I didn’t realise I wanted to say these things, or even realise that i felt them but following a lovely morning with my wonderful family my attention has been focussed on Fathers rather than on a random day to celebrate them.
My feelings about Fathers are somewhat confused. My relationship with my dad was not good, it became adequate as he got older and he and I both grew up a bit but for the period between about 10 and 30 I really had no relationship with him, didn’t see him for about ten years and frankly didn’t want to.
In that period I had a caring and secure home life made for me by my mother and my step-father John, step-father doesn’t begin to describe his role, he was my dad when my dad wasn’t there and is still the most tolerant person I have ever met. To put up with that, no doubt standard, S..t from a kid is hard enough but when you are only doing it because you love his mother must have ben even harder. I still aspire to be the man he was. When he died I felt that my Dad had died.