I’ve lost focus on this. Can anyone summarise the current status and suggest when a full version may become widely available please?
The Only Serving Prime Minister Ever Interviewed Under Police Caution is still shiftily bumbling and smirking about with the front door key to No 10 in his ill-fitting suit pocket.
Thanks in a.
Moose the Mooche says
Nazanin’s free and we’re at war. Rejoice, you traitorous swine.
Beezer says
He does seem to be Peter Perrigrew-ing his way through. The rat is slinking about keeping himself in the quiet space between walls.
Moose the Mooche says
@Beezer you’ll enjoy this.
I’m reading Against Nature by Huysmans (‘rich French twat ponces about’ – that’s my summary) and suddenly I get this:
Elsewhere there was a reference to a woman having nipples like red peppers. Being thick I don’t know if it’s meant to be funny, but it is.
Beezer says
By the Wallace of Greenslade! Reading French literature? April in Paris, you’re no Char-lie…
Moose the Mooche says
…it was sent to me in the plain brown wrappers with the “continental art studies”
Beezer says
How many knob gags in it?
Moose the Mooche says
About three so far… mind you I wrote them in myself. In crayon.
Funnily enough the whole premise of the book is that he fucks off to the suburbs to be away from everyone because he can’t get it up any more. And also Grytpype won’t let him have his teeth back.
Beezer says
The swine. Let me know when he goes ‘Owwww.’
Moose the Mooche says
He’d be going owwww If I saw him, the snooty get.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Huysmans! Moose here giving us a tantalising glimpse of La Vrai Moussé – the languid æsthete wilting into a scented chaise longue; his pale, opium-depleted form draped in costly oriental silks, a velvet fez on his head, a slim volume of Symbolist verse between his fingers. “Hurrrr …” he whispers.
(Try “La Bas”, Moosey – that’s Fr. for “The Bastard”. Fun read.)
Moose the Mooche says
Glad you made time to clear your throat at the top of that post.
And hey – don’t you step on my blue suede carpet.
H.P. Saucecraft says
*Huysmans!* – the *Arsenal!* de nos jours.
Moose the Mooche says
That is your actual phlegmch.
H.P. Saucecraft says
You’re on fire, Moose!
*unzips fly*
Moose the Mooche says
You’re not gonna out any fire with that.
H.P. Saucecraft says
*reels out fire hose from underpants*
(Moose – *faints*)
Alias says
Is that a quote from Keir Starmer? I knew he had changed his mind about calling on Johnson to resign.
Moose the Mooche says
Yes, it’s now “Stay where you are and carry on being shit, if you don’t mind”
Moose the Mooche says
….also the exact instructions I was given by someone from the other team when I was playing in goal in 1983
Blue Boy says
All gone quiet, hasn’t it? It will see the light of day, I’m sure, when the Met finally get round to concluding their investigation. It feels now as if the moment has passed, and he’ll be able to shrug it off, but I wonder. A month ago he seemed dead in the water, now he’s in credit again, at least with the Tories, but I don’t think the underlying questions about him have gone away. And with inflation through the roof, and things not about to get better any time soon, he could still be back in the shit in another month or two.
fentonsteve says
How long was it between the Falklands and Thatcher going?
8 years, apparently. Oh bugger.
Mike_H says
I don’t think it’ll take so long this time. If only because there are a lot more sharpened-up Tory knives this time around and Boris’s back is a much bigger target.
mikethep says
Interesting intervention from Rory Stewart…this was the weekend when BJ was spotted seriously hungover waiting for a plane back.
https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/politics/rory-stewart-revealed-he-was-invited-to-lebedevs-infamous-italian-party-where-there-would-be-girls-and-told-boris-johnson-is-coming-316360/
Moose the Mooche says
He looks hungover all the time these days. The expression “pissholes in snow” often comes to mind.
Biden, Johnson, Putin – they need to be in a ward, not an office.
rotherhithe hack says
It’s taking a ridiculous amount of time for the police to establish whether a number of parties took place and who was involved. I’ve come to believe the investigation was launched simply to obscure the findings of the Gray report until it was deemed safe to sneak them out.
Moose the Mooche says
They’re having trouble finding the evidence in all that long grass.
Alias says
There was a cannabis farm in a terraced house in Norwich which recently got raided. The local paper reported that there had been a stench for several months. A neighbour who reported it to the police was told there was nothing they could do unless he could state which house the smell was coming from. He wasn’t sure which one it was.
You have to wonder what qualifications you need to be a detective.
Moose the Mooche says
According to ITV and BBC1, a bitter divorce and a drink problem.
Jaygee says
You also need to be something of a maverick who doesn’t play by the rules and has a problem with authority
Moose the Mooche says
…that’ll explain all that business of doing gurning selfies with corpses, I suppose
Rigid Digit says
And be on a least 20 Guvs a day
fentonsteve says
And a classic car, and a passion for opera/nosebleed techno.
Jaygee says
“Oy, Digshit, people are ver wuns oo call me, guv, not ve over way rown, you fackin mappet. Now piss orf dan the newsagents’n’bring me twenty harry rags…
Moose the Mooche says
Sarge, ee’s got a shootah!
Alias says
That actually makes sense. If the neighbour can’t work out which house it is. then how is a pissed detective going to be able to?
Moose the Mooche says
….but he also has to be at work long enough to miss his child’s birthday party that he swore he wouldn’t miss.
hubert rawlinson says
They could have sent in Hamish Macbeth I recall he was fond of the old jazz woodbines. He’d have sniffed it out.
Munster says
Earlier this year I thought Johnson would be gone by April, but now realise I was wildly over-optimistic. I would like to think the elections in May will be his undoing but fear I am overestimating the political nous of the average voter. Come a week before the elections and Johnson will assume his Churchillian hunch over the dispatch box in the Commons, talk about how Britain is a world beater (in everything), how he has personally triumphed in the war with Putin and spew out the string of meaningless statistics that prove how his government ‘led the world in the fight against covid’ – and millions will flock to the Tories again. Very depressing.
Jaygee says
What’s even more depressing is how Labour has long since ceased to offer any kind of credible alternative – as shown by how recent OPs are showing that the Tories have regained most of the ground they lost at the start of the year.
Come up with some realistic policies that might win back some or all of the voters – and seats – Corbyn cost them?
No thanks, rather than focus on getting the worst government in living memory out of office, let’s engage in ridiculous claims that men can have cervixes!
If standing up for a supposedly picked-upon minority who has its own pretty impressive track record of picking-on others ain’t playing well now, how do you suppose it’s going to pan out when the next GE rolls around in two years time?
Mike_H says
Just the Council elections in May.
Turnout will be low as usual and no upsets, big or small, expected around here.
We have 36 Borough councillors in 12 Wards, made up of 24 LibDems, 2 Independent Democrats (a LibDem splinter group) and 10 Labour. No Tories on the borough council for years now.
The County Council has been Tory-dominated pretty much since the dawn of time, with a few Labour and Lib-Dem members from the bigger urban areas.
ClemFandango says
No issues with police resource to remove squatters from a obligachs London property it would seem.
Caps on salaries for MPs 2nd jobs have been dropped as well.
Moose the Mooche says
Zelenskyy: This is like 9/11.
Western governments: Great, we’ve got all this bad news to bury.
Jaygee says
Anyone see Peter Brookes’ magnificent cartoon in today’s Times?
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/peter-brookes-times-cartoon-march-17-2022-8ghn3h7ng
Morton Moreland did one on the same issue that was every bit as good a couple of days back
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/morten-morland-times-cartoon-march-15-2022-s8b37w53f
Moose the Mooche says
Wow…. the Times sticking it to both a Tory PM and the Saudis. Funny world we live in.
Jaygee says
Their cartoonists are pretty consistent in giving Bojo the kicking he so richly deserves.
They’re both measurably better than woeful Rowson bloke in the Guardian whose cartoons whose none-more-murky drawing style can’t canceal the fact that his work is neither funny or especially relevant
H.P. Saucecraft says
I think Boris compared Ukraine’s struggle to Brexit yesterday – or did I dream this?
H.P. Saucecraft says
Apparently not –
Moose the Mooche says
Would be impressive if he actually wanted the conservative party liberated from Russia.
Beezer says
Thank you all.
A Nation forgets. A tatty liar belches on.
Tiggerlion says
No. Wait.
Plod has escalated the investigation, despite already having all the evidence they need.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/21/downing-street-parties-met-police-begin-interviewing-witnesses
Might take several more months yet.
Beezer says
Ah. I see the oily turd, The Only Serving Prime Minister Ever Interviewed Under Caution, is acting all shifty again now that the first fines are being doled out.
The creep. The moment has been lost. He’s had a chance to not comb his fucking hair and stand at a lectern and burble about Ukraine, with only one bollock about a comparison to Brexit dropped. Nobody whapped a custard pie in his face so he thinks he’s in clover again.
fentonsteve says
You might want to sit down as I have some shocking news… I don’t think our PM always tells the truth.
Rigid Digit says
Eh? Telling porkies. Shirley not.
Jaygee says
Meanwhile, rather than announcing or at least working on policies that might persuade voters to show our current joke of a government the door, Keir S is pontificating on will smith’s punch, wills’n’waity Katie’s car crash Caribbean tour and his old standby, chicks with dicks.
deramdaze says
Did you see the pictures of Fat Boy J. at the memorial service today?
I despair.
Meanwhile, at a pub 99.9% of the population will never ever visit, the third option on the menu is a “Ploughperson’s Lunch” – bigger news apparently.
Jaygee says
@deramdaze
Not sure about before, dd, but that 99.9% certainly won’t be visiting now they’ve
heard about the boozer’s virtue signalling change of menu names.
Alias says
I really wish that Labour politicians (or anyone really) when confronted with questions about things like this from journalists would say something along the lines of, “a pub I’ve never heard of, let alone been in, has changed the name of one of its dishes”, is this really what you, a very well paid political journalist thinks is important to people in this country? Then go on to list the issues that are facing people outside of the Westminster bubble. I’m sure if enough of them do this then there will be fewer questions like that.
Moose the Mooche says
The marketing man who invented Ploughman’s Lunch in the 1960s might well be rolling in his grave, or in a care home I suppose., rolling his own.
Alias says
Or he might well not give a shit.
Moose the Mooche says
…and hundreds of generations of actual ploughmen say, “Do you think after 12 hours in the field I want to see any more fkin lettuce? Get me some proper grub!”
Jaygee says
12 hour shifts before lunch?
You’d think we’d had a particularly callous Tory government for the last decade or something
Jaygee says
And this from the city that gave the world William Wilberforce
Moose the Mooche says
Also….. “Fkin lunch? it’s dinner, you townie twats!”
Jaygee says
As dinner takes place in the middle of the day and our ploughperson had worked for 12 hours, surely this would be more correctly labelled a ploughperson’s tea?
salwarpe says
I suppose Pamela would have to play the yokel these days. Cuh!
fentonsteve says
Well, who could have predicted this? Serial liar caught by the Fuzz.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-61083402
Moose the Mooche says
That’s no way to talk about dishy Rishi.
It seems a long time since he cheered everyone up with his “cunnilingus to help out” scheme or whatever it was called
fentonsteve says
126 Fixed Penalty Notices issued, 53 FPNs issued to 35 men and 73 FPNs to 48 women.
https://news.met.police.uk/news/mets-investigation-into-alleged-breaches-of-covid-regulations-op-hillman-concludes-448148
When, oh when, can Sue Gray finally tell us whether or not the PM is a mendacious sack of shit?
fortuneight says
I read that she can now issue the report and will do so before the next recess. I understand that had she issued it earlier, it could have enabled those fined to claim prejudice of process, or something similar, m’lud.
Rigid Digit says
“Within weeks. Maybe even early next week” … apparently.
Once all the redactions have been made obviuosly
Moose the Mooche says
It’s not being redacted, in fact it’s being extended. Steven Wilson’s done a 5.1 and it’s coming out on a Bolly-coloured vinly.
Black Celebration says
I think the Sue Gray report will have that rumoured photo of Johnson and Gove playing naked Twister and also that footage of staff and senior ministers pissing on a photo of Prince Philip on the day of his funeral.
The PM and the Mail and the Express will chuckle with incredulity and say that this is not something ordinary people are interested in. Keir Starmer will be exposed as a liar because he wrote to Jim’ll Fix It and Angela Rayner’s head will photoshopped onto a page 3 girl in the Sun under the Headline “This is the kind of filth a Labour Government plans to put into the school curriculum”.
Beezer says
Ach, it’s too late now. The hot ire has faded. His mendacity and the actuality of being a serving Prime Minister with a legal judgement against him has been allowed to persist for too long.
The report could reveal him as Heisenberg from Breaking Bad and he’ll still be allowed to bluster and booster until every last one of us has succumbed to cannibalism due to the cost of living.
Beezer says
It seems ITV News have obtained 4 photos of a scruffy arsehole necking plonk at a Downing Street party during lockdown
A party he told Parliament didn’t happen. God it’s relentless.
Moose the Mooche says
Before you said Downing street I was thinking those immortal words; “Bless my cotton socks I’m in the news….”
Black Celebration says
Quite rightly he is furious that No 10 staff broke the rules during lockdown and while he was tirelessly working, partied around him several times, and had the temerity to do it in his presence. The PM was too busy concentrating on the job to notice what someone had given him to drink or eat.! Also important to note that he did not LEAD the conga train…he was swept into it while working tirelessly on Britain’s COVID response. He was also under the impression that the communal Oops Upside Your Head rowing dances were merely lockdown exercises.
chiz says
He generously volunteered to clear up the large amount of icing sugar that had carelessly been spilled on a mirror using the only items available to him at the time, a rolled-up Tenner and his nose.
hubert rawlinson says
As johnson said about working from home “My experience of working from home is you spend an awful lot of time making another cup of coffee and then, you know, getting up, walking very slowly to the fridge, hacking off a small piece of cheese, then walking very slowly back to your laptop and then forgetting what it was you’re doing.”
It doesn’t surprise me he was desperate for something to take him out of his hectic work schedule.
Dave Ross says
Caroline Lucas has just guaranteed she’s got my vote again…
Moose the Mooche says
Oh but he can, and will.
Jackthebiscuit says
Sadly, I think you are right.
It won’t make a shite of difference to him or his supporters.
Bastards.
David Kendal says
Sadly, the dreary pedant in me who reads too much political news has won out, and I must point out that David Cameron came up with this description of Johnson two or three years ago.
Jaygee says
Must admit, I was wondering about the origination of that one.
Looks like Dave Amitri will be moving to Chipping Norton to cast his vote.
Dave Ross says
Mmmm, Caroline and her green chums remain the least worst vote for me. Of course Cameron is an expert in greased piglets….
Jaygee says
Given how blurry everyone looks in that pic of BoJo’s toast (a great thread title if ever there was one!) I’d say he’d swilled a lot more than one glass of wine.
Normally takes me a couple of bottles to achieve similar levels of stociousness.
Moose the Mooche says
He’s basically a pisshead. He always looks horrifically hungover these days.
Not a clear-eyed paragon of virtue like what I am *hic*
Tiggerlion says
I’m trying really hard not to invest so much emotional energy in Partygate. I should be livid about the lack of action on the cost of living crisis, the failure to do anything tangible about climate change, the wrecking of the NHS, education, public transport, housing, benefits system etc, the lack of support for British businesses facing a Brexit nightmare, the botched job of a Northern Ireland backstop, and the disgraceful treatment of ethnic minorities, before venturing my thoughts to problems outside of the Uk. However, having witnessed what people endured during lockdown, I remain most angry about this and my anger has grown the more he has wriggled and squealed and delayed.
Sue Gray called the meeting, Sue Gray may have called the meeting, somebody in number ten’s office called the meeting, that someone turned out to have been instructed by the PM to call the meeting. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss process, not apply pressure, but it may have been mentioned that publication may not be necessary now that everything is in the public domain. The person pointing that out being the boss who commissioned the report and to whom that report is reported to, to decide what action to take, if any.
Aargh! Just fuck right off.
Moose the Mooche says
Bloody hell, things have come to a pretty pass if even the peaceable Tiggster is losing his cool.
fitterstoke says
Good gracious me!
H.P. Saucecraft says
Oh I say.
Tiggerlion says
Can you blame me? The man’s a total arsetrumpet.
Baron Harkonnen says
`kin hell Tiggs why be so polite?
Guiri says
What I’m starting to struggle to understand is *why* the git is so desperate to cling on. We all know he was desperate to be prime minister/world king and thought it was his right. But surely that’s because he thought he could make it all about swanning around the world feeling important, telling jokes, living well, not doing much, not really paying attention and no doubt eating, drinking and shagging.
But, partly (though obviously not completely…) due to events beyond his control the last two years have been one’s which would have taxed a decent man and a good prime minister (of which he’s neither of course and so has made it far far worse). So now he’s in an endless cycle of **** up, deny, admit, kick down road, **** up… Even for him that can’t be fun, and he must find it boring. (Which must be partly why all this was going on in No 10 during lockdown). And at the same time he’s increasingly hated across the spectrum which can’t sit well with him. He’s fun Boris, no?! And even after all this he could no doubt just walk away into the embrace of some rich people who’d shower him with cash for a few one liners at an event.
But some combination of pigheadedness, arrogance, divine right, whatever, keeps him blundering on and throwing increasing numbers of pathetic yes-people under the bus as he goes (maybe he enjoys that) while nothing else gets done. I’d take it if he’d just **** off and bleat from the well-paid sidelines while some grown-ups got on with governing.
Blue Boy says
It is hard to think of any politician who has shinned up the greasy pole and then feels inclinded to voluntarily come off it. Most of us wouldnt be preapred to do what they do to get there, and wouldn’t even want the job anyway. I think that almost by definition anyone who does become prime minister loves it, whether for the status, the power, the future financial benefit, or even maybe becasue they want to do good. I’m sure Johnson believes he was destined to do this job, and he can’t contemplate – yet – not doing it.
Moose the Mooche says
“They don’t put up statues to journalists”. If that’s what he wants, I suggest we take him at his word and give him the Han Solo treatment.
Jaygee says
Rudyard Kipling was a journalist (an exceedingly good one by all accounts)
and has been the subject of several statues
Jaygee says
Like Enoch Powell said in one of his increasingly rare saner moments
“All political careers end in failure”
fentonsteve says
My 50th birthday party was a little over two weeks before Lockdown #1.
Number 10 Lockdown Work Events look like they were more fun.
I must be even more dull than I’d realised.
Moose the Mooche says
The only fun that could be had in Boris Johnson’s presence would involve stocks and rather a lot of rotten fruit.
aging hippy says
Don’t forget the cattle-prod.
Rigid Digit says
My 50th was a couple of months into lockdown 1.0 and it was brilliant. Just me, Mrs D, my parents and daughters socially distanced in the garden as was allowed.
I might be even more of a misanthrope than I realised
chiz says
It’s out!!!
And… Sunak doesn’t need to do his billion-pound lookasquirrell tomorrow after all.
Moose the Mooche says
The chancellor’s statement in full: “I’m not going to be prime minister now, so get it up yers.”
fortuneight says
Fill your boots
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1078404/2022-05-25_FINAL_FINDINGS_OF_SECOND_PERMANENT_SECRETARY_INTO_ALLEGED_GATHERINGS.pdf
Moose the Mooche says
I haven’t read this, but I suspect it will be the Carnival of Light of government reports.
Beezer says
So there we have it. In essence, ‘this man and his mates are a bunch of entitled, incompetent, uncaring slobs. He was at fault’
In he lumbers up to the Despatch Box, a physical mess, and drones out another series of words. His eyes lowered in practised and eminently ersatz contrition.
And he just goes on and on and on. Resolutely determined not to leave his post.
Did we really expect anything more?
fitterstoke says
No.
fentonsteve says
Sadly not. The best we can hope for, unless the PM wakes up tomorrow and realises he is unworthy to hold office, is he’ll be a liability at the next election.
“You lot can’t have a funeral your dead relative, but we can have a piss-up for a departing colleague.”
What a sack of shit.
hubert rawlinson says
Four days after Lee cain’s leaving do I was at a friend’s funeral, in a normal year it would have been packed instead only 12 of us were allowed in, sat socially distanced.
His wife provided food and drink which we all took back to our respective homes, we couldn’t give him a proper send off.
salwarpe says
At heart, he’s vicious. He’ll have to have his fingers plied away from the door handle before they’ll get him out of Downing Street. Nothing will make him resign, and nothing will stop him enabling the asset stripping of the country and maintaining servitude on its workforce.
Black Celebration says
Hey, get this, he’s changing the Ministerial Code to make life easier for him.
Gatz says
I saw that in a tweet by Peston, but Peston did later clarify that the section about deliberately misleading parliament being a resignation offence still stands.
Moose the Mooche says
Andrew Rawnsley, hardly a Maoist, is absolutely seething in today’s Observer:
Just when you think he can’t debase standards in public life any further, this shameless prime minister goes and proves you wrong.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/may/29/boris-johnson-has-vomited-over-standards-in-public-life