Scalextric was the best toy ever. Even though your mum (and girls in general) pronounced it Scalextrix and kept stepping on the track. Here’s why:
– Exciting thrills! You could spin your car off at hairpin bends, sending it hurtling into the (imaginary) crowd of orphans on their big day out, and live to tell the tale! And you could have real races, with overtaking and pit stops and chicane chicanery!
– Sensory overload! The smell of the overheating throttle in your sweaty hand. The acrid stink of a burnt-out motor. The fireworks of sparks as the brushes crossed. The powerful whine of tiny electric motors as your car shot over the joins in the track. The feel of the track sections – sort of tarmaccy, never quite consistent – as you snapped them together. The taste of the … the … actually Scalextric didn’t taste too great.
– Total flexibility! Bored with that oval with a lump in it? Dismantle and reassemble in a thrilling figure-of-eight! Get your mate to bring his set round and spend most of the day creating a track that spread to every corner of the front room, snaking under furniture! Cushions for hills!
– Upgradeable! The best way to spend your pocket money! New, more powerful cars! Hump-back bridges! Curve extensions for drifting on outside lanes! Hay bales!
Scalextric, almost alone amongst toys, had the capability of keeping you occupied for an entire afternoon. If you were rich, you could have night racing with real lights, like my pal Steve. It was colourful and exciting and fun and exciting. Above all, though, it was exciting. You really felt you were in that car as it sped around the track.
Meanwhile, Subbuteo …
I never got into Subbuteo. I tried, buying a team because I liked their shirts and being vilified by the Subbuteo Community because they were a third division bunch. Very appropriate, as I discovered, for my third division flicking skills. Really, though – flicking? The tiny footballers were stuck to a (relatively) huge hemispherical base. So much for realism. And you flicked them at the ball, which was (relatively) the size of a small family car. The goalie was on a stick that you moved through the back of the net, I think. The whole thing was dull and listless and about as exciting as stamp collecting.
In a recent survey, it was found that boys who played Scalextrix went on to be:
– Porn stars
– F1 drivers
– Rock stars
– Astronauts
– Explorers
– First division footballers
While boys who preferred Subbuteo grew up to be:
– Accountants
– Homeless
– Yewtree implicated
– Prime Ministers
– Eighties pop acts
– Newsagents
I think this lends some authority to my argument that Subbuteo players were a bunch of nerdy, malodorous wretches, and that Scalextric players were brave, dashing, noble individualists. Which were you?
ruff-diamond says
My brother and I never had Scalextric – we had the one where if you released the trigger the car it would switch to the next lane, theoretically allowing for OVERTAKING!! In reality, of course, all it meant was that either a) your car would switch over to the next lane and stop altogether, or b) you would just slow down, allowing your opponents car to disappear into the middle distance.
Still – look at this guy’s Scalextric layout!
Rigid Digit says
Alternative Scalextric:
TCR (Total Control Racing)
In some ways it was better – it had an air of middle-class snobishness about it (“Everyone has Scalextric. I will have the more expensive option and then lord it over them”)
The thrills of the racing were equal of Scalextric (if on a slightly smaller scale), and one could never cease to be amazed how the cars changed lanes.
POn the downside, no other so had one, so you couldn’t indulge in the making a bigger track scenario, and the cars and additional track parts were either non-existent or hellishly expensive.
The other problem with Scalextric was that it It was a dodgy transformer, again and again (a dodgy transformer that cost 3 Pounds 10)
H.P. Saucecraft says
Can we have some more info on your Scalectric substitute? Who made it, where, etc.?
ruff-diamond says
I think it was called TCR (Total Control Racing):
H.P. Saucecraft says
Useful history of Scalextric:
Hawkfall says
I was playing Subbutteo once when my cat walked onto the pitch, sniffed the ball, and then walked off again. I reckon if she were a dog she would’ve eaten it, no questions asked.
Do any Afterworders have “My pet choked on my toys and had to be taken t the vet” stories?
mikethep says
No, but I do have a “My VHS choked on a Cindy tennis racket inserted there by my daughter” story. Whoops, I’ve just told it.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I’m not going to be the one to point out it’s spelled “Sindy”. Not catching me out there, Mike!
davebigpicture says
No but I do have a “kitten ate a condom (Frank Oz voice: soiled)” story. It reappeared a couple of days later hanging out of its backside and had to be pulled out. Sorry if I put you off your Sunday morning breakfast.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Not at all. Why don’t you tell us the story?
Hawkfall says
Does anyone remember Subbutteo Rugby? It had a strange contraption to emulate scrums where you would place the ball into a plastic dome and then it would spit it out in a random direction. For some reason it never caught on.
I remember the Spitting Image book in the 80s had a Subbutteo Table Swimming mock advert (“Flick to Swim!”)
dai says
Yeah, I had that. Cricket too. Sold one set of them on eBay for 150 quid!
Baron Counterpane says
Yeah, I had that. It came with “Wales” and “Ireland” coloured teams and you could theoretically play either League or Yawnion. Can’t remember there being much difference between the two though.
Back to the footie version, does anyone else remember there being a second design of figure? I think it may have been from a pack of two models dedicated taking a corner?
Also, there was that useless spring-loaded-taking-a-throw-in figure whose arms invariably snapped off.
What I mostly loved about Subbuteo was the catalogue that came with the base set. As I recall it told you the line ups for the 1966 World Cup Final and had a listing of the available teams by shirt and shorts colour and which clubs they could be used to represent (first or second strip). I always fancied Palermo (pink shirts black shorts) but ended up with Liverpool and Shrewsbury Town for some reason.
Sewer Robot says
1. There was Subbutteo cricket too..
2. I had Striker which was the one where you pressed down on the player’s head to kick the ball. The mechanism was quite delicate, which meant in anticipation of the modern game, the players would go down injured under any undue pressure. My big bruv used to fix the players, so whenever I think of Striker I get the powerful smell of cheap 1970s glue.
3. What was missing from Scalextric was the head on collision. I had this track for Matchbox cars which you were supposed to arrange in an oval with a “booster” on either side to whizz the cars around the circuit. Well, that was the first day. On day two you put the two boosters on the same track facing one another, put a car in at either end and had the joy of watching them smash into each other at high speed. Matchbox cars really could take a lot of punishment.
4. The tv ad for Subbutteo raised the hairs on the back of my neck (still does, a bit)
I don’t remember a specific exciting ad for Scalextric. If there was one, it certainly didn’t embed in my brain like England v Brazil..
Lodestone of Wrongness says
We spent far more time fixing, mending, repairing the bloody cars than we ever did racing. Usually one car was much faster than the other no matter who was in charge.
Me, Willie Mathers and Drippy John use to have week long Subbutteo World Cups as the summer rains lashed down outside.
I went on to have a long (I mean long) career as a porn star so your research is obviously rubbish.
mikethep says
I’ve managed to get through my life without having much to do with either. I found girls much more satisfying to play with. Until I discovered Brio, of course.
The Actual North says
So while we were applying hummel paint to a tiny man’s pants, you were touching up the ladies?
H.P. Saucecraft says
He went downhill from there, playing piano in a whorehouse at 16, pimping in his early twenties, then human trafficing and arms dealing before ending up a publisher.
mikethep says
Can a man sink any lower? Was all good training though.
mikethep says
Oh I was doing that too…Henry VIII’s beard was a particular high spot.
Black Celebration says
We had Striker, but many more friends had Subbuteo. I think there was one friend who had a set up that was the full Subbuteo monty, floodlights, stands with fans in them – proper teams and a permanent set up on a table in a basement. Striker was more fun though – the goalkeeper sort of dived. The players kicked the ball by pressing down the head that allowed for frequent John Jensen-type thrills where the ball would be propelled skyward at the merest touch.
As for Scalextric – the achievement was to have the cars make it around the bends without coming off. The TV ads (#you can’t be-e-eat Scalextric!#) made out that the cars were going at F1 speed around bends – but that was not the reality.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I spent many enjoyable moments “in the pits”, tuning my cars. Bought special wide wheels and sticky tyres. A rigorous maintenance regime ensured my cars never failed me in GP events, and an eerie skill with the throttle ensured my cars stayed on at the bends, too, often fishtailing out into the opponents path. I hear all this carping about “breakdowns” and “not staying on the track” as the cries of amateurs, franky. Boys who simply didn’t have what it took to take a place at the grid. For them, the random flicking of tiny weebles came as a blessed relief.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Franky? How’d he get in here?
Black Celebration says
No, random flicking as a form of relief came some years later.
Uncle Wheaty says
I had Striker as a Xmas present when I was 10.
Much better than Subbuteo and I have never ventured towards a porn career as a result.
bobness says
Scalextric did have the ability to keep you occupied for a whole afternoon, but mostly mending it. Or retrieving the cars from deep under sofas or the wreckage of a Chianti bottle light smash.
I was a Subbuteo chap, loved it, had an early twenties renaissance, and love the story as to how it got its name. My two best teams were Bishop Auckland (Oxford and Cambridge blue half shirts, black shorts) and Northampton Town away (white shirts with claret and blue trim, brown shorts, socks as shirts). I also had Wales’ iconic 70s red Admiral kit with the yellow piping.
I am, coincidentally, an accountant.
Sewer Robot says
Autocorrect has changed the word “consequently” in your last sentence..
H.P. Saucecraft says
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bobness says
Coincidentally is right, what it did do was miss out the “utterly” that I typed. Honest.
Tiggerlion says
In your derogatory list of things Subbuteo Players grew up to be, you forgot ‘become a member of The Undertones’.
H.P. Saucecraft says
… and “Tiggerlion Of The Afterword”.
Tiggerlion says
When I was a kid, we couldn’t afford such luxury toys. I built things with Meccano and Lego (not together). This was well before Lego took over the world and kicked Maccano’s arse. Now, there’s a cage fight rematch waiting to happen!
H.P. Saucecraft says
I’d go for Lego, especially in its early days, when you didn’t buy a dinosaur kit or a Pirates Of The Whatever kit and you just got bricks. You could build anything from them. Okay, it all looked a bit crap to someone without your imaginative powers, but it was massive fun. Meccano was just too … studious. Lego/pop, Meccano/prog. Brio/”kids’ songs” sung by adults.
Johnny Concheroo says
And of course Meccano were part of the Hornby empire which also made Dinky Toys.
The Meccano magazine ran from 1916 to 1963.
http://i.imgur.com/LZ1oOqj.jpg
MC Escher says
Wow, that very issue of that magazine was in the pile next to the Meccano set in my Grandad’s house in Buxton when I were a bairn. *Proustian rush*
H.P. Saucecraft says
It’s a nightmare – the train – smoking from both ends – skewed diagonally across the tracks. Thank goodness we moved on to diesel, say I.
Neil Jung says
It’s on a crossing.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Why is its arse end on fire, then?
Uncle Wheaty says
Spot on. I loved Meccano as a kid and moved on to Prog.
Johnny Concheroo says
“Meccano” is a clever play on the words “Make and Know”.
Apparently.
H.P. Saucecraft says
No: it was derived from the first prototype model, a single-hulled boat. When asked what it was, the inventor said “it’s me canoe.”
Sniffity says
Wrong – it was invented by a Muslim, who , upon completing the first set, went racing out the door to commence his hajj. His assistant asked what they were going to call this new toy, but was brushed aside with a curt “Mecca now!”
Chrisf says
Time for some HMHB……
badartdog says
Scalextrix AND Subbutteo were prog whilst Striker and Hot Wheels were punk.
badartdog says
Sorry – I can’t spell EPL either.
H.P. Saucecraft says
It’s “LPE”
Pilleus Jr says
Subbuteo rugby and cricket have been mentioned – but doesn’t this rather sum up the Subbuteo ‘brand’ and add unanswerable weight to your position, HP?
Yes, recreate hours of sitting next to a malodorous river catching – if you are lucky – inedible fish, and then throwing them back. Beat that, Formula One!
H.P. Saucecraft says
This has to be an elaborate Photoshop, right down to the tape holding the box together. Or I’m dreaming everything. Either of those possibilities is greater than it being real.
Pilleus Jr says
Incredible, but true.
There’s a Subbuteo tribute site which describes it:
http://www.peter-upton.co.uk/sports.htm
Consider the contrast between the frustrations of Scalextric (car flying off, burn-out etc) with what can raise the blood pressure in Subbuteo Angling:
“And there’s nothing more annoying than losing your hook and float in a tree, or finding those precious maggots have gone mouldy.”
mikethep says
“All the fascination of angling reproduced in your own home.”
That has to be one of the greatest tag lines ever in the history of tag lines.
GCU Grey Area says
These are very collectable, too.
http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t449/GCU_Grey_Area/Sub-disco-1_zpshca9ab1m.jpg
H.P. Saucecraft says
http://i1318.photobucket.com/albums/t642/burtkocain/wankers_zpsp2bwxzuf.jpg
GCU Grey Area says
I think you win.
I was going to do the cover of a bus book – Bristols by H. P Saucecraft, published by Mike Thep, inna Ian Allan-stylee – but I’ve decided to assemble my new bike instead.
H.P. Saucecraft says
“Assemble” your new bike? Is it an Airfix?
GCU Grey Area says
No, but it came flatpack.
H.P. Saucecraft says
You can’t quit now – you’ve started a trending meme hashtag that will go viral.
http://i1318.photobucket.com/albums/t642/burtkocain/acc_zpsmnzuaw1a.jpg
H.P. Saucecraft says
http://i1318.photobucket.com/albums/t642/burtkocain/acc_zpsebkbkwx5.jpg
GCU Grey Area says
I seem to be unable to reply to your reply, so must reply to myself.
http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t449/GCU_Grey_Area/TDF-S-1_zpsqivymxn9.jpg
JustB says
Never had either. Or Striker or Hot Wheels, come to that.
Lego. Star Wars. Transformers. Action Force (later GI Joe).
My parents once got me a Hornby train set for Christmas, which got taken away as a response to some egregious badness or other. I never asked for it back and it’s still in their attic.
H.P. Saucecraft says
It’s probably worth more than their attic, now.
JustB says
If I were a bit older, you might be right. Not sure 1987 counts as vintage in the trainspotter market.
Vulpes Vulpes says
My three-rail Hornby train set is still in a suitcase in my parent’s house too; it was bought for me in 1960, and had been owned briefly by my dad’s mate’s lad, so it’s probably around 1955 vintage. I really must make the effort to retrieve it…
SixDog says
Had Striker, a terrific Hornby 125 train set (blue and yellow livery – these cost a fortune these days and seem to be exclusively marketed to the Daily Mail zip up furry slippers and stairlift demographic) and a Harrier jump jet thing that worked via an overhead wire contraption that took Dad all sort to set up
Askwith says
I Had T.A.F 4-2-4
https://gotnotgot.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/424.jpg?w=640&h=888
http://s208.photobucket.com/user/umberto65/media/P1000497.jpg.html
http://s208.photobucket.com/user/umberto65/media/P1000500.jpg.html
To be honest, everyone was on to the “place the forward at 45 degrees and smack the ball in from the side” trick
H.P. Saucecraft says
… except the England team, apparently.
spider-mans arch enemy says
I’ve got that and loved playing it. Plus the inside of my box lid has been signed by the creator. That’s the games creator – not the other more well known one.
badartdog says
Me and our kid bought that second hand in about ’74. It was called Grand Slam then – odd as that ain’t a footie term is it? We loved it. I’m hoping to find a set for his 50th this year.
Dave Ross says
Sorry but Hot Wheels were the thing. Elaborate tracks, loop the loops, jumps, the finishing gate but most of all the cars. Hours and hours of fun setting up the tracks (in the garden in the summer) racing or jumping over lines of cars. Any shopping trip with mum would be an attempt to get another car the flame marked boxes or packets set my pulse racing like no other toy. Yep, Hot Wheels beats Scalextrix every time……
Vulpes Vulpes says
Plus, one length of Hot Wheels track is exactly the right size and weight to double as a ten-year-old’s broadsword or light sabre for lengthy duels.
H.P. Saucecraft says
After my time, alas. I was rolling joints with one hand by the time Hot Wheels came out.
badartdog says
If I were ever to get a tattoo ( highly unlikely) I would get the Hot Wheels logo on my right bicep. I love that logo.
Vulpes Vulpes says
Here’s the highest form of Scalextric-ness. Look at all the girls these guys attract!
H.P. Saucecraft says
This man is a sad and in many ways lonely man. And he can’t even pronounce the word. It’s SCALEXTRIC, you nonce!
Salty says
Subbuteo over Scalextric for me, and not just because I never had the latter. My Dad took the considered opinion that it was crap and having bought it for my own kids I reckon he was right.
Can remember trying to play Subbuteo and our pet budgie swooping down and running off with the goalposts.
H.P. Saucecraft says
“Can remember trying to play Subbuteo and our pet budgie swooping down and running off with the goalposts.” It takes something like that – an earthquake, a house fire, or a budgie – to make a game of Subbuteo memorable.
Kid Dynamite says
I used to have a lot of earthquakes playing Subbuteo. My friend and I dutifully tried to play it every so often, but it was so boring that by halftime we’d normally decided to waft the pitch sheet up into the air and send the little men flying.
Mind you, Scalextric wasn’t all that either. Round and round the little cars go. Oh look, here they go, going round again in exactly the same way they just did. Yawn. Lego and Star Wars figures was where it was at for me.
Kid Dynamite says
and investigating the genitals of Action Man and Barbie, obviously.
chiz says
My brother and I played Death Subbuteo. It was vaguely influenced by Rollerball. Any player that fell over and didn’t self-righten onto his self-rightening base was deemed to be dead and removed from the game. You could also ‘flick to kick’ directly at opposing players rather than the ball. There was an unwritten rule that you could try and remove your opponent’s remaining players while he wasn’t looking. Games would last about two minutes and often end without any goals and with one man standing. We were quite dark, I suppose.
Scalextric suffered from a poor set up to play ratio. The gap between the hour setting up the track, and the hour trying to repair one of the cars before going up and going downstairs for your tea, was often no more than 10 minutes.
Archie Valparaiso says
Scalecktricks? Su-su-subbuteo? Pfah. I’ve just deaded you all with a flurry of gold-plated plaster peas from my Sekiden gun. LOSERS!
H.P. Saucecraft says
Yes, the Sekiden was the cornerstone of any self-respecting schoolboy. Those gold-painted pellets didn’t last long, though, so it was dried peas for us, which probably hurt more. Kenny Randle (4G) had an actual “Gat” gun (that was the brand) which fired airgun pellets without being an airgun. You stuffed the pellet down the front end of the barrel, pushed in the barrel until it clicked (about half way back), and when you pulled the trigger the barrel sprung forward, “throwing” the pellet out. Didn’t travel far, but by God it stung, earning Randle, K. the respect he deserved.
Archie Valparaiso says
Did you know a rich kid down the road who had a Johnny Seven and refused to let anyone else have a go? Because I suspect everybody knew a rich kid down the road who had a Johnny Seven and refused to let anybody else have a go.
Apart from the trusty Sekiden, I had a die-cast Luger cap gun that probably weighed more than the real thing. Pity my deprived mates, having to make do with their pathetic plastic 007 knock-off Berettas and Walther PPKs, quaking at the mere sight of me attempting to brandish my Luger with two Pelikan-ink-stained hands.
H.P. Saucecraft says
“Did you know a rich kid down the road who had a Johnny Seven and refused to let anyone else have a go?” – Yes
“I had a die-cast Luger cap gun that probably weighed more than the real thing.” – me too. With a (useless) silencer.
Junior Wells says
Given the heavy artillery you 2 had at your disposal why didn’t you heavy the rich kid with the Johnny Seven into letting you have a go?
H.P. Saucecraft says
Actually, those Johnny Sevens were useless. Pathetic. That big red missile barely made it to the end of the barrel.
Twang says
Yep to the rich kid down the road. A year or so later I got a Joe 90 briefcase, I mean a fucking briefcase, which allowed you to take secret photos of inevitably unrecognisable items. Unsurprising give you couldn’t actually aim the camera. I loved my Man from UNCLE set though. Anyone watched the 60s series? I bet it’s worn well. Great cast.
Vulpes Vulpes says
These days ownership of the Joe 90 briefcase would be guaranteed to attract the attention of post-Savile plod.
I still have my U.N.C.L.E. membership card, but I’ve never been able to locate that dry cleaning shop to see if it will actually still get me in past security.
ianess says
God, I loved my Luger cap gun. Black, heavy, beautifully designed. What with their guns, uniforms and bracing ideas, one understands the appeal.
H.P. Saucecraft says
The Luger was much-prized and glamorous. The spiked helmets less so.
Vulpes Vulpes says
We discovered you could uprate the Sekiden considerably by the substitution of the main spring with a much stronger one. My mate Steve demonstrated the efficacy of this mod by shooting himself in the leg. The welt lasted for a week. The trigger mechanism however lasted only the same length of time before the added strain caused a fatal polystyrene fatigue failure.
goodfella says
I got this for Christmas in 1979 after pestering my folks when it was advertised on the telly. Two cars, an American non-descript cop car and a Corvette. Both cars could perform U-turns. I bloody loved it.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Just a thought – where the women at? COME ON GIRLS!! You must have an opinion on this – you have an opinion on everything el- *THWACK*!
minibreakfast says
We’re all in the sparkly new Afterword Spa, sharing a lovely sauna.
Wait, didn’t you get the memo?
Moose the Mooche says
I did. And that steams coming from me.
Hurrrrrr
Black Celebration says
I don’t understand how there’s so many bubbles without anyone switching on the power yet.
Moose the Mooche says
Dude, don’t pop them. That’s all.
Johnny Concheroo says
You don’t know what you’re missing. Come on lads, how many of these can you identify?
My music room, yesterday.
http://i.imgur.com/sQTW2mo.jpg
garyjohn says
how can ever compete with a man who has not one, but two yellow submarines? Respect.
Johnny Concheroo says
Funnily enough, no woman has ever said that to me.
garyjohn says
Wow. Hard to believe.
garyjohn says
Love the Reliant Robin with Nelson Mandela Towers in the background detail incidentally JC.
Johnny Concheroo says
Thanks Gary. Two examples of the Reliant, too btw. One pristine and another with fake dirt .
The Actual North says
And what appears to be a fine E-Type selection too…Bravo!
Vulpes Vulpes says
And a Railton Special. Cool as.
Vulpes Vulpes says
and a Bluebird!
Locust says
I have one of those red micro racers (the shelf underneath the submarines) in front of me by the computer at all times!
Mine’s number 3.
Sewer Robot says
Cripes! Maybe I am growing up. Today I find myself thinking “fabulous collection, beautifully presented”, whereas back in the day all I would want to know is which vehicle would come out on top in a head on collision..
H.P. Saucecraft says
As much as I admire Johnny’s collection, I find there’s something a little creepy about the idea of a grown man (maybe I’m giving him too much credit) trying to keep his childhood alive by displaying toys behind glass. Why can’t he grow up and move on to more adult pursuits, like collecting Hummel figurines? There’s an occupation fit for a man!
mikethep says
I think we’re honest we’d all be like Johnny, were it not for the things that get in the way, eg the domestic authorities, or life. He is indeed blessed.
Johnny Concheroo says
Thanks Mike.
No one has commented on the buses yet, though.
mikethep says
Oh go on then…I see you have a Bristol Lodekka, not in Eastern National colours unfortunately. That and the later front closing doors version were the scene of some of my greatest Southend bus conducting triumphs. Hold very tight please…etc.
Why, here’s a picture! That very bus, that very bus garage, a mere 4 years after I hung up my ticket machine and change bag for ever.
http://i1100.photobucket.com/albums/g401/mikethep/lodekka_zpsq8uhmhdv.jpg
Johnny Concheroo says
Nicely done. I forgot you were a conductor.
I won’t go into the makes here, but all the white/cream buses are Sheffield Transport from the 50s/60s.
Bottom row R-L – London Transport, Sheffield Transport, London Green Line, Liverpool.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Interesting thing about the Lodekka, Mike, was the point of its design and introduction was intended to end the uncomfortable and inconvenient Lowbridge double-deck bus layout, replacing it by lowering the chassis frame and integrating it with the body, Mike, and fitting a drop-centre rear axle, so that there were no steps from the rear entrance platform to the front of the passenger gangway, itself sunk about 10 cm (6 inches) below the seating platforms on the LDX, LD and first five LDLs. A full flat floor was developed on the last LDL, Mike, then used on the LDS and the F series Lodekkas. Bristol Commercial Vehicles, Eastern Coach Works and some of their employees obtained a number of patents relating to the design.
I’ll be preaching to the converted, but Bristol manufactured over 5,200 Lodekkas from 1949 to 1968, as a standard double-deck vehicle for the UK state-owned bus sector. With all examples bodied by Eastern Coach Works in Lowestoft, Mike, they have a traditional half-cab design and a lower floor level allowing a low overall height. The earlier LD-series and the later FL and FS had a rear platform, but the FSF and FLF had a forward (behind the front axle and driver’s position, rather than ‘front’ ahead of the front axle and alongside the driver) entrance. Most were powered by 5 or 6-cylinder Gardner engines, with fewer having a Bristol or Leyland power unit.
You may be surprised to learn that an engineering option was designed to reduce the power loss due to engine radiator fan operation and to increase the heat available for heating of the passengers, Mike! After experiments by Wing-Commander T.R. Cave-Browne-Cave (CBC), Professor of Engineering at Southampton University, a satisfactory design was produced. The ‘CBC’ system involved two small engine radiators being placed above the driver’s cab roof level at the front outer corners of the double deck to give maximum aerodynamic air flow. The engine coolant water was pumped around these instead of the traditional radiator. In cold weather, all or a portion of the air passing through these radiators, was diverted by flaps, the left into the upper saloon and the right to the lower deck. In hot weather, the flaps could be changed by push-pull levers in the driver’s cab roof to divert all the hot air to the outside of the vehicle. The movement of the vehicle was (usually) adequate to cool the engine without the need for a fan or radiator at the traditional position in front of the engine. The traditional ‘radiator’ grille at the front of the vehicle was not required but was retained and blanked off behind. ‘Varivane’ wax capsule operated shutters were fitted in front of the upper radiators to keep the coolant at optimum temperature. There were some disadvantages to the scheme and eventually customers stopped specifying it, Mike.
At the risk of boring people, I should mention that the first prototype vehicle (chassis no. LDX001) was operated by Bristol Tramways & Carriage Company Ltd Ltd who designed and made the chassis at its ‘MCW’ (Motor Constructional Works) which at that time was still an integral part of the company. It was allocated fleet no. LC5000 and registered LHY949. There is a story – now, this’ll make you laugh, Mike! – that the first vehicle originally had two separate propshafts, one to each side rear wheel with the differential at the front of the vehicle. This was soon changed to incorporate the differential into the off-side gear train – a concept still used today by several international bus manufacturers. Cuh.
West Yorkshire Road Car Company had the second prototype Lodekka (chassis no. LDX002), originally fleet number 822 but renumbered DX1 under the April 1954 renumbering scheme, registered JWY712, which operated in the Harrogate area and lacked the distinctively stylish fairing of the production models. This was displayed at the Festival of Britain (South Bank Exhibition) in 1951, as you well know, Mike.
Lodekka users in the UK included: Brighton Hove & District, Bristol, Crosville, Cumberland, Eastern Counties, Eastern National, Hants & Dorset, Lincolnshire Road Car, Red & White Services, Scottish Omnibuses, Southern Vectis, South Wales, Luton & District, Thames Valley & Aldershot, United, United Counties, United Welsh, West Yorkshire Roadcar Co, Western National, Western Welsh, Central SMT and Wilts & Dorset. Whilst no Lodekkas were bought by any London based companies, they often worked into the capital on services operated by Thames Valley and Eastern National.
With the arrival of more modern “OMO” or one person operated buses, such as the Leyland Atlantean and Bristol VRT (the Lodekka’s successor), many Lodekkas found themselves relegated to driver training duties, IMHO. The urgency with which the National Bus Company wanted to convert operations to one man operated double deck vehicles led to the unusual exchange of 91 Lodekkas of the newest FLF type with a similar number of older Bristol VRT (rear engined and front entrance suitable for one man operation) double decks from the stupid cunts at the Scottish Bus Group which was keen to have the more reliable older design. The exchange took place at the Carlisle (Willowholme) depot of Ribble Motor Services. So much for democracy in the free world, eh?
The Bristol Lodekka was also manufactured by Dennis under licence, and was sold as the Dennis Loline. Yes, him, the big nonce. This arrangement was necessary because the Bristol company was prohibited by law from selling its products at the time to anyone other than similar government owned undertakings. The design, though, was attractive to other operators, so this arrangement allowed them to purchase vehicles to the same design.
LOL
Johnny Concheroo says
Fascinating. Do you know any more?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVHbF0jAzMw
H.P. Saucecraft says
I love old buses, me, especially those with an open platform at the back, for swinging off at high speed on corners.
Sewer Robot says
The adoption of the rear engined OMO bus had another unfortunate side effect: it severely curtailed the opportunity for Michael Crawford’s bus-propelled roller skating japes – obviously a huge disappointment for comedy transport stunt fan Johnny C, whose cabinet we can see also celebrates the seminal Morris Minor/cliff scene from the “Frank Goes Over The Edge” episode of Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em..
mikethep says
“Whilst no Lodekkas were bought by any London based companies, they often worked into the capital on services operated by Thames Valley and Eastern National.”
He’s absolutely right, readers!!!! Eastern National route 251 (via Wickford) and 151 (via Basildon) “worked into” Wood Green bus garage. 2 1/2 hrs there and 2 1/2 hours back, with 1/2 hr for tea and wads in between, made a whole shift. Two of those shifts a day on bank holidays was some sweet overtime, quickly converted into stacks of elpees.
Here is a picture of Wood Green garage featuring a later model Lodekka, perhaps even conducted there by your humble correspondent!!!
http://i1100.photobucket.com/albums/g401/mikethep/Lordshiplane2_zps4bdpvlx3.jpg
A little-known fact is that Wood Green garage was the location for On the Buses, and the buses used were in fact Eastern National Lodekkas!!! Thanks for bringing back all those happy memories, @h-p-saucecraft!!!!
H.P. Saucecraft says
The Lodekka looks tough, but was absolutely useless for illegal alighting and whatever the opposite of alighting was. Un? The whole point of public transport was to use it for free – the Lodekka was the harbinger of tougher times, the driver-conductor era, and no fun at all.
Johnny Concheroo says
Just noticed the advert for roll your own tobacco on the side of that Eastern National bus. Ah, I do miss the days when lethal products could be openly advertised.
mikethep says
One of my favourite shifts was the early morning run to the Carreras factory in Basildon. The top deck was sputum central. Good for free snout, though. My driver could roll a fag on his thigh while still driving the bus, changing gear etc. Learnt it in the army, he said.
You’d have got a clip round the ear, Master Saucecraft, if I’d caught you trying to cop a free ride on my bus.
Sniffity says
Mike, was there any point when you were due some annual leave that you asked the bus company to let you have one for free, convince everybody to spend a week of unpaid overtime converting it into a mobile home, and then drive through France with a view to picking up some stranded girls and having a wild time while on your…summer holiday?
Johnny Concheroo says
…some stranded girls – like Una Stubbs!
mikethep says
Nah, would have seemed too far-fetched.
Martin Hairnet says
Nice collection. Just out of interest do you know when the Yellow Submarine was produced? I’m guessing 69-72 period. I still have one, but it’s been abused and lost its periscopes decades ago. Also intrigued by the Fabs figurines including what looks like a blond haired Lennon. And is that a mauve Austin Metro second row down?
Johnny Concheroo says
The Metro is a (cough) special Princess Diana Limited Edition.
The Yellow Submarine on the left is an original 1968-72 example, while the one on the right is a reissue from 1996 made from the original moulds.
In later years they ruined the whole concept by issuing more several more Yellow Subs which were different shapes and sizes.
The Beatles figurines are die-cast metal and are unusual since they depict the Fabs circa 1968/9. I think they came from South America.
Martin Hairnet says
When I first saw the Metro my immediate thought was the Diana link!
H.P. Saucecraft says
That dull, thudding sound you hear is minibreakfast’s head against her desk.
Rigid Digit says
A row of Mark 2 Jags and Aston Martins, ending with a DB5.
Is it the Corgi James Bond version with the ejector seat (the little bloke always got lost under the sofa) and the rising bullet screen at the back.
Had one of those (still got it somewhere (loft? parents loft?)), and the Lotus that turned into a submarine (but didn’t actually work as a submarine in the bath)
Vulpes Vulpes says
Looks like the silver DB6 to me – my DB5 is gold.
Johnny Concheroo says
The original (and complete) Corgi Bond gold DB5 is barely visible top row far right next to a standard red DB5. There’s a larger scale silver DB5 on the same row far left
Locust says
Since I’m unable to reply to myself further up:
When I say “Mine’s number three” I mean it has the number three on it.
Just to be clear!
(I bet HP wishes he’d never started this thread… 🙂 )
Johnny Concheroo says
The red ones are original 50s Dinky F1 racing cars of (L-R) Maserati and Alfa Romeo
Locust says
OK, mine is a Schuco Micro Racer, “Made in U.S.-Zone Germany” (“Patent Pending”), with a wind-up key and the exhaust pipe can be manipulated to shift the front wheels.
Looks a lot like the ones on that shelf!
Johnny Concheroo says
Here’s a close-up of the Alfa
http://i.imgur.com/eldqtN7.jpg
mikethep says
I have 2 of the blue and yellow Ferraris. One was mine from way back, no idea where the other one came from. Er…that’s it.
Johnny Concheroo says
The green cars are names from the dim and distant past of F1
Cooper-Bristol (bright green) and HWM (pale green)
I don’t recall a time when Ferrari used a blue/yellow livery, but there it is on the Dinky model.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Break it up, you two.
Johnny Concheroo says
Not much roll-over protection in those days, eh? Wimps like Lewis Hamilton wouldn’t have lasted long in 50s F1
mikethep says
Not forgetting the light blue one, the Froggish Talbot Lago. Had one of those once.
Johnny Concheroo says
And as if by magic, here it is:
http://i.imgur.com/BkKFJ0g.jpg
Johnny Concheroo says
But wait, there’s more. Out of shot in the first picture are two higher shelves:
http://i.imgur.com/IkbT2KA.jpg
H.P. Saucecraft says
Oh God! I just came a very little bit in my underpants!
Johnny Concheroo says
I knew the Monkeemobile would reel you in
H.P. Saucecraft says
That was just one of the many aspects of the Pre-Fab Four that made them great What’s the point of being in a pop group if you can’t have your own Mobile? No such thing as a Beatlemobile.
Johnny Concheroo says
Yeah, where’s your One Directionmobile now eh kids?
Locust says
My racing car is in solid metal, very heavy.
No driver in it, but a steering wheel that you can turn.
In good nick apart from missing one of its rubber tyres and some traces of rust on the exhaust pipe.
Looks a lot cooler than the two exemples you posted… 😉
I’d take a photo and post it for you to see, but I can’t be arsed at the moment…
Johnny Concheroo says
Something like this?
Those 50s German-made Schuco models are very collectable now.
http://i.imgur.com/c8BBDfm.jpg
Locust says
Indeed, that’s more like it!
Mine’s not in that pristine condition however…it got played with, a lot!
And the box is of course long gone…
Johnny Concheroo says
That “made in US-Zone Germany” is interesting. It dates the model to post WWII 50s when Germany was about to be divided up between Russia and the allies.
All sorts of strange products came out of that period. I’ve seen Elvis records made in Germany for exclusive sale through the PX stores to US troops stationed in Europe. They sell for huge amounts now.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I ‘ad that an’ all. Mine was blue. I knew nothing about engineering at that time but the sheer solid quality of that model was obvious. Down to the rubber “snout” so furniture crashes left no mark. I saw a set with a kind of pitstop theme once, you got the car and a ramp and various tools. Gorgeous. Out of my league then as now. Bloody Germans.
Franco says
How I loved Subbuteo. I played in a puny four team league for years. Due to my socialist principles my plastic squad of choice was the Soviet Union, sporting the classic CCCP lettering across the chest. This was around the late 80’s, when after decades of relying on the sometimes shaky painting skills of old ladies in their Tunbridge Wells factory Subbuteo embraced modern technology.
H.P. Saucecraft says
It’s this kind of remiscence, tinged with a Betjemanesque melancholy, at once quotidian and “trivial” yet perfectly encapsulating what made the British Empire a great and lovely place, that makes me happy I said “yes” to drugs.
Rob C says
Both these activities are shards of collective ancient folk memory eg. scalextric being ley lines on which skull bowling was played eg. the heads of the vanquished (the ceremonial sacrifice of the conquered foe. the ‘Subbutei’ if you like).
H.P. Saucecraft says
Mr Owsley? Did you bring your sample? Lovely.
GCU Grey Area says
Scalextric is obviously betterer than Subbuteo as any fule kno, but it wasn’t even the best toy with moving vehicles, never mind best toy full stop.
The best toy ever is of course Airfix models.
The best toy with moving vehicles is Matchbox Superfast;
http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t449/GCU_Grey_Area/1208_l_zpshxpxhol1.jpg
or the Corgi or Hotwheels versions of the same. My mates and I used to pool our track, and set them up at the top of the front garden of our house. We either had two tracks side-by-side or four, running knock-out heats for all our toy cars – irrespective of age – until we had a winner. No batteries to run out, no motor burnouts, no brush shortages. I still have some of the cars, including one which won so often, that it had to be retired.
The second best toy after Airfix kits was the Quercetti catapult rocket;
http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t449/GCU_Grey_Area/mach_x_4_zps3b356121.jpg
I was obsessed by the Apollo programme, and these toys were perfect. The plastic rocket, which had a hollow body and contained a parachute, was lauanched by a length of 4mm square rubber attached to a handle. They could easily reach a height of 200 feet or so, more if your mate held the catapult up above his head, and you pulled it down as far as you could. When it reached the apogee of its flight and slowed down, the body opened and the chute popped out and opened. The company produced a much larger rocket (as seen above) – the Mach-X (wow) – launched by two catapults, and I was overjoyed to buy one one day half price from a toy shop closing down in a nearby town. The Mach-X lasted a whole summer, before destroying itself and the catapults in a launch mishap. A toggle at the bottom of the rocket rocket fitted into a sort of plastic door stop shaped lump of plastic, which you trapped under a foot. The H-shaped catapult had two lengths of rubber, one each side of the rocket. Simply pull the catapult above head height, and release your foot, taking great care not to lean forward into its upward path. I would imagine H & S would have a purple-fit about this toy nowadays. The 18-inch high rocket went even higher, and was two-stage. A small capsule popped off at the apex of its climb, the main chute bringing the rest of the toy down to earth. But it had a delay mechaism, so that the chute could open wherever you wanted on the descent. You can still buy the smaller ‘Tor’ rocket.
Smallish boys? playing on the waste ground where they haven’t built houses yet? Grazed knees? Owwww, not the antisepetic Mummy nooooooooo, it hurts, it hurts, owwwww, ooh, ice cream! Mivvis, mmm? Mister Softee? Possibly, don’t quote me on that.
Martin Hairnet says
One of the best toys I’ve bought my kids is the Stomp Rocket – basically a polystyrene tube placed over a hard plastic pipe attached to a foot pump – which you stomp on. The fancier versions have lights on the rockets for night launches. The drama of the launch can be increased by exaggerated comedy run-ups before leaping onto the foot pump. It’s amazing how high they can travel with a simple shot of compressed air.
I also enjoyed HotWheels as a kid. My set-up was always just a gravity driven downhill run, but I’ve noticed that in the US they had superchargers – battery driven rollers that cars passed through to keep them going around a loop track. Never saw them in the UK.
GCU Grey Area says
I’ve noted those stomp-rockets, and they look good fun. I have no children, but I have me, which is much the same.
You can also buy things that screw onto a soft-drink drink bottle, which allow you to pump them up with a bike pump – you put some water in to act as propellant, and they lift off when a certain pressure is reached.
I think it was the Corgi version of Superfast – Corgi Rockets? – which had a spring-powered catapult to launch the cars, so that you could have a flat track.
Moose the Mooche says
We bought a stomp-rocket for the six year old son of a friend of ours. I can confirm that they are absolutely f888in boss – combining as they do extreme violence and space travel.
Sewer Robot says
“Superchargers”, eh? Those are the chaps. Although my one was definitely by Matchbox – the colouring was almost exactly the same as GCU Grey Area’s above. The track was indeed indestructible: I used two pieces to slide down the stairs until I got severe carpet burns on the back of my ankles.
GCU Grey Area says
Matchbox also did a slightly odd roadway system called Matchbox Motorway, which was a bit like a cable car running on its side. It used a long spring, which ran in a slot, and dragged the cars round. A couple of motors dragged the springs around. It made a hell of a lot of noise. The plus point was that any small car would run on it – you stuck a tab on the bottom, which engaged with the travelling spring.
Sewer Robot says
A further thought occurs: the reason I know for sure my track was by Matchbox is that, even at that age, I would have viewed with disdain an equally good product from another manufacturer. This brand loyalty extended to turning one’s nose up at the wares of Corgi and Majorette, even though what they were offering was new, different vehicles. (Although, if your Nan presented you with a Corgi ambulance on your birthday you weren’t going to refuse it).
This tribal brand loyalty was even more pronounced in the field of comics, where, one would have thought, the sheer absence of choice would have compelled this “Marvel kid” to pick up a Batman comic rather than depart the newsagents empty handed, with a self righteous “hrumph!”
My first hint that the world was more peculiar than I imagined was the discovery that there were kids who “swung both ways” in their DC/Marvel orientation.
We (well some of us) scoff at the acolytes of Jobs with their “Apple just works”/”Get A Mac” mantras, but the seeds of Waco were sown in our very young years
Rigid Digit says
Brand loyalty to Matchbox – it was/is a scale thing.
Corgi models tended to be about 30% larger (and about 50% more expensive).
The Car Park you’d created for all your cars just wasn’t up to the job of accommodating the larger Corgi models (not enough turning circle, and no room to open the doors.
The other prime difference was Corgi tended to be the high end models (Jaguar, Mercedes, James Bond Aston Martin, Batmobile) while Matchbox represented the more mundane end of the market (Ford Cortina, VW Golf, Renault 5, with the odd Maserati or De Tommasso Pantera chucked in for variety)
Sewer Robot says
Ha! We thought we were crazy-zee rebels jumping our cars across Wavin pipe bridges and all the time the lesson we were learning was “The only true joy lies in uniformity”..
Vulpes Vulpes says
I think I’m right in saying that the Corgi/Dinky scale was about 1/48 while Matchbox had the benefit of being near enough 1/72, which meant that they looked realistic alongside OO/HO model railway bits ‘n’ pieces.
GCU Grey Area says
Corgi did do smaller cars – Husky, which became Corgi Juniors.
GCU Grey Area says
@sewer-robot The Matchbox thingy might have been the ‘Superbooster’ accessory, which went on the yellow track. There’s one on ebay currently.
Sewer Robot says
Christ yeah, that’s them. Cheers GCU! I’d completely forgotten the “this is Bachman Turner Overdrive with You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” lever which you cranked to the max, having first turned one of your boosters the “wrong” way around to achieve maximum carnage..
Sewer Robot says
Ooh! a video. Alas it’s YouTube, so it’s mostly cats:
Bamber says
Brilliant. I got that exact Matchbox set from Santa. I remember the blue car and the yellow car that came with it. Those sections of yellow track were indestructible and could be used for swordfighting (more slapping) or as walls/barriers for soldiers.
If I can introduce a QI style comment to this discussion, the name Subbuteo comes from the Latin name for the hobby, a small bird of prey – Falco Subbuteo. For me, the creator regarding his creation as a prospective hobby for young chaps and looking this up in a bird book, just makes it even lamer. The pitch was the only part of my Subbuteo set that lasted beyond a month. Far too breakable to be allowed anywhere near young boys.
GCU Grey Area says
We have a lot of Hobbys in the summer in this part of Somerset. They aren’t much bigger than a Swallow, and seem to feed mainly on dragonflies. They catch them low down near the water, and then rise up a few hundred feet to eat them on the wing. They discard the wings, which then drift down to earth, catching the light as they fall, a slightly disconcerting sight.
Bamber says
Sounds wonderful. I’ve seen them chasing dragonflies on Springwatch. There are few things in life that excite or fascinate me more than birds of prey. We don’t have hobbies in Ireland and I never saw any in my London days. I have to make do with the regular kestrels (my favourites) and buzzards with occasional red kites and sparrowhawks.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I HAD THAT ROCKET!!!!! Wow! This is doing my nut in. Haven’t read your comment yet, too excited, but I do remember a disastrous mislaunch, catching it under the chin. Put the British Space Programme back a few years.
Dodger Lane says
Yes to both Matchbox and the stomp rocket. Though I never had them as a kid (I made do with a rolled ball of rubber bands), I played them at friends, and when nephews were growing up, brought them both for Christmas. The track had to be set up before lunch, not for nephew, but for his dad who has never been so excited.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Sawing the “crust” off a golf ball revealed a tightly-wound sphere of rubber bands, which, if the saw bit into it, and it usually did, unwound at whiplash speed, causing lacerations to your hands. However, when the thing had spent all its energy you were left with a satisfactory pouch of latex, the core of the golf ball, which was highly prized.
GCU Grey Area says
The elastic made a great bungee-launch for those North Pacific ‘Skeeter’ balsa chuck-gliders. A few feet of elastic tied to a tent peg, plus some kite string enabled the glider to go much higher and faster, especially when you cut the wings down a bit and added some split-shot to the nose.
H.P. Saucecraft says
And let’s take a moment here to honour the tradition of suspending old Airfix planes from cotton at the bottom of the garden and blasting them to bits with an air rifle. Or dousing them with lighter fuel and setting them alight. That wasn’t too popular with parents.
Johnny Concheroo says
There was a set of Airfix* Beatles kits.
Of course there was
(*Revell actually)
http://i.imgur.com/ckLDBH7.jpg
Johnny Concheroo says
Note the coy little subtitles:
John: Kookiest Of Them All
Paul: The Great McCartney
George: Lead Guitar, Loud And Strong
Ringo: Wildest Skins In Town
H.P. Saucecraft says
I had Dracula, Wolfman, and Frankenstein, but not these. I remember painting Dracula’s shoes brown – even my Mum knew I’d got that wrong.
Johnny Concheroo says
Well, you know the old saying:
Never brown in Transylvania town
H.P. Saucecraft says
Brown shoes don’t make it.
Johnny Concheroo says
Quit school, don’t fake it
Moose the Mooche says
Seagoon: Why is your horse wearing brown boots?
Eccles: His black ones are at the mender’s.
Oh-ho!
mikethep says
Or inserting bangers up their rear orifices (where fitted) and running like hell.
Rigid Digit says
My vote goes to Lego, particularity the Technical variety.
Who doesn’t want to spend 2 hours building this, display it on shelf for 3 months, and then build something else.
It is through Lego that I leant the basic principles which guided me towards my (initial) career choice of Engineering – so it is therefore and Educational Toy (especially beloved by parents)
http://i1062.photobucket.com/albums/t490/Rigid_Digit/8860autochassis.jpg
Moose the Mooche says
I stuffed some Lego up my nose when I was four. It really hurt.
That certainly taught me a lesson.
H.P. Saucecraft says
You can have it surgically removed now, Moose. Treat yourself to a visit to the clinic.
Sewer Robot says
Don’t do it Moose! Remember when Magnum shaved off his moustache? And after that? Exactly.
H.P. Saucecraft says
The lumps certainly help keep his specs up, as well as adding character.
Moose the Mooche says
Man, we snorted everything in the seventies…. coal dust… talcum powder… packet soup… plastic bricks…
The high I get from the extra oxygen is almost worth it.
Hannah says
I adored my Scalextric kit (although I realise now that I mispronounced it as “Scalectric”). I was a sore loser as a child, and when I’d fallen behind would frequently abandon my controller. When asked for an explanation, apparently I’d claim that my driver had stopped for a picnic.
I actually still had my kit until a few years ago. It was the house-move-before-last, when I gave it my friend’s son. Slightly regret that.
I’ve never played Subbuteo.
Sewer Robot says
If you’ve ever flicked a bit of lint off your little black number with your index finger you have, to all intents and purposes, played Subbutteo….
Moose the Mooche says
I believe that in heaven we just get given all our toys back.
I’m looking forward to my go-cart.
GCU Grey Area says
I had a pedal jeep. We could swap, and play nicely.
You can buy adult-sized pedal cars, which is rather sad.
Though a pedal-car Ferguson TE20 tractor would be deep joy.
Moose the Mooche says
What we all want, let’s face it, is a pedal Sherman Tank.
GCU Grey Area says
Oh, good grief. You’re right.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I wanted one of those tanks you saw advertised in the mail-order pages of superhero comics. A real tank you could get inside with a cannon and control panel and everything for just a dollar! Made me wish I lived in the US for a while. That and the FOOTLOCKER OF CONFEDERATE SOLDIERS. Thousands of them, charging over a hill blazing with cannon fire. Just a dollar. What a great country!
GCU Grey Area says
http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t449/GCU_Grey_Area/tank11-1_zps3pm68yen.jpg
GCU Grey Area says
1/3rd scale Sherman, plus @moose-the-mooche
http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t449/GCU_Grey_Area/moose_zpsh8r9wlun.jpg
Moose the Mooche says
Hope you’re enjoying my B-Boy stance.
Sniffity says
Don’t forget you could also buy a Polaris submarine from the same company.
Uncle Wheaty says
I had a red pedal car E Type Jag.
My current car is also a Jag but unfortunately not an E-Type.
retropath2 says
I remember lining up some twigs on the pavement and pushing a piece of brick along it, although I forget whether it was a tram or a train. A dead vole made for both the driver and a tasty snack.
GCU Grey Area says
Luxury.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I think retro’s comment here needs preserving in a more durable form than a blog comment. I suggest inscribed on a slab of marble on some high hilltop, for future genrations. Needs Arts Council funding, or poss. crowdsourcing, whatever that is.
JQW says
Never had a Scalextric as a kid, and neither did any of my school mates. This was most likely due to the town’s only toy shop not stocking them. I do recall getting a TCR flyer in one of my comics, but I never got to see one of those in the flesh either.
A mate had a Subbuteo set with some accessories. I found the game tedious, and somewhat silly.
Fast forward to a few years ago, when my nephew received a Subbuteo set for Christmas. A few days later I was tasked with entertaining him at my mother’s place, and he brought the Subbuteo set along. Without a large enough table to play it on, we tried to have a go on the floor, only for the match to be abandoned about 30 seconds after kick-off due to a pitch invasion of the feline kind. The Subbuteo was the put away in my mother’s bookcase cupboard, and only came out again when it was donated to a jumble sale.
Martin Hairnet says
Subbuteo football had some exacting pitch requirements. I found that a hard surface like a table didn’t provide enough friction and presented all sorts of ball control problems. Ideally what was needed was a short pile carpet. I got the International Edition for Christmas ’75. It came with a completely superfluous England flag that struggled to stay upright, and a pair of real working plastic floodlights that were made to be trodden on. I much preferred the cricket version, and I spent hours (days?) playing ‘Test matches’, with me bowling and batting simultaneously. I had proper printed out scorecards to keep track of every ball, bowling figures and so on. Not surprisingly, attendances on the plastic western terraces were low – even when I.V.A. Richards was racing to three figures.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I still can’t for the life of me understand why more women – any women – aren’t contributing to this thread.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Just seen your comment, Hannah. Apologies. (Minibreakfast doesn’t count).
duco01 says
My brother and I used to play Subbuteo cricket.
But instead of ‘bowling’ using the little man with the wire ball-holder, which was rather tricky, we used a bicycle pump with a narrow nozzle attachment that would normally be used when blowing up a football. Propelling the light red plastic ball with this pump allowed you to ‘bowl’ at frightening speeds – faster than Michael Holding against Brian Close at Old Trafford in 1976. Probably.
Needless to say, none of the teams batting ever made any big scores, because their ten wickets were blown over in a matter of minutes by a force similar to the Krakatoa eruption.
Martin Hairnet says
Didn’t the pump method limit how much bounce you could get? Sounds like you were delivering supersonic Trevor Chappells. I dispensed with the little bowling man altogether and actually bowled with my left hand, while batting with my right. Using this technique I could actually develop some pretty nifty leg-breaks.
My mate Neil had another cricket game called Test Match, which I think was much better than the Subbuteo version. Do you remember that one? The bat was essentially a pendulum controlled by a string and the ball rolled down a shoot.
badartdog says
I remember a Billy Bragg gig back in the 80s where he was joined onstage by his childhood chum, Wiggy. Bragg went on to recount a tale of playing Subbuteo round at Wiggy’s house – the teams were lined up for kick off when Wiiggy’s mum came in, accidentally knocking her son’s dart board off the back of the bedroom door. It rolled round the pitch twice before toppling on top of the Crystal Palace team, causing double ankle breakages to all the outfield players. The match was abandoned.
Martin Hairnet says
I would like to get back to basics and revisit the simple pleasures of blow football.
Sewer Robot says
Are you referring to the “kneeling Robbie Fowler” figure that came with the Subbuteo Premier League edition?
(Also had Gazza lying on his back, A Cantona figure you could “flick” at spectators, Darren Anderton on a stretcher, Beckam with twenty replaceable heads sporting different barnets… You get the idea with that..
H.P. Saucecraft says
Blow football usually resulted in bubbly trails of spit on the pitch, unfair use of hands and rapid degenration into fistfights. So much more like the “real thing” than Subbuteo, then.
Johnny Concheroo says
It’s important to wear a tie and a starched collar when playing blow football, I always find.
And look – the dad and son are ganging up to kick the sister’s arse
http://i.imgur.com/uVc8aIQ.jpg
H.P. Saucecraft says
I think you’ll find Dad is lighting up a jazz cheroot. In fact, to look at their faces, they’re all high as kites. This is where “blow” gets its name, incidentally.
Johnny Concheroo says
Why have they got jockeys for goalkeepers, I wonder?
H.P. Saucecraft says
Because they’re small.
Johnny Concheroo says
I bet Blow Football was the all-conquering Play Station 4 of its day.
Locust says
I don’t think Subbuteo traveled to Sweden, I’ve only ever seen it or heard it mentioned on the Word/AW blogs by middle-aged British men…
In Sweden we played table ice hockey, natch!
Never heard the name Scalextric either, but it looks more familiar. I had a ton of toy cars that I played with a lot, but no racing track. I did have the wonderful Brio train set, and I had tons of Lego including train tracks that we built to enormous size, even outdoors in the summer. I had a battery operated Lego train engine as well, so I could build my own train and carriages and watch them go round.
Sometimes we combined the Brio and the Lego tracks (we had bridges for both) and made a humongous railway extravaganza of them all!
I did have (still have, somewhere in a closet) a table croquet game which was absolutely useless, unsurprisingly!
H.P. Saucecraft says
Brio. Wholesome organic wooden toy. No sharp edges, no electricity. In natural pine and jolly painted plastic. What a load of bollocks.
Locust says
You’ve obviously never played with one. But you should know from experience that the most wholesome toy can be used in a subversive way by children.
You only have to think of the repeated sexual abuse that Barbies have been subjected to in the hands of small girls and boys over the years…
H.P. Saucecraft says
Cross-pollinated from the Slobbering Horror thread:
Brio = muesli
Scalextric = Frosties
Subbuteo = Bran Flakes
Hawkfall says
If that’s the case TCR may be Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes.
Sewer Robot says
The Colditz boardgame = rationed powdered egg
The Sweeney boardgame = greasy fry up
That roulette wheel everyone’s big sister had = croissants, espresso and Gitanes
Diddley Farquar says
Hot Wheels for me too. We also had these vehicles like sports cars or jets which you could send off down the street, they had a plastic strip you pulled through the middle which set a central wheel spinning at high speed. You then out them down on the ground and off they went. Advertised as going at 200 mph. The highlight of my childhood though, as far as toys go. was probably cutting the hair off my sister’s Sindy doll.
Diddley Farquar says
Should read ‘you then put them down on the ground…’ of course.
Twang says
I was never bothered about Subbuteo or Scalextrics as a nip, a congenital lack of interest in fiddly pointless activities which lives to this day in my utter inability to have any interest in the X Box to the disappointment of Twang Jr. Oddly though, the undeniably fiddly pointless activity of playing the guitar has been a life long obsession.
H.P. Saucecraft says
“fiddly pointless activities” – if there was a better description of human life I’ve yet to hear it.
Rob C says
Boxes of plastic soldiers. Our boys were green and the Jerrys were blue.
Whatever happened to them, and who took all the toy guns away ? My Remington 1858 was a constant source of companion during night time American Civil War past life flashbacks.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Are you talking about those Airfix boxes? they were great.
And I had a cowboy outfit, an’ all. My rifle had a real plastic jewel in the stock, and my hat had a fringe.
Rob C says
Those were the ones. Hours spent lying on the carpet skirmishing.
I went through a Highwayman phase too. Used to tie a hanky around my mouth and jump out of trees at people, brandishing a toy flintlock.
Rob C says
I also went through a Monkey phase. Carved the bark of the ends of a long stick and used to jump out of trees yelling at people in cod Japanese.
Diddley Farquar says
Jumping out of trees at people brandishing an impressive weapon. We’ve all done it.
Rob C says
Like that time I was putting the recycle bins out one morning. It was fiercely windy and my dressing gown blew open. I was wild haired and sans undercrackers . The look on that woman’s face in the Volvo. Hard to tell if she was aghast or overcome with amazement at Jerry Garcia.
Bamber says
Well of course you went through a Highwayman phase if you are in fact “the Diddly Farquar, the Diddly Farquar, the Diddly Farquar, the Diddly Farquar…” etc
Diddley Farquar says
Exactly. Stand and deliver! There’s a double entendre for you.
Rob C says
Not at all. I was into Yes. I was just fascinated how a chef could live with sexy foxyboho witchy type boho chicks and co-exist as a parallel highwayman.
Bamber says
Obscure Richard O’Sullivan reference duly noted…
Sewer Robot says
Sometimes he brought along the bistro’s Irish dishwasher as his partner in crime. He was a… God I can’t type the words this is so funny…. Give me a minute..
Okay.
He was a one-armed bandit!!
ianess says
Me too!! Apart from my fringed hat, wesskit, chaps and trusty six shooter, I had a Winchester rifle, ‘with ricochet effect’. (Dad, what does rick-o-hett mean)
Being an equal opportunity offender and unashamed cultural appropriator, I also had a Red Indian outfit, complete with feathered headdress, bow and arrow and moccasins. Loved the headdress.
Harold Holt says
Scalextric and Mecanno all the way for me. Never knowingly played a game of Subutteo.
Apparently my dad bought the Scalextric when I was 5, largely (it was assumed by mom) for himself. I did play with it as a massively extended setup well into my teens, more or less up to the discovery of alcohol.
I did the same when my oldest hit 5, following the family tradition and buying a figure 8 setup, with much the same reaction from my better half as from mom.
Speaking of attracting the ladies, here’s an old video of some Finnish blerks with slot cars doing nigh on 100mph actual speed, not scale.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Holy shit. Are they taking the piss?
Harold Holt says
I have to assume this is purely about aerodynamics, electronics and engineering, as there’s no way anyone could either slow down for the corners or keep track of who’s winning.
Moose the Mooche says
For some reason I really fancy some liquorice right now.
H.P. Saucecraft says
It does occur to me to ask, though but, while we boys were immersing ourselves in all these diverse and elaborate and educational and enjoyable and character-forming activities – what were the girls up to? How did they pass the time? Dollies? Helping mum with the housework? What?
H.P. Saucecraft says
Trying to get our attention? What?
Dodger Lane says
Well, in my sister’s case, it was mooning over Sacha Distel, writing up extraordinary diaries & locking them away, not to mention duffing up younger brother from which he has yet to recover.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I have no idea what my sister was doing. None at all.
Locust says
Well, as I stated earlier; I played with cars, trains and Lego.
Also with plastic models of cowboys and indians, building tree huts, rock climbing, riding bikes, going swimming in the summer and riding our sledges down hills in the winter.
Playing ball games with daft names like “Roof” and “Wall”, and other strange games with odd Swedish names.
And, I had tons of stuffed toy animals (not that into dolls, but I had a couple) who got involved in all kinds of interesting games. They all competed in the Olympic Games, they performed an improvised opera in two acts, they got married, went to University, fought battles, went into space…anything we could think of.
And then, as we reached a certain age, the ambiguous sexual role playing appeared.
So don’t worry about the girls, we had plenty of fun! 😉
H.P. Saucecraft says
Sorry, Locust – misappre duly no longer laboured under. Your input greatly appreciated. Women! What man can plumb their mystery?
minibreakfast says
Oi, leave our mystery alone! And put your plumbs away.
(I had lots of toy cars as a kid, including a cool wrist-mounted General Lee with launching ramp, but I fear writing about them wound sent me to……
*sound of snoring*
minibreakfast says
*wakes up*
“wound sent” should read “would send”. Bloody automobile.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Please do share your experience of your wrist job. Mrs B.
@moose-the-mooche
Moose the Mooche says
That launching ramp was….something else.
H.P. Saucecraft says
… and it doubled as a light sabre!
Franco says
My theory is, that after spending decades
in the toy doldrums The New Wave of Subbuteo Interest was brought about by the Mike’s Mini Men stories in Roy of the Rovers comic. Thank yeeew!
Sewer Robot says
Like that year I pestered my parents for a pet sheep after seeing McMutton in Hot Shot Hamish. Thank ewe!
Milkybarnick says
Thing with Scalextric is, once you’ve worked out where to hold your finger, you can make the cars sail round like billy-oh without really applying any extra speed. Meanwhile, anyone a bit more twitchy is sending the cars shooting off at all angles into the skirting board/ under the bed. Still love the hum and the electricky smell though.
Reading this reminded me of the excitement of going into Allders (of Croydon)’s toy department, cos they usually had stuff you could play with as a demo. One thing I remember from 30 odd years ago is “Darda” – I think they were pull back cars that went extremely fast round a plastic track. Never had it, but used to stand transfixed at the demonstration of it in Allders as these cars whizzed round loops and tight turns at some ridiculous scale speed.
Re Subbuteo, for Christmas one year I got this:
https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/11958/cup-final
The review is a bit harsh, you could smack the ball with some venom and it was great laugh just to sod about with rather than play properly.
Junglejim says
Terrific thread, but surprising to me is the distinct lack of elaborate destruction/ misuse of toys & kits.
Hours of fun were to be had setting up your rival H: 00 Scale armies – the bigger the better – mine probably peaked at around 3, 000 total combatants ( mostly got in job lots at jumbles), with great care being taken to ensure that even when anachronistic troops were combined ( such as British commandos & Ancient Britons) they had to be generally on the correct sides
– Afrika Korps & Japanese together obviously, but more fiddly when trying to ally them with Romans & where to place Napoleonic cavalry or cowboys who couldn’t really be expected to fight alongside their natural rivals such as Wellington’s troops or Red Indians?
Such decisions were the bread & butter decisions for us generals ( it was tough at the top ) but such matters paled if the Mega Destruction was unleashed. We started with objects like dominoes & tennis balls to devastate opposing forces, but flicking lit matches inevitably led to Napalm in the form of yellow plastic ( junior) Meccano being set on fire & dripped burning onto the troops – very dumb & pretty dangerous, especially as this was all indoors! How serious structural damage was avoided I don’t know, but I can vouch for how painful burning melting plastic landing on your hand is. Didn’t seem to dampen the enthusiasm for indoor pyromania oddly enough.
Fireworks & lighter fluid or petrol torching planes (outside) was also very popular as was ‘executing’ Action Man with air rifles or ( having discovered he was a traitor) chucking him out of the 1st or 2nd floor window with his hands tied behind him.
Slugs & snails & puppy dogs tails…
mikethep says
My dad made me a Supermarine Attacker out of balsa wood and heavily doped tissue paper. It had a jet engine (Jetex) powered by some sort of inflammable capsule which you lit with a match. What could possibly go wrong?
It crashed and burned spectacularly on its first flight 🙁
Franco says
Up to the mid eighties at least, all Subbuteo players that represented southern hemisphere teams were painted black. These teams included Brazil, Chile, Uruguay and my very rare River Plate squad. My point is…….I don’t know what my point is. Thank you.
Junior Wells says
I am amazed that you lot have amassed 254 comments and 1389 views crapping on about your toy trains and cars…doh make that 255 comments.
H.P. Saucecraft says
It’s mostly rheumy-eyed reminiscence about Mike’s Reg Varney years, though. And some filth.
ianess says
To be exact, HP, it’s Mike’s Bob Grant years. He was the dashing Lothario – an ugly, tombstone-toothed, balding, prematurely-aged chaser of birds. Bob, not Mike.
Martin Hairnet says
Surprised nobody has mentioned the Subbuteo football streaker set. It’s the kind of tactical device that Scalextrix users – their index fingers numb with lactic acid – can only dream of. You can have your evening classes in electrical engineering. This was raw and real, and fair knocks it into a cocked hat.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I concede. Ignorance is no defence, but I never knew. Subbuteo wins the cagefight.
GCU Grey Area says
http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t449/GCU_Grey_Area/tele-1_zpsgiulthk0.jpg
H.P. Saucecraft says
… and on that bombshell …
minibreakfast says
“Charging to 360…. stand clear”.