I know you lot don’t really care. To be honest, I’m not that funked myself. But I was bored. So I got to thinking: How do we win this thing, assuming we want to?
I reckon… Get Matt Bellamy to write the song – big, hooky, cheesy, obvious, dramatic, his stock in trade. Get Mark Ronson to produce it – he can turn stuff into gold, and he’s got some cool mates. Get Adele and Tinie Tempah to sing it, with manipulated ghost backing vocals from Amy Winehouse.
I’m half serious, oh yes.