Only one memorable part in a lifetime of performing. But what a part and what a memory.
Media in Australia and, it seems, beyond, is agog regarding the comments of West Indian cricketer Chris Gayle who, during an interview with a touchline commentator appeared to ask her out for ‘a drink’. Gayle, a well known pants man, has been roundly castigated for his apparent sexism although he has received support from some quarters, in particular from Piers Morgan, which is a bit like chucking a drowning man a half ton anchor. As someone who watched the cringeworthy exchange live, my first thought centred on the oafish creepiness of a self-obsessed sportsman hitting on a young, quite obviously flustered, reporter. Following the furore – and remembering that early January is a slow news period – Gayle has duly apologised, claiming his comments were – you guessed it – a joke. Channel 10, the TV network involved has also pressed the self-righteous button, castigating the cricketer and affirming that such behaviour is unacceptable and cannot be repeated. Except. At the time, they loved it. The three laddish commentators were seen to be grinning in a ‘he’s a caution, isn’t he?’ sort of way and the interview was even tweeted with the ludicrously erroneous hashtag – ‘smooth’. As the inevitable » Continue Reading.
It hasn’t happened yet and may not happen at all but the superannuated bean counters who rule Old Trafford are getting hard ons just thinking about it. The biggest club in the world; arguable but unquestionably a heavy corporate hitter. The best coach in the world; even more arguable, but a name and a personality who guarantees headlines. What a pair. What a money-making brand identification, market swamping, back-of-the-net, peach of a prospect. And the fans love the idea, were even chanting his name on Saturday as their big, unless lump of a spent force Dutchman listened in humiliating silent failure. Of course, we’re talking here abut a football club, not a corporation and Mourinho’s footballing style is inextricably based on defence, not the United way, they keep telling us. We attack, not defend say the fans, the same ones who booed the famously defensive LVG and then pleaded for the even more resolute Mourinho. Results? Or style? Football? Or money? I wonder.
Johnny Concheroo’s observations on Little Steven’s greasy bandana and bollock tight pants, in the Springsteen clip has inspired a thread on one time Gods who’ve now become gargoyles. Here’s the current leader in the clubhouse. http://i.imgur.com/gseB86J.jpg Others welcome.
Part 2 in a very occasional series designed to both celebrate the Southern Hemisphere summer and piss off people struggling through the depths of NH winter features, this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4YklqpJaUQ Perfect in every way, from the magnificent lead vocal, the snakey guitar solo and the simply brilliant drums. Phew, what a scorcher.
I’m thinking of buying an electronic drum kit. Although I’ve messed about on drums before, I’ve never tried the electronic version. Anyone know if they’re any good? The demo provided on the website above sounds quite good and I’ve bought stuff from these people before with no regrets. I have no interest or ambition to join a band incidentally, just to batter away to the provided backing tracks. It sounds like fun but I’d appreciate other views.
One year ago, a lone gunman, Man Haron Monis, held hostage ten customers and eight employees of a Lindt chocolate café in Sydney. After a 16 hour stand-off, a gunshot was heard from within the cafe and police officers from New South Wales’s Tactical Operation Unit stormed the premises. 3 people were killed – the gunman and 2 hostages, Tori Johnson, the manager of the cafe who was executed by Monis and customer Katrina Dawson, mistakenly shot by Police gunfire. Australian media have duly commemorated the tragedy today, but, for some reasons, laziness almost certainly, very little has been made of the shambolic conduct of the NSW police command, which some observers feel may well have led to some, if not all, of the deaths. According to the official Government review of the siege, sadly ignored by almost all mainstream media, the mistaken belief that Monis’s actions were that of an organised terrorist rather than, as later became clear, the criminal behaviour of a mentally ill, disaffected, individual actively contributed to the depressing, murderous outcome. Particular aspects of the police’s response, almost none of which has been reported, never mind questioned , highlights blunders by police in a state with » Continue Reading.
Australia isn’t perfect. But. It’s early December. And its summer. That’s all. Oh and this… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4dBjjGeAWA
The other day I was invited to a training day at a large inner city Melbourne High School. The topic was Indigenous Awareness, a much needed skill in the area the institution services. Sitting in a prominent position In the front row was the School Principal, a bloke in his late 30’s – 39 presumably – who I was assured, is normally a shirt and tie sort of fellow. He was wearing on the day: a blue singlet, nylon shorts and – brace yourself JC, bare feet. Oh, and a baseball cap worn, naturally, backwards. Getting down with the …well, you get the idea… He then made throughout the day, a number of unnecessary, fatuous interjections which were clearly intended to convince everyone – quite wrongly as it turned out, that he was the world’s most liberal, insightful man. Yes, you got it, a total wanker. ‘The Office’ is currently showing here in Australia but it’s not generally the phenomenon it was in Britain, so I’m pretty sure he wasn’t being ironic. Plus – irony? Hey, this is Australia. Anyone else observed a better Brentmeister General recently?
You might think every possible combination of cooking show has been done. And you’d be nearly right. However, Australian TV has managed to invent a new sub genre which must rate as the most offensive, bourgeois and – ultimately – shit – of them all. ‘Kitchen Cabinet’, a truly horribly twee name, features Annabel Crabb, an undeniably sexy, slimmer Nigella visiting the homes of various Aussie politicians: all totally informal of course but don’t worry they’ll be doing the cooking, relieved to have a couple of hours to unwind after a hectic time driving the nation, imprisoning asylum seekers and wearing horribly cheap suits. You can tell it’s an informal visit because all the men – it’s nearly always men- have eschewed the obligatory ugly tie for standard off duty pollies clobber – tieless dress shirt with the top button undone. You rascal, just don’t care do ya? The idea behind the show is -presumably – to show politicians in their less strident, didactic moments. Family men, ordinary geezers, people like you and me, assuming you and me are cunts. Really, what’s the point in this? Politicians are everyday people? Lots of cunts are. I can’t imagine what this show » Continue Reading.
Not everyone will agree, but I think he’s one of us.
This is one for Australian residents primarily, though not exclusively and JC and JW might well have a view. Do you get the strong impression that the Australian media are absolutely gagging for a terrorist atrocity? They can’t wait. Yesterday in Melbourne, the bomb squad were assembled to disable a shopper’s forgotten shoe box. The media were all there, tongues lolling. It’s almost like they want to join a club: Journos who can deliver brave sincere reportage from the battle zone. But without the need for a passport. Meanwhile 3 people die in a bush fire and there’s barely a flutter. Pathetic. Why are we so bad?
This will be a short thread. David Warner, Aussie batsman who smashed a peerless 100 today in the first cricket test against New Zealand. Now don’t get me wrong. As a batsman he’s good – I’ll give you that. But. He’s so fkkknnn boring. Everything that’s wrong about modern cricket is encapsulated in DW. Two emotions, crying his eyes out or steam coming out his ears. A jumped up sawn off shotgun of a bloke who gives you nothing. Not clever, not funny not quirky, not in any way interesting when he’s not at the wicket, bashing boundaries. Come one Aussie cricket fans, admit it. He can play cricket. But wouldn’t you want some one with a bit of – no, make that ONE – of these … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEgccxvItKo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1YH0ScBr2k On a day like today in Oz, what better reason than to post this.
Year: 2015 Director: Brian Helgeland
In my final years at school, the non official text of choice was ‘The Profession of Violence’ by John Pearson, the semi-official biography of The Kray Twins. Pearson, it seems, was given the nod by Ron and Reg to tell their story around the time they were finally banged up, fully aware a long term was about to be worked up them, courtesy of an establishment keen to be perceived as still fully in the political driving seat of late 1960’s Britain. The author however, exceeded his brief by delivering a book that successfully perpetuated the Kray myth by putting their rise in a sociological context without wholly kowtowing to the glamorous image the twins apparently craved. Despite its ambiguous, slightly diffident, possibly aleatory comedic tone, the book became the undisputed bible for all Kray aficionados. For example, Pearson’s quirky timbre is perfectly, wantonly, echoed in the Monty Python tale of The Piranha Brothers, one of whom (Dinsdale) used violence whilst the other (Doug) favoured sarcasm: ‘he knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire …’ ‘Legend’, a truly awful title which in and of itself provides an instant review » Continue Reading.
I’m not a Newcastle fan but you don’t have to be to feel sadness followed swiftly by unspeakable anger at this pathetic statement from any football coach – never mind one who used to have some credibilty. One of the richest cubs in the world – the world! – who only care about escaping relegation. If any proof were needed of the despicable objectives of people like Mike Ashley – who’ll be perfectly happy as long as the money rolls in – courtesy of a big new TV contract. Bottom dwellers forever – yeah, that’ll do. Total joke and every true football fan should feel the same.
In the latest issue of Viz (not as good as it used to be) the magnificent 8 Ace sings his own plaintive version of the super-appalling Escape (The Pina Colada Song). The chorus goes:
‘if you like cheap f-fuckin’ lageh an’ gettin’ reyt off yer face… if yer shit yer shell bottoms afteh 8 tin of ace.. if you like wakin’ up at midneyt wi’ all spew dahn yer front… i’m the women yer looking’ for… even if yer a cunt…’
Well, it made me laugh…
On a day (today) when a Scotsman (me) was knocked off his French bicycle by a Greek bloke (dunno his name, he didn’t hang around long enough) in a Melbourne suburb named after an English town (Preston) right outside an Italian restaurant (La something) , is it ok to play this?
Anyone reading the current issue of Viz will have enjoyed the strip called “Wee Radge Joe – (he won’t let it go)”. Throughout the course of the narrative, for obvious reasons, a number of contemporary caluminatory terms are used. Which got me to thinking. What are the top five terms of abuse. Here’s mine, in true TOTP countdown: 5. Twat. Dismissive but somehow semi-affectionate. 4. Bellend. Mildly comic but nonetheless utterly scornful. 3. Arsehole. More serious, harder to disregard, personified by Donald Trump. 2. Motherfucker. Somewhat archaic but still packing a punch. 1. Cunt. The King, The Elvis of Insults. Bubbling under: Wanker,Fuckhead,Muppet, Numpty, Fanny, etc etc…
Australia’s new Prime Minister, the suave, rich and more than a bit slippery Malcolm Turnbull, has announced a package of funding designed to tackle the issue of violence against women and children. Using the media forceful but basically meaningless soundbite that domestic violence is ‘UnAustralian’, big Mal is riding a general wave of approval on this one. In particular, the many influential women’s groups advocates are on board, liking it a lot. And quite right too, you might say. Or might you? Making funding available for refuges, counselling and the like is all very well. Insisting that male ‘perpetrators’ take ‘ownership’ of their actions sounds good, but what does it actually mean, in practice? As someone who has worked with men in prisons for violent offences in Australia, New Zealand and the UK, I’ve long been of the opinion that domestic violence is a much more complicated issue that can’t fully be explained away by the simple assertion that all men are bastards and should simply step up to the mark and stop dissing women. In fact, in my opinion, the issue is much more about dysfunctional relationships, drug and alcohol and the total lack of strategies for dealing with » Continue Reading.
In a truly pathetic attempt to appear ‘with it’, J Bush admits to a penchant for mary-jane. 40 years ago. If only it’d been 40 minutes ago, this might have been a genuine story.
I’m heading to HK at the end of the week via a couple of nights in Vietnam. Ho Chi Minh City – or Saigon, I’m still in Saigon, as Capt Willard had it – I think i have covered but its some years since I’ve been in Honkers. Any Afterwords recommendations would be interesting – the knock off markets, good food and Sha Tin are inked in but any other ideas? A couple of music related experiences would be good.
I’d be interested to know what Australian Afterworders make of a Government Minister being caught referring to ‘Cape York Time’ and making an alleged joke about how people in the Pacific Islands don’t care about time when the ‘waves are lapping their front door’. Tony Abbott, also in attendance, laughed like it was one of Wilde’s. The thing is, the Pacific Island quip is garnering more attention than the clearly racist element of ‘Cape York Time’. A prejudiced reference to lazy people who spent all their time loafing around, this is obviously a crack in the same fashion as a American bigot might say ‘Mexican Time’ Yet, so far, the Aussie Press are zeroing in on the climate change comment, which, despite being resolutely unfunny, is certainly less offensice than the latter one. Anyone disagree?
Robbie Burns is the Rick Astley of poets. it’s easy to take the piss out of him, too reject his work as as couthy, clunky and – for some – incomprehensible. But, there is something. Like for instance, this: ‘O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us! It wad frae mony a blunder free us, An’ foolish notion: What airs in dress an’ gait wad lea’e us, An’ ev’n devotion!’ You don’t know wtf that means?
This’ll help. My favourite Groundsman Willie joke of all time? On coming across Selma, Marge’s slightly less awful sister on a dating website, dismisses the notion with a curt, ‘Ah, back to the loch with ye, Nessie…’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhl1pLeHT0k