Having had a spiritually transformative haircut and managing to dodge the product voodoo (I always tip just in case) I bagged some price reduced Trad Brylcreem from the Squinty Evil Bald Space Fetishist. 250ml for £3.50. Fair enough, under the present hair circumstances, but I’m slightly concerned about my pillow case covers, nocturnal grease wise. In the meantime, I have a small tin of wax. ?
Advice appreciated.
Vulpes Vulpes says
Pluko.
Turtleface says
Couldn’t agree more. When the locks were more luxuriant Pluko/ Black & White was the only choice. Even named a band after it.
Sadly, no longer needed with the No 1 all over
Moose the Mooche says
…..all over? Brave man.
Rob_C says
Thanks. Just googled that. Never heard of it before, and I love the coconut vibe, like 80’s Bodyshop Gel without all the druff and hassle.
davebigpicture says
American Crew Forming Cream (with a green label). A little goes a long way, non greasy. I’ve been using it for years.
https://www.americancrew.com/products/forming-cream
Rob_C says
Cheers Dave, but I could be running extra money with import tax. Otherwise etc.
davebigpicture says
It’s available in the UK
Rob_C says
Thanks Dave.
I’m off to bed now and I’ll google further in the morning.
Rob_C says
American Crew is on the TDs for less than a tenner. I like the look of the black Heavy Hold. I’m really tempted, as I am the Pluko that Vulpes suggested.
GCU Grey Area says
Completely off-thread, but I really like the Audacious Beard Co’s range of products for – err – beards. Soaps, oils and other products. Most of their customers appear to have beards thick enough to ‘hide a badger in’, whereas mine is at the 7-day stubble end of the spectrum. Nice chaps who run it. Splendid.
Rob_C says
I’ve done beard, briefly. Not full on Mountain Man, more flirty goaty, but as you get a bit older/grey etc. I’d love to do that, by the way. Mountains, wolves, guns, snow and cabins.
Slug says
Ever since beards became hip again, the “beard grooming” product market has exploded. One can barely move now in Boots or Superdrug for the oils, creams, washes, tiny little combs and “invigorating, growth encouraging splashes” intended solely for your hairy chin.
My original hippie elder brother, who has sported a quite luxurient beard since 1967, finds the existence of these myriad specialist beard shampoos and softening ungeants both absurd and entirely unnecessary.
GCU Grey Area says
Yebbut, the ones I mentioned upthread smell really nice. In other news, my hairdresser was gobsmacked when she asked what I used on my (formerly blonde) locks, and I said Sainsburys 75p Tea Tree shampoo.
Rob_C says
Tingly! Can be used for erotic bathing entertainment either solo, in tandem or shotgun.
Rob_C says
Don’t get me started on modern ‘hipsters’! They are an utter disgrace, what with their fold up bicycles, extortionate vegan granolas, ridiculous beard and knee length short combos, faux runic tattoos etc. You’d never see them up a mountain with a tabla surfing the astrals and dancing with the Goddess in blissed out tripped transcendent yet immanent eternal now bliss. Twats.
Gatz says
Coconut oil, the same stuff you use in the kitchen, and just the tiny amount that would fit under a short fingernail.
Rob_C says
Not my claw. Not my kitchen.
Gary says
I don’t want Fop, godammit! I’m a Dapper Dan man.
Rob_C says
Quite right too. A man’s gotta stick to his coiffure principles.
Slug says
Lard. Cheap, natural and the birds love it, especially in winter.
hubert rawlinson says
That’s the problem with coconut oil too, I find it attracts blue tits.
Rob_C says
I believe in the 50s butter and soap where regular staples with the rockers.
yorkio says
Some strategically placed antimacassars sound like they might be in order.
Rob_C says
I’ve got some large black plastic sheeting in the shed but that might give off a creepy potential serial killer vibe if used in my bedchamber.
yorkio says
Only if you leave your duct tape on the nightstand.
Rob_C says
“Honestly, Penelope! It’s an Oast House! It’s meant to have hooks in the ceiling!”
Freddy Steady says
@rob-c
That just made me snort out loud on the staff room on my early lunch!
retropath2 says
The sweat of small children is free of unpleasant pheromones, and is easily accessed from orphanages.
Moose the Mooche says
Workhouses, surely. Them treadmills won’t turn themselves, you ungrateful warmints.
Gary says
I don’t actually use a pomade myself, as I’m blessed with a naturally luxuriant coiffure, but my pool boy Enrico tells me he uses something called Bukkake. He always looks very well groomed, albeit a little fetid.
Rob_C says
I’m not luxuriant deficient Gary dear boy, but my hair is very exuberant in a thick but fine way, so when I rock a short cut as I am doing now, it tends to sit flat on top and not do a lot so some product stimulation is necessary to quiff up.
mikethep says
I am confuse. Isn’t the point of getting a short haircut not having to mess about with all this stuff?
I know that when I’ve been to my local barbers (no hairdressers for me, thank you) and said, ‘No.3 all over and don’t forget the ears,’ I don’t have to give the barnet another thought for at least a month. Apart from washing it, obvs.
Rob_C says
I don’t do cropping Mike. That’s the key issue. There has to be style, and for that daily application has to applied and maintained, otherwise I would have a very weird short bowl cut and look like a demmick.
pencilsqueezer says
On the contrary old fruit my dome is completely devoid of follicles but I regularly buff it up to a high shine by anointing it with ethically sourced Sri Lankan coconut oil.
The same magical substance when combed through my ever so boho goatee makes it softer to the touch than an angora bunny’s butt.
Rob_C says
Well, that’s an entirely different groove altogether, Pencil dear heart. A barren bonce can look exquisitely cool if tended to properly. I always imagined if the Man In The Moon was true, we’d be gazing up in awe at a waxing Yul Bryner (SWIDT?). The matching goatee gives you 100% cosmic beat grooviness. If I manage to grift, I mean crowdfund enough sponds to open my Cosmic Hepcat & Hipchick Salon in Bhutan, I would love you to be Chief Stylist, heck even just manage the whole show for me! 50/50, dig?
pencilsqueezer says
I can dig that.
I can do camp.
Rob_C says
Man hug time! *Jigs and sings ‘awopbobagroovemopahotdangdingkersplatzkerspliztkerchungchangching, baby!’*
I wish I could ‘do’ camping, I really do, but alas, 4 star without en suite is camping enough for me, dear boy.
mikethep says
Well I bristle slightly (SWIDT?) at the suggestion that there is no style involved in a No.3, but there you go. You’re both clearly better men than I am, Bungedit Din.
Rob_C says
I don’t mean to be follically finnicky Mikeypoos old thing, but surely a chap has to have more than just one number involved in order to fashion a fully flowing groove rather than that of a bail hostel dwelling recidivist?
mikethep says
Tell that to my old mate Sean Connery. You won’t be in the least interested to know that I was inspired by this thread to go out and get myself a No.3 (having had a No.2 earlier boom boom) and am now sleekly slinking through the aether like a man at peace with the world.
Rob_C says
Shleekly Shlinking? Pah! You got me! I typed straight into it you baldy-ish blaggard!
Kaisfatdad says
Big, bushy, beards, bursting with badgers and beavers, have become SO hip.
But they come in rather handy if you want to join a shanty band.
Rob_C says
For the love of Shiva, just look at the gimp of them.
Boneshaker says
I went to school with a kid who swore his Mum used this in his hair. Leaves no grease marks, and creates a lovely crisp parting. Cheap as, er, chips….
Rob_C says
I do not believe that is completely an urban myth that some rather dim sorts put cooking oil on before sunbathing.
Mike_H says
You’d smell somewhat like a chipshop with your locks doused with Spry.
Essex girls would go mad for it! You’d have to fight ’em off with a stick!
Rob_C says
You never get a saveloy up north.
Moose the Mooche says
Be not faint of heart – put wheels on it.
It’ll take a while, but they do have a use-by date of 2088AD.
Vulpes Vulpes says
Seriously, Rob, this stuff is the absolute best, and it has a lovely distinctive smell of its own. I have curly brown (and now with added grey) hair that has a mind of its own; this pomade tames it wonderfully.
Rob_C says
Cheers Vulpes. It’s on the Tax Dodgers and not expensive. The reviews are good as well. I need something with a firm hold for styling on top. I find that Brylcreem is really only suitable for sides. Flattening and sweeping back. I’m going to give Pluko a try. There’s a whole fascinating world of Pomade out there.
Rob_C says
Just a thought. A few years ago I had some spray in Australian Berry and the problem was I kept getting hassled by horny bees wanting to pollinate my head. Aroma can be a potential problem.
Vulpes Vulpes says
No such issue with good ol’ Black & White. Wasps, bees, hornets and flying ants all give me a miss. The ladies like the smell though…
Rob_C says
Hmm….!
hubert rawlinson says
Chip fat and natural oils worked well all those years ago.
Gary says
Is that Nana Mouskouri?
Rob_C says
If it’s not Hubes, I’d say a meaty John Cale. Off the smack and working out.
fitterstoke says
Rocking a Man vibe there, I think – like a cross between Clive John and Phil Ryan, in their early ‘70s pomp…
Rob_C says
I like your groove Fitter. I got up yesterday rocking a shoulder length centre parted mane a la 1972, and this morning I’m rocking a salt and pepper jazz James Dean with an added spike, so I’m now vibrating somewhere between 1954 and 1976-ish.
Rob_C says
I believe that’s really your good self, Hubes dear heart. Very handsome and stylish! If I was older now but younger then and dangled my rod the other side of the ley line, baby…..
IanP says
In my misguided youth when I was going for the young Elvis look I favoured Murray’s Superior Pomade or Nu Nile. Nice tins, too.
Rob_C says
I’ll check it out. Thanks!
Moose the Mooche says
I tame my hair with hypnotism.
My hair is quite an adventure. When I first approach the mirror of a morn, I don’t know if will be flattened as a corn circle or standing on end like quills upon the fretful porpentine. The best things in life are free.
Rob_C says
Does he or doesn’t he use Ectoplaz ?
Leedsboy says
This is good and it smells nice.
Bed Head by Tigi Manipulator Hair Styling Texture Paste for Firm Hold 57 g https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0015PGFQW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_EDJNSTD412RZXM4R30GC?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Rob_C says
I am loathe to admit it, but that’s given me a right old truncheon.
Moose the Mooche says
…’.ellllllo, ‘ello, ‘ello!
Rob_C says
Tigi Coiffed Cops In Heat. Forget this highfalutin nonsense and follow the carpentry, son.
Moose the Mooche says
Hoi was proceedin’ along the road to Henlightenment in han heasterly direction…
hubert rawlinson says
…..passing Letsby Avenue.
Rob_C says
“OPEN UP! NOW!”
Hmm.
Your Honour, the defendant’s pomeranian does not possess a small step ladder, nor indeed tiny dog stilts. I suggest that PC Spon is in fact, a serial letterbox ham wand fetishist, and I would go even further to suggest that if the defendant housed, say…. a lurcher, or perhaps an Irish wolfhound, that this matter would not have come before the bench and would have therefore been settled rather amicably, including Miguel. He’s been off his biscuits for a fortnight.
Moose the Mooche says
I fear Magna Carta died in vain.
Leedsboy says
It’s made my week that I’ve given you a ‘right old truncheon’. It’s been a while…
Rob_C says
Well I was beginning to worry. I’m 53 you know.
Leedsboy says
Oooooohhhhh – young man…
Rob_C says
That’s done it. Again. It really has, and it bloody well hurts! I involuntarily just gave myself a right old bash against the bottom of the wooden breakfast tray. I’ll have to very….CAREFULLY…. lube the injured area with arnica gel now.
retropath2 says
Aha, the old tray surfing downstairs trick! You youngsters and your wacky antics!
Rob_C says
You may mock, but this current unfortunate appendage bruisifaction is nearly as painful as when I fractured a rib doing my Mick Jagger impersonation for a lady friend in my bedchamber. The hessian rug wooshed across the pine floor and sent me careering into the the oak bedstead.
Leedsboy says
I hope you didn’t spill any yoghurt.
Rob_C says
There was morrocan hummus and tarasalomata all over my gorgeous psychedelic William Morris-esque matching duvet and pillow set, I’ll have you know!
Leedsboy says
You need a pitta bed.
Rob_C says
I love tucking into a warm moist fully stuffed pitta.
Rob_C says
This reminds me of when I got into a furiously heated one sided confrontation with a Western Bhuddist.
“D’yer want some, mush?! D’yer like Ashram Food?! Fancy a knuckle ciabbatta, son?!”
I then attempted to nut him but unfortunately the belt of my kaftan got caught up in a ceremonail gong and I ended up knocking myself spark out on a statue of Avalokitesvara, the Buddha Of Compassion, instead.
Moose the Mooche says
With a lettuce counterpane.
Kaisfatdad says
I thought of you early this morning, Rob, when I went to do the family washing at the communal washroom. There’s a corner where people leave books they’ve finished with for others to take, and there on the table was sheet music for the Tull
As a crazy baldhead, what fascinated me most as the Medusa-like, follicle freak out.
Famus baldies of the 60s and 70s? The Mekon and Telly Savalas.. Not many more.
Rob_C says
Leerdammer Drapes. Slightly nutty and ever so frisky!
Rob_C says
Wow, that’s positively wonderful in its time travelling kitsche grotesqueness, but I won’t take it personally, Kaisftdude. You do seem to spend a curious amount of time lurking around in cavernous underground washeterias. What has it got in its laundry baskets-s-s-s-s, my precious?
Rob_C says
ps: Yul Bryner!