame and fortune in Hollywood.

  22. The more reent Scooby Doo films and series have looted whole-heartedly from pop culture.

    Here, for example, are the Hex Girls.

    Which makes me think, there must some anime films/ series with imaginary bands.

  25. Not only can Scooby Doo sniff out mysteries, he’s also pretty useful behind a drum kit.

    Ginger Baker is probably seriously worried.

    And here are the Hex Girls again. who appear in three different Scooby episodes. (They are an eco-goth band, just in case you were wondering.) The epitome of rock n roll cool if you are a five year old Scooby fan.

    • In that top clip we see the gang suddenly turn into a band with a large stadium audience at the ready and everything. Casting-wise, I’d have gone for Scooby on bass because I can see the calm authority of a Pino Palladino or a John Entwhistle in him. As he is a dog, he takes orders well and can be relied on to provide a solid, dependable groove in the engine room. On his hind legs and with shades on, he’d have a powerful stage presence.

      Shaggy’s hyperactivity and lack of discipline means his role must be Bez-esque. Out of his face on Scooby Snacks half the time, he is endearing but he is also a liability. His temperament is not suited to a musician’s role in a band. If things do wrong, you need to hold your nerve and turn things around. Done well, the audience doesn’t even notice mistakes. You don’t see anyone in Radiohead going “Zoinks!” with his hair stood on end and teeth chattering. Scooby needs to be on point with his fretwork and doesn’t need Shaggy jumping into his “arms” every time he’s scared.
      Maracas for Shaggy then, or perhaps a tambourine sometimes.

      The gang often split into two groups when they’re solving mysteries – the group that gets shit done is led by Velma, who knows how to harness and then control the energy of Shaggy and Scooby Doo. In countless occasions, it’s Velma who works out the ghost is the bloke they met at the beggining i.e. the only other character. It’s not exactly Broadchurch, but be that as it may, it shows that Velma can lead the other two to beneficial outcomes. Like Mo Tucker and Meg White before her, she can bash those skins big time and has the respect of the bassist.

      Tolerating the rest of band is the aloofer than aloof Daphne. She writes all the songs and is a very talented guitarist indeed. When the group splits into two, when they are looking for the bloke they met at the beginning, it is at her behest that she always teams up with Fred because, basically, he is a simpleton with a functional penis and will do as he’s told. The positioning of Fred’s scarf in the second half of each story is an indicator of the exact nature of the degrading atrocities she has just put him through. This amuses her. The occasional presence of Velma in their breakaway group means that nothing of note happens to Fred on those occasions. Fred is relieved when Velma comes along and (spoiler alert) likes her more than Daphne. So, Daphne is on lead guitar – the cruel and manipulative genius behind the band.

      The happy-go-lucky, shit-fer-brains Fred is the natural lead singer. He’s tall, good looking and is used to screaming girls. He does have his sneaky side though – we’ve established how much he adores Velma – on stage, he only has eyes for her (and she him). He maintains that it’s professionalism – great singers like Owen Paul and Rick Witter always keep a keen eye contact with the drummer while performing. But it’s an open secret that the only rhythm that Fred needs to control is the beating of his own heart.

  30. I think I will have the Tap’s Majesty of Rock played at my funeral. Merely reciting the lyrics makes me misty-eyed.

    And that’s the majesty of rock!
    The mystery of roll!
    The darning of the sock,
    The scoring of the goal!
    The farmer takes a wife,
    The barber takes a pole,
    We’re in this together, and ever…

  32. The Josie and the Pussycats reboot had some big names on the writing credits, including the late lamented Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger:

    And the film had the hilarious – and spot-on ‘Du Jour’ boyband featuring Seth Green and Scrubs’ Donald Faison, though N’Sync were never this explicit, surely?

  33. Fictional band, but a vehicle for Hazel O’Connor really.

    Will You with it’s extra greasy sax solo (shades of X-Ray Spex?) would be an obvious choice.
    But then I changed my underwear mind and went for:

    Eighth Day

    featuring Johnathan Pryce, an Ant and the bloke from The Bill

  35. “eddie and the cruisers”….featured some fine springsteen lite songs.
    not a bad story too.
    sadly, the sequel “eddie returns” was a lot rubbish.

    FISH.

  36. From Swedish TV comedy series “Boy Machine” – about 90s boy bands – comes this quite funny video and a track that you probably would dance to in a club, despite the lyrics…

  45. Also surprised this hasn’t come up yet – Ileana Douglas as Denise Waverley (the faux-Carole King character) in “Grace Of My Heart”, but miming to Kristen Vigard’s voice singing Burt Bacharach & Elvis Costello’s fantastic “God Give Me Strength” (and I’d always wondered why this song hadn’t been covered, only to spot loads of versions on YouTube while finding this clip…)

  46. No shortage of fictional artists and songs in Altman’s Nashville.

    Tom, Bill and Mary with Since you’ve gone

    Dues by Barbera Jean (a.k.a. Ronee Blakley)

    And how about some country music from Brazil? (Obscure? Me?)

    From the 2005 film, The two sons of Francisco.

  47. Music and lyrics stars Hugh Grant as a has-been, former boy band singer and opens with this wonderful parody of an 80s pop video. It’s an extremely catchy song too.

  49. This is a very rich vein. Here are Munchausen by Proxy, from Jim Carrey romcom Yes Man, featuring Zooey Deschanel, the kooky love interest in the film, on lead vocals. Love those glittery seahorse heads and the music’s not that bad either.

    The kind of band who is on first name terms with every member of their audience,

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqLzmZlCymA

    And by way of complete contrast, a beautiful latin ballad by Antonio Banderas from The Mambo Kings, a film based on a novel by Oscar Hijuelos, about two Cuban brothers who come to New York in the 50s in search of fame and fortune.

      • The Rocklopedia Fakebandia really is such fun. I just started pushing the random button and browsing around. Here for example is the entry on Chuck Berry’s alter ego:Johnny B Goode.

        http://www.fakebands.com/wiki/index.php?title=Johnny_B._Goode

        And here’s one of the songs about him. JGB goes jazz!

        “Backed up by a jazz band, layin’ on the wood,
        Mixin Ahmad Jamal in my Johnny B Goode.
        Sneaking Errol Garner in my Sweet Sixteen,
        Now they tell me Stan Kenton’s cutting Maybelline.”

  53. Some great suggestions above, I am a very big fan of that thing you do. My contribution is from one of my favourite movies of last year, Sing Street, and a great slice of 80s pastiche in the vein of Hall and Oates.

  54. Back to the movie, Music and Lyrics. Cora Corman (played by Haley Benett), who the Hugh Grant character is hoping to work together with, is flavour of the month She is painfully trendy and hugely successful: a cross between Madonna and Björk?

    “it’s nice to see a young woman exploring religion”

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