The dog has eaten my shorts & I need a replacement pair. They must be roomy in this weather, preferably with a waistline that can vary between 34 and 36 inches without any strain. One essential is that they must look sexy with Adidas slides (pure slovenliness) and white socks (to help reflect the heat from my white, hairless lower legs).
Any suggestions?
That get up sounds like pure sex on a stick in any weather, so I don’t think you need worry on that account.
Thanks, Gatz. I had noticed that, since turning sixty, I seem invisible to the fairer sex.
Happened to me when I turned 14.
I always reference mine. Swim shorts. Below the knee length jobs are the cosy choice of Neo Liberals, and this is the funny bit, their arch enemies, so, swim shorts. You’re worth it.
Shorts are a problem these days. I can’t be seen in those One Direction tight ones with slight turn ups and equally I’m not fond of cargo shorts.
What’s a boy to do?
I feel your pain brother.
Look sexy? Can’t fault your ambition, pal.
Have you seen my knees????
Yes. I won’t ask how they got like that.
No man over the age of four (apart from David Niven) should be allowed to wear shorts in public.
(And don’t cite Brexit etc. as an excuse.) 😉
Round where I live, it’s an obligatory uniform for the retired male in all weathers and not all of them are retired postmen, for whom it really is part of the uniform. During the winter and when it’s raining, Walking boots are allowed. Which reminds me, I need a pair of them too.
So footballers must wear long trousers?
Can’t say I disagree strongly. I’m not entirely sure they should even take the field without a trilby.
Where I live its 30degC all year round and so shorts are obligatory. I don’t look like David Niven but I don’t care.
M&S cargo shorts or Uniqlo – sorted.
https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/men/bottoms/shorts
I purchased some black Hugo Boss ones from John Lewis. I have short legs and generally avoid shorts cos they make me look, err, shorter. These don’t, they are ace and I look tremendous in them.
Hugo Boss? They must be expensive.
Escher, you are The Afterword’s resident graphic artist. Where’s the picture?
You didn’t specify a price range 😉 I have bought plenty of cheap shorts and they all look terrible on me.
And I think you are thinking of Mr. Grey Area for graphics. I could post a photo but I’m wary of online stalking you see.
My apologies. Your nom de plume conjures up an image in my head. I’ve no idea why. Besides £35 for Hugo Boss is boss.
Your description just brought to mind an image of Mr Gumby from Monty Python!
HP’s eyes hurt, Tigger’s brain hurts, what part of me hurts, eh readers?
Your wallet?
Mr B got a smashing pair of white trendy ones from H&M for under a tenner. V nice with a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat. You could probably add some matching driving gloves to complete the ensemble.
An Adidas man bag would complete the look.
I think it’s safe to say that the idea of this is making us all pretty moist.
I have a straw hat and plenty of driving gloves already. Does that help?
I got some nice ones made by Winchester but bought them in France so possibly no help.
I got a nice pair in Winchester, made in China.
Who’s Winchester?
For us who live in parts where hot summers are the norm, Rohan is your friend. And as for you Tigger, trainers and white socks – jeez is you reel?
Rohan you say? I’ll look them up.
Slides aren’t trainers. They are sandals that you slide your feet into. It’s what the kids call them.
Sandals and Socks? Beware of the Style Police, they are particularly unforgiving, things may turn unpleasant
Slides = Slip ons
Oui ?
These things:
https://www.schuh.co.uk/womens/adidas-adilette-slide-black-and-white-sandals/1790007260/?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Shopping%20adidas&utm_term=4578503862524436&utm_content=adidas
Just imagine the white, ankle socks matching them a treat!
Inspired to browse on the internet by reading all the comments above, I found myself of the Asos website (an emporium favoured by Miss Pajp) and came across (but not in *that* sense) these:
http://www.asos.com/asos/asos-design-festival-megging-shorts-in-mesh/prd/10052725?clr=black&SearchQuery=&cid=7078&gridcolumn=1&gridrow=2&gridsize=4&pge=1&pgesize=72&totalstyles=1239
Have you ever seen such a thing? Hey, Tiggs, they’d certain take the gaze away from you white leg, white socks and sliders combo.
Wow! Megging shorts? A sight to behold indeed.
Post-Red Dwarf “meg” is too close to “smeg” and I wouldn’t want any smegging shorts!
(What is “megging” anyway?)
Man leggings.
Ah! Thanks.
Like Malvolio’s yellow stockings, cross gartered.
There’s nothing new under the sun.
There’s nothing new under the shorts, either.
I’m guessing mesh legging.
I get my shorts at the local clothes market. I have maybe a dozen pairs, all about a quid or a couple each. Cut-off jeans (“jorts”), purpose-built jean shorts, Arrow up-market casuals, hi-tech trekking things, print surf shorts … I got ’em. Nobody gives a shit what you wear out here, which is great. You don’t get judged by your shorts. It’s hot, wear shorts. You Brits over-think everything. Except major political decisions.
Good to see on another thread that you still wear socks.
I say reclaim the older man buttock, for too long the object(s) of ridicule. A nice leather, or PVC if funds can’t stretch, thong is just the job in this heat, altho’ avoid sitting on leather (or PVC if funds don’t stretch) to avoid those attention attracting sucking sounds as you stand.
Yuk!
Bloody Germans.
My buttocks remain very firm, thank you very much. In fact, they are probably my finest feature. They are way better than my face.
Ever had them felt in public, Tig? You might want to write a blog piece about it and get a few people upset.
I do yes. Only by men, though. They have better taste in dance music in those clubs.
i frequent either army disposals or tradie stores.
Presumably you have equivalents.
Amply proportioned, durable and shit loads of pockets.
You don’t fool me, Don Estelle.
-Comment about tight white trousers redacted-
As I mature, I have become fussier about my shorts. Now I aim for a cut that finishes an inch or two above the knee. I avoid pockets on the leg and I look for a slimmer cut.
Footwear is important though. I can’t be doing socks and sliders. If I’m wearing socks it’s because I’m wearing a shoe. Pale legs and feet colour up nicely if you don’t wear socks. You can buy comfortable flip flops but they will cost a bit more.
I’m a activity sandal guy, the ones with nice padded straps and a rubbery gripping sole. Perfect for walking, sensational for cycling and they last decades. Mine came from Messers Clarks. An ancestor of these I think…
https://www.clarks.co.uk/c/Brixby-Shore/p/26131549
Decathlon do a good range at decent prices and the service is excellent.
I have a busy shopping day ahead of me tomorrow afternoon.
Suggestions
Don’t go for the look I saw today.
1) Long shorts (if you get my drift) slung low.
2) Pair of brown leather shoes with grey socks.
The two combined leaving approximately a gap of one inch on each leg ‘highlighting’ the owner’s milk-bottle appendages.
On the plus side, those not quite shorts / not quite trouser things which reached the wearer’s mid-calf and gave adult men the bodily dimensions of a monstrously swollen toddler seemed to have died a welcome death.
Sadly not in the midlands. Fuck, I hate them trousers and those that wear ’em.