We said goodbye to my best friend today. It was a lovely service, 28 people turned up (more than we expected) and author Paolo Hewitt and I shared our memories of him. When Paolo ‘went’ I thought there was no way I would hold it together but I did. I wasn’t going to let Des down.
It has been the hardest four weeks of my life and all the work and effort to arrange everything (he was an orphan, the product of a 60’s & 70’s children’s care system that was not fit for purpose) has triggered a breakdown. I have finally thrown myself at the mercy of the experts, put my hand up, and asked for help.
My friend of 44 years is gone, at just 61. His mental health struggles eventually beat him down but he is finally free.
He went out to this. It is about Paul Kossoff’s struggles with drugs but I have always had Des in my mind when we would sing it. I grinned from ear to ear and stared at the coffin the whole time it was playing.
Cheers, Des.
https://youtu.be/hXu84grFk44
Baron Harkonnen says
Des was a lucky man to have a friend like you Niall, peace & love, Richie.
niallb says
Thanks Baron.
davebigpicture says
Your post reminded me that Kossoff’s father visited my secondary school and spoke about his son and his addiction. I haven’t thought about it for 40 years or so but I found a mention of his tour of schools (on a Jethro Tull forum of all places) so it seems I didn’t imagine it.
Look after yourself Niall. Des would want you to be happy and well.
Carl says
I recall seeing a documentary about David Kossoff’s work in going around schools to talk about Paul and the risks associated with drug taking.
Take care Niall. You sound like a friend that most of us would treasure.
niallb says
Thanks @Carl, that’s a lovely thing to say.
niallb says
Thank you Dave
Tiggerlion says
Time to take care of yourself, Niall. Let others do the heavy lifting for a while. Best wishes to you and your family.
niallb says
Thanks Tigg.
Leedsboy says
Bless you Niall. He couldn’t have had a better, more caring friend. You did him proud.
niallb says
Thanks @Leedsboy. I just kept telling myself that I couldn’t let him down.
SteveT says
A fitting final send off Niall. It is and always has been my favourite Free song – the vocal is just perfect – whenever I hear it I sing my heart out but that register is not easy to reach. Look after yourself mate – it is what Des would have wanted.
niallb says
Thanks @SteveT. The front pew was Paolo, me, my wife and 2 of my brothers. Halfway through the first verse of MBJ a tearful Jan nudged me and pointed down. All 5 of us were tapping our feet. I grinned and kissed her cheek. “Des would have approved,” she whispered.
Lando Cakes says
You’ve been a good, true friend, Niall. I can’t think of of much higher praise than that. Now be kind to yourself while you get better.
niallb says
Thank my friend. Getting better is now my priority.
bobness says
What Lando Cakes and Leedsboy said. Perfect sentiments.
Take care of yourself, Niall.
niallb says
Thanks @bobness, will do.
Twang says
Lovely post Niall. One of my closest friends had a sudden, out of the blue heart attack around this time last year and I spoke at the funeral which was one of the toughest things I’ve done, but you have to, don’t you? I just about got through it. Sorry, it’s dusty here…
niallb says
Thanks @Twang. Speaking yesterday was tough but I’d read my script several times and took it slow, with lots of deep breaths, and got through.
The toughest thing was, because he had no family and official next of kin, I had to sign his death certificate. Jan was still talking to the Registrar but I was just staring at the pen. I think that was when the trouble set in – it took a few more days to come,out – and I have no memory of the rest of the meeting.
RubyBlue says
Well done , Niall. Both for being such a good friend and also asking for help when you need it. Take care of yourself. x
niallb says
Thank you, Ruby. It has taken me years of denial, of avoiding the stigma and of coping but I feel better just for having put my hand up. I know it will be a long road but I’m so tired of feeling like this. It’s time.
fortuneight says
I think friends like you are a bit of a scarcity these days. Sounds like you’ve done him proud.
It also reads as if you’ve made that vital first step in knowing what you need to do for your own well-being. Best of luck and keep posting eh?
niallb says
Thank you. My writing has suffered over the past 6 months so that’s always an indicator that my depression has taken a hold.
retropath2 says
But not, hurrah, your taste in music, give or take the odd lapse into Climie Fisher for which I blame your wife. But it has been a while since a friday night with Tedeschi Trucks……
Talking of Trucks, how are you on his younger brother? And his band Widespread Panic, for whom, like uncle Butch, he is the drummer.
chiz says
I just read that as Waistband Panic, and thought what a superb name for a band of manopausal duffers that would be.
nogbad says
Just seen this whilst coincidentally enjoying BWP, Man the Lifeboat.
We all need the Lifeboat occasionally and can only hope there’s one there for us.
I think you’ve got several mate !
See you soon
Steve
niallb says
Thank you, Steve. See you 8th June for some BWR shenanigans.