‘m concerned about this little man called Jeffrey. He has a problem with his identity, which seems to be existentially affected by minor administrative activities affecting some lorry drivers traversing the Irish Sea. Naturally, the only way he could reasonably address this identity crisis was by collapsing the entirety of regional government. Let’s hope he gets well soon. Here’s ‘Jeffrey’s Identity’, a calypso to this stalwart of democracy.
Oh, won’t you help me with Jeffrey’s identity
He’s so confused he don’t know who he’s meant to be
He got upset about this line down the Irish Sea
It blew his mind and he collapsed the Assembly
He’s gone to sulk with his friends in the DUP
Oh, why can’t things just be like they used to be?
Tie up the swings like it’s 1953
What was so wrong with state-sponsored bigotry?
A little man with no connection to reality
He doesn’t seem to see the disparity
With the Democratic Unionist hypocrisy
And its lack of accepting democracy
He lies awake under his union jack eiderdown
He thinks of England – England thinks he’s a clown
He goes on TV and he tries to be sinister
He just can’t deal with being Deputy First Minister
Don’t want to play so you took your ball away
Grow up – we’ve had enough of your holidays
Schools and hospitals, the cost of living
It looks to me it’s not a damn that you’re giving
We’ve heard enough about Jeffrey’s identity
Who cares if drivers sign some papers in the Irish Sea?
Life goes on – it doesn’t matter to you and me
You voted Brexit, what else did you expect to see?