The Afterword

Musings on the byways of popular culture

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North Korea TV Censors Alan Titchmarsh’s Trousers

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North Korea’s state television channel has censored a BBC gardening programme – by blurring out presenter Alan Titchmarsh’s trousers.

“It’s taken me to reach the age of 74 to be regarded in the same sort of breath as Elvis Presley, Tom Jones, Rod Stewart. You know wearing trousers that are generally considered by those of us of a sensitive disposition to be rather too tight … I’ve never seen myself as a dangerous subversive imperialist I’m generally regarded as rather cosy and pretty harmless so actually it’s given me a bit of street cred really hasn’t it.”

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-68664644

Van Morrison – When Did He Jump The Shark?

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In the context of recent posts about The Beatles and Neil Young (and sort of Pink Floyd), let’s give this old Afterword chestnut another canter around the paddock before it’s sent to the glue factory!

Simply complete the following sentence in your own words on a postcard and pop it in the postbox! No address necessary!

“I think Van Morrison lost the plot after …”

Real Intelligence As Applied To Artificial

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I’m currently digging a frankly incredible A.I.-assisted recreation of the Beach Boys’ “Smile”. Nearly all of the backing tracks (instrumentation) and most(?) of the vocals are extracted from the original recordings. I have a quantity of excellent “Smiles” completed with imagination and great skill from the original tapes, and I was trepidatious (oh very good) about the Monster Robot version. Link in the comments.

The great caveat here is that Dae Lims, whose skill and judgement is otherwise jaw-dropping, hasn’t quite given it the best possible shuffle, and has omitted “Good Vibrations”, because there was a who-cares Fan Theory a while back that it wouldn’t have been on the album (even though it was all over the sleeve design and even though OF COURSE IT WOULD BE). This hardly seems to be an issue when you’re taking extravagant liberties with authenticity by creating entirely new parts, so it’s a baffling lapse. Luckily, one commenter has put this to rights, and you should if you’re at all interested go through the encryption hoops to get his version, which is also at a higher bitrate than YewChewb allows. EDIT: Scrolling through the hundreds of comments (overwhelmingly and surprising positive) failed to find » Continue Reading.

It’s International Day Of Women Judges! Which Women Judge Are You Cosplaying?

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Judge Lola Carmichael! Judge Carmichael is a multilayered female character of color who is a tenacious and profoundly sympathetic litigator turned judge. She is also a tough and capable woman who has a clear idea of who she is and what she wants to accomplish. However, like every other human being, she is flawed and vulnerable and has a hard time processing emotions. I feel I could honor Judge Lola Carmichael’s accomplishments with a detailed and authentic cosplay.

https://www.un.org/en/observances/women-judges-day

Howya Dune?

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In preparation for Dune Part Deux, I rewatched Dune Part Une. I lost patience with it on release, because I thought it was all style over substance, and the “low light” scenes – and a lot of them had me gurning at the screen and tilting it away from the light – drove me to mild distraction. Why not make it a Radio 4 production if you can’t see what’s happening during crucial moments? My irritation with the Dark Stuff is still there – it’s a stylistic affectation, nothing more. But I enjoyed what of the movie I could see a lot more the second time around, and I’m what the young people are calling “stoked” for the second part, which is already at the Eel Market. I only hope they find the light switch or a box of candles or something.

So – impenetrable darkness, “naturalistic” sound editing, over-loud music, and a general tendency to be over-long. These are characteristics of “modern” movie making. Give me a beautifully lit scene, with real lights, and well-placed mics making the dialogue easy to hear. And a great script, while you’re at it.

*shouts at clouds*

What’s Your Fantasy Life?

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I’ve always thought a life in the Old West would have suited me. The movie version, not the real thing. I’d arrive back at the homestead after a hard day’s swogglin’ horns and pokin’ cows, to be greeted by my pretty blonde wife who is wearing a starched gingham frock which nicely accentuates her wholesome bosom. She sets the table with homely and nourishing vittles while I wash my face in the wooden pail set out on the porch for the purpose. I’d hang my six-gun on the back of the door, tousle little Junior’s head and wolf down some swell home cookin’ – “you pass Pa th’ biscuits, Junior!”. Later Mary-Beth an’ me. why, we’d set on the porch a spell, watch the sun go down over yonder butte, and I’d pluck my trusty guitar accompanied by the appreciative howls of distant coyotes.

Imagine for a moment there’s a better life for you – difficult, given how fortunate you are in this one – what, pray, might it be?

Now That’s What I Call Afterword Friendly Music!

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Here’s how you play this Wonderful new game!

Imagine you chance upon a “compact disc” with the above title in your local “record shop”!

You study the track listing enthusiastically, pick up an extra couple of copies for “friends”, and hurry to the “check out”!

Now – the album has just twelve “tracks”, each by a different “artiste” – what, using your skill and judgement, might they be?

Set to it, “Afterworders”! Teamwork makes the dreamwork!

Comedy Shelf Life

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Reading the pieces on Ian Lavender and Radio Four inspires the question: does comedy have a shelf life, a best-before date?

The Marx brothers are coming up to their 100th anniversary, and I still find them funny. The musical interludes have dated, but the gags remain lol-out-loud funny. The last time I tried to watch Fawlty Towers, popularly considered the GOAT at the time, I was more perplexed than amused – why are these people behaving like this? ‘Allo ‘Allo, hardly the subtlest of writing, still elicits a larf – in fact, more than it did at the time. But, surprisingly, The Goon Show now leaves me, if not cold, then only mildly warmed-over. Over the last few years I’ve become addicted, thanks to the Internet Archive, to the American radio shows of the forties and fifties – Jack Benny, Fibber McGee and Molly, Duffy’s Tavern, Phil Harris … but the older BBC shows just sound quaint.

Do stand-up comedians still stand up? Should we expect humour, such a hit-or-miss thing in the first place, to last forever?

Video’s in Forum Posts

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Can we please ask everyone NOT to post video’s in your original posts (i.e. when you start a thread). Make your fascinating, funny and enlightening post and then add a first comment to it containing the mesmerising video you want to include.

SOME embedded video’s cause other posts to disappear from the Forum page. We know not why but it appears to be linked to video’s in first posts so please avoid. Rectifying the problem can be tricky if it’s not flagged quickly.

Your caring Mod Team

H.P. Saucecraft’s 100 Favourite Sandwiches Of All Time

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I think starting from the bottom of the list, and working up to my very favouritest sandwich 99 posts later, is perhaps the best way to curate this project. You’ll experience an almost palpable sense of tension as that coveted #1 spot gets closer! There’ll be surprises galore on the way – and contentious inclusions/exclusions should prove fodder for much robust debate!

Let’s get this historically important and authoritative list started with my Least Favourite Sandwich Of All Time!

#100 Marmite And Strawberry Jam On Retrieved Toast

Ingredients:

2x slices of week-old burnt toast retrieved from bottom of pedal bin

Marmite (pref with traces of marge) (Can’t be Vegemite as Vegemite doesn’t have the cojones to fight strawberry jam)

Off-brand Strawberry Jam (fruit count no higher than 30%, sugar higher than 50%)

Off-brand Margarine (or similar bright yellow spread, rock hard straight from the fridge)

Preparation:

– Shake off graveyard lettuce, coffee grounds etc. from toast (or not) – Hack at Yellow Spread with wrong knife (or fork) and smear shards across toast, picking up carbon deposits – 1x heaped teaspoon of Marmite dribbled, scraped, and mashed into carbonised Yellow Spread. Wipe off spoon with corner of toast – Using » Continue Reading.

AI News

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AI is starting to be used for video/movie visuals. At this relatively early stage, as with still AI images, it’s the imperfections that mark it out as AI and look weird. But these glitches will be quickly sorted out, and clips like the astonishing “beer commercial” (which may just appear above) will become collector’s items, because the technology will have moved on to perfect renderings. In a shockingly short while, entire movies will be created by AI: scripted, acted, art directed, and photographed. And we’ll never be able to trust what we see and hear on/in the media ever again. Want security cam footage to show the police of a disliked neighbour trying to break into your home and threatening you with a gun ? Want a porn movie of your ex with a barnyard animal to post on soshul meeja? Some grainy hand-held camera clips of Israeli tanks rolling down Palestine streets? Just a few prompts away.

As in all these doomsday scenarios, the reality will probably be much worse than anything we can imagine. Cheers!

https://research.runwayml.com/gen2

The Best Version Of Hey Jude, Like, Ever!

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It’s such an improvement on the dreary plod of the original. Much to love here, from the spoken intro to the cheery (and mercifully brief) da-da-da- dardely-da coda.

(The album, a side project of genius producer Ted Templeton, has similarly fabulous versions of Light My Fire, and McArthur Park, amongst other iconic rock pop n’ roll classics.)

Will AI Be the Death of Blog Writing?

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In recent years, Artificial Intelligence (AI) has made significant strides in various fields, revolutionising industries and streamlining processes. However, as AI technology continues to advance, some concerns have been raised about its potential impact on the art of blog writing.

One of the primary concerns is the potential loss of human touch and creativity. Blogs are often cherished for their unique perspectives, engaging storytelling, and personal anecdotes. With AI-generated content, there is a risk of losing the genuine voice and authentic experiences that make blogs so captivating. AI can produce structured and coherent articles, but it lacks the human element that connects with readers on a deeper level.

Another danger lies in the risk of misinformation. AI algorithms are trained on vast amounts of data, but they can still make mistakes or misinterpret information. If left unchecked, AI-generated blogs could spread inaccurate or misleading content, undermining the credibility of reliable sources and confusing readers.

Moreover, the rise of AI-generated content could threaten the livelihoods of professional bloggers. As AI becomes more sophisticated, it may be able to generate high-quality articles at a fraction of the time and cost it takes for a human writer. This could lead to a decrease » Continue Reading.

Killer Sudoku – the game that isn’t Wordle. Or even a game, much.

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Before breakfast, I do a Killer Sudoku to get my brain working while I have a mug of instant to get my bowels working. There’s a certain amount of tension involved in getting the timing right.

I sneer at ordinary civilian Sudoku. A kids’ game. Wordle? Boring, undemanding, too much guesswork. Go to sudoku dot com, click “killer” in top menu bar, then “expert” in the difficulty menu. Keep an eye on the percentage of players who completed the puzzle. Keep clicking that bar until you see something in the mid fifties or higher. If you choose a level that’s too easy (and let’s not be modest, you’re pretty sharp) you’ll find the whole thing a waste of time. The challenge is the thing. There’s a beautiful logic to it, and you’ll feel stupidly proud of yourself for solving one. The games all play out like this:

1 Impossible. Can’t see anything. Pfft. 2 Oh wait … 3 Agonising mid-game slog 4 Orgasmic release as the numbers fall rapidly into place like dominoes, or something.

The 45 Rule is all over this, often in hidden combinations, and you need to understand the significance if innies and outies. You might need » Continue Reading.

“I Get All The News I Need From The Weather Report”

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How about this weather then? Hot/wet enough for you?

It doesn’t matter what current news concerns you, be it Long Covid, pub owners being bastards, cost of living, standing with Ukraine, politicians being politicians, Bruce Springsteen tickets, AI, whatever, whatever … underpinning all human activity is the weather, which isn’t going away. It’s shaking the planet to bits.

Here in Siam, where heat is the default setting, it’s been a near intolerable “hot season”, too hot to stand out in the sun. Our little town has seemed baked into paralysis. Overnight, the temperature dropped and the light rain fell, and the forecast is more of the same. The deck doors are open to let in the cool air and the birdsong, and it feels like a reprieve.

I use a couple of weather sites, the bbc.com/weather local station, which projects mystically (and unreliably) into the future, and the revelatory zoom.earth, which confines itself to today and tomorrow, giving immediate and clear coverage of every location on earth, including the essential “feels like” reading, and rain and wind. Knowing what the world’s weather is doing doesn’t help, but I want to know. As Mark Twain said, everyone talks about the weather, » Continue Reading.