Musings on the byways of popular culture
25/07/2019 by Junior Wells 51 Comments
And against Ireland.
Looking forward to the Ashes.
25/07/2019 at 12:05
You really should do your homework before you say these things, Junior. Have you seen the scores in Australia’s warm up? Captain Sandpaper hasn’t broken 10 in two attempts.
Meanwhile Stokes, Buttler, Anderson, Archer and co sit in the shade and watch your guys wilting in the heat.
Scores level now, by the way, England one down.
Junior Wells says
25/07/2019 at 12:37
BTW Aussies are quite used to the heat.
25/07/2019 at 12:08
You’re a day behind …
25/07/2019 at 12:28
Well it’s a long way away down here
Tony Japanese says
25/07/2019 at 12:41
Shouldn’t you be a day ahead?
25/07/2019 at 13:10
Can someone advise me when the knighthoods are scheduled for winning the World Cup.
25/07/2019 at 12:27
Soon as i see Sandpaper I switch off
25/07/2019 at 12:31
Hopefully you won’t this summer, but we’ll be checking the ball at the end of each over just in case
25/07/2019 at 13:01
Would that be for traces of mint?
25/07/2019 at 13:18
No, it’s unlikely that mint or any of the green herbs would have a material effect on the condition of the ball. We’ll need it to be inspected for evidence of an abrasive agent such as s*ndpaper being given to a junior player by the vice captain with the captain’s full knowledge, and being bought onto the field specifically for the purpose of cheating. You’ll understand why this will be necessary.
25/07/2019 at 13:42
Ya know Chiz. You’re getting boring
25/07/2019 at 13:51
and you’re defending the indefensible, so what do we do?
25/07/2019 at 14:02
I’m talking about cricket scores and results. You constantly harp on about offences committed and for which punishment was meted out. Far in excess of the requirements of the game and probably far in excess of most cricketing nations. Ball tampering, through various means, though undesirable is generally regarded as having been applied by many players for many years including English players and acknowledged as such by former English players. So why dont you just get off your sanctimonious horse and talk about cricket performance? Or should we talk about bodyline Jardine and Larwood?
25/07/2019 at 14:22
They’re long dead. Warner’s in your team. Warner, who was suspended for punching Joe Root in a bar. Who called Jonathan Trott ‘poor and weak’ when he had mental health issues. Who said in a 2016 press conference “We hold our heads high and I’ll be very disappointed if one of our team-mates illegally changed the condition of the ball.” Who squatted down and curled a fat turd into the fabled Baggy Green, and is now back in the team because you’re afraid you can’t win the Ashes without him.
Your disgraced coach Lehmann once said of Stuart Broad: “I hope the Australian public give it to him right from the word go for the whole summer. I hope he cries and goes home.” This is what you’re supporting, Junior, and you think we should talk about scores and results? Just last week you were questioning Jofra Archer’s nationality.
Tahir W says
25/07/2019 at 14:14
Patriotism = the last refuge of the scoundrel
25/07/2019 at 14:46
Scoundrel am I
How’s this ?
OK now things have really reached the pits. Out of here.
Answer: non-Bit. Thank god. Enjoy the journey up your own arseholes. it’s gonna be a rough fuck. And the world will be watching
25/07/2019 at 16:03
Are you compiling a dossier on me? Well let me tell you I am much worse than even that choice quote suggests.
That wasn’t patriotism that was my bad personality. I’m working on it. But I sometimes insult people’s nationalities when they piss me off. Especially when they get all tribal. And it really works — you are proof of that. Me I grew up in one of the most despised nations on earth, so that kind of thing just rolls off my back.
But you are some kind of nationalist and seemingly proud of it. (The sandpaper episode happened in my home town BTW, so I could have got way more personal.) I actually think you are the one that can’t get over it. It seems to have shaken your whole worldview, as if you, your very personality is on the line every time someone mentions it.
You are such a prickly pear that you didn’t even notice that my remark (a quotation actually — can’t remember from whom) applied to both side of the ‘banter’.
Sandpaper! Sandpaper! Yaa yaa ya yaa ya!
25/07/2019 at 23:25
Yeah I got that. And I know you hate Australia and. Australians (ironic isn’t it) so I figured it was targetted at me.
No dossier , just that particularly flounce stuck in my memory when you returned so I looked it up when you replied on here. – welcome back by the way.
Yeah I support Australia in sport and joust against overwhelming numbers here on the blog. I didn’t approve of the cheating and the outrage here in the land you revile resulted in a penalty quite heavy by cricket standards.
Prickly – not usually, at least on the blog. I like to think I am more of a conciliator , witness the raging debate over HP and some of the rows. But yeah Chiz’s harping on about sandpaper gets under my skin for the reasons set out.
At the start of the tour I resolved to just ignore his comments, or simpler still just not participate on cricket threads let alone start them. But I didn’t. I’ m a serial poster and it is a bit boring having just a bunch of poms navel gazing. But maybe I should stick to my own advice.
26/07/2019 at 07:10
An admirably measured response.
25/07/2019 at 14:33
Can’t be bothered. Not about the cricket is it.
25/07/2019 at 14:42
You literally started a thread crowing about England’s bad innings against Ireland. Read Steve Waugh’s book on ‘mental disintegration’ of opponents and tell me that’s not ‘about the cricket’
25/07/2019 at 14:49
Yeah I started a bit of banter about cricket results. Everytime you bring it back to sandpaper. I addressed that and you raise other shit including Lehmann who is gone.
25/07/2019 at 17:01
Yes, he’s gone – a mere five years after inciting the nation to mentally destroy an opponent, he lost his job when his captain and vice captain got caught cheating last year. Those three Australian role models inherited and continued a style of play that was never just ‘about the cricket’ – read Waugh, Ponting, Slater et al, who all celebrate the nasty shit they did in name of ‘headbutting the line’ of the rules of the game, let alone the spirit. As an Australian fan you probably didn’t condemn this at the time – and it’d be a bit late if you did so now – but you sure as hell have to put up with getting a little bit of it back over the next few weeks.
The way England are playing, you don’t even need the cheats – you could field an honest team and still win. How good would that feel?
25/07/2019 at 15:15
And yet somehow Anderson and Broad will received accolades despite their very obvious not-at-all ball tampering by standing on it.
They’re all at it, and people in glass houses etc…
25/07/2019 at 19:14
It was a bit naive to start a thread crowing about England’s admittedly dismal showing on the eve of The Ashes and not expect something to come back at you!
As usual England had no Plan B when the ball is doing a bit – surely the obvious thing to do would be to try and bat out a session losing at most one wicket and try and rebuild when conditions settle down.
The only consolation is that Australia’s batting looks fragile too (hope I’m not going to be eating my words!), and I wonder if this will be a series dominated by the bowlers, and indeed if any matches will reach the fifth day.
25/07/2019 at 23:09
I am happy for people to come back at me, indeed expected it. I am just heartily sick of Chiz’s endless harping on about sandpaper whenever I post and i set out the reason in reply to him.
As for the Ashes I fear our cricketers lack the ability to adjust to pitches different to home.Not sure about this but is it because they go for the big bucks of the IPL instead of playing English county cricket.
26/07/2019 at 07:54
Incredible that you start a thread having a pop at England, and say it’s banter, but as soon as you get some back, you whinge about it. I haven’t ‘harped endless on about sandpaper,’ I’ve explained why Australia’s historic abuse of the laws and spirit of the game is reviled around the world, and why bringing the cheats back – and not exploring the complicity of the bowlers in the cheating – suggests nothing much has changed. You’re obviously too close to it to see it – next week at Edgbaston might be an eye-opener for you.
26/07/2019 at 08:23
I may be too close and you in your, is hatred too strong, are perhaps not the best judge of those events either.
Im gonna move on.
26/07/2019 at 08:01
Of course in the old days the touring side played all the counties which undoubtedly helped in acclimatisation, but those days are long gone sadly – it also gave local fans who can’t get to a Test a chance to see the visitors in action.
It seems pretty much a given now that the home side in a series has a huge advantage right from the off.
26/07/2019 at 08:26
I think home teams are not allowing touring sides to play testing games against good county teams. That is why Australia has formed 2 teams to play against each other. And yes, I recall England being scheduled by the Australian cricket bods, to play an invitation team in the Northern Territory.
26/07/2019 at 07:26
I have a cricketing question, which may or may not have an obvious answer.
Why are some cricketers supposedly more suited to Test Match cricket or One Day Internationals? Presumably it’s something to do with stamina or concentration? Or perhaps the players who only play ODIs can’t get the time off work?
26/07/2019 at 08:07
This thread is ‘bantz’. Cricket is next door…
It’s about mindset. Test cricket requires immense application and a lot of low-risk choices. One day or 20/20 requires the ability to take the game to the opposition and put pressure on them. One day skills are flashier, but Test skills are more admirable – one tiny mistake in hours at the crease and you’re done.
There’s a 1950’s film called The Final Test where an American arrives at Euston and sees a headline that says “England on the Brink” or something like that. He finds out it’s about cricket and makes his way to Lord’s where England are trying to survive for a draw against Australia. The two batsmen are blocking every ball, over after over. He turns to the English gentleman next to him and says: ‘Gee, I hope something happens soon.” The English chap looks at him aghast. “I sincerely hope it doesn’t,” he says.
26/07/2019 at 08:20
And on this, Chiz and I are at one.
26/07/2019 at 13:36
Thanks @Chiz and @Junior-Wells. My cricketing knowledge can usually be written on the side of a bail. I didn’t even know Ireland had a team until this week. I enjoy the idea of the game but rarely watch it (not helped of course by it being on Sky Sports).
26/07/2019 at 10:09
I have an opinion on this. I think that the difference is often overstated, particularly when it comes to squad selection. What if there were only one squad for all three formats, but a bit bigger squad, say 20-odd players with a variety of different skills and dispositions. Wouldn’t that loosen up the rather rigid thinking about players a bit?
The related question though: why are some whole nations better at shorter formats, e.g. New Zealand, than they are in the longer formats?
26/07/2019 at 10:30
Wouldn’t it be nice if our mods (All hail the mods!) could install a Vanish button that enabled one to no longer see threads that are particularly bothersome from one’s personal blog feed (while leaving them in place for those weirdos who actually like them), so that the relatively sane reader could just not see them anymore.
These threads that end up in the sort of “He started it, miss!” “She cheated, miss.” squabbling that I thought I’d left behind when I left primary school are a particular case in point.
I do like a bit of cricket but fucking hell this shit is tedious!
26/07/2019 at 10:45
It would be nice, wouldn’t it? Imagine being able to mute the ‘Songs that have the word ‘moon’ in them’ type of primary school drivel. But as Tiggerlion says on his soporific Beatlesque solo album, “You don’t have to join in. It’s not compulsory. You can grumble and mumble on other threads or other parts of the Internet if you like.”
26/07/2019 at 19:53
Quite right, chiz.
When a thread turns out like this, I’m a rubber-necker. I can’t stop myself looking but avoid getting involved. I have to say, both you and Junior have managed to play the ball rather than the man. Neither of you have been personally insulting, I think, but both of you have taken personally insults directed at your teams/nationality (?).
Having said that, you are becoming a bore on the subject of sandpaper. Nobody denies they did wrong but the powers-that-be have meted out their punishment, time has been served and they are back in the team. That’s the way it is. Deal with it.
As for the cricket itself, my guess is that it will be quite a contest. Both teams are capable of scoring 500+ or being all out for less than a hundred. As an Englishman, I worry we don’t have a reliable opening pair, plus the whole team appears vulnerable to left-arm seamer and Starc is a class act. The team with the most positive attitude should win. Hey-Ho! Let’s go!
26/07/2019 at 21:31
The dirty secret about these threads, Tiggs, is… everyone loves them. Look; just 44 comments on a non-music subject, and 1100 views. Compare that to your Beatlesque 215 comments, but only 1700 views. The passive engagement here is massive. Same goes for political threads. I think if you don’t resort to personal insults, and don’t pretend to be offended to duck difficult questions, this stuff is just knockabout fun. It’s World of Sport Saturday afternoon wrestling with Kendo Nagasaki and Mick McManus. Everyone loves to rubberneck, as you say. If people drop in specifically to complain, as I did on your thread, you’re probably doing something right. And if they want to avoid it, there’s always Songs about the Moon (63 comments, 400 views) instead.
Junior contacted me privately and I’ve responded. We’ve clinked virtual pints, shall we say.
26/07/2019 at 21:34
Great news! The Afterword offers something for everyone.
26/07/2019 at 21:36
Well, everyone except women.
26/07/2019 at 21:52
True. More’s the pity…
26/07/2019 at 13:19
In other forums there are ignore options where you can ignore particular persons and see nothing from them. It can be a useful feature.
26/07/2019 at 18:35
I don’t want to ignore any particular people, I’d just sometimes like to be able to ignore particular subject matter.
Seeing several threads that I’m not at all interested in highlighted, because there are replies in them that I don’t want to read, is irksome.
26/07/2019 at 11:08
I’m tuning in to this thread late (as usual) but I’d just like to say to @Junior-Wells and @Chiz – PLEASE, leave the personal arguments at the door. You are both right, and you are both wrong. Can we just talk about cricket? Thank you!
26/07/2019 at 13:08
Talk about the cricket, eah? I had a lovely day at Lord’s yesterday, despite the trains being absolutely fucked up on the way home. Glad I didn’t go today, I’d be home in time to watch the Twenty20 tonight!
26/07/2019 at 23:45
We had done just that @Mousey and it’s all sorted.
27/07/2019 at 00:10
Excellent! Just saw the pint-clinking comment above
26/07/2019 at 13:18
Ireland 38 all out! England win comfortably
count jim moriarty says
26/07/2019 at 17:17
I wonder what England would have bowled England out for in those conditions…
26/07/2019 at 23:46
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