So this is Every Kinda People by Nick ‘DIY SOS’ Knowles – The title track from his album. There appears to be a plague of these vanity projects at the moment with Shane Ritchie, Bradley Walsh and Jason Manford aiming for the Mum n Grans market. And that’s a solid market who like a pleasant tune from a cheery chap.
Should I be narked that these albums will get more media coverage and shelf space than musicians trying to make a living OR is it just like the albums that Berno Cribbs, Ken Dodd and other actors/ comedians did in the 60s, the all round entertainer.
NigelT says
Jeez…I lasted about a minute. Remember Robson & Jerome..? They sold shedloads of this sort of stuff. As you say, this isn’t new, but at least Ken Dodd had a voice, and Bernard Cribbens made comedy records (as did many comedians at the time). I’ve no problems with people crossing into different areas if they genuinely have something to offer, but this is pretty dire. I actually quite like the bloke too.
DogFacedBoy says
Cribbins did a bit of serious crooning as well
H.P. Saucecraft says
I (thank God) don’t know who any of these people are or what they do outside of ballsaching music videos, and I don’t care, but there’s something about this bunch of “serious musos getting into a groove” that’s fake to the point of parody. Everything is styled down to the last drop of bottled water. Muso in a jazz hat? Check. Chick string section with real music charts? Unassuming grey t-shirts? Hipster face fungus? Funky loft with funky furniture? Checkity-check-check. And so on. It’s as authentic as a frozen noodle meal. But as casually hateful as it all is, there’s nothing that gives it away so much as Mr Knowles’s floppy-flappy wrist action as he strums his show-pony guitar. Oh dear.
A minute, NigelT? You’re made of harder stuff than I am.
mikethep says
Definite Daryl’s House vibe goin’ on there, too.
nigelthebald says
Except that Live From Daryl’s House is bloody great, Mr Thep, whereas that is bloody awful.
The whirring sound is Robert Palmer spinning in his grave, BTW…
bungliemutt says
Allow me to fill in some of the gaps for you. Gravel voiced crooner Nick Knowles is one of Britain’s top entertainers. Not only a fabulous interpreter of popular song in an accurate American accent, but also one of our top screenwriters, daytime quiz show hosts and, er, builders. Many’s the time he can be found single-handedly creating a sumptuous new home for someone less fortunate than himself, by bricklaying in slow motion set to a literally tear-jerking piece of music and heart-rending voiceover. Nick – Mr Knowles to his friends – is a veritable Renaissance man and all-round top bloke, and I for one shall be helping him in his charitable endeavours by rushing out to purchase his new album on compact cassette from my local Woolworths.
H.P. Saucecraft says
So he’s a contemporary brickie version of this chap?
SteveT says
Can’t bring myself to even look at it – just know it will be shit.
Also know that Waitrose, M&S, Sainsbury’s et al will imminently release their Christmas TV ads with a slowed down classic song sung in a breathy, seductive voice by a Scandinavian tart. Said tart will fleetingly make it big after all the wankers who don’t spend any money on music all year get taken in by this shit and buy it for their missus/old man/gran/aunt.
minibreakfast says
Oh Steve, I was with you until you said ‘tart’.
H.P. Saucecraft says
You can be with me now, mini. I promise not to say “tart” – bugger.
minibreakfast says
Alright treacle.
SteveT says
Oh mini – I am saddened to have upset you so. Of course when using the word tart I was not referring in any way to the sexual proclivities of these Scandinavian women, more their effete and frankly silly ways of covering classic songs in a way that makes grown men faint and swoon.
However I am now deeply upset that you have apparently fallen for the charms of that scoundrel from the Orient – I might just challenge him to a duel.
H.P. Saucecraft says
*flips glove lightly across SteveT’s cheek – so; and so!*
minibreakfast says
*squeak-squeak-squeak*
H.P. Saucecraft says
Smell The Glove
Beany says
He’s no Charlie Drake. Has Russet Wilson got a new CD out yet?
John Walters says
Gatz says
Don’t dis the Drake. Here he is on a record on which his band is made up of Robert Fripp, Keith Tippett, Percy Jones and Sandy Denny. Peter Gabriel wrote and George Martin produced. Let’s see Nick Knowles put together a line up like that.
retropath2 says
I say there should be a pact, none of that stuff and we’ll agree singers won’t act.
H.P. Saucecraft says
You’d have missed this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8KXo_-JcOk
The Allnighter.
bungliemutt says
Yeah, but that’s art innit?
H.P. Saucecraft says
Yes, it is. A meditation on loss, man’s inhumanity to man, our failure to communicate, and …
brb
Gary says
…the loss of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall through the air of a true, wise friend called Piggy.
H.P. Saucecraft says
… the sound of one hand fapping …
Paul Wad says
I think that’s my new favourite video clip
fentonsteve says
Defence exhibits B and C. Yes, I know the term ‘actor’ is debatable, but still.
Nats:
Kylie:
Harold Holt says
Sure this version of the lovely Nats…
https://vimeo.com/181923674
davebigpicture says
Agree it’s poor but then this album sold shed loads last year.
minibreakfast says
I saw this a couple of weeks ago in a charity shop – still sealed! Harsh but fair.
dai says
Ha ha. No doubt an unwanted gift.
Moose the Mooche says
Missed opportunity – his album should have been called “Come On, Chuffy!” or “Keeel them!”
Standard.
PS. Have the last ten years happened at all?
salwarpe says
Can we have that last sentence as the new Afterword tagline?
H.P. Saucecraft says
Why stop at ten?
Tony Japanese says
God Only Knowles.
duco01 says
You see, I miss so much living outside the UK, the land of my birth.
Alexander Armstrong…. I recognise that guy, I think. He’s that comedian chappie, is he not? He’s one of the two guys who does those sketches where the RAF pilots use modern chav-type language, but with posh old airforce-men-in-films accents.
I never knew he was a singer, though. And, judging from that video, I wish I’d never found out.
retropath2 says
Indeed, and we liked him. Now he is a pompous, smug twit who can’t sing, even balder than his make-up and coiffeuse suggests to him. Mind you, the giant berk in horn rims is worse. Pointless? I would say so.
JustB says
Oh give over with “can’t sing”, FFS – he was a Trinity College, Cambridge choral scholar, which makes him a not far off world-class choral baritone.
Pop / whatever might not be his metier, but of course he can bloody sing.
(I also still like him, and A&M were a fantastic duo. He’s great on Pointless too, and finally, giant berks in horn-rims are often very nice people.)
He shouldn’t release albums, though.
retropath2 says
Nah, only in your opinion, or those Cambridge singing so called experts. I spit on their opinions.
Don’t like all these so-called opera “singers” either; they can’t sing.
And I never saw you as tall, Bob.
JustB says
Soz boss. I’m six foot of pure Celtic love.
And it’s not only my opinion, Retro. Don’t be silly.
Leedsboy says
Myth busters did a show that proved you can polish a turd. Or a poop as they called it. Nick’s producers have confirmed the result was no fluke.
I lasted less than a minute. That is not the wrist of a builder strumming that guitar.
Gatz says
By an extraordinary coincidence that’s identical wording of the reply many Afterworders were going to post under the Susanna Hoffs video above, once they’d had a bit of a breather.
H.P. Saucecraft says
For those without the strength to scroll up, here it is again, sort of:
Gary says
Groovy! Post another!
H.P. Saucecraft says
davebigpicture says
She’s a bit old for that rag doll.
H.P. Saucecraft says
It’s symbolic of her lost innocence. Y’see, Dave, when a man and a woman get together and …
brb
Leedsboy says
Jesus Christ Almighty, I’d love to kiss The Bangles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWE0xkCKmSc
H.P. Saucecraft says
Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh ….
OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Moose the Mooche says
Women with guitars – tick
Women in boots – tick
Women with bare shoulders – tick
Woah, turns out it only takes three ticks
H.P. Saucecraft says
Just the first minute or so gets me all hot and bothered. La Hoffs, milfing it up with her pert derrière to the audience… twerks for me.
Moose the Mooche says
Hands where we can see ’em, feller!
nigelthebald says
No, not there!
minibreakfast says
I watched the whole video (without a sedative – grrr!) and he actually has a good voice. It’s just a shame the song is so utterly shit.
Vulpes Vulpes says
If it’s the Every Kinda People that I know as a Robert Palmer song, it was written by Andy Fraser and is most certainly not utterly shit. I won’t be clicking to find out, but I fear you may have just lost all credibility as a judge of songs by that flippant dismissal.
minibreakfast says
It might be good in Rob’s hands, but here it’s Utterly Shit. Perhaps the word “record” could be substituted for “song”, if we’re being picky.
Didn’t realise I had any “credibility” as a “judge of songs” in your opinion, and am not really sure I want any. I’m certain that I don’t care though (she said flippantly).
Vulpes Vulpes says
Well, you’ve just effectively re-stated your original second sentence in ENTIRELY different terms; and we are not being “picky” here, we are just reading what you wrote. So, I’ll consider paying attention to your wide-ranging musical recommendations once more, whether you want me to or not.
I hadn’t previously realised that the difference between a “record” and a “song” was so little understood. Bing’s cover of “Ace Of Spades” anyone?
*cheesy grin*
minibreakfast says
As far as I could tell from the clip (which you’re too chicken to watch 😉) the song IS shit; it’s impossible for me to imagine it sounding anything but from the atrocious Knowles example. Perhaps after watching it (ALL of it!) you could post Palmer’s version here to convince me otherwise, if indeed it is the same song.
P.S. I thought of you today whilst listening to ITLTSN, a record on which we can definitely agree, so there’s hope.
Moose the Mooche says
Oh dear; You have dissed a song extremely tangentially connected with (*genuflects furiously*) Little Feat, peace and blessings be upon them.
What are you going to do next, point out that Bob Dylan is often a bit rubbish?
Vulpes Vulpes says
PS Still can’t stomach more than 20 seconds of the handyman’s wankfest version.
Mike_H says
I love the original Robert Palmer recording of this (not the dodgy later remix version, which just sounds wrong to me).
That live clip sounds rather weak and wimpy in comparison. They seem to have somehow drained it of it’s dynamics, as if they’re just knocking it off.
duco01 says
DogFacedBoy mentions Ken Dodd in the OP.
It’s worth remembering that Doddy’s “Tears” was the THRID BEST SELLING SINGLE OF THE 1960s in the UK, selling more 1½ million copies, and beaten only by “She Loves You” and “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” That’s some serious sales right there.
Tiggerlion says
His song about his penis was a big hit too. I was amazed it wasn’t banned.
It’s probably the greatest gift I possess, too. Although, I do wonder sometimes whether a clitoris might be *better*.
Moose the Mooche says
I do wonder sometimes whether a clitoris might be *better*
AW T-shirt.
MC Escher says
But… but… the Sixties were the Golden Age of pop music!!! How can this be? *sniggers*
deramdaze says
Rest assured: not laughing at you, that would be rude.
Laughing “towards” you.
MC Escher says
Understood, dude. None taken 😉
“… now, three more from Dave Dee, Dozy…” *shoots self*
H.P. Saucecraft says
Nothing sadder than to see an old man deny his past.
MC Escher says
How very dare you etc… the TLOXHMs have never sullied my vinyl, or come to that digital, or come to that didgeridoo, library.
Sidebar: was “Mick” the prototype for the Spinal Tap “revolving drummer” gag? Wikipedia lists current members as Titch, Beaky and “Mick iii,” (Beaky i also left but returned after stints in the seat for Beakies ii and iii).
fentonsteve says
The way that Shure SM7 mic is set up, it will capture more of his chest hair rustling than his singing. The keyboard player’s using a SM57 without a pop filter. And those drum overheads are far too high.
Don’t these people know anything?
Also, I suspect AutoTune might have been involved in the ‘recording’ process.
davebigpicture says
A bit niche but I recently discovered that the SM57 with foam pop shields has been used by The Whitehouse for presidential speeches for decades. I always think of it as an instrument mic.
Gary says
Also a bit niche but I recently discovered that if you add your current age to the year of your birth it’ll tell you what year it is. This year anyway. For most people anyway. Pretty handy, huh?
H.P. Saucecraft says
Would you like a biccie with your cuppa, Gary?
Gary says
Only if you give me a handjob.
H.P. Saucecraft says
You’ve had today’s already, bless!
Gary says
Hey, I learnt a new word today! “Fapping”. I like it.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Are you serious?! There’s a few more internet terms you should learn; “LOL” means Lots Of Love!
Gary says
Well I certainly feel LOL for fapping!
Moose the Mooche says
LOL For Fapping – TMFTL
H.P. Saucecraft says
Lulzies! That scamp Gary changed his comment to “only if you give me a handjob” from his original “I’d rather have an enema”! Only just noticed!
davebigpicture says
The SM57 is Judith Chalmer’s microphone of choice @Gary. She knows a bit about mics from the time she guested on John Otway’s “Headbutts” while standing in for Mavis Nicholson on Afternoon Plus.
H.P. Saucecraft says
*nods*
fentonsteve says
The SM57 is pretty much indestructable, but does have some technical limitations*. I’m sure I’ve seen film of Richard Nixon using the SM57 predecessor, the Unidyne III.
I wonder if the Whitehouse still use the SM57 they bought in 1965. That’s not much repeat business for Shure.
(*) including making the POTUS sound like a moron. There can be no other reason, surely?
Moose the Mooche says
You mean The White House.
Whitehouse films are something completely different.
*nostalgic reverie*
RubyBlue says
‘Every Kinda People’…..just not actually in the video though, eh?
minibreakfast says
Heh.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Is it not suitably diverse?
davebigpicture says
Looks like they filmed it in one of their projects, before work started. Maybe everyone involved gave their time free.
Junior Wells says
Question from the Antipodes. Who is this Nick bloke ? I was impressed that he had taken the time to get his hair cut and beard trimmed. Good lad !
H.P. Saucecraft says
Do keep up, Junes. As always, the answer is read the thread.
Moose the Mooche says
In deference to the late, great bob_numbers I move that all references to anything British be struck from this thread, the blog and the world.
And then I will flounce anyway.
Junior Wells says
I read the thread old bean. I gather he has been on TV something to do with building and singing but that’s about it.
bungliemutt says
That is indeed about it, apart from him being a Renaissance man and everything. And he used to ride a motorbike along the Ridgeway.
Colin H says
Somewhere, ‘Handy Andy’ from that 90s home makeover show (the title genuinely escapes me) is seething in bitterness at ‘Brickie Nick’s implausible light entertainment success.
I caught a glimpse of Nick on something recently and was struck (more so than is apparent in the video above) by the sheer blackness of his high-maintenance beard. It was clearly a highly-worked, dyed beard. Maybe the hair too. weird.
minibreakfast says
Changing Rooms.
Gatz says
He had his chance.
Moose the Mooche says
I know what I’d do if I had a hammer.
Mousey says
I assume from the OP this bloke is famous in England?
Pretty bland predictable easy listening music IMHO.
Big budget vid for low budget songwriting.
OOAA
Goodnight from the bottom of the workd
Colin H says
I believe it was a hit for Robert Palmer – written by the chap who wrote Alright Now.
Vulpes Vulpes says
Indeed. From the immense album “Double Fun”, backed by most of Little Feat and a huge list of top flight players, full of superb tunes and great songs carefully chosen and brilliantly performed. Ignorantly dismissed here as “low budget songwriting”. This blog used to be full of people who knew what they were talking about. Who let all these civilians in? The door policy has gone to shit.
Mike_H says
Of course no other “celeb stab at the charts” has come even close to the majesty of Benny Hill’s “Ernie”.
Junior Wells says
Ernie’s ghostly gold tops a rattlin in their crate.
Classic
Dave Ross says
Surely time someone posted David Brent doing “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Junior Wells says
Oh alright then. The room looks rather similar to the OP
Moose the Mooche says
As with Tony Ferrino, this is basically a comedian’s excuse to try and live out their long-held dream of being a pop star, but with the get-out-clause, “Of course it’s rubbish, it’s a joke!”
(…see also Bad News, Spinal Tap, The Rutles, Jonny Borrell)
DogFacedBoy says
This is actually low grade Knowles – for the pure uncut Knowles you need him performing An Eye For An Eye which is truly jawdroppingly awful. Expunged from the web it is available via this Facebook group like some weird sex ring
Viewer discretion is advised
https://www.facebook.com/MorePeopleNeedToSeeThisVideoOfNickKnowlesSinging/
minibreakfast says
Fuck me, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard the whole of Ottawan’s album.
It started badly enough, but my heart sank when I glimpsed the choir waiting in the wings.
Lemonhope says
“mmm, lovely stuff. That’s Nick-DIY SOS-Knowles there with ‘An Eye For An Eye’, should’ve worn his safety goggles. Phone in now with your DIY disasters. It’s 42 minutes to twelve” etc
bungliemutt says
I’ve just tried to adjust the internet, but unfortunately Nick Knowles is still shit. If it was a comedy record it would still be shit.
fentonsteve says
Holy mother of God. I lasted 45 seconds. Unsee! Unhear!
Captain Haddock says
Is it safe for me to admit on here that I cry whenever I watch DIY SOS?
Lemonhope says
Tsk! Baby!
DogFacedBoy says
Oh it’s catnip for the tear ducts that sort of TV and his Our Tune type delivery as learnt from Noel’s Xmas Presents specials is beyond parody.
Tony Japanese says
Don’t worry, I cry too. And I’m actually Ray Winstone! DIY SOS is much better than it used to be, having gone from its original premise of ‘Here’s the Bamford family from Middlesborough. Dad, Peter, has been promising to fix the plumbing since 1964, but he has only got as far as buying some duct-tape’ to it’s current ‘Help the Needy’ type. At least the people on it are deserving.
H.P. Saucecraft says
“DIY SOS is much better than it used to be, having gone from its original premise of ‘Here’s the Bamford family from Middlesborough. Dad, Peter, has been promising to fix the plumbing since 1964, but he has only got as far as buying some duct-tape’ to it’s current ‘Help the Needy’ type. At least the people on it are deserving.”
Afterword T-shirt, XXXL
Moose the Mooche says
It’s threads like this that make me wonder how many High Court judges* we have on the Afterword.
“….and what exactly is a…. “game show”? Is it something on…. the commercial television?”
(*after all, we have plenty of people who hold grudges)
H.P. Saucecraft says
You can eff right off. Some of us come here to catch up with Modern Culture, you know.
attackdog says
That Nick Knowles thing was shite.
But I am concerned that Ms Hoffs hairstyle appears to be troubling her. I am also concerned that her skirt clearly does not fit her correctly, and wearing footwear that is ill-fitting is highly inadvisable.
I really wish I or another AW member (but preferably me) could meet her and help her out of her dreadful predicament. And report back here asap. We (I) can hardly bear to witness her tradgey any further.
Weeps.
Moose the Mooche says
You naughty man.
attackdog says
Just because my sympathies do not extend to Nick there’s no need to assume my sincerity is anything other than sincere.
You of all people should know better.
Moose the Mooche says
You would think so, wouldn’t you?
fentonsteve says
I am a trained Health & Safety assessor and have the certificate to prove it. I feel I should be the one to carry out a full assessment of Ms Hoffs’ personal (protection) equipment.
PPE is important in reducing the risk of any workplace injury. Ill-fitting clothing and footwear is a potential deathtrap. I’ll book my ticket to 1982 immediately, remembering to pack my clipboard and pen.
attackdog says
So, how could you possibly assist Ms Hoffs any better than any other Afterworder (i.e. me?).
Moose the Mooche says
Well, I have an eye for style, and naturally greasy hands.
attackdog says
Now look, Moosh, I offered first. So back off, greasy hands or otherwise.
Also, Ms Hoffs looks like a discerning type to me.
So I think I’d better handle this.
OK?
Moose the Mooche says
I can see you handling it from here, my man. And you will ruin your health.
bungliemutt says
Nick Knowles and Susanna Hoffs in the same thread. Thank God for the Afterword.
minibreakfast says
Oh no:
attackdog says
Fear not.
Mooche can handle Alexander.
I’ll handle Ms Hoffs.
davebigpicture says
That still leaves three Bangles….
“Rubs thighs”
Moose the Mooche says
Uh? The only Northumberlander I’m handling is Mrs Moose, and only then with her written permission.
Dave Ross says
I do love this place, the music snobbery and casual sexism never fail to entertain………
I once saw Nick Knowles in Taplow Sainsburys. Every time I walked down an aisle there he was, doing his shopping. I think he was selecting some bread when a woman walked straight up to him and the conversation went something like. Woman “You’re that man, from, the telly”. Nick “I am”. Woman “Oh right, hello”. Nick “Hi”. Then we all went back to our shopping.
Moose the Mooche says
How dare you! This isn’t casual sexism. We’re really putting our backs into it!
H.P. Saucecraft says
What’s wrong with being sexy?
(NB second Spinal Tap quote in same thread! Puts it in perspective, doesn’t it?)
Gatz says
Too much. Too much fapping perspective.
DogFacedBoy says
I saw a similar encounter happen but with women and Justin Lee Collins. Still think DIY man’s vanity covers project is shit
Tony Japanese says
Clearly his sister got all the musical talent.
Moose the Mooche says
Beyonce?
H.P. Saucecraft says
First person to come up with a “no she went of her own accord”-style response to Moose’s comment wins something.
Moose the Mooche says
A Dignitas gift card?
H.P. Saucecraft says
No – she went of her own accord!
Moose the Mooche says
Trinidad and Tobago?
*note to intern: check these are the right islands*
Tony Japanese says
No, no. He has three sisters (thanks Wikipedia!) – Karen, Angela and Shelia. Angela is actually the mastermind behind Daft Punk.
Moose the Mooche says
And he had a brother called Cyril, God rest him.
Rigid Digit says
And his dad was in It Ain’t Half Hot Mum
Tony Japanese says
It Ain’t Half Man, Mum.
Moose the Mooche says
It Ain’t Half Biscuit, Mam
minibreakfast says
It Ain’t Hard Bop, Mum.
(Oops, wrong Davis.)
moseleymoles says
I have just spent a very enjoyable 5 minutes on Spotify with Alexander Armstrong. His version of ‘Golden Brown’ is absolutely brilliant. I have a vision of someone tapping him on the shoulder at the album launch party and saying
‘You do know what that song’s about Alexander?’
‘Er…sugar…a dusky maiden?’
He also takes on MacArthur Park full bore. Sadly no-one has put these gems on Youtube so you’ll have to put 10s of work in. Definitely worth it. Has Knowles taken on I’m Waiting For The Man?
Moose the Mooche says
Xander will know what that song’s about. He isn’t stupid. Neither is his agent, given that he is doing this alongside being on Pointless seven nights a week. AA should probably have “I AM MAKING HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES” tattooed on his forehead.
I wouldn’t even be that surprised if he owned one or two Fall records.
moseleymoles says
I think his ‘team’ have ‘reached out’ to MES to enquire about Rowche Rumble being given the velvety pipes treatment by AA
Moose the Mooche says
I quite fancy the idea of The Classical done in the voice of the RAF pilots.
Bingo Little says
What I never understand about stuff like this is; with all the great songs out there they could have given this guy to cover, why write him such a shitty new one?
moseleymoles says
Bingo Little says
Same goes for Robert Palmer. What were his management thinking?!
minibreakfast says
Nope, still shit.
Moose the Mooche says
Robert Palmer makes me sad. He did well commercially, but died without getting his due props for the cool stuff he did on Island. By now he’d have done a really ace comeback album with Steve Albini or something.
Moose the Mooche says
Can we refrain from mentioning Robert for a while in case he comes to the notice of the f888ing Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.
Tiggerlion says
Noooo!
Nothing matches the original vinyl version. When they cleaned up the track for CD release, the separation of the instruments made it sound more dislocated.
This is the closest I can find on the youtube. Much funkier and much more seductive.
minibreakfast says
Still quite meh as a song though, and the lyrics are a bit cringey. I’d put it on a par with We Are The World.
Moose the Mooche says
But that has the sainted Berrrrb on it!
minibreakfast says
Is that something to do with HP’s brb?
Moose the Mooche says
Bob.
Ya need ta lorn yasel Geordie like.
minibreakfast says
Oh we’ve got Colin for that. Right Mr H?
Colin H says
I caught the last minute of something really crappy at the end of the show before the One Show earlier. I think it was Shane Richie (the bass drum had ‘SR’ on it) who I believe is some kind of daytime TV guy. My word, it was s**t. And he kept ad-libbing towards the end ‘Let’s do this!’ ‘Let’s do what?’ I thought. ‘Switch channels to get away from this godawful bilge?’ It was ghastly – the more so for clearly taking itself seriously. It made one pine for Nick Knowles.
Sewer Robot says
Hey! My bass drum has SR on it.
No, wait – that’s my underpants.
…as you were…
Moose the Mooche says
“No, wait – that’s my underpants.” – Afterword T-shirt..
Oh no, I haven’t thought that through
Moose the Mooche says
The horsehair wig is in effect!
….”who I believe is some kind of daytime TV guy.” – That’s Shane Richie, who’s been in The East Enders* for about ten years.
*It is the biggest programme on British television* m’lud.
*Television? It is a device for watching moving images… oh fuck it
Colin H says
I’ve never watched anything he’s been in! I didn’t know he was still in that soap but I vaguely remember it being announced that he was going to be in it like it was a big deal and thinking ‘Why? Who is he?’ So – who is/was he? Was a comedian or quiz show host or something before the ‘Enders thing?
bungliemutt says
He’s a former Pontin’s bluecoat – a kind of shouty version of Bobby Davro who isn’t funny.
davebigpicture says
Bobby Davro is funny?
H.P. Saucecraft says
You’re quoting out of context. What Mr Mutt actually said was ” … Bobby Davro who isn’t funny.” See? Wars have been started over less.
bungliemutt says
Actually Dave is right. I was implying that on a scale where Bobby Davro is classed as funny, Shane Richie would be less funny than Bobby Davro. Whereas all right-thinking people already regard the aforementioned Mr Davro as completely lacking in humour generating skills – ergo, Shane Richie is even more crap than that.
I can provide a diagram for additional clarity on request.
Tony Japanese says
I once saw Bobby Davro perform at Butlins in, say, 1996. Ten-year old Tony Japanese had to stand his ground when a couple decided they would sit with him on the table that had been temporarily vacated by Senior Japanese and Brother Japanese. Of course this table was handily positioned to see Mr Davro at his unbridled best. If the Royal Family were in Skegness at the time, they would’ve been given this table to sit at, such was it’s location.
Twenty-one years later, I can’t help thinking I should’ve respected my elders and vacated the table as they were suggesting I did.
davebigpicture says
I sat through Davro’s act, at a Christmas party for Thresher’s Off License. The audience loved it (they were all really drunk) while the crew sat stony faced. To add insult to injury, Davro spat beer over the 50″ plasma comfort monitors which were big money at the time. The contents of the confetti canons then stuck to the wet screens. Tosser.
fentonsteve says
“Comfort monitors” sounds like a euphemism. Paging Moosey!
Moose the Mooche says
Whither the confetti cannons?
H.P. Saucecraft says
“Confetti cannon” is my pet name for my arse.
DogFacedBoy says
More Knowles – now bothering Joni
https://www.vevo.com/watch/nick-knowles/river/GBUV71701908
Moose the Mooche says
If I had a river I’d push that big bastard in it.
minibreakfast says
God, no.
minibreakfast says
Do follow the #Knowlesmas hashtag on Twitter, for a titter.
fentonsteve says
I see your Knowles and raise you Sheridan Smith. I keep seeing her advert on the telly.
I think Bradley Walsh and Jason Manford beat Sheridan, though.
Moose the Mooche says
The humanity!!
https://www.cornwalllive.com/news/celebs-tv/diy-sos-star-nick-knowles-2567661?fbclid=IwAR1ZH4f2a6GX1na5tQGuBpHW8-M9Sd-b3zg5QnGzDO4aRCHSbn7XIjQtV74