The Afterword

Musings on the byways of popular culture

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In Da Afterword Club aka Possibly the shortest thread EVER!

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As a father of young children and one half of a relationship of over twenty years standing “the nightclub” is pretty much “there be dragons” these days. Ah, but once upon a time, my arse did shake in venues like The Arches, The Sub Club and The Art School. And it’s a Saturday. So, in a possibly futile gesture, I ask my elderly Afterword cronies to offer up their favorite “bangers.”

I will open with Underworld’s “Rez.” Their shows generally ended with “Rez” into “Cowgirl” back to “Rez” then a triumphant “Born Slippy.” Sweaty bodies and happy faces all round, guaranteed…

It’s Noughtie Friday!

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I am treading on thin ice here perhaps, but the noughties, the decade with no name, is now twenty years ago! YIKES!

So to celebrate a decade which I swear was only a decade ago but in fact wasn’t, let’s assemble a list of our favourite tunes from the era. I will start with “I Walk” by Quarks. Genuinely fantastic pop here…

Happy 80th Birthday Carole King!

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I have my moments when I think that it’s not Paul McCartney or Brian Wilson who are the greatest melody writers of the twentieth century, it’s Carole King.

Anyway, happy birthday genius. Here’s a version of one of her songs which I genuinely think should be better known. Jack Nitzsche’s greatest arrangement as well? Quite possibly.

Actors who sing, AKA Eighth Wonder turn out not to be

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As I live in a flat with a young family, my vinyl is alphabetised and somewhat crammed into one IKEA unit which means, if I pull out a record by Echo and The Bunnymen something like the 10″ mix of I’m Not Scared by Eighth Wonder will come out as well. Man, when did I buy that fucker and what was I thinking?

I’m being a touch cruel, because it isn’t at all bad. I mean, how could it be, written as it was by “imperial phase” Pet Shop Boys? But boy, Patsy Kensit turns out to be no Neil Tennant when it comes to delivering a deadpan song.

Actors though… A bunch of them can technically sing; let’s face it, if you find yourself performing in west end musicals you’re going to need a fine set of pipes, but have any of them been genuinely good at this rock or pop lark? Why are so few people who are good at performing in one sense so terrible at performing in another?

Feel free to post any good examples you can think of…

MAVIS STAPLES KLAXON!!!!!

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Folks, total bloody legend Mavis Staples is playing the UK next year. Edinburgh, Isle Of White and London, starting the 14th June.

I post this as a public service announcement. After all, if you disrespect the chance to see Mavis Staples, how in the world do you think anybody’s gonna respect you?

Completely bonkers musical clips

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I have just stumbled across, what might be either the maddest, or the most touching thing I have ever seen. I cannot decide.

A French TV show got a choir of children to dress up as Serge Gainsbourg (booze and fags included) and sing his song “Suis Venu Te Dire Que Je M’en Vais,” to him. It moves Serge to actual tears.

I am laying down a challenge. Post something madder than this. Or indeed more touching.

The thread of Gibberish

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Paul Simon, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Leonard Cohen, fine songwriters all, but let’s face it none of their lyrics can hold a candle to AWOPBOPALOOBOPAWOPBAMBAM!

With this in mind I wish to hear your favorite songs which contain pure gibberish. The whole thing need not be gibberish, but gibber must be prominent. I will start things off with a favorite of mine, Mickey Lee Lane’s “Shaggy Dog.” It features lines like…

“Do the bop, sugar flop til you blow your top Now you stomp, flip flop and you shake your mop Like the frog and the log and the shaggy dog I said a ya ya yaga yaga boom chick a ga ga”

… which we can agree are sheer poetry!

I wish the Foo Fighters were actually good.

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This is lovely. The Foo Fighters playing with an 11 year old girl called Nandi Bushell on drums. I just wish the band were actually any good; leaden, lumpen music played by really lovely blokes. It’s like 5 James Blunts, brilliant on a personal level, atrocious musically.

The Strokes “Is This It?” – Do I have to?

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Facebook is telling me that 20 years ago today, “Is This It?” by The Strokes was released. I never bothered my arse with that album, on the grounds that I already had “Horses” and “Marquee Moon” and the lead singer had a rich dad who was a big shot in fashion. So folks, was I wrong? Do I need to do what I did with “Kid A,” and actually listen to the thing now that, in my old age, I am no longer afflicted by the snobberies which troubled my youth?

God I hate football. Thank God this crap is over

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I do not apologise for this negative post.

For the past month, during this actual pandemic, maskless people in large crowds in bars have been spraying saliva at each other as various teams of millionaires kick a ball pointlessly. As a result, the UK now has more positive coronavirus cases than all of the EU combined. 2000 coronavirus cases in Scotland have been traced to the Scotland England game.

Tonight thugs in Leicester Square have been chucking bottles. The tweet I have linked to, and again I do not apologise for posting it, features a football fan punching a child and an Asian man getting kicked in the head. All In the pace of a minute. And in Wembley. The “home” to which football has been “coming.”

Seriously you lot. WHAT THE FUCK?

I admit, I loath football, but not as much as I loath football fans. Hell, as you can see, they assault children, people from ethnic minority communities then probably go home an assault their families. Domestic abuse in England goes up by, I think, 38% when England lose.

So I have a serious question. Why should we put up with this? If I get » Continue Reading.

Ask The Massive – Wireless Speakers

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I am not a great person for technology. There is still a cassette player on my “hi fi” FFS. However I need to purchase some bluetooth speakers.

All I need is something with decent sound which will connect to my phone without any grief. I have bought two speakers in the past; in both cases the bluetooth just stopped working after six months. What would you recommend I buy? I am happy to pay in the region of £100 or so.

Thanks for all suggestions.

Eurovision 2022 – How the UK can win it.

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I have been pondering on this since the UK’s tragic and humiliating “nul points” on Saturday. The nation which produced The Beatles can’t even beat Germany’s appalling “I Don’t Feel Hate” in a cheesy competition.

Did we produce a bad song? Yes, it was rubbish but it wasn’t as bad as Germany. Have we pissed off all of Europe having spent five years saying how terrible they are? Oh we sure have. Can we turn this round? Yes of course. Here is how.

Scotland voted to remain in the EU. So we need a song, sung by anyone Scottish called either “Remain With You” or “Sorry” or “Don’t Worry, Those Elderly, Demographically Lucky, Idiotic Xenophobes With No Sense To See That Boris Johnson Does Not Give A Fuck About Them Will Soon Be Safely Dead And Our Young People Are Not Like Them.”

The backing dancers need to be these guys here.

We might not actually win, but a mid-board triumph would be good.

Ordinary film, extraordinary performance

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Tonight me and my wife watched Bridge Of Spies, Spielberg’s very ordinary film which has a mind bogglingly brilliant performance from Mark Rylance. Seriously, I recommend this film as a total masterclass in how ordinary material can be lifted by an extraordinary actor.

It got me thinking that another actor I will pretty much watch in anything, even if it is crap, is Sean Penn. I don’t think I have actually seen him in a film that I have loved really, but Lordy, do I treasure some of his performances. He’s a brilliant actor who has lifted some mediocre films to a level which they perhaps don’t deserve. Colours. Crap film, brilliant performance. Dead Man Walking. Crap film, brilliant soundtrack. Astonishing performance. Milk. Dismal film. Brilliant performance.

I wonder if Michael Douglas is cut from the same cloth? Do I like any of his films? I don’t know, but I love watching him. Is Falling Down actually good? What about The Game? But I love him in them.

What are the ordinary films which have become something special thanks to a genius performance?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBBuzHrZBro

The Unthanks Need To Be Asked To Make A Christmas TV Special

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I am extremely serious here. Rachel and Becky would be absolutely brilliant at singing old traditional winter songs, I bet they could get really decent and probably surprising guests and I bet it would be lovely.

In Scotland Aly Bain and Phil Cunningham are New Year stalwarts. The Unthanks could completely do something similar in England at Christmas. I genuinely think this.

Should I bother my arse listening to “Kid A”?

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It seems that twenty years ago today Radiohead’s “Kid A” came out.

This is an album that I deliberately ignored when it came out because Thom Yorke was at the height of his “I don’t want to be famous” whining period so I figured I could help him attain this ambition by ignoring the shit out him.

However I never shared a flat with anyone who had the album, and Radiohead were never that big with my peers and kind of by accident I have literally never heard a solitary note of this thing.

Given that Thom Yorke stopped being annoying quite some time ago, should I, twenty years after the event, break my “Kid A” duck and listen to the thing? Or is that one of those albums which, if you don’t hear it when young, you will just never like it when old?

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/oct/02/why-radiohead-are-the-blackest-white-band-of-our-times

My “Generation Divide” band now look worse than me

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We all have them I’m sure, the band where you think, “No, not interested, I have heard everything that inspires them and they are adding nothing, they’re crap and I JUDGE anyone who likes them.”

For me it was The Libertines. Blatantly chancers, hugely over-rated, obviously crap but with decent music taste, I made the choice to just not explore when they appeared, and this was largely due to Pete Doherty. An obvious wazzock. And shagging Kate bloody Moss.

Well, God almighty look at this pic. I hope it posts ok. But these young whipper snappers actually now look older than me. Now I admit I am a guy who always looked old, I went bald in my teens and now, in my mid forties my age is catching up with my appearance. But Lordy, this pic is giving me a midlife crisis; the bands I held in contempt for being young look older than me. Come mother death, take me now.

Is this a normal thing? Had anyone seen their generational divide band just leap over their own age? Is it like policemen looking younger? Younger bands look old?

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