I was thinking about my favourite and worst non-musical sounds – criteria being not made by a musical instrument. These are a few that came to mind:
Best – cat purring, the resonant sound is so comforting. Next is an owl hooting. There is one that has come to reside near me this year and everytime it toowhit- towoos, I feel a shivery loveliness. The sound of the coins clattering down on the old “Penny cascade” arcade game in the amusements when you knew they would shortly fall into the opening for you to collect. The soft crunch of walking on freshly fallen snow. Worst – car alarms. Where I live there are a lot of cars near me and when one of those awful alarms go off that can mean at least 30 minutes of terrible din before it stops. It is like like Chinese water torture only more relentless. Second worst is the dentist drill. How much more pleasant the whole experience would be if they could put a silencer on it! I suppose it is because it is connected with pain it’s so bad because they aren’t exactly deafening.
So what are your best and worst?
Best and worst non-musical sounds
by 90 Comments
Just yesterday I was reminded how much I love the distant liquid laugh of a small child, that drifts over the back gardens in the summer (the laugh, not the child – drifting children would be most alarming).
Worst – the persistent engine-revving by a young bloke nearby who fixes up vehicles for stock car racing. Also, the gulp-gulp of a cat about to be sick, which, after losing a cat to an illness involving a lot of this, still gives me an instant feeling of dread and despair.
I remember that gulp-gulp sound well. Luckily with not such sad associations but it was a cue to try and hastily move said cat to a non-carpeted area before it was too late (which was probably a bit cruel to cat, now I look back on it).
BEST: The tides of the sea, a murmuring river, wind in the trees, waterfalls, owls, cats purring, steam trains chuffing and whistling, Tibetan singing bowls, the receding border of thoughts as you slip into dreams, wind chimes, a loved one’s laughter, AUM,….
WORST: Inane drivel chatter on tv, mopeds and related traffic noise, football crowds, football players, road drills, dentist drills, a broken heart…
But what about that basset hound, Rob?
Arf! ARF!!!! ARF!!!!
what is the sound of a broken heart rob?
Tears for souvenirs.
Best: Seagulls (though I suspect there are plenty of times that seagulls could also fall into ‘worst’).
Worst: The sound of somebody’s music / film / game on a train or plane. Crumbs, at least wear headphones.
I was going to say seagulls too – specifically the first seagulls heard on the first morning of a holiday.
worst – is anyone here familiar with Annoying Orange? My seven year old has recently discovered him – I say recently, it seems like years ago.
Seagulls are fucking bastards. Romantic only to some deluded la la hammock wish cruising half a cucumbers. Fuck them. They only believe in clouds and olive oil and have no concept of sharks and scurvy. I have lived in Exeter. Penance done.
One of the bastards did a kamikaze manoeuvre in St Ives a few years back and nicked my pasty and the bag it was in while I was holding it to my lips.
Best: Hand driven rotary lawnmower on a quiet afternoon.
Worst: Any flaming powered garden instrument – leaf blowers are the absolute worst, use a rake and a brush.
The oaf in me was going to suggest one of those incredibly realistic fart machines but I’m not sure whether to put in best or worst category. They certainly made me laugh.
Agree with leaf blowers. Sadly I think the rake has passed its time now at least with gardening contractors, but James Dyson could put his considerable talents to coming up with a quieter Leaf Blower.
WORST: motor racing on TV/motorcycles in real-life; smoke alarms (I’ve ripped at least two off the ceiling – in-bloody-tolerable things)… almost forgot: many and various versions of the Northern Ireland accent
BEST: probably the purring cat, the sea, others needing some more thought….
Interesting about the Norn’ Ireland accent. Growing up, I absolutely hated it – it was Paisley & all those other bastards, it was also an aunt I didn’t much care for. Now, I love it – there’s a gentleness and, above all, warmth to it which never came across to me.
It’s a constant source of embarrassment to me, and I’m always conscious of it when speaking to ‘outsiders’. I think my accent is quite soft, but lots of NI accents are harsh, angular, whiney and vowel-strangling, while being awash with awful dialectic phrases/words (there are lots of accent variations within NI, which may not be so obvious to outsiders – just imagine the accents of Newcastle on Tyne, Liverpool, Birmingham, Somerset, Essex, etc., all squashed into an area half the size of Wales and that gives an idea of the variety).
This, of course, makes me instantly think of the “Man from Strabane” BBC interview
Those smoke alarms are incredible shrieking things, suppose they have to be to alert the family in a big house but in a small space it is earshattering, can understand why you ripped 2 off the wall Colin! (Hope you have a new one up now). Northern Irish accents can be very harsh I agree but yours is lovely, I remember from the Word London Mingle podcast 🙂
You’re too kind, Carolina! One of the alarms is dangling (though still functioning – I changed a battery in it last week when it started beeping), the other heartily destroyed. They’re only there (plus a couple of others) because we had an extension done a few years ago and they’re ‘the rule’. But if one starts screaming at me for no good reason, I’ll rip it down and smash it to pieces – because once the H&S box tickers have gone, I am the rule. there’s enough pain and anguisjh in the world – I won’t have it in my own home if I can help it.
I love the crackle from the inner groove of a record that’s been left on a turntable by mistake. Or does that count as musical?
Love: The sound of Radio 4. Whatever kind of filter or processing they use makes everyone’s voice sound warm and soothing.
Hate: The sound of Radio 1. Whatever kind of filter or processing they use makes everything sound abrasive and compressed.
Yes, even if Radio 4 were announcing the End of the World it would still leave you with a comfortable glow (well maybe not if it was Eddie Mair – he would sound pretty alarmed by it)..
[Fruity baritone voice of Carribean presenter]: ‘That was Giles Brandreth, in a show produced by Melvyn Bragg, asking, ‘Whatever happened to Roland Rivron?’ Aaaaand… coming up at 7 o’clock we have someone you don’t care about in the Archers over-emoting about something that no-one understands to people who all sound both rural and angry at the same time. After that, the panel on Front Row review a book by a former presenter of the show on bullying in the workplace, and why he no longer works there. That should be fun. But first… Corrie Corfield and Eddie Mair bring you the latest on that impending End of The World situation…’
I reckon there is a special Archers episode in the vault prepared for Armageddon, featuring the Grundies as light relief to lift the spirits of the nation.
Sample:
Clarrie: My cakes are never going to win first prize in the Flower and Produce Show now, Eddie.
Eddie: Don’t worry Clarrie love, it’s not the end of the world. Oh hang on a minute, it is!
Cue music, Dum-tee-dum-tee-dum-tee-dum etc
Meanwhile, down at The Bull.
Kenton: Welcome to our special Armageddon night at The Bull. I’ve got The Big Screen out specially.
Jolene: Have you changed that barrel yet Kenton? We can’t be running out of Shires when it’s the end of the world.
Ruth: Is it really Armageddon David?
David: I’m afraid so love…
Ruth: Oooh noooh! What’s going to happen to the milk yield?
Rob Titchener: “Cackles evilly while poking Henry with a needle.”
Pip: Come on Toby. We might as well have one last roll in the hay.
Toby: It’s all sex with you isn’t it Pip? What happened to romance? I thought we could watch the end of the world from the top of Lakey Hill.
Pip: Come on, we can manage it a couple of times if we hurry.
Rex: Don’t forget to put the hens to bed before you take Pip to bed Toby.
Pip: Uh oh…… too late!
Armageddon happens…….
As the smoke clears and the dust settles Joe Grundy bangs the debris from his hat and reaches for his tobacco. He is the only survivor.
Joe: What does an old man have to do to get a drink around here Kenton Archer?
Joe: Seems to have sorted me farmers’ lung, though.
Great work, Dave! Fallon and Emma would also hold a special Apocalypse Now Tea at the Tearoom and have cupcakes decorated with the Four Horsemen. And yes, Joe would absolutely be the last man left standing, cured of his farmers lung at last.
Best – I don’t know… blackbirds, maybe. Although that’s probably musical, isn’t it?
Worst – the owl that sometimes roosts in our garden goes WOOOOO at about 11.00pm. What that means is “Good evening. I just wanted to let you know that I will be going WOOOOO, very loudly, about 10 more times over the next six hours. You won’t know when it’s going to happen, just that it will. You’ll come to dread the possibility that I could WOOOO at any moment. The absence of WOOOO only means that a WOOOO is coming. You will not sleep. You will go mad. It’s like Chinese water torture, but with WOOOOs. It’s Chinese owl torture. Have a good night.”
My owl is much more considerate, his hooting hours are usually between 8 and 11pm. Have you considered earplugs?!
If it goes toowhit-towoo, @Carolina, it’s two owls – female calling and male answering. Or possibly the other way round.* But definitely two of them.
*(This ageing business is the very devil!)
Yes I forgot about the 2 owls (ageing process getting to me too)Pencilsqueezer explained that to me a while back.
To my ear it just sounds like the one owl but there are must be owl experts (owlologists?) who can distinguish between them!
Sounds like a Tawny Owl, if it goes ‘Wooo’.
Little Owls go something like ‘keww’, and always sound mildly annoyed. Barn Owls make awful shrieking noises.
Two Owls. It’s a mating call/tree perch shrew munch wink clawlies/just say hi honey keep in touch when you are on the wing I miss yooo – Owlwise. Twitt Twoo. Call and response baby.
I have considered earplugs, but you just can’t throw them hard enough. I need something more dense, like fallen apples or bullets.
Nooo, step away from the missiles, or I will have to report you to Hooty McHootface* at the Owl Preservation Society!
*May not be a real person
Let’s hear it for the humble blackbird, with his smart black feathery suit, his comedy yellow beak, and his beady black yellow-rimmed eyes. We can forgive his constant screech, screech, screech alarm call when he is protecting his young from marauding cats (worst sound) because of his peerless, beautiful, joyful springtime song, belted out at dusk to a non-existent audience, just for the sheer hell of it. Always reminds me of Hardy’s Darkling Thrush – ‘That I could think there trembled through / His happy good-night air / Some blessed Hope whereof he knew / And I was unaware’.
The only sounds I could think of, apart from music, that get a reaction from me are one’s I’d happily bin forever – top of the list are Windchimes (I fail to understand how people feel fine inflicting the irritating random noise on neighbours), birds twittering, dogs barking, anything high pitched (I was convinced my hearing was supposed to degrade to the point where this shouldn’t be a problem but still is), bagpipes (I don’t include them in the category of music). Then, on reading the responses above, I remembered that I really like sitting on a beach (preferably, but not necessarily, a pebbly one) and just looking and listening.
I’m with you with the birds twittering. I used to be able to tolerate it but now it just makes my tinnitus worse, too high pitched as you say. Real life is bad enough but any music with birdsong interspersed gets an instant rejection. Apart from Aerial by Kate Bush, that is.
Two of the Pivot questions: https://senselist.com/2006/09/06/the-questionnaires-of-james-lipton-bernard-pivot-and-marcel-proust/
And I don’t have a good answer
Gosh, there’s enough intriguing questions there for material for Blog Posts for about a year at least! I never knew Proust had set all those questionnaires, thought he was too busy writing thousands of pages about cakes.
The Lipton TV show is interesting. A lot of standard stuff, but the occasional knock-your-socks-off interview, or admission. Jack Lemmon, Ithink, came out as alcoholic on the show.
The questions/answers can be hit or miss, but I think illuminating about what is answered and how
Adding to the feathered theme, the call of a cuckoo on a still summer day from the wooded valley next to our house. It has the lazy depth and resonance of a water droplet falling on the glassy surface of an underground lake.
Best – rain on a window at night. Soothing.
Worst – an impatiently leant on car horn.
I thought about rain, but the truth is I just lie there worrying the roof will leak.
And rain on a sodding skylight takes quite a bit of getting used to.
Best.
The sound of waves hitting the beach. With some added seagulls.
My daughter also has a tremendous laugh that is a sort of throaty chuckle.
Weirdly, I also like the noise a 2CV makes when changing down from 3rd to 2nd gear. A lovely whine.
Ice cream vans.
Worst.
Hard to come up with anything specifically but loud noises either out of context or plain rude I find annoying. Noisy cars and motor bikes at night, loud chatting on public transport that kind of thing. Oh, and wind chimes.
Best – waterfalls and weirs, waves on beaches (pebbly or sandy), rainy thunderstorms, church bells, distant trains rattling.
Worst – misused car horns, other people’s car stereos while driving mine, roaring engines, drunken shouting, sound spillage from other peoples rubbish headphones, howling babies and tantrumming toddlers, self-important people talking shit, mobile ringtones in inappropriate places.
The never ending sussuration of a motorway in the distance, reminding me of how small and crowded this beautiful country is, and how blindly and selfishly we continue to ruin it.
Yes that is awful. Imagine living near one! I have a friend who has an old historic cottage but any ambience is ruined by the incessant drone of the M23.
Best: the sound of a distant steam train (or even up close, I don’t mind)
Worst: the white South African accent
Yes, I think that is right up there in The Worst Accent in The World contest
I have another best train noise and that is going to sleep in a train couchette to the sound of the trains going over rails, points and all the other night-time train sounds which invariably included bells. I never failed to find it soothing, until you were woken up by some garlic crunching oaf who had just barged into your compartment by mistake.
The accent has its charms.
I believe they are etched on the head of a pin somewhere.
Another lovely sound I’ve remembered is the chirping of crickets which instantly take me back to languid holidays in the Mediterranean countries when I was young and warm sultry evenings. If you lived there all the time it would just get very annoying, no doubt!
Has anyone mentioned the Shipping Forecast yet?
Especially if read by Charlotte Green.
Best sound, the garage door closing on a Thursday evening – no more work until Monday. Worst sound, the alarm clock on Monday morning.
Failing that, I love the sound of a silent room and a gently ticking longcase clock. Or summer rain that comes straight down without any wind.
Hate the incessant and inconsiderate drilling, bandsawing, mowing and strimming practised by my lovely neighbours.
Still get a thrill from the clatter and gentle thump when a couple more 3rd hand cd’s in 4th hand jiffy bags hit the doormat….even now the post doesn’t arrive until about 2.30.
And the reverse of thrill – that noise you get when you turn the ignition and the engine is already running….OK that’s my fault!
The gentle thump – exactly! Heard it today as two CD’s from Music Magpie arrived on the doormat.
Best: A Merlin engined Spitfire flying past – the rhythm, the volume, the doppler effect, power, heritage … oops sorry, where was I?
Worst: Heard tonight in Sainsbury’s, a young lad with learning difficulties having an utter screaming meltdown. Very disturbing. All credit to his mother and brother who clearly knew the best response was to comfort and protect until he regained some degree of stability.
I came on here to post just that, a Spitfire (and my worst, garden machinery, has been pinched as well). Still, any excuse to post this.
Worst: My neighbour in the flat next to mine has a laughter that really annoys me – it’s very loud and cackling and sort of metallic and ugly, oh and did I mention that it’s EXTREMELY LOUD?
And since I had my balcony taken over a few years ago I get really paranoid if I hear the cooing and hooting of horny pigeons…
Best: Agree about seagulls, they live on the roofs here and sail the wind corridors in between the houses up and down my street, never making the same noise twice. Beautiful and funny at the same time.
And yes, rain on the windows and windowsills either when you’re going to sleep or waking up is wonderful – personally I’d throw in some thunder as well to make it extra cosy.
I used to love the soft paper crunch noise that emptying the bin on a Windows PC would make – but on Windows 10 it’s completely silent! Scandalous…
Do you have a balcony like Martin Beck’s in the Swedish TV series (yes, we get it here on BBC4!)? Every time he goes out on it his eccentric neighbour spookily appears.
Does that happen to you?
Are their balconies joined together? (No, I haven’t watched Beck)
If my neighbour appeared on her balcony while I was on mine, she’d have to shout to have a conversation with me, they’re quite far apart.
Unfortunately it’s not that far away from my bedroom window, meaning that I’ll get cigarrette smoke from her balcony into my bedroom on summer nights. 🙁
Maybe we need to have a whip-round to buy you and your neighbour a couple of megaphones (and you a gas mask) so you can both enjoy more quality time on those balconies…
Hurrah – I managed to find a clip of Beck and his neighbour on their balconies! Unfortunately (!), it’s in Swedish so I’ve no idea if it shows any eccentrity or simply a normal conversation that Swedes traditionally have on balconies late at night, while scanning the horizon for rampaging hordes of trolls and walrus.
Sleep being overrated, cloning, the possibility of an afterlife and a God (with a strange seagull/ferry metaphor thrown in), plus the usual offer of a drink – @Colin-H I’d say that’s pretty standard Swedish conversation! 😀
Actually, that all sounds rather Finnish – except the tone would be relentlessly gloomy and there would likely be no offer of a drink. How am I doing with my cultural stereotypes? 🙂
Two Finnish men drinking on their balconies would never talk that much. Three words each in total, and a lot of deep, “meaningful” silence in between those pithy utterings.
I used to have a laptop which had a WAV file of Bagpuss yawning set as the shut down sound.
Your neighbour’s laugh – I can sympathise. I had a neighbour with an awful laugh. Luckily I only heard her when she had parties or barbecues outside. She was very audible even though 2 gardens away – I suspect large quantities of alcohol contributed to her sound level! Thankfully she has moved (although her house is still the “party” garden.)
When Mrs H and I moved into our current abode we were bemused and annoyed in equal measure to find out that our garden backed on to one that was apparently owned by Fred Flintstone – certainly a man whose speaking voice seemed to share volume and timbral similarity to Fred shouting ‘Wilmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!’ (in a Northern Ireland accent).
Not only did this man seem to have a lot of garden parties, but he had/has a son with a garage band – literally, in the garage.
One night around midnight we were lying awake, lights off, windows closed, listening without difficulty to this buffoon having a long conversation – in his back garden – with someone on his mobile telephone.
Shortly after that we got double glazing. Thankfully, their garage was soundproofed shortly after that as well.
Best: The sea, heavy thunderstorms, the Italian language, my smallest nephew’s efforts to talk (and being one of the few who know him well enough to translate him).
Worst: Shouting neighbours, that five-note tweety phone alert, people talking loudly during gigs.
Oh. Oh no that tweety phone. Grrrrr. Surely nobody actually needs a ringtone these days – all phones vibrate don’t they?
Yes, Italian language my favourite one too 🙂
Yep funny how trains are a recurring one- I love the sound of a train clattering by especially in the night – something strangely soothing about metal on rails. Love an owl hooting too.
Least favourite is the guy who sometimes sits near me at work and starts his day with the SSSSHHHHT opening the first a billion gallons of Coca Cola, followed by filling his face with his breakfast of supermarket sandwich and monster munch which he chews loudly – followed by “cleaning his teeth” by SHLACK …..SHLACK….SHLACK chewing gum…and then HARRRCCHHHH HRRRRRMMMMPH AAAAAAACCKKK all day as he fills his nervous system with more Coca Cola and his distressed oesophagus deals with the endless tide of fizzing aspartamine and noxious brown bubbly stuff. ARRRCHHH. GUUUUURFFFF. HURRRRRF.
Chewing food noises are horrendous! When they have them on the radio while characters are meant to “eat realistically” I have to dash and turn it off. Not fun to have such a noisy eater at such close proximity all day, Dr V!
You would love the CLICK, CLACK, CLICK of the woman who occasionally works near me, who insists on cleaning the lunch out of her teeth with a paperclip.
Best – the crack a new newspaper makes on a Sunday morning when you open it. The whirr of a nicely lubricated bicycle whizzing down a hill. The clump of snow falling off the roof. The satisfying crack when you split a log with a big axe. The gurgling sound of a beer being poured (actually wine will do it too). Silence.
Worst – Doof doof from passing cars (obvs not music, right…), arrogance dickhead drivers screaming past, shrieking parents beating their long suffering kids, the click of a starter motor attacked to dead battery. The statement “due to earlier incident this train will be composed of four coaches”.
Beating their kids?!! Or is it Edith’s fault and you meant to type “berating”?
Yes, autocorrect strikes again!
Phew, that’s a relief!
In autocorrect’s defence, beating would be worse.
Add to my best sounds list up there ↑:
The high-pitched pop of the cork, opening a brand new bottle of wine, port or malt whisky.
Best: the scream of swifts, and the electronic cries of bats on the bat detector.
Worst: earth hum.
I’ve heard of the earth hum occurring in places, sounds v weird – is it all the time you get it, or just occasionally?
Sorry should have explained, only when I turn on the hi fi or computer and hear it through the speakers.
Oh that’s a relief, having the earth humming constantly and no “off switch” would get very wearing!
That FUCKING BASSET HOUND AGAIN.
aaaaaaaAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!
Best: the roar of the ocean, howling wind, lightning cracks, cats purring, birds tweeting.
Worst: ads, any situation, any language. Drive me mad.