This may be news to everyone in the ‘normal’ parts of the UK, but the Northern Ireland Assembly collapsed in January 2017 and has not met since then. It collapsed because DUP’s Arlene Foster (NI First Minister) personally oversaw/signed-off on a scandalous heating scheme where farmers basically got rewarded huge sums for literally wasting energy. It is calculated to cost tax-payers £490 million. Foster refused requersts from other parties to stand aside until an inquiry was concluded. In what other part of the UK would anyone have got away with such monstrous arrogance?
Other ‘issues’ stopping these MLAs from actually carrying out their job descriptions as public representatives in a representative assembly seem to be a load of crap about ‘identity’ and secondary languages – the DUP not willing to meet a commitment in the Good Friday Agreement for some kind of Irish language act unless they can shoehorn in something about Ulster-Scots (a made-up language corralled into being as a cultural/political-pawn counterweight to Gaelic). Meanwhile, there is no-one to run normal everyday things in NI like health, education, etc. – NI civil servants are doing it all but can only go so far, legally – just keeping the ship afloat, really, unable to ‘make new decisions’.
Meanwhile, a rancid gang of 10 DUP members prop up the national government – which means the national govt is hardly likely to start banging heads together or actually stop the salaries of NI Assembly members (MLAs). They are sitting at home doing bugger all.
Much as I try to ignore NI politics, I find myself getting angry about this. The hubris, arrogance and flagrant waste of public money – and endless hand-wringing, whingeing appearances by these stay-at-homes on local TV – is simply too great.
I’ve recently asked the NI office for information under FOI rules: the amount paid in salaries to MLAs since the thing collapsed; the amount signed off in MLA expenses since the thing collapsed.
Meanwhile, using basic public info online, I’ve calculated that at least £5,896,300 has been spent in MLA salaries in the first 15 months of their sulk – 80 of them on £48,000pa, 8 on £80,000pa and 2 (including the one who has cost us all millions because she couldn’t add up) on £114,500pa.
So what does one do about this? Well, I’ve signed a petition to stop their pay, for all the good that it will do and, obviously, being me – a genteel, bourgeois outsider and progressive-rock apologist – I’ve created a punk protest song called ‘Smash the System (Kick it In)’ – inspired by YouTube performances by NI punk legend and old-school anarchist Petesy Burns, a friend of a friend. Maybe he had it right all along?
I met Petesy for coffee and muffins today. We’ll be recording it properly within the next 4 weeks and I’ll have a video filmed to stick on YouTube. Naturally, it is an entirely futile gesture – but there are times when, as Beyond the Fringe once put it, we need futile gestures.
Here’s the demo:
https://m.soundcloud.com/colinh-1/smash-the-system-kick-it-in-demo-2
Colin H says
Hmmm… the link didn’t open. I’ll try again…
https://m.soundcloud.com/colinh-1/smash-the-system-kick-it-in-demo-2
Martin Hairnet says
Great stuff Colin. Bit of a long intro. for a burst of rage though, isn’t it?
Colin H says
I hear what you say Mart, but my thinking is twofold: (1) the space can be used in the video for text a la silent films (a few facts and figures about NI politicians, an introduction to the artistes…); (2) why not smash the system of expectations around punk songs by having a huge intro and huge middle eight (or thirty-two)? I’m an instrumental music person, really! I think the structure was subliminally influenced by the Motors’ ‘Damcing the Night Away’ (an even longer intro!). This piece of music will only exist, when properly recorded, in the context of a YouTube video – so no one will notice the gaps between shouting, there’ll be stuff happening…
Lando Cakes says
Four and a half minutes, Colin? This is prog punk!
Looking forward to the finished product though and take your point re the video. Maybe a short, sharp shock re-mix for the old schoolers?
Mike_H says
Call it the tl/dl shortcut mix.
Colin H says
Maybe I could also do an edit without the vocals for old-aschool proggers… 😀
Mike_H says
Vintage analogue synth solo instead.
Hang on, make that two analogue synth solos and a bass solo.
Seriously though. We need lots of protest songs.
Colin H says
Good call on the analogue synth solo!
Colin H says
I should add that jazz sensation Scott Flanigan actively wants to contribute a screaming Hammond solo to the recording. I baulked intially – Scott’s fabulous… but on a punk thing? But now I’m thinking, well, why not? It’s another convention smashed. And besides, I run out of ideas by the second half of the solo anyway. Scott Flanigan NEVER runs out of ideas!
Here he is with Jim Mullen (system smashing not pictured):
Colin H says
And just for a bit of context here’s Petesy with his band Petesy Burns’ Arse. I’m hoping drummer Donal will be on the recording too…
retropath2 says
Hey, Col, is that you etc etc
O, never mind……
Colin H says
Very good! 🙂
paulwright says
I hear you, but I would question “in what other part of the UK…” because I think that similar incompetence/corruption/venality are now commonplace in Westminster too.
Colin H says
I think the sheeer brazenness of it in NI is beyond anything in the rest of the UK, Paul…
Mike_H says
That’s my impression, as an interested outsider, too.
Tiggerlion says
All power to you, Colin. Long live the revolution!
Colin H says
The bourgeois revolution, Tiggs – it starts here (with a break for lunch and a crossword obviously).
Uncle Wheaty says
A completely ridiculous situation.
The GP NHS service has all but fallen apart as a consequence of this and other funding cuts.
The MLAs should be embarrassed enough to go and get another job.
fentonsteve says
Speaking as a middle-class liberal ponce, I think that Donald Trump fellow is a bit thick.
There, I’ve said it. I feel better already.
Uncle Wheaty says
Well done you.
It’s good to vent.
Martin Hairnet says
I was thinking of Trump’s abrogation of the Iran deal yesterday. The years of effort, the man-hours, the endless flights and the energy consumed: all rendered null and void on the whims of an ignorant narcissist. That’s where we are in 2018.
davebigpicture says
Couldn’t agree more. On another Trump related matter, much as I’d like to see North Korea on good terms with the rest of the world, the thought of Trump taking credit for it sours any deal that may happen for me.
Mike_H says
Both Israel and the Saudis have leaned heavily on him, I should think. Neither want the USA to be on amicable terms with Iran. Both will obviously be delighted.
Israel are already celebrating by bombing the fuck out of Syria.
The Saudis will probably celebrate by slipping a load of extra arms and money to the Wahhabist nutjobs in IS. I wonder how much of IS’ arms are coming from the US via Saudi Arabia?
Colin H says
Thanks lads! The video, of course, will be absurd – it will be me and Petesy in my bourgeois back garden miming urbanely to an angry noise. I might even hire a Mahavishnu-esque Gibson SG double neck and dress in white. But however ludicrous I appear, it will nowhere near as ludicrous as Jeffrey Donaldson whingeing on about his identity on TV or a shower of gits all getting paid huge sums of money for doing nothing. It’s a national disgrace. Funny thing is, every musician I know wants to be on backing vocals. And they will be.
nigelthebald says
Re the double neck and white suit: do it!
Colin H says
Your argument is nuanced and persuasive, Nigel…
Mike_H says
Bring it on!
metal mickey says
Sorry if I’m not taking this seriously (or indeed too seriously), and at the risk of burying the lede, based on those figures, it would take over 100 years for the MLA pay to catch up to that £490 million subsidy (though obviously it would never happen as they’d all retire and die in the meantime…)
So wouldn’t it be more productive to protest the subsidy than the MLA’s pay, as anger-inducing as it is?
Colin H says
There’s already an inquiry going on into the £490 million farrago – with various people passing the buck. They all seem crap and incompetent – even the civil servants. It seems to all come down to meetings that weren’t minuted because of this or that person’s sensitivities – something that we now know goes on a lot in NI government. So that horse has bolted. Whereas – as futile as it may be – stopping MLAs pay is still a live issue. It’s a bit like stripping Fred ‘The Bastard’ Goodwin of his knighthood – after he sent RBS billions into buggery and the taxpayer had to step in – even stopping a few grand of MLA pay will make people feel better, however pyrrhic the victory may be.
metal mickey says
A completely reasonable answer!
Colin H says
*takes bow*
attackdog says
Gosh, Colin. Thats sounds so angry. So Violent. Can anyone join in? Can I join in?
Colin H says
Why didn’t I think of that? I’m guilty of barking myself when I have an AttackDog nearby…
Salty says
Amazingly, one of the many people interviewed in the RHI inquiry finally accepted some responsibility this week. Made a refreshing change from the catalogue of denial and avoidance we have been forced to listen to.
Well done with the protest Colin, there is definitely not enough anger about the current shambles.
Colin H says
Thanks Salty. I intend to impersonate Mahavishnu John McLaughlin in the video, dressed in white with a Gibson double-neck on a beach as punk legend Petesy Burns does Tai Chi. No matter how bizarre that will appear it will many times less bizarre than paying people millions of pounds to sit at home and sulk. I asked around today and it transpires there’s one Gibson double-neck in Northern Ireland. I’ve messaged the chap who owns it. Hopefully he won’t mind loaning it out for a day… Here’s Petesy (at 2:40) doing Tai Chi on a beach:
Twang says
Good for you Colin. I got into writing a bit of protest myself with my sensational (😉) “Decades” album a few years ago. It becomes addictive by the way. We look forward to the prog punk album.
Colin H says
‘Decades’ was great, Twang – let none deny it. But no prog punk album, I’m afraid – one song, one video, two fingers up, and back to being bougeois I think!
Twang says
I’m sure Jan Akkerman could summon a one note guitar solo if pressed?
Colin H says
That might smash the budget!
Mike_H says
Budget? There’s a budget?
Actually, if you could hoodwink a grant out of them for it, that’d be a laugh…
Colin H says
If I did an Ulster-Scots ‘language’ version I could get a torrent of funding!
Mike_H says
Make that the A-side for the funding and then flip it for release. Simples!
Colin H says
While waiting for the legendary Petesy Burns to fix a date for our studio recording of ‘Smash the System’, I decided to cobble together a YouTube vid for the demo. I thought I’d create a montage of all 90 MLAs – after all, we never get a chance to see them in the Assembly. I did some new calculations from publicly accessible information and it transpires we’ve paid these people £16.7 million so far in salaries and expenses while they’ve been on their 16+ month holiday. It doesn’t feel like great value to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7IK0nBEq88&feature=youtu.be
Colin H says
Take 2 – montage defaulted to 6:58 in length so I needed to pad out the audio…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKDqcRVdvYw&feature=youtu.be
Mike_H says
Excellent stuff, Colin, but could do with the opening few explanatory slides displaying for a little longer. They pass by a bit too quickly to read them.
Colin H says
The slideshow software I have just defaults to that – I don’t have the ability to finesse it. When we record it properly I’ll have a friend with skills in that area create a video of style…
Mike_H says
Put each one in the list twice in succession?
Colin H says
My software (Roxio) won’t allow it. It doesn’t really matter – I’ll save the effort for the studio version… 🙂
thecheshirecat says
@Colin H. I take it that was your letter in the i on Friday? I was thinking of this thread when I read Deborah Orr’s article, then closure was brought through the Letters page.
Colin H says
Yep, that was me. Smash the system – by writing to newspapers… We’ll be recording STS before the end of June – me, Petesy, Donal (drummer with Petesy’s Arse), the splendid Ali MacKenzie on bass (from the Hardchargers and others) and jazz sensation Scott Flanigan on Hammond. Here’s Ali doing his thing two nights back…