But mainly advice. Unsolicited advice. Why do people give it?
I have been suffering from a back problem for a year or so. I started dealing with it, as I always would, as a muscular problem, treated by sports physio – a qualified sports physio. But it has proved to be something other than a muscular problem, as I have found by talking to medically qualified professionals, whose advice, informed by years of training and experience, I have followed. At times it is evident to the naked eye that I am in pain, or am not walking or standing correctly, but even when it is not, I am candid when asked ‘How are you?’ by acknowledging that I’m not well. Mistake!
What is it with people that they think they are somehow uniquely qualified to advise on matters medical, further that I have some obligation to put their advice into practice? If I took all of this advice in equal proportion, my day would not start until I had completed hours of stretches and exercises; I would simultaneously be applying hot and cold packs; I would be in the sea; I would be in fresh water; I would doubtless do exercises that worked against each other and some would almost certainly do harm, given the specific condition that I have.
There’s the generalists. They’re the ones who have instantly diagnosed your specific problem and decided that it can be treated with their advice because, of course, all back problems are the same – the same symptoms and the same causes. Therefore, every treatment that they, their ex or their Auntie Maud has employed is also perfect, nay essential, and will have not have been thought about before by any professional practitioners that I may have consulted.
Then there’s the new agers. Yeah, thanks for the lecture on big pharma, but tiger balm is not going to realign my spine. And surely it is time for Half Man Half Biscuit to skewer the smug enlightenment of those who worship at the altar of Pilates.
The ones who really get me are the miserabilists. I’ve seen them pop up consistently through the years. They are usually couch potatoes who have to justify their inactivity. So, they decide that the root of your problem is that sport in which you have achieved success or that activity which brings you joy, or better still I should resign from the job that they know I love doing. Hey, why not take out my mental health at the same time? So Mr Unqualified, I will not be taking your advice to stop cycling, that pastime that keeps my weight and blood pressure down and keeps up my stamina and smile, not least because no medical person has ever suggested it is anything but highly beneficial.
Doubtless, I am putting a big ‘curmudgeon’ target on my back. This is the way these kind people have of expressing concern and support. How dare I spurn this? BUT I DIDN’T FECKING ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE. I have been suffering from this problem for ages and I have one hell of an incentive to get better. Do you really think I have never heard of every last osteo, chiro, stretch, exercise that you suggest?
Maybe the real purpose of all this unsolicited advice is to teach me to play the English game; next time someone asks how you are, just lie and tell them that you’re fine. No-one is really interested in how you are, after all.
Advice? It’s all talk.
You can get some ointment for that, Chesh… (ducks quickly)
Arf
Is not the problem with backs that most of the time diagnosis of what has gone wrong is mighty difficult? In my case this lead to the usual rounds of hospital physio, sports physio, acupuncture, being gently massaged by dusky-skinned (“Stop right there!” ed). Eventually I found what works for me – no picking up heavy loads, hot shower after gardening and speed-walking instead of running).
All this confusion leads to every fellow-sufferer becoming an expert only too ready to suggest “Have you tried…?”. Highly annoying but highly inevitable.
For years, I used to suffer from chronic lower back pain, sometimes sending me into spasm, so that any movement at all was agony. It hit me in the street once or twice, and I could do nothing but lie down on the pavement, grimacing and sweating, while concerned citizenry avoided me for the drug addict in withdrawal I clearly was. I was hospitalised once, and the learned opinion after staring at X-rays was “fuck knows.” I tried massage, physio, painkillers, mild exercise … nuthin’. Then I got divorced, and the pain never returned. So my advice, if you’re married and suffer back pain, is …
Spasms was it? Sorry old son, could have sworn you were doing the Watusi.
The Twist.
*waits*
El
Dorado
Take this, brother
May it serve you well
Sedentary then less aedentary or different chairs after divorce possibly HP. Or no more rooting, or recommencement of rooting after divorce?
Is that on an outtake?
It’s on the fiftieth anniversary edition – the demo version on disc four.
Stop shaking you silly goose!
…Ya!
Open up the tired eyes.
Have you tried a fucking big needle at the base of your neck? (No, me neither, but I can, if you like, next time our paths cross, give it a go) Alternatively, how about a large Octomore?
Backs? It strikes me nobody knows bugger all about ‘em, especially the surgeons…..
Octomore? Wasn’t he in Masters of the Universe?
He was the womble that put his back out picking up empty Um Bongo boxes.
Oof! I like island and coastal whiskies, and Islay whiskies most of all. I never thought I’d find a whisky that was too peaty for me…then I tried Octomore. Going back to regular Bruichladdich pdq…
I have. Prolapsed vertebrae at shoulder height caused by incorrect adjustment of crutches after an ankle op. I’ve a numb area just up the arm from my thumb where the nerve died.
Cue lots of “dunno about your problem, but mine was shocking etc” posts.
Is back pain the male equivalent of mothers bragging about how long they were in labour?
More generally, why is everyone these days constantly wanting you to feel sorry for them?
Have you considered the simple expedient of telling people to shut the fuck up?
Oh I say.
Believe me, I have! But I used up this summer’s allocation of ‘Shut the fuck up’ with some conversationalists on the third row at Warwick Folk Festival. They did, mind.
I had some problems with my back and firstly went to a chiropractor who, not to put too fine a point on it, was absolutely fucking useless and charged me £40 for every 10 minute session (there were 4). I gave up and went to a sports physio who spent 45 minutes with me for each session and was £35.00. She was superb and fixed my problem in 3 sessions. There are some charlatans out there that’s for sure.
I had chronic neck pain so I went to a chiropractor a friend recommended. I haven’t looked back since.
Arf!
“Oh, you’re diabetic? Have ytou tried turmeric or cinnamnon? My sister did xxxx and it cured her.”
“You can’t eat that”
“You look too healthy to be diabetic”
“Only kids get that”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that. I hate needles”
“Don’t you grow out of that”
All the reasons I only tell the people I need to.
I understand that keeping a nutmeg grater in your coal bunker will relieve the “rheumatics”…
That sounds like a euphemism for something uniquely terrible.
Ah…that might explain why it hasn’t worked for me, to date…
Sounds awful, both the back pain, and the unsolicited advice. I have a younger colleague who suffers with back pain, such that only half days in front of the computer are now possible. Like her, I hope you get relief through the professionals you seek out.
I can kind of understand the urge to ‘problem solve’ , even when unhelpful and unasked for, (it’s kind of in the same category as mansplaining, isn’t it?), but I was taught long ago that sympathy and a listening ear are far better approaches.
Using a walking stick and having a pronounced limp (L I M P. pronounced limp * Spike Milligan) makes my condition quite visible.
I have to explain that my problem is neurological not mechanical and that it won’t get better.
Apart from turmeric etc, cupping has been suggested.
I also have sciatica in my other leg, I’ve had two operations but still get pain in it. I’d visited a chiropractor for it, “you just need one more session, then it’ll be sorted” heard that a few times so I gave up. A neighbour had visited him too, exactly the same was said to him. He gave up too.
“Cupping”? *puzzled look*
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupping_therapy
There y’go
That looks even more erotic than I imagined.
Cupping? Is that like spooning but involving bigger volumes?
I have heard tell of the cupping of breasts (man boobs?) but I can’t see how that would help.
I fail to see how cupping anything would benefit the cuppee, even while it might be gratifying for the cupper.
I’m surprised with you, Moose. It’s all about the giving and receiving pleasure. A spoonee is more than capable of enjoying being spooned. Especially if Hejira is playing in the background. Why not the cuppee?
Tigs is stirring it, Moosey. Don’t you pay him no mind.
What else do you do with a cup and spoon, then?
I meant benefit in the sense of relieving back pain. As for the rest I suppose I’ve never been cupped, although someone from the RSC threw a mug at me once.
While I’m here, I would find Hejira most unsuitable for the use to which you notoriously put it. For me the urge to indulge in air-bass would be distracting. Coitus interruptus Pastorius.
Got to be better than Coitus Interruptus Pistorius.
Chiropraxis is quackery of the highest stripe. Avoid them, they are charlatans to a man.
Chiropraxis is a pretty good track by Alphonse Mouzon..
Probably
I know an ex drummer turned osteopath. If I wanted to wind him up I would introduce the word chiropractor to the conversation.
Back pain doesn’t seem to be a one size fits all thing. I’ve been to different chiropractors in the last 20 years or so but only the McTimoney ones have really helped, despite other people having had good results at places that have done nothing for me. I go every two months to get re aligned and being straight seems to stop the major problems I used to regularly get. £50 well spent, others may disagree.
My advice?
Least said, soonest mended.
You realise that by making this comment, you’re delaying his recovery?
It’s an odd thing, the urge to give advice. I play in an over-50s cricket team. About half of the players in the squad suffer from hamstring problems of varying severity. Quite a few of them offer advice to others on a regular basis – no-one ever listens. It’s usually obvious that they’re not listening too. So why would anyone carry on trying to give advice? Especially when the advice is clearly not helping the advisor. The most vocal know-all is the one who has suffered hamstring problems for probably 20 years and has signally failed to solve them. He’s the last person anyone in their right mind should listen to if they want to know how to avoid long-term hamstring problems.
There’s another angle to this that I find curious. I have hamstring and back problems and have the same experiences as @thecheshirecat when it comes to receiving unsolicited advice about how to manage them. However, I also have some heart issues and, if I mention them, the most likely response is along the lines of, “I hope you’re seeing a specialist.” Why is it that people understand that cardiology is a specialism and not a suitable subject for lay advice while thinking that orthopaedics is a field in which any Herbert without even a GCSE in Combined Science can practise?
“I hope you’re seeing a specialist”
“No, I’m just letting it try to sort itself out, what with me being an absolute fuckwit”
Orthopaedics is basically carpentry. Never, ever let an Orthopaedic surgeon near your back, certainly not with a knife, let alone a hammer and chisel. If you really must have a back operation, make sure it’s carried out by a Neurosurgeon.
The day before my Dad collapsed into my arms in the hallway of our family home the GP had called to run the rule over him. Donna and I had become increasingly worried about him in the preceding days as he was even to our untrained eyes becoming most unwell so we asked the GP to call. I was present in my parents bedroom as the GP examined him. Despite how my Dad looked and despite my obvious concern he proclaimed that my Dad was in fact in fine fettle and that perhaps some Gaviscon might help to soothe him. My Dad died the next day from a massive heart attack. To this day I don’t understand how Gaviscon could conceivable be thought to be helpful to a dying man with heart problems. The GP left practice shortly thereafter. We don’t know why.
When my wife was dying I was given a piece of crystal for her to hold by a “well meaning” individual who went on to explain to me that modern medicine was all wrong and that Big Pharma and my wife’s bad life decisions were responsible for her plight and that this piece of rock would cure her, would take away the accumulation of evil that my wife had brought upon herself by not leading a pure and wholesome life.
The only reason that “well meaning” individual was not immediately punched by me was that she was a woman and an acquaintance. I haven’t talked to her since that day and I never will.
I try to avoid giving advice nowadays. I even avoid as much as possible giving an opinion anymore unless it’s just for laughs. I mean what the hell do I know.
What the hell do you know? A lot, PS. Your light touch guidance was much appreciated when I was trying my ‘Image Resolution’ one sketch a day project for all of 2014.
He knows art, he knows music, he knows headphones. Wot he dunt kno int wurf knowin.
We had a bit of that, Mr P. On one occasion, M’s response was “my husband’s a pharmacist – I’ll call him over and you can tell him why the crystals work better than the chemo”. Exit stout party, mumbling “hello trees, hello sky”…
Much as I like him, I very much hope Mrs M’s brother predeceases her as he believes in and preaches no end of anti-scientific mumbo-jumbo, and any interference of that kind will cause me to blow my bloody stack.
Actually I probably want everyone to predecease Mrs Moose but I accept that’s not realistic.
Withholding the passage of opinion? Where have I heard that before? Oh, yes…Fripp during the recording of Red.
I read in the book “Men are from Mars! Women are from Venus!” that men are conditioned to solve problems and fix things. So when a man is presented with a problem, he will offer his best reckon on the spot in the hope that this sorts the problem out. Thing is, if you just want to have a nice therapeutic whinge to a man – they will often quickly suggest a solution, which is missing the point of the therapeutic whinge. Listening and empathy is the thing that’s lacking.
My theory is that men cause problems on purpose so that they can fix them. Good planning and foresight is never rewarded – but stepping up in a crisis is a different story.
A man is more likely to overcome a lion with his bare hands than a woman – but the woman would probably not have pitched a tent in the middle of the Serengeti in the first place.
I think you are just as likely to find men who will do all they can to avoid fixing things. My experience is that women step up and often do a better job. In the past their self esteem was not so high having been brought up to believe their capabilities were limited. Now things have got better in that regard.
“I think you are just as likely to find men who will do all they can to avoid fixing things”= you rang? I’m a perfect storm of laziness and incompetence. I pretend that the latter is strategic to stop me being asked to do things. It isn’t.
A woman will certainly step up in a crisis, because women are basically practical beings. All too often a man will thoughtlessly rush in first, brushing her aside, and make the situation worse.
All this man/woman generalising stuff is nonsense. It’s always been nonsense. Just because it’s man’s turn to get the short end of the shrift doesn’t make it less nonsensical.
That’s exactly what a massive MAN would say!
Hmmm…that doesn’t sound right.
Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars, Pop Psychology is from Uranus
© Private Eye cartoon circa 1998
“How come we get the planet with all the monsters?”
Homer Simpson
“Who would have thought you could create a cat bed from a washing-up bowl, design a doll’s house from an old shoe box or make a flower pot from a margarine tub – all on live television!”
Valerie Singleton
WWJCS?*
*What would Judith Chalmers Say
Probably something along the lines of: “We became engulfed by the thousands of fireflies that danced around in the steamy mist that radiates off of the ground because of the humidity”, I’d guess.
More like “Pink Lady! *hic* Another waiter, please!”
What’s wrong with the first waiter?
Judith used him up. Needs a fresh one now.
Ah, but I find women just as likely to hand out the unsolicited advice. One dear, dear friend, with whom I had been making social arrangements actually from my hospital bed, was bewildered that I hadn’t let her know where I was until we met up a couple of days later. ‘But I could have given you lots of help!’ Her husband quietly caught my eye in acknowledgement.
Social arrangements and husbands acknowledgements are seldom seen in the same para. Have you considered this may have some bearing on your ailments. Like the size of your car?
Well, they are only trying to help, I think it’s a basic decent human thing to do. My lower back pain has improved since I stopped keeping my wallet in my back pocket, so give that a go 😉
Sorry about your pain
What a splendid title for a thread! After an appearance of brou-haha, balderdash, and bally-hoo in another. *does business with effect pedals, sounds a bit like an elephant*.
I know my audience.
This seems timely
https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2022-08-22/chronic-back-pain-therapy-relief-sensorimotor-retraining/101320090
I also read the other day (can’t remember where) that a lot of the ergonomic, don’t slouch, sit up straight stuff that is drummed into us office workers, doesn’t particularly prevent back pain or problems. This doesn’t surprise me, there’s always been a bit of snake oil about of the stuff they peddle. I’ve tried loads of things over the years, with three vertical mice sitting in a drawer somewhere (I had one on each side for a while, alternating between the two), and now use a small lightweight mouse that’s far more comfortable. The only ergonomic thing I like these days is a sit-stand desk, and it’s one we rescued from a skip.
Not sure I ‘worship at the altar of Pilates’, but I do it regularly and found it’s had the most impact on my back problems, and strength in general. I visit the chiropractor far less than I used to.
“ three vertical mice sitting in a drawer somewhere ”
I have a rather odd picture in my head now, which may not reflect the reality of the situation…
I’m thinking about the beginning of Bagpuss.
Have you tried the new exercise fad from the West Indies? It’s all the rage, with its tri-cornered hats and parrots. It’s called … (wait for it) …
Pilates of the Caribbean!
I’ll get my coat.
Seriously, that sucks. Not only are you suffering from the physical problem, but people are adding stress to it, if we’ll intentioned.
I’ve been tee-total for nie on 20 years. I used to get quite irritated by people asking for the reasons I don’t drink. The reasons happen to be quite personal, I don’t really want to discuss it, but it’s always an issue for others for some reason.
I developed a defence mechanism that works almost all the time – diffuse the situation with humour. I now reply that “It’s because of an allergic reaction, after only six or seven pints I start feeling all disoriented and sick.” Usually people pause for a second and then start laughing, and go on to something else, and any tentions evaporate.
I wonder if you can adopt a similar tactic?
I don’t think people should ask why you don’t drink any more than people ask why you don’t have children (though people ask that and all)
Or why you wear your underpants outside your trousers. People are just rude and nosey.
The cape”s none of your business either. Yeah, it’s me mam’s tablecloth. What of it?
I do a fitness routine just once a year on Good Friday. It combines elements of boxercise and pilates – Punches Pilates.
Attack a man while he’s washing his hands, would you?
The demographic of the taproom of my local is self-employed tradesmen supporting rural / agricultural businesses. It was the first Saturday in weeks that I had been able to call in – half of them had already heard that I was in a wheelchair (I’m not; I cycled there, as usual). It was striking how many of us, regardless of age, had chronic back problems, some quite severe, or other industrial injuries like deafness or ‘white finger’. I was the only one there who would get sick pay. Dare I say that follows years of light touch health and safety inspections? Old tractors with 1970s seats bumping over farmland; repeated use of firearms; handballing heavy loads off trailers, that kind of thing.
Still, bleedin’ elf and safety, eh?