Musings on the byways of popular culture
16/10/2017 by bricameron 110 Comments
Assking for a friend.
16/10/2017 at 05:00
I had one 4 months ago. The “prep” is awful, the procedure itself was very quick and very routine. The clinic I went to did up to 40 a day – very “production line”. Do it Bri – you know you should.
Or tell your friend to do it, Bri
16/10/2017 at 05:19
I’ve had two, you get to enjoy them after a while.* As Drew says, no fun** but no big deal either. Dodging one is not wise, since there will be a reason why the subject has come up. Hope this helps your friend.
**But a hell of a lot more fun than biopsies
16/10/2017 at 05:54
It’s worse in your imagination than in reality. Go for it.
16/10/2017 at 06:28
Probably better than cystoscopy….
16/10/2017 at 06:22
I’ve had three in the past 4 years. As mentioned above, imagination is worse than reality.
Prep is a day of induced trots.
The procedure is fine, you won’t know anything about it. The sedative is the same stuff Michael Jackson took to go to sleep, no wonder he was off his rocker. It affects your short term memory, so take a sober friend or pen & paper to write stuff down – you won’t remember what you’re told.
You won’t be allowed to drive for a day or two after the sedative.
If you – or your er friend – want to know more, feel free to PM me.
16/10/2017 at 08:26
Mr B had one last year (and is due one every year now), had no sedative and was fine. Apparently you can choose whether you have one or not. I guess with some conditions e.g. Crohn’s, it’s a more uncomfortable procedure?
16/10/2017 at 10:55
I dunno. I go private under Mrs F’s cover, and not having sedative is an option I’ve not been offered. It also gives me an excuse to have an extra couple of days off work to get over the bloating/cramps – it takes a while for your guts to return to normality after 24 hours of prep, starvation and gas.
And my Crohn’s is in my small intestine (ileum), so further up is probably more uncomfortable.
Plus I am a soft southern liberal ponce.
16/10/2017 at 10:48
Ah yes, propofol. Good stuff – when I woke up I floated to earth on pink fluffy clouds and felt like a million dollars. Apparently you forget to breathe when you’re under, so it helps to have an anaesthetist along.
Junior Wells says
16/10/2017 at 06:40
yep had a couple. Gastroscopy and endoscopy on same day. I asked it they met in the middle and shook hands but apparently not.
Prep tastes pretty caustic. I found half an hour or 45 mins to hit but when it hits it is game on. My son recently had one and thought he had time to record a video presentation for his uni degree. Took a bit longer and “the urge” hit with a few minutes to go. Apparently the change in his expression is pretty funny.
If you want a photo, or your friend wants a photo with a flat stomach post prep is the time to take it.
16/10/2017 at 07:20
If you get to see the post-procedure shots, and you’ve ever wondered what your insides look like, think pink cauliflower.
I bet the Vapors didn’t realise that when they wrote line in Turning Japanese.
H.P. Saucecraft says
16/10/2017 at 07:31
Must we fling this filth at our pop dads?
Moose the Mooche says
16/10/2017 at 09:59
Ah, blow it out yer ass!
16/10/2017 at 11:11
What, no Kaisfatdad YouTuborrhaea?
16/10/2017 at 12:54
I was going to respond with something about colostomy bags but that would have been tasteless.
17/10/2017 at 11:40
Ah I remember those, with the 5-button waistbands.
16/10/2017 at 07:46
I have them every two years because of a medical condition. As others have said, it’s not as bad as you might fear. But the prep is pretty horrible.
Don’t believe them when they tell you that the stuff you take to flush you out is ‘pleasant tasting’. It’s not, it’s foul. I cut it with fruit squash and use plenty of ice to chill it down to dull the taste.
The procedure is fine. It can get a little uncomfortable if they need to go as far as the small intestine, but it’s over pretty quickly. Here in Bristol they don’t give sedatives. We’re hard, you see.
And take a warm dressing gown and slippers if you have them. You could be sitting in the waiting room for a while.
And don’t think twice about getting it done.
16/10/2017 at 10:58
Yes, cold prep = less nasty tasting. Good advice.
The whole prep thing is no worse than a mild dose of Delhi Belly, you don’t feel feverish or nauseaus.
Get it booked in!
Paul Wad says
16/10/2017 at 07:58
I’ve been putting off the double scopes because I really don’t fancy them, the top entry more than the bottom one, as I had that one when I was first having symptoms of my spinal tumour. Having a litre of air shoved up your backside after a litre of fluid isn’t pleasant though. When I worked in A&E in Brighton we had to help out on the endoscopy suite occasionally and I made a note to myself never to have one of them, as I have a very sensitive gag reflex and they looked pretty awful. But I am having a load of problems with gastric irritation, bloating and constipation, so I really ought to pluck up the courage. I think mine is all down to the side effects of medication. It’s getting worse though, so I think I’ll heed the words above and the next time I have a bad day I’ll ask my GP for a referral.
So if you, or your friend, can be brave and go through with it so will I. Soon. I promise. Probably.
16/10/2017 at 12:42
Get to it, Paul. Who else is going to listen to all those rap albums if you’re not able?
16/10/2017 at 22:19
Hey, my daughter has started to take a liking to a few of them, which is not impressing the wife, as she’s only 12, and not a streetwise 12 like she would have been if we’d stayed in London and not come back up to Yorkshire.
I’m constantly being told to “turn that music off cos the kids are just in the next room”, but today she even popped her head round the door to complain about the music (a Kendrick Lamar playlist on Apple Music) when I was in the main bathroom cleaning the guinea pigs out! We never use that bathroom so we keep the piggies in there. I assured her that I had spoken with the guinea pigs and had warned them that there’d be trouble if any of those swears came out of their little furry mouths. But it is funny watching the wife’s face when our daughter demonstrates that she knows every word of a Stormzy song.
17/10/2017 at 16:50
Never use the bathroom?! What condition is your back garden in?
17/10/2017 at 23:00
His wife’s 12 an’ all.
I mean, just WTF’s going on at Chez Wad, if you’ll pardon my Fronshe?
16/10/2017 at 12:50
Double scopes.. AKA The Rotisserie.
16/10/2017 at 08:27
I’ve only had endoscopies, the top-down one. It’s basically the same bit of kit as the ass-up version, after a good wipe down with a damp cloth. You know when you deep-throat an enormous metallic dildo? It feels just like that.
16/10/2017 at 09:45
Throw in a sedative and that’s a good Saturday night in for may of us here.
16/10/2017 at 09:58
Kid Dynamite says
16/10/2017 at 11:29
I’ve had one of those. Probably the closest I’ll ever get to encountering one of the facehuggers from Alien.
16/10/2017 at 12:30
I just spat out Arrabbiata soup I was laughing so much
16/10/2017 at 19:02
You deserve some kind of award for eating soup while reading this thread
16/10/2017 at 09:38
I have had many in different hospitals as I have Crohn’s Disease.
Prep is the same, but procedure can differ. Some put you out completely, in others you are semi awake. It doesn’t hurt but the gas they put in you to open you up for the camera can cause flatulence and stomach cramps. You need someone to pick you up afterwards.
16/10/2017 at 09:57
I’ve had them with and without sedative. Prefer them with, but I had to drive myself a couple of times.
The prep wasn’t pleasant (I was given Movicol), but wasn’t horrendous either. Keep a good book in the bathroom (consider sound-proofing too)!
Without sedative it lasts about 40 mins, with seems much shorter. It’s a date r ape drug apparently – quite disturbing as I was sure I was fully conscious throughout, but did lose half an hour at least.
My first in 2013 found I had bowel cancer – surgery and chemo followed. All clear so far. Best wishes to you.
16/10/2017 at 10:35
I lost four hours after one with a sedative. Apparently I was quite chatty, then hungry, then asleep.
Had one without sedative too, because I didn’t want to stay for hours afterwards. It’s unpleasant but not painful, but you have to resist the urge to panic while there’s a camera crew down your oesophagus.
16/10/2017 at 11:03
Much the same. I woke up during my first.
Doc: “Oh, hello! You see those white spots? You shouldn’t have those!”
I giggled for the next 10 minutes.
The second I was asleep for 3 or 4 hours. The third I walked out of afterwards, albeit with two sturdy nurses to catch me if I toppled over.
16/10/2017 at 11:25
Wow, that’s some colonoscopy if it made it all the way up to your oesophagus. Ouch!
16/10/2017 at 11:53
Do try and keep up, Mini.
16/10/2017 at 12:32
MC Escher says
16/10/2017 at 10:01
*pushes sandwich to one side*
I mean you could have warned me this thread was about colonoscopy.
16/10/2017 at 10:07
Count yourself lucky. We haven’t had the inevitable Eminem video yet.
I had mine about 10 years ago without sedative; I’d have the sedative if I had the choice now.
As said above, the prep is the most unpleasant part and I also had an enema on the morning of the procedure. Not pleasant but it’s all over reasonably quickly.
It’s quite funny afterwards when all the air comes out; you fart like a trooper, which for most of you may be nothing new but both the volume and noise level were new experiences for me. 🙂
I found a barium enema to be worse- shitting out white cement for days (and having to collect it from the bottom of the loo.)
But do it- it will put your mind at rest.
Diddley Farquar says
16/10/2017 at 11:22
Barium Enema. 3 more from them later, and then again later, and then later still.
16/10/2017 at 12:25
Barium is a shocker. I had the euphemistically but accurately entitled meal and follow through a year or so back. They had to replace the toilet at work when it, um, followed through. (I never let on.)
I need an oesophageal stretch every few years, to loosen the valve at the top of my stomach, performed by a (top-down) endoscope. It’s not bad once you get used to the gag reflex control required.
16/10/2017 at 12:38
Oy – and furthermore – vey!
16/10/2017 at 12:44
That should also go on the “hidden talents” thread, surely?
16/10/2017 at 13:10
Let’s face it, we’ve all done it.
16/10/2017 at 12:36
I had a barium enema many years ago. Colonoscopy is a breeze by comparison. Worst bit was after it was over I was shown to the loo and asked if I wanted a cup of tea. The nurse brought me the tea as I sat on the lav disposing of the barium. She then sat down next to me and went through the post-procedure questionnaire.
16/10/2017 at 12:49
Ah, but Ruby, at least your trumps would have smelled like candy floss.
16/10/2017 at 12:55
I was only allowed herbal tea the 36 hours beforehand, so they probably smelled like hibiscus. I usually fart glitter so it was a nice change.
16/10/2017 at 14:22
I know.. it gets simply everywhere!
17/10/2017 at 11:56
My post-barium-enema fart went on for well over a minute, the raucous cacophony bouncing unforgivingly off the tiled floor and walls of the toilet cubicle.. and right over and under the ludicrously short door into the long, corridor-like, tiled waiting-area outside.
I walked out to find two dozen utterly-mortified waiting patients looking at absolutely anything except me.
17/10/2017 at 12:02
We really are getting some quality information on this thread, aren’t we readers?
17/10/2017 at 12:11
It’s good to get these things out in the open if only to reduce the social stigma. Much like Cancer used to be, then Mental Health more recently.
I took the decision early on that I would leave my shame/dignity at the hospital entrance, and that anyone who wanted to look up my backside was welcome* to. I’ve shown mine to arrays of medical students. If they can’t fix me, they might be able to help someone else later on.
Sorry if it offends anyone but, unlike cancer or depression, we’ve all got one.
(*) Please form an orderly queue, viewers.
18/10/2017 at 10:42
Having colorectal cancer was literally a pain in the ass (I’m here all week, etc etc) but I found too that any coyness or delicacy around the matter was pointless. While I was in hospital I would often be woken at 7am by a gaggle of students and a lecturing surgeon, pulling up my gown and showing off the fetching ileostomy bag I had to wear for a couple of years. Then they’d bugger off, curtains left open, and gown too, leaving you feeling a right narna. Losing any sense of personal dignity, while under the knife, is more or less inevitable.
17/10/2017 at 14:02
I like to think I’d have shaken your hand. Then washed it carefully.
My hand that is, not yours Jeff. Why would I wash your hand? What do you take me for?
17/10/2017 at 14:11
I’ve totally lost track of who’s washing whose hand now, and indeed who’s on first.
Let’s start again: put on this backless gown and lie down over there…
16/10/2017 at 11:13
I’m sorry. I’ve read as much of this filth as I could stomach and I can’t for the life of me understand your depravity. Can’t you just enjoy a wholesome relationship without having to seek bizarre new thrills in this way?
16/10/2017 at 12:39
Sorry, can you repeat that please?
16/10/2017 at 11:35
Do you lot all get these things eyes wide open ?
Every one of mine has been eyes wide shut with some of Australia’s finest general anaesthetic.
16/10/2017 at 12:41
Yep coupla slabs
16/10/2017 at 11:38
I had one a few years back and they discovered colorectal cancer, luckily it was just in the nick of time, otherwise I wouldn’t be here now. Since then, I’ve had to have one a year. As everyone says, the prep isn’t a fun day out, but it’s worth doing.
Congrats in your timely intervention. ‘Slotbadger’ has just the right ring for those undergoing a colonoscopy.
Generally, as others have said, when you receive your hospital invite don’t pass up on it.
Not for the first time on this board I find myself feeling profoundly grateful for my robust health, and just a little bit left out.
16/10/2017 at 13:00
You don’t have to be ill to have one, just slip your GP twenty quid for a referral or go private (a couple of hundred quid). Then you’ll be able to join in the post-op fun chat.
16/10/2017 at 13:03
My brother in law is a GP. I might suggest it a Christmas present.
16/10/2017 at 22:31
Sod it, Gatz, I’ll do it foe AW love….
That and your C90.
17/10/2017 at 14:17
You’d give someone a colonoscopy in return for a MOPED!!!???
I’m not sure who’s getting the shitty end of the stick in this deal.
16/10/2017 at 13:02
Replicate all the fun of a barium enema- at home!* Stick a hose up your arse and put the water pressure up high. Next, fill the hose with cement (maybe not the rapid-setting kind) and insert; try and pass it out over the next few days. Try and control your gag reflex whilst pulling out cement from the toilet with your hands.
Repeatedly sit on a whoopee cushion for the full aural experience. Borrow a baby and waft their nappies around.
* Don’t try this at home.
16/10/2017 at 14:20
It’s not fair. I’ve been abusing my body fairly heavily for 30 years and all I get is a bit of a cold every 18 months. I have to go to work while you lit are having all this fun and larks? I am frustrate!
GCU Grey Area says
16/10/2017 at 13:26
I had one back in June – my first after major bowel surgery last year.
That was the third ‘up-periscope’ I’ve had, and the highest/deepest/furthest up/down/in.
Uncomfortable, but not painful.
The pre-op ‘Clean-Prep’ solution is utterly disgusting, and has a vile taste.
If anyone here is invited to attend ‘Flexible Sygmoidoscopy’, or submit ‘Poo Sticks’ can I urge you to do so? I went to the former, and was rather surprised to discover I had a tumour in my bowel. No symptoms beforehand. . .
16/10/2017 at 19:52
How are you doing, GCU? All well?
16/10/2017 at 21:01
I’m good, thanks Tigs. Nothing untoward found in the colonoscopy and earlier scan. Due a check-up and bloods in November.
17/10/2017 at 12:24
Great stuff. Fingers crossed for next month.
17/10/2017 at 08:39
I’ve just got my poo sticks results – negative I’m glad to say. A bit unnerving to get two letters in the same post, though – when I was opening the second one I was afraid it would say, Oops, sorry, we meant positive. But no, negative again.
When I was texting Mrs thep to tell her I realised that this is one occasion when you want the thumbs up emoticon for negative rather than the thumbs down.
hubert rawlinson says
16/10/2017 at 14:37
As I was being taken down for mine the nurse seemed unusually chatty as if she knew me.
” Do you remember me? You taught me bricklaying when I was on the pre uniform course.”
Oh hello said I.
As I got on the table and prepared for the insertion (which reminded me of the process for clearing blocked drains) as the camera started its journey she asked “Are you still teaching bricklaying then?”
I didn’t feel in a position to reply.
16/10/2017 at 15:51
Thanks everyone. Mind at rest.
16/10/2017 at 17:26
I’ve had two prostate biopsies and a flexible sygmoidoscopy. Whilst none of them were an absolute barrel of laughs, I’d class them as briefly uncomfortable rather than painful, and much better them done and you know how the land lies.
Discussing bus fares mid way through my second biopsy was one of the more surreal moments of my life…
16/10/2017 at 17:51
Two (very) close relatives of mine have had colorectal cancer.
So far, I’ve had one barium enema and two colonoscopies.
The first colonoscopy was in 2003. I didn’t have any form of sedation and I found it absolutely grim. I am a terrible coward, and started kicking up a right fuss. After a while, the doctor said “Right, I’ve had enough of this” and simply abandoned the procedure half way through and left the room, never to return. The whole thing traumatised me so much that I waited much too long (14 years) before having another colonoscopy.
That was in August this year. This time, the doctors had been forewarned about my rather dodgy track record. They gave me some intravenous drug (propofol, possibly) that knocked me right out. 25 minutes later, they woke me up just like switching on a light, and the whole thing was over. Hurrah! I imagined that I’d feel sleepy and groggy for hours, but no – after 30 minutes I felt pretty much OK. Amazing.
The ‘prep’ has been absolutely grim every time.
Last time, I was forced to swallow the last few gallons of laxative at 3 a.m. The only thing that kept my spirits up at that time was watching YouTube videos with Ralfy’s recommendations for fine drams. Whichever Afterworder it was who recommended Ralfy – thanks!
16/10/2017 at 19:17
“I am a terrible coward” – this reassures me, because I’m a fucking brilliant coward.
16/10/2017 at 19:25
16/10/2017 at 18:58
On my nurse training I was fortunate enough to sit in on a colonoscopy clinic. Amongst other learning that day I found out that the consultant had only received one thank you letter in 30-odd years. Cant imagine why so few patients felt the need to write and say “thanks for a lovely morning doc.”
I had my colonoscopy in St James’s University Teaching Hospital in Leeds in the early ’80s. I was laid on my side, knees drawn up to my chest, with what felt like most of Jodrell Bank jammed up my chuff, when the consultant languidly drawled “Don’t mind if I bring in a few student medics in to have a look, do you?” whilst opening the door.
In trooped about a dozen of the most agonisingly-embarrassed twenty-something’s I’ve ever seen. No small-talk was attempted, in either direction.
That consultant didn’t get a ‘thankyou’ card either.
17/10/2017 at 19:39
“St James’s University Teaching Hospital in Leeds ”
Isn’t that the place that’s normally referred to as “Jimmy’s”?
17/10/2017 at 23:08
It is indeed, but if I’d said ‘I had my colonoscopy at Jimmy’s in Leeds’ there’d have been Yewtree klaxons going off all over the place.
Especially given that I used to live about half a mile from his apartment in Roundhay Park, and would often see him road-running in the neighbourhood.
16/10/2017 at 19:28
I’m disappointed that no one got the intentional Ass.
16/10/2017 at 19:47
The Ass King – a premium DVD imprint.
And not just because Paul Simon wrote a song for him.
16/10/2017 at 19:54
Here comes the ass King 😂
16/10/2017 at 23:28
I had one a few weeks ago, first for about 10 years. Apparently I’m at risk as my Mum had bowel cancer (which she recovered from).
Yeah the prep is ghastly but actually afterwards you feel good that you’ve cleaned out your system.
Two little polyps removed, back again in 2 years
17/10/2017 at 06:28
This really has been a most educational and entertaining thread.
Perhaps, in a few weeks time, we can have a similar thread for people who’ve had varicose veins or haemorrhoidectomies or something.
17/10/2017 at 07:02
If you build it they will come. If they can.
17/10/2017 at 07:14
At the risk of putting you right off, they video the procedure, and send it to the consultant who did the op. The view from the camera is put up onto a large monitor, which is positioned around your knees. If so inclined, you can watch – ‘Ooh, Grey, there’s the operation site, it looks really good’. Mm, no thanks, can you take my specs, please.
17/10/2017 at 09:10
I’ve just noticed the exclamation mark in the OP title, as if Bri is simply repeating the question with incredulity. Which, given the response, would be justified.
17/10/2017 at 12:04
Mrs Wells is getting bunions on her feet done just before Christmas. Both feet Dec 19.
Think I’d rather have another colonoscopy.
17/10/2017 at 12:14
Just had my 55 year check up. And why not?
I believe its no good waiting for symptoms.
All fine, which I wish they hadn’t insisted on showing me, and apparently I don’t have to go in again for a decade. A morning well spent if for no better reason than it was the medical profession saying something other than “you should lose some weight”
17/10/2017 at 14:48
Balls to it. I’ve read all your horror stories and I guess it is time to admit defeat and get mine done. Having had chronic constipation since my spinal surgery 13 years ago I actually quite like the idea of getting fully cleared out too. I didn’t much like the barium enema the last time though, and the sedative did nothing for me except make my eyes a little blurred. I’m on a shedload of medication now though, so maybe the sedative will combine with those and make it easier.
A little nervous about it though, as I had loads of neck pain and other symptoms once before and kept telling my physio and rheumatologist I was fine for about 18 months until the fact that I wasn’t able to use my knife and fork, dress myself fully, etc made me give in and tell them I was having a little difficulty. Then they sent me for a scan and found a whopping great big tumour in the middle of my spinal cord. I’ll try to attach a picture of it later, cos it’s a beauty.
17/10/2017 at 16:36
Mmm, posting an image via a file sharing service looks too complicated for me, so maybe I won’t post the picture. Think (for the pre-op scan of my spinal cord) a baked bean in a drinking straw, and for the post-op scan of my spinal cord think ‘piece of string’.
Moral is, if you have persistent aches, pains, etc, get them checked out and don’t think you’re being brave or tough just ignoring it*.
I was 32 when the symptoms started, to answer Tony’s question below, and I’m 48 now, having finally given in, after years of modifications to my workplace to stay working, a couple of years ago, as my health took a big downturn (I have more medical symptoms than you would see across an extended family!). My Specialists all are amazed I managed to stay working as long as I did, the DWP think that I am fit for work because I walked “30 metres in a normal manner from the waiting room to the assessment”, I kid you not. I am now Daniel Blake (which is more of a documentary than a film, as I have had all the same conversations with them!).
*yes, I know I have been doing this with my gastric and bowel issues, but they are almost certainly due to my medication. Probably.
17/10/2017 at 16:37
Great stuff. Do come back and update the thread once you’ve been up-periscope.
Have you considered prunes?
17/10/2017 at 18:55
I’ve considered caesarian section.
The wife is genuinely concerned that at some point the drains on the estate are going to explode cos of all the magnificent creations I’ve beat down there over the years. I assure her it’s me that’s likely to do the exploding.
17/10/2017 at 23:11
You should totally submit that for next year’s Booker.
Tony Japanese says
17/10/2017 at 16:17
Please can you all confirm you were at least forty before any of this happened? I want to enjoy my thirties without any medical students peering at my bottom.
17/10/2017 at 16:35
Yes, 43 or 44, although if I’d had one 15 years earlier I would have avoided a whole heap of trouble.
You don’t have to become a living medical tutorial if you don’t want to. It can be strictly between your consultant and nurse. I, however, have no shame!
17/10/2017 at 18:00
Great . I’m 44 next month. Absolutely bloody marvellous.
18/10/2017 at 09:29
I’ve mentioned on here before that I went to a teaching hospital when I had a hernia fixed in my late 20s. Before the op the medical student who had been present at the out-patient appointment came around with a few of her colleagues, and asked if they could examine me because for most of them I was their first hernia.
I agreed of course, and once you’ve stood in a hospital gown, hairy bum sticking out the back and hitched up at the front, while 4 or 5 young women take turns to palpate your shaven groin and say, ‘Can you cough for me again please, Mr Gatz?’ you get over any ideas of modesty when it comes to medical matters.
18/10/2017 at 09:47
Non-aggressive physical contact from actual women!
17/10/2017 at 18:11
I feel so left out! Never had or even been offered one of these. Maybe I should resign my AW membership.
OTOH, Poo Sticks on 3 occasions so far. On the last occasion they weren’t sure of the result and asked me to do it again before giving me the all clear.
17/10/2017 at 19:01
Mr B had to do a second one, which was okay, then another for a ‘best of three’, which was not. Hence the up-periscope, resulting in the removal of nine polyps and a yearly invitation to the arse clinic.
18/10/2017 at 08:02
Arse Clinic? Is that what it’s called?
Same building as the Waterworks Unit and the Fadge Consultant I assume.
18/10/2017 at 08:00
Whaddaya think am, made of shit?
18/10/2017 at 09:19
I’m not answering that. I’ve got into trouble in the past by being too honest.
18/10/2017 at 09:37
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