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An Inadequate Attempt To Put Feelings Into Words.

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My beloved wife Donna passed away on the morning of September 8th 2015. It was the morning of our Silver Wedding Anniversary. During the few short weeks from Donna falling seriously ill to her death the support and kindness Donna and I received from friends was both humbling and a source of much needed emotional and practical help. Mike Hull and his wonderful wife Heather visited Donna in hospital on her birthday. Jolean and Doods are kindness personified as is Tiggerlion all of whom visited my my lass during those dark terrible days.
In the days and weeks since I lost my cariad so many friends have been and continue to be so immensely caring and shown such generosity of spirit towards me that it takes my breath away and leaves me touched beyond words.
Many have taken the time to telephone me. Lando, Ruby Blue, Minibreakfast, DFB, Whole Hogg, Lenny Law, The Baron, Distracted Dan, Skylarkingmatt, Drakeygirl, El Toro, El Hombre Malo to name just a few.
Many more have sent emails and cards. Carolina, Ianess, Steven C… The list goes on and on.
Friends have sent me whisky and wine. Lenny Law and Springer Bell have sent me books. Tiggerlion has given me CDs.
Good folk have visited me or taken me out to lunch. Mike and Heather Hull, El Toro, Steve T, The Baron, Phil Polley. Skylarkingmatt came to stay with me for a couple of days. Doods and Jolean have fed me and taken me to the cinema.
Bless each and everyone of you.
Yesterday DFB called to pick me up to travel to Chester so we could spend the afternoon in the splendid company of Steve T, The Baron, Beany, Vince Black and Mike H. Before we left my flat he handed me a clutch of Christmas cards including a rather special one from :-
Paul and Marina Waring.
Hannah and Si.
Gavin Hogg.
Steven C.
Adrian Specs.
Fat Man Jez.
Ruby Blue.
Matt and Trish Savine.
John Adams.
Dr. Volume.
Drakeygirl.
El Hombre Malo.
Leedsboy.
Twang.
And of course DFB himself.
These wonderful friends have all contributed to purchasing for me a magnificent studio easel and a supply of top notch drawing paper. It is no exaggeration to say that I am completely overwhelmed by this touching act of friendship. You’ve all made me cry…a lot. Including on the bus home last night!
I don’t know what I have done to deserve such amazing friends but I want all of you to know that I am eternally grateful to each and everyone of you for your friendship. I know that my lass felt exactly the same way, she voiced as much to me many, many times.
It is an honour to call you all my/our friends.
Thank you each and everyone of you for all your many kindnesses.
You are amazing!
My profound apologies to anyone I have not mentioned by name, There is just so many blimmin’ many of you!
I wish you all a very, very joyful and peaceful Christmas.
Peter XX

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Comments

  1. “I don’t know what I have done to deserve such amazing friends..”
    What you’ve done, and what you continue to do, is to be a lovely, kind, interesting, funny and all-round brilliant chap, P. It’s no wonder you’re so well regarded. Glad you had a good day.

    Gizakiss. xxxxx

  2. The only untrue word in this magnificent post is the word ‘inadequate’ in the title. You are a true gent, and all the love you have inspired has been richly deserved.

  6. Much love P. What is inadequate is one’s ability to help friends in such circumstances, especially when they are a long way off and life gets in the way of doing more. As I said to my beloved Mrs. T after she lost her Mum, based on my experience of losing my Dad, you never get over it, but in time (a fucking looong time) you kind of get used to it. xx

  7. BTW the whip round for the Easel n stuff was conducted with friends of P’s on FB to keep it a secret surprise otherwise I’m sure many of you here would have liked to chip in.

    Just in case you think it’s only a clique thing. Bloody heavy that paper, easel was light as a feather in comparison

  8. Of course I echo the above sentiments. I have never met you ( or indeed anyone on here, I’m not very sociable and a bit shy believe it or not!) but you are one of what I call one of the the good guys and I enjoy your posts and love when you share your wonderful artworks.

    I hope the the Christmas period is peaceful and not to difficult.

    Take care.

  10. I was very sad to hear of your wife’s passing. You’ve experienced a great deal of loss in recent years, yet you remain kind and compassionate, and that is one of reasons why you’re such a valued member of this community x

      • …with which sentiments, I would like to associate myself…I have become semi-detached from the site recently, and your posts are one of the joys which pull me back…you are in my thoughts & prayers and I hope that up-coming hoop-la is not too hard…

  11. Peter,

    Although abroad, I think of you often.

    The beautiful work of art you did for me earlier this year is now viewed every day, as it has been moved into the lounge, where it catches the natural light too…

    Best x

  12. Not enough information. Stop beating about the bush ya shy barmpot and spill the beans.

    Anyone who knows what me & P are like when we get together will understanding the joshing we get up to. Despite looking MUCH older than me Peter is just the younger of us. His taste in music is pretty narrow so I have made it my quest to educate him in the ways of soffisticated stuff. Hence my aim to drag him around the Chester charity shops once winter recedes. Feel free to join us and enjoy a few pints in Telford’s. It really was a pleasant afternoon yesterday with marvellous folks.

    I learned a little bit about P’s history with Donna a few month’s back. A time before The Word and all the Mingles they attended. I would certainly like to know more if he ever feels like sharing. He really is a romantic old goat at heart. I recall that Paris figures in their journey. I suspect his musical knowledge also includes some derring-do along the way.

  15. You get to know individuals on this site over the years, a limited kind of relationship admittedly, but it means something nevertheless, we are real people with our own ups and downs of course. I like many others have been aware of your difficult times and recent loss. Any response seems woefully inadequate but I know that any kind word means a lot at such times, so we should make the effort anyway. I am glad you posted this and I am sure you are a fine fellow, which is clearly shown by all the kind acts of friendship you refer to. It’s one part of what this site has achieved – creating new lifelong friendships among those who have met up in the real world. Something I admire and am heartened by even though I’ve not been personally involved. Keep posting.

  17. Peter, as ever, you undersell yourself. You are a magnificent human being and a fabulous artist. Your strength through all this has been phenomenal. I am in awe.

    The love you take is equal to the love you make. You make an awful lot of love.

  20. Hi, sorry we couldn’t be in Chester yesterday. You do undersell yourself, you know. You are wonderful company. You’ve introduced me to some superb music and our house now looks all the better for some of your wonderful art. I’m grateful to The Word and this website for a friendship that wouldn’t otherwise have existed. Hopefully we can sort out a get together very soon.

  24. I’ve not been participating here very much of late and wasn’t aware of the tragic news until now. I’m so dreadfully sorry for your loss sir and can only hope that your friends on this group will continue to be able to give some comfort.

  27. I also missed this I am so very sorry to hear this awful news. My thoughts are with you. Take care and I’m sure your wonderful friends on here will continue to keep an eye on you. You are a rather fabulous bunch you know.

  29. Hi Pencil, you massively underestimate yourself. We all benefit from knowing you and sharing your company. To spend a Sunday afternoon in the company of Afterworders talking bollocks about Showaddy Waddy amongst other things was a pure joy. We should do it more often and best wishes to one and all.

    • Bollocks? Did you miss the bit where we agreed to hire a charabanc to go see the mighty ‘Waddy the next time they come to a venue anywhere near the north west. Blue suede shoes ahoy!

  32. Lovely Peter. I just got home, got myself summat to eat (Jan’s out with friends – much needed, as her Mum is poorly- and settled down to read the day’s postings. Cue cold Shepherd’s Pie, warm tears and a bit of a glow. When Donna passed away, we were just so sad. So sad that it happened so quickly, denying you a few more months together. As with so many relationships these days, we’ve never met but your beautiful painting lights up our little house and your spirit shines out of it.

    You are truly loved and all of us on here are truly blessed to have you in our lives, whether physically, or in spirit.

    Much love to you,

    Niall & Jan x

  34. Only know you thru’ speaking on the odd, (very odd really), podcast or 2, and you sound as the pics from aged mingles show: straightforward and what you print on the label. What label? The honesty and openness you print here. Wish I had your candour and grit.
    More power, more folk-jazz fusion.
    Happy solstice

  36. Pencil,

    I read those gut wrenching posts on Facebook as you chronicled the ebbing of Donna’s life ,and the grief riven binge fuelled posts afterwards, and I hoped like fuck that you had a support network to help you get through.

    Clearly you have ,and the fact that you are able to publicly thank people and talk about stuff tells me that you are working through things.

    Great work all round.

  37. Inadequate, get away with yourself. To misquote Clarence from It’s a wonderful life, a man can consider himself a success with friends, or something like that. All the best for the future and hope your memories of your life together keeps you strong.

  38. A wonderful post, Peter. It’s really moving to read about the fantastic support your friends here have been giving you during this darkest of years. As always, you express it all so lucidly and candidly.

    And there I was thinking they were just a bunch of curmudgeons who wanted nothing but to whinge about Steely Dan or the Beatles. I got that very wrong. When it came to the crunch, they really rallied round.

    I’ve never met you but one day maybe I will? I feel I should drag my sprogs to the north-west on a pilgrimage.

    “This, kids, is the mighty Pencilsqueezer. Observe and marvel!”

    Hmm. Not a bad idea. I could include Stonehenge, Hadrian’s Wall and the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt in the BM on the same itinerary.

    I’ll get my coat. But before I do, here’s wishing you a Merry Xmas!

  39. As has been said above, Peter you are gent whose honesty and emotion are an education and fine example to many. The day you spent a couple of weeks ago showing me around Chester, was a joy (despite the drizzle and dodging damp Christmas shoppers) as you spoke so fondly of art, your home town, music and of course Donna. It couldn’t have been easy.

    Stay strong friend.

    Phil & Lucy x

  48. Very saddened to hear that, Peter – I had no idea. I add my condolences and good wishes to everyone else’s.

    That’s a beautiful, generous, and very uplifting message of thanks to those people on here who’ve been supporting you. Much credit to them too.

    I hope you continue to accept support.

    Keep going chum.

    Jx

  49. Bloody hell Peter how do I follow all of that? You can never doubt the love and admiration you have deservedly received. I am proud to know you and I feel my life is enhanced by that knowing. Oh, who the hell am I? Well this is the first post in my new guise, I will reveal all later, I just wanted to say something because I haven`t been on here since the weekend.

    You have carried yourself with great dignity through the tragedy of recent months, Peter you are a good man and a great artist. As I post this message I am looking at your painting on the opposite wall, I will post a picture once I fathom out how to do it.

    Peace and love mate, X.

  51. I’ve just had a v quick look here & cannot believe the news of your devastating loss- I had literally no idea until this moment. I’m so sorry to hear about this, Pencil. And I feel so shocked…

    I remember that photo of Donna that you posted a couple of years ago, where she is stood looking intense & graceful in front of a mirror/ mantlepiece. That’s what I’m thinking about now.

    So sorry for your loss. Andielou xxxx

  52. We’ve never met, Peter (if I may be so bold), as I’m a bit of latecomer to the Word, and only an occasional contributor, despite looking in almost every day (generally preferring to leave it to those few hundred who knock my knowledge and wordsmithery into a cocked hat) but the below quote is possibly the most fabulous thing I’ve ever seen anyone write about one of their friends.

    “You are a magnificent human being and a fabulous artist. Your strength through all this has been phenomenal. I am in awe. The love you take is equal to the love you make. You make an awful lot of love.”

    Niallb’s post isn’t bad, either.

    You’re clearly the kind of man I wish my 8 year old grandson becomes, and that I wish I was. As others have said, I can do very little of any practical use to you, but I absolutely wish you every good thing, and we are indeed all rooting for you.

  54. I had no idea of your loss, Peter. You’ve spoken eloquently to all of us here with your original post, just as you’ve always spoken to us through your paintings.
    The number of posts here, and their sincere messages, should leave you in no doubt as to the love and support there is for you at this place. I hope that that can at least be some form of solace in these difficult times.

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