I’m really sorry.
I think you were pipped in the swimwear round.
I know, I know, you must be heartbroken. But if I could just…have the crown back…? Moose? Please? The crown? Moose, give me the cr- yes, keep the flowers, just give me the crown. Give. Me. That. *nnngghh* CROWN!
Security!
I happened to be watching a report on this this morning (in a hospital waiting room, honest). I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so tragic as a woman who has just been crowned Miss Universe having the crown ceremoniously removed from her head. Not that I approve of beauty contests or anything, oh goodness me no.
“Not that I approve of beauty contests” –
And yet here you are on the Afterword, cheeky.
And yet, and yet. Who cares about Miss Universe anyway? Until now. Now I’m not saying it’s a genius, if unspeakably cruel , marketing trick but it’s done the job.
Miss Columbia? I bet the agents are scurrying around her, seizing an opportunity. I’m already picturing her in a ad (for anything) that goes – ‘Disappointed? No, not me. Not when I know I can rely on my …(insert product here).
“Insert product here”
hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Would it be any consolation to know that there are multiple universes and he got it right in most of the others..?
Fair point.
Notwithstanding which, I think he’s probably knackered his chances for the Miss Multiverse gig.
Hardest job in the world, this presenting lark.
No!
I am the one who is kind to animals and wants to bring peace to all the people of the world, you old trollop!
The OP has yet to inform us just who Miss Afterword 2015 is…
Ooh, holding me to account, excellent – thank the Lord for citizen journalism.
Well, clearly, if it’s not Moose then the only other stand-out* candidate is…oh is that some cake? *wanders off*
This so-called Miss Universe contest is a con if you ask me. No contestants from any planets other than Earth even bothered to show up. I reckon it’s a fix.
Bit like the so-called World Series, only ever played in and won by the USA
To be fair, that one’s named after a newspaper, rather than the planet.
Intergalactic racialism, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s a fact not widely known that Professor Stephen Hawking is the organiser of the Miss Universe contest. The Cambridge-based boff famously hosted a party for time travellers for which he issued invitations after the event (reasoning if time travel were feasible his guests would turn up on the night)*.
He has applied the same reasoning to this universally open beauty contest as a means of establishing whether we are alone in the universe. Not looking good, so far..
(*I can verify there are other reasons why one might be left, tout seul, nibbling the pineapple and cheese cubes off the cocktail sticks under the rented disco ball, such as being a primo grade Nerdlinger..)
Issued invitations AFTER the event????!!!! Hah, and they say the GIRLS are air-heads!!
Isn’t the most likely explanation that the Miss Universe judges have repeatedly demonstrated a cultural bias towards the human female form, year after year, pageant after pageant?
My guess is that the aliens have taken a look and either decided that their five dimensional heads and tendency to vomit anti-matter will kibosh their chances of making a competitive run at the trophy or, in the case of all the shape shifting species, they’ve simply taken on the appearance of beautiful earthling women and entered incognito.
I’m amazed the Guardian haven’t written a strongly worded editorial about the prevailing spirit of Gaia-bias which looms over the whole contest. It’s probably only a matter of time.
Beingists!!!
Hang on, I’ve been unfair to the Guardian. How can they be expected to turn their cleansing gaze to the beauty pageantry circuit when there are actual, ongoing atrocities being perpetrated out there of the scale of Lego’s “cultural exclusion” of the disabled?
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/dec/22/lego-mini-figure-disability-toy-disabled-children
My favourite part of this article about Lego not representing disabled people is where the author acknowledges, tucked away in the eleventh paragraph, that Lego do represent disabled people, but, without even pausing for a full stop, explains that they represent the wrong kind of disabled people.
The person who wrote the article should be forced to dance barefoot on a carpet of discarded Lego blocks.
What a let-down!
Turns out the line “Why do you never see a Lego mini-figure with a disability?” wasn’t the tee-up for a fantastic Xmas cracker gag!
They’re small, crude figures, made out of plastic, with cartoon faces. If that isn’t a disability, what is?
Blatter?
I think we should be told.