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Three In A Row (Movies)

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Inspired by/nicking the premise from, a successful recent thread…

For years now, my mates and I have pondered the answer to one of life’s great questions: which actor/director has the best run of three consecutive movies to their name?

The rules are simple:

* While the movies must be consecutive, you can ignore TV movies or shows if they’re obscure;

* You can mingle actor and director credits if you like (i.e. acted in one movie, directed another), but only those two roles – no producer credits, or similar – sadly this rules out Dan Aykroyd’s consecutive writing credits on The Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters and Dragnet;

* Cameos don’t count. They need to have been in the thing for more than one scene, and not playing themselves; and

* Imdb is your friend.

Bisto recently made one of the best suggestions I’ve ever heard in this field, citing Rob Reiner’s 86-89 run of:

Stand By Me The Princess Bride When Harry Met Sally.

Other notable entries to beat include the (rather obvious, but still sparkling) De Niro ’73 to ’76 run of:

Mean Streets The Godfather Part II Taxi Driver

There are also unlikely gems such as » Continue Reading.

Father John Misty @ Sheperd’s Bush Empire

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Earlier in the week I mentioned in here that my joint albums of the year are Carrie & Lowell by Sufjan Stevens and New Bermuda by Deafheaven. This morning I realised that I’d of course forgotten that the Father John Misty record was release in January, and must therefore also assume its rightful place on the Mount Olympus of 2015 musical offerings.

J.Tillman is an interesting man. He’s drummed for Fleet Foxes, he’s released a bunch of solo stuff and now he appears to have blossomed into a full on pop star in waiting, effortlessly combining the charisma of Morrissey, the louche posturing of Greg Dulli, the urgency of a Bible Belt pastor and the flawless skin of a teenage supermodel. What on earth he was doing behind a drumkit for any length of time is a mystery to me, but he appears to have now assumed his rightful position as the Dave Grohl of sexually suggestive lounge folk.

Is he any good live, though? What better place to answer that question than at Sheperd’s Bush Empire, a venue which also functioned as the original scale model for the construction of Brixton Academy.

Two things become evident during the » Continue Reading.

Deafheaven – New Bermuda

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Deafheaven are back (back, back)!

After thrilling a tiny minority of Afterwordians with the majestic racket of 2013’s superb “Dream House” single, the San Franciscan sonic pioneers have returned with their third album, “New Bermuda”.

Five tracks. A little short of 50 minutes. Lots and lots of screaming. By far the best thing they’ve done so far, and right up there with Carrie & Lowell for my favourite record of 2015.

The name of the game is blending black metal, shoegazing and post rock. It’s the “quiet/loud” dichotomy taken to insane new heights; one minute you’ll be listening to a full on metal assault, with monster riffs and a man making sounds with his actual human throat that sound like a malfunctioning vacuum cleaner, the next you’ll be blissfully nodding along to some lovely, gentle descending guitar licks with a bit of piano and tambourine into the bargain. It’s a bit like spending 50 minutes alternatively engaged in a savage bar fight and being kissed all over by angels.

Why is it better than last time? Because the riffage is more focused, the melodies (such as they are) are more memorable, and the gentler moments more distinct. The mid-section of » Continue Reading.

All Things Must Pass (Onto Spotify)

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I am, as you may or may not be aware, one of the blog’s Beatles-deniers. Rightly or wrongly, I simply don’t get them.

What I DO get is All Things Must Pass. I think it’s a wonderful, wonderful record, full of truth and beauty. Behind That Locked Door, If Not For You, I Live For You… it’s warm and human, all those things I always feel I want, but never get, from Beatles albums. A record you can just dissolve into.

Anyway, I was delighted this morning to discover that ATMP has finally made its way onto Spotty, along with the rest of Harrison’s solo oeuvre. My entire household audio system is based around the streaming service, so anything that isn’t on it presents a listening problem – one I’m trying to work out how I’ll resolve when the new Joanna Newsom arrives on Friday.

Between now and then, I aim for a bit of a Harrison-fest, to make up for lost time. I’m relatively unfamiliar with most of his other solo stuff – does anyone have a recommendation they’d care to share?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEA2pI41YVg

Select A New National Anthem

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Simple premise: the Queen has been on the blower. To celebrate the momentous occasion of her continuing to cling to life and power for a record breaking spell, she has decided to do away with the current national anthem, “God Save the Queen” (“a f**king load of old c***ing ******” is how m’lady described it over the phone just now), and replace it with something a little more uplifting.

Her Royal Highness was initially urged to put the matter of what should be the replacement anthem to a national vote, but Her Excellency has been most dismayed by the performance of our democracy in recent months (I quote again; “those w**king f**kn*ts can’t be trusted to run a f**king p*ss up in a f**king br*wery”), and has therefore opted for a most unorthodox alternative.

Against the better judgement of most of Her Most Extraordinary’s close advisers, this nation-shaping decision will be left in the hands of a rag-tag bunch of what Prince Philip has described as “Black Flag Charlies, Howling Floral Jessies and assorted puckered ne’er do wells”. I’m talking, of course, about you: the denizens of the Afterword blog.

Please post herein your suggestions for the replacement national anthem. » Continue Reading.

Casting “Afterword: The Movie”

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Since we’re doing introspection this week….

Hollywood has come calling!

They’ve taken a look at the Afterword’s “journey”, from rescue pod from a doomed website, to assault by hackers, to the Facebook exodus, and on to our glorious return, and subsequent accusations that fings were better before the hack attack. They’ve concluded that this will make one hell of a movie.

ELEVATOR PITCH: “It’s basically High Fidelity meets Revenge of the Nerds meets Idiocracy, with a dash of Braveheart, a soupcon of Brazil, a pinch of Office Space and a dash of Repo Man. In cyberspace.”

Production is slated to start next year, William Friedkin will direct (natch), and the studio is in the process of putting together what will be a star-packed, money no object cast to anchor what will be their number one summer tentpole title. Oh, and thanks to the wonders of technology, they can reanimate the dead.

So far, they’re thinking:

John Candy as Moose the Mooche. Carrie Anne Moss as Poppy Succeeds. Jeff Bridges as Rob C (or whatever he’s calling himself now). Richard E. Grant as HP Saucecraft.

Beyond that, they’re after suggestions. Over to you…

On Long Rights, Male Bonding And The Critical Importance of Good Villains

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Over the weekend, I watched Point Break for the five hundredth time (heavy spoilers below).

I watched it again partly out of a sense of ritual: it’s a film I have loved since childhood and which repays repeated viewings, and partly to steel myself for the utter horror of the deeply unpromising remake which will be desecrating our screens later this year.

For those who have yet to know (and for these sorry individuals, I feel only a strange and confusing mix of jealousy and pity), Point Break is the classic 1991 Keanu Reeves vehicle concerning itself with a group of LA surfers who rob banks on the side while disguised as former US presidents. It is precisely as wonderful as that description makes it sound.

Directed by Kathryn Bigelow, coming off the back of the wonderful vampires-on-fire-on-the-highway movie “Near Dark”, and the markedly less wonderful Jamie Lee Curtis sex thriller “Blue Steel”, the movie endured a somewhat tortured four year production, was originally helmed by Ridley Scott, and made Keanu Reeves a bona fide star.

The presence of Bigelow in the director’s chair lends the movie much of its distinctive charm. At it’s heart, when you strip away the » Continue Reading.

Hypotheticals – AKA An Uncomfortable Glimpse Into the Afterword Id

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In “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto”, Chuck Klosterman specifies the 23 questions he asks in order to determine whether he could ever really love the respondent.

They’re too long to list in full here, so I’m going to do edited highlights, invite responses, and then use this thread to gauge which of the Massive I could ever truly love.

Here we go – please do give your reasoning….

1. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that–for some reason–every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?

2. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate’s collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill » Continue Reading.

*Bring Out Yer Spotify Playlists*

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Some of the recent excellent Spotify playlist submissions on this site – particular shout-outs to some of the efforts on the “Tunes of 2015” thread, and of course Martin’s superb 50 year playlist in the “My Life’s Work” thread – have got me thinking.

A lot of us use Spotify. It’s virtually impossible to make proper use of Spotify without compiling playlists, lots and lots of luvverly playlists. Playlists are shareable and a good way to find out what other people have been listening to/discover unheard gems. People on this site are extremely nosy and also love new music, so long as it was recorded prior to 1973.

I am therefore proposing this thread as a dumping ground for your best playlists. Whack the URL in here, and let’s have a Spotify-orgy the likes of which would make Caligula want to avoid future eye contact.

I’ll start us off. Below is my household’s all-purpose playlist. It’s called “The Kitchen Sink”, because it’s about 600 tunes deep, and because – uh – it gets played in the Kitchen a lot. The idea is to only include songs which are easy on the ear/unlikely to agitate our guests – all the really » Continue Reading.

Dave Grohl Lets a Fan Play the Drums

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Does exactly what it say on the tin.

Grohl, perched atop his throne o’guitars, spots a fan in the audience holding up a sign saying “It’s my birthday, can I play drums?”, stops the gig, invites him onstage and has him thump the skins through “Big Me”.

The Afterword responds with either swooning or vomiting, depending on how you feel about Grohl at this stage. The kid does look jazzed though.

Best Tracks of 2015 (so far)

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We’re just past the halfway point. We’ve already done the albums. What are your tracks of the year so far?

Here are mine to start us off. In no particular order….

1. My Baby Don’t Understand Me – Natalie Prass 2. Should Have Known Better – Sufjan Stevens 3. Vertical – Vessels 4. Prisoner 1 & 2 – Lupe Fiasco 5. Divine – Laura Marling 6. Obvs – Jamie xx 7. Holding On – Julio Bashmore 8. i – Kendrick Lamar (down, tigger, down) 9. White Out – No Spill Blood 10. Think – Kaleida 11. Mount The Air – The Unthanks 12. Ruckus – Stand High Patrol 13. Chateau Lobby #4 – Father John Misty 14. What’s Normal Anyway – Miguel

While I’m here, the new Miguel album (Wildheart) has some really superb stuff on it. “What’s Normal Anyway” is the centre-piece, but I’m also really digging “waves”. Definitely worth checking out for anyone who enjoyed the Frank Ocean album a couple of years back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6y29iozHZ0

Great day in the morning, people

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As if the imminent collapse of FIFA wasn’t enough, I have just managed to resolve an incredibly thorny and long-standing work issue which no one gave me any hope of succeeding with.

It has involved dozens of delicate phone calls, a lot of salesmanship and a good deal of careful diplomacy, but finally – finally – I have reached the promised land. This matter shall darken my desk NO MORE.

Below is some footage of me in the office this afternoon, celebrating the win.

Apologies for the bragpost, but I needed to share this joyful event with someone, and I’m playing it cool in front of my colleagues.

Anyone else got any mundane triumphs to share?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ffs3w_IFQE

The future of video games

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We had a good blog post on here the other day about the games people are playing at the moment. However, I increasingly find that, when I think about the gaming industry, what excites me isn’t the game I’m playing right now, but rather the revolution that’s right around the corner.

The development in games over the last decade or so has seen some really interesting innovations: motion control, the adoption of widespread online gaming via console, the boom in MMOs, the rise of Minecraft as an educational tool, the development of the mobile games market, live-streaming, etc. Often I find myself looking at the industry as it currently stands and quietly lamenting the hundreds of hours I sank into Treasure Island Dizzy on the ZX Spectrum – oh, to be ten years old right now.

So, what are the innovations which are going to make the games of 2015 look old hat?

First and foremost: virtual reality. Once the preserve of Neil Stephenson novels and over-excited editorial pieces in Zero magazine, we are now – finally – on the cusp of a proper VR revolution. A range of consumer devices from giant players like Sony, Microsoft, Facebook and » Continue Reading.

The Crappest Bands of All Time

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Very simple premise: who are the worst bands ever to grace the stage?

Let’s leave aside one hit wonders and novelty acts. I’m talking groups who at one time had a reasonable following, but who nonetheless comprehensively suck donkey balls. Bands who are so poor that not even amongst the Massive, those perpetual champions of the musical underdog, can they find a defender or champion.

They may be bands who get mentioned on here all the time (ahem). They may be bands on whom you feel the spotlight of scorn is too infrequently shone. They may be U2. It’s entirely up to you.

I’ll start us off: Dashboard fucking Confessional.

The year is 2003: Dashboard Confessional, an indie vehicle for emo singer-songrwriter Chris Carrabba sit at number 2 on the Billboard charts with their appallingly named third album: “A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar”. They are in the process of recording “Vindicated”, the song which will play over the closing credits of Spider Man 2. They are, by most measures, a “very big deal”.

“Dashboard”, as they are known to their legion of fans, peddle strummy acoustic chant-a-alongs with self-consciously poetic lyrics, usually about break ups. To this » Continue Reading.