Anyone reading the current issue of Viz will have enjoyed the strip called “Wee Radge Joe – (he won’t let it go)”. Throughout the course of the narrative, for obvious reasons, a number of contemporary caluminatory terms are used. Which got me to thinking. What are the top five terms of abuse.
Here’s mine, in true TOTP countdown:
5. Twat. Dismissive but somehow semi-affectionate.
4. Bellend. Mildly comic but nonetheless utterly scornful.
3. Arsehole. More serious, harder to disregard, personified by Donald Trump.
2. Motherfucker. Somewhat archaic but still packing a punch.
1. Cunt. The King, The Elvis of Insults.
Bubbling under: Wanker,Fuckhead,Muppet, Numpty, Fanny, etc etc…
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RubyBlue says
Oh, ‘radge’ takes me back- very north-eastern. Also ‘radgie’.
‘Bellend’ is possibly my favourite. I live reasonably near Bellenden Road and it never fails to make me snigger. Please let me be fortunate enough to one day afford to buy a house there. A girl can dream…
My son is very much interested in swear words, particularly how rude they actually are, on a sliding scale. So his Dad and I have constructed a private scale whereby the rudeness of words is measured in ‘millicunts’: so ‘cunt’ is 500 millicunts, ‘arse’ possibly 10, and so on. It gets sketchy at various points- just how much ruder is ‘wanker’ than ‘bellend’? by 10 millicunts, or more? How much less rude is ‘motherfucker’ than ‘cunt’?
Hours of fun.
(Apols to those offended by the c-word. I don’t use it often myself but obviously a bit more than I should.)
RedLemon says
probably just my OCD, but surely Cunt, as the baseline, should be 1000 millicunts?
like Kilos, Litres etc.
RedLemon says
…i should add, that otherwise, i am very impressed with your system.
RubyBlue says
Ah yes, there was some debate about this. As a mathematician he went for the 1000 but the numbers were just getting too big for this social scientist to cope with. 😀
aardvarknever says
Of course, as some around these parts will know, the rudest possible word is missing from this thread (at least at the time of writing).
So, of course, the full-on 1000 millic**t rating must have been reserved for . . . ‘Belgium’.
garyjohn says
Nice one RB – we can’t be offended by cunt. In these days of relaxed language we have to protect it strength. It’s virtually an act of preservation. I recall feminist disdain but I’m not sure that perspective still applies.
RubyBlue says
It’s all context with cunt- very useful in certain circumstances.
[Comment shamelessly attempting to bait @moose-the-mooche]
mikethep says
It’s all context with cunt – now there’s a t-shirt if ever I saw one.
garyjohn says
And of course, the more it’s used, the less effective it becomes.
Diddley Farquar says
English swear words are largely nullified here in Sweden. They blended in quite often with Swedish in fact. Shit is used as if it were like damn. Fuck is slightly stronger but not much. No one really bats an eyelid when it is employed. Not long ago there was a boyband on breakfast TV singing a song called saxafuckingphone. No bleeping out required. So insults in English are mostly ineffective, not least because many will be unknown of course. In Swedish I know of jävla kärring, which translates as bloody old bag. Cunt is fitta. Hope that helps.
Steerpike says
Similarly it can be something of a surprise when on holiday to see kids (as well as the older generation) in T-shirts emblazoned with English swearwords
H.P. Saucecraft says
“Fuck” is a popular t-shirt word in Thailand. I’m not 100% sure they know what it means. Like the swastika, it just looks good to them.
ivylander says
In the Eighties, I brought back from a trip to Taiwan a T-shirt bearing the slogan ‘King of Shit’.
Jim Cain says
Eat Y’Self Fitta
Ahh_Bisto says
‘Terry’ is a personal favourite in honour of Terry Fuckwit.
‘Eejit’
‘Dickwad’
‘Fuckface’ rather than ‘Fuckhead’
But recently I have been defaulting with ‘Cock’ or ‘Total Cock’
Ma Bisto likes to mutter ‘Tit’ under her breath if her ire is directed towards someone potentially within hearing distance and, if not (e.g. a driver in another car), she’ll happily yelp ‘Tosspot’ or ‘Wank stain’ in their general direction. This always gives me the fit of giggles.
davebigpicture says
Repeating myself yet again, must be my age.
The wife of a famously foulmouthed colleague was driving with their 3 year old son in his car seat when she was cut up by another driver. As she gave a quick blast on the horn a small voice from the back said, “Wanker.”
Ahh_Bisto says
My 2 daughters (11 and 7) still regularly give Ma Bisto and I an edifying slap on the back of our gear stick hand when they hear us swear in the car. It’s fairly standard daily practice for me but it’s still something of a novelty when their mum is on the receiving end of their admonishment.
In a similar vein to your story a friend regularly used a particular turn of phrase to describe the contents of his son’s nappy when changing it. One day we were all sat together in a pub having Sunday lunch. The little lad’s – he was probably 2 or 3 years old – mum lifted him up and smelt his bottom with the words “Ooh, have you got a poo poo in your nappy?”, to which he responded at the top of his voice using the turn of phrase so often uttered by his dad:
“YES, IT’S A MUD SLIDE!”
Johnny Concheroo says
Here in Australia “twat” is usually pronounced the North American way “twot” for some reason, which loses the impact for me.
Then again, the Aussies mysteriously prefer the crass American single finger gesture, rather than the good old Anglo Saxon two-fingered salute, so what can you do?
Sniffity says
An issue of Mad magazine from 1974 had a hand giving the single finger – it completely mystified me and everyone I showed it to…so one can deduce that it’s only somehow come to the fore in the 40 odd years since.
I can only presume that “twat” is pronounced “twot” here because no-one knew how it was really pronounced, so we’ve all just taken a guess and it’s stuck.
Johnny Concheroo says
I think it’s amazing that American media/TV usually pixelate the single finger gesture (invariably when showing heavy metal fans) as if it’s the most offensive thing imaginable.
I first encountered the gesture in Australia when driving, funnily enough.
As for “twat/twot” an internet search reveals that Canada and other commonwealth countries have gone with “twot” too. So perhaps it’s the way it was once pronounced in UK?
duco01 says
Yes, of course the original version of the cover of the first Moby Grape album was famously censored, because Don Stevenson was giving the single finger sign, his hand resting on a washboard. The part of the finger that was sticking out was airbrushed away.
More recent reissues of the album have featured the full offensive digit on the cover.
http://www.rebeatmag.com/10-more-censored-altered-and-banned-album-covers-from-the-50s-60s-and-70s/#prettyPhoto/11/
mikethep says
By no means – it goes back to Ancient Greece! ‘The first documented appearance of the finger in the United States was in 1886, when Old Hoss Radbourn, a baseball pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters, was photographed giving it to a member of their rival the New York Giants,’ says Wikipedia.
garyjohn says
True JC, but Aussies, with their emphasis on ‘c’ as ‘k’ do justice to ‘cunt’.
Johnny Concheroo says
I’ve got the latest issue of Viz to which you refer GJ, and as always it’s 8 Ace who is the star for me. Great swearing from 8 and his missus and tremendous pathos at the same time.
With reference to “muppet” and “numpty” in your OP. Those didn’t even exist when I was growing up and can’t be much more than 20 years old.
As such those johnny-come-latelys of the sweary lexicon still seem like interlopers to me.
garyjohn says
Yep JC – Ace is simply magnificent. Numpty as a Scottish insult has a bit of pedigree but I’ll concede muppet, which possibly dates from early Fools and Horses.
Johnny Concheroo says
“Muppet” can’t be any older than The Muppet Show itself (1976) and probably didn’t become established until well into the 80s, yet it’s absolutely ubiquitous in the UK now. That’s quite extraordinary when you think about it.
Sniffity says
Mike Leigh’s “Meantime” from 1984 had Phil Daniels constantly calling Tim Roth a muppet, so it must have well caught on by then.
Johnny Concheroo says
That sounds about right. I don’t recall hearing “muppet” as an insult at all in general speech until early-mid 80s.
When you think about it, it’s a strangely passive insult. I mean, we used to love the Muppets. How did it even become an insult, I wonder? It’s no worse than “wally” to my ears (which appears to have died out, incidentally)
garyjohn says
Yeah, I suppose so. Plus is very UK centric – maybe even South of England in particular. Don’t think I’ve heard it anywhere else – certainly not in Oz or USA.
Locust says
It’s used as an insult in Swedish (“jävla mupp”) and can also be used in verb form (“muppa sig”) and as an adjective (“muppig”).
But it’s a bit out of fashion I think, I haven’t heard it in a while.
Sledgehook says
Twat always used to be pronounced twot in London when I was growing up, though it now seems absolutely universal to pronounce it rhymed with cat. Twot is the only pronunciation in the full OED. I blame Robert Browning.
Johnny Concheroo says
I’ve heard it pronounced “twot” around London years ago, but as you say it’s now universally “twat”
H.P. Saucecraft says
I’ve heard it pronounced “cunt” in the Midlands.
Sewer Robot says
Or Miles Hunt, which is the rhyming slanging around those parts*
(*only joking, Mr H, we know you’re good friend of the site!!)
Johnny Concheroo says
And of course it’s “cahnt” in London
Sitheref2409 says
I am fond of “fuckknuckle” myself as the no 2 in the pantheon of swearing, coming after the obvious c*nt (which is usually prefaced by “you utter fucking….”)
Shitehawk has been known to fly past my dainty lips.
It’s not big, it’s not clever, but it does help ease the rage,
mojitojoe says
of course in Scotland, cunt isn’t always a derogatory term…… e.g. ……. “he’s a good cunt”.
garyjohn says
Absolutely. Also: ‘A bit of a cunt’ and ‘a nice wee cunt’.
Mousey says
Always liked “dorkwipe” myself
thecheshirecat says
Arsewipe.
RubyBlue says
Alone, I will refer to myself as a ‘c*nting f*cktard’ in relation to some bit of fuckwittery, which I quite like but am also a bit ashamed of, hence asterix, which seems absurdly coy given the above. God was that sentence ever going to end.
I also like ‘fuckton’ in relation to a large amount of something: as in ‘I ate a fuckton of biscuits today’.
rich says
what a ‘Wankhammer’
ivylander says
I have a certain fondness for ‘douchenozzle’….
Twang says
Dickhead is a good, multifunctional insult.
Steerpike says
I agree with this one Twang. Works best if you emphasise each syllable distinctly and with disdain.
Twang says
Interestingly, do you think insults have genders? You don’y call women bastards, for example (even if deserving).
garyjohn says
Hmm, very true. Could a woman be a wanker? Generally not, I think. Arsehole? Yes. Cunt? Definitely.
Johnny Concheroo says
It’s sad but true that we tend to reserve the worse, most offensive swear words/insults for women (or they relate to women’s bodies, even when used against men), while the more passive, jocular ones are applied to men.
It’s almost as if we men (perhaps subconsciously) like to shame women at every opportunity. I wonder why that would be?
garyjohn says
Oh, I don’t know about that JC. Cunt and twat admittedly but as this thread shows, many other insulting terms are male centred – prick, dick, etc. A German feminist I knew claimed that ‘cunt was being re-claimed by the sisters’, but as I suggested earlier, I’m not sure the word even refers to the vulva at all anymore,
Jim Cain says
I’ve got to admit, I really dislike this modern trend for ‘creative’ swearing. C*ckwomble and the like. It makes me cringe.
DogFacedBoy says
Where do you stand on “cock juggling thundercunt”?
Gatz says
I preferred their earlier albums.
davebigpicture says
TMFTL
BaldySlaphead says
More AIOTM, TBH.
Jim Cain says
That’s a perfect example. Nobody over the age of 12 has any business using phrases like twatwaffling fucktrumpet.
Gatz says
But both of those made me laugh, Jim. Repetitive swearing where every other word begins with F gets tedious very quickly. Surely novelty obscenity is to be encouraged.
Neilo says
Very much in favour – particularly its timely deployment in ‘Blade: Trinity’.
thecheshirecat says
Didn’t Viz come out with ‘cuntbubble’, in the context of ‘Pick the bones out of that, Cuntbubble’? Always quite liked that one.
JustB says
I like that one too – comes from Biffa Bacon’s granddad, if memory serves. Pictured during the war belting a Nazi surldier and saying “stitch that, you Jorman cuntbubble”.
thecheshirecat says
Paul Whicker the Tall Vicar also used it on the occasion of an unwelcome visit from the bishop.
retropath2 says
As stated earlier above, the effect reduces with familiarity, so, one day, ya cunts, I feel we will be reverting to silly sausage as a perjorative term.
Giggles says
While 8 Ace is always a good touchstone, Viz has, of late, been excelling itself with some VERY DARK SHIT INDEED. I don’t know the name of the person doing it but it’s the guy who does the ever- tragic Drunken Bakers. If you pick up a copy you’ll recognise his style.
As for insults du jour I was recently surprised to see a fight where ‘cunt’ seemed to be superseded in strength by the (to my ears innocuous) ‘mug.’ Any Londoners care to enlighten me on why an insult meaning easily gulled is suddenly more powerful than Detek and Clive’s finest?
RubyBlue says
Yeah, I notice this in London too. I also overhear women using it about men: ‘he mugged me off’ as in taken for a fool (I guess?) It sounds really strange and I don’t know why; maybe it’s just my unfamiliarity with it being used like that, or it’s just an inherently ugly word/expression.
garyjohn says
Farmer and Healey, who also do the blacker than night ‘George Bestial’. As someone currently learning Greek I’m enjoying ‘Dirty Archimedes’ and “Socreteasmade’, half of which is in your actual glossa.
Johnny Concheroo says
Yes, the Drunken Bakers guy also does the one about the competing fried chicken shops and the decidedly disturbing George Beastial.
It’s genius, but as you say, very dark stuff.
Junglejim says
I can’t speak for the growth of ‘mug’, but it’s been common parlance since at least the early/mid 80s, though I believe mostly as an abbreviation of the longer established ‘muggy’ –
A terrific example appeared on Bob Mills’ ‘ In Bed with Medinner’ when a bright eyed SE London casual explained to a documentary film maker the key difference between his pals & a rival ‘ crew’ who were also ‘on the knock’ – ‘We’re nuffing like that lot, we’re the chaps of the road, basically we’re football, they’re muggy boneheads’.
Another word which never seemed to spread beyond SE London but which summed up the target instantly, was scudge or scudger – as in a philistine oaf or blockhead, not paricularly prone to violence, but happy to join in – ‘yeah,
Tone went to Florence & while everyone else was checking out the sites, he just stumped off looking for an English pub with egg & chips. Such a scudge.’
garyjohn says
‘Scroat’ as used by Norman Stanley Fletcher was always a good one.
Giggles says
That’s Derek, natch.
hubert rawlinson says
Can I recommend this, hours of fun. Told my son he could read it when he was sixteen.
Historical Slang; Eric partridge.
http://www.partridgeslangonline.com/Handler_Ebook.ashx?name…pdf
Sewer Robot says
It’s always bothered me the way universal terms are used for swear wordswords: arsehole – everyone’s got one; cunt, twat – half the world’s got one; prick, dick, knob – the other half has one; wanker – everyone does it; fucker – everyone wants to be one.
I quite like the one we use over here (and maybe you do to?) gobshite – suggesting, as it does, someone who talks shite.
Another local one you may also have is the slightly more specific “prick with ears”. I like the way it forces you to conjour the image in your mind, in a way that simply calling someone a prick does not.
Too much swearing, in my view, slips by unnoticed owing to lazy construction or delivery. I’ve heard a couple of times now that The Wolf Of Wall Street set some new record for use of the word “fuck” in a film. I watched that film and I didn’t remember there being much swearing in it at all. In contrast 44 Inch Chest is like being beaten around the head with a compendium of rude words..
Sewer Robot says
..also the show stopping use of the single word “quim” in The Avengers..
Neilo says
Prick with ears is an Irish classic along with the legendary dying-looking bastard.
bricameron says
Quim is a beautiful term and also a beautiful thing.
Twang says
Exclusive to top shelf paperback pseudo Victorian erotica isn’t it?
JustB says
I don’t mind a silly sweary portmanteau, me. Cockwomble is just funny, or was the first few times.
Cockspanner and shitehawk date back years – courtesy of a good friend from Barrow. I love them.
But you can’t really beat “twat”. It covers such a multitude of eventualities – affection right through to absolute loathing.
Archie Valparaiso says
I’ve often wondered (well, okay, once, just now) whether the Fast Show writers tried out various options for Unlucky Alf’s parrot to say before settling for “twat”. It’s so perfect it couldn’t really have been anything else, could it?
JustB says
Ha!
And what a sketch that is. One of the very greatest.
http://www.youtube.com/pV27Xhv0G2g
JustB says
Dammit.
Beezer says
I’m still fond of ‘Fuckadoodledoo’ after hearing it ‘Four Weddings…’ An age ago.
I used to share houses with two friends, an Irishman and a Scot. The air hummed with swearing. ‘Hoor’ was bandied around. As a noun and a verb. ‘Shite, I’ve hoored the washing machine!’
And ‘Hole’, as in arsehole. ‘Away and boil yer hole, Beezer!’
I still use them.
Salty says
Another 4 weddings one – Fuckityfuckityfuckityfuck.
My current favourites are dicksplash or knob jockey.
Rigid Digit says
Top 5 List (I do like a fucking list!)
* The result of a split condom
* Bollockbrain
* COCK!
in equal first
*Twat
* Cunt
The top 3 leave little doubt as to your feelings toward the intended recipient.
Gatz says
I like ‘tool’, which is mild enough not to cause offence to anyone but can be spat with terrific venom.
In moments of high frustration, when something fiddly has just gone wrong after long and careful preparation, I’ll shout ‘Bobbins!’ or ‘Bunnies!’ if at work. In less refined company or alone, it’s, ‘Oh, bugger fuck and shit and bollocks!’
Black Celebration says
I do like bell end. And someone being a total arse or a cock.
On the mild end of the spectrum, I still say “Wally” every now and then. I also like the NZ use of egg.
“I didn’t want to look like an egg, so said the dog had done it.”
DogFacedBoy says
I liked the self reflected insults Mike Reid (RUNAROUND – NAAAAAAAHHHHWWWWWW) used to come out with on EastEnders
Wha’d you fink I am, some kind of pilchard \ double yolker?
Prestonia says
Wazzock. A playground staple in 70s Lancashire and Yorkshire, (friends on the eastern side of the Pennines claim it was minted in Yorkshire). There’s a nice balance to it, it nips just enough to wound but not too much.
RubyBlue says
My son loves ‘chucklehead’, which always makes me smile and is very old, I think.
This has morphed into ‘chuckle nuts’ which makes me smile a bit less.
Cookieboy says
I’ve heard that exactly once in my life and that was in The Magnificent Seven uttered by Steve McQueen.
I don’t know if the word is true to the period the film was set but the film was made in 1960 so is old anyway.
Pizon-bros says
My grand father used to tell a story about a man pretending speaking another language as a natural, but once he stepped on a rake and got hurt by the rakestick he shouted naturally in his mother tongue:
“Pute de rastel” (rake-whore)
so, If I place myself in this guy’s situation, I can only think of one word (pretty the same origin as cunt):
Connard.
Gatz says
Does it have the same impct though? The link below is about the time when Sarkozy on the campaign trail said to a man, ‘Casse toi allors pauvre con.’
This literally translates as, ‘Go away the poor cunt.’ But because con doesn’t carry anything like the weight of cunt, the media typically translated it as something more like, ‘Sod off you oaf.’ The informal ‘toi’ was ruder than the startlingly unpolitical, to English ears, ‘con’.
https://en.m.wikinews.org/wiki/French_president_insults_passerby_at_national_agriculture_convention
ianess says
I was told some time ago by a fluent French speaker that, for whatever deep-seated reason, ‘pauvre con’ is quite the most devastating insult one can level at any Frenchman. It renders them apoplectic in an instant.
Gatz says
Useful tip,thanks. I shall remember it next time I wish to irk a Frenchman.
Pizon-bros says
“Passer pour un idiot aux yeux d’un imbécile est une volupté de fin gourmet.”
“to be taken for an idiot by an imbecile is a connoisseur’s delicate pleasure”
@ianess and @gatz, I agree that “pauvre con” is a devastating insult, but solely from an irreproachable person. Coming from a corrupted and vulgar person like Sarkozy wearing openly expensive watches, calling a farmer a poor cunt, it’s a bit like being called a pervers by Jimmie Saville, an antisemit by adolf hitler or a drunkhard by W.C. Fields.
Johnny Concheroo says
There’s no easy way to say this. “Cock” has been ruined for me – as a swearword I hasten to add – since its adoption as a laissez-faire blokey expletive by that trio of bellends on Top Gear.
In exactly the same way, Top Gear has forever bespoiled, tarnished, violated and vandalised the wonderful Jessica by The Allman Brothers
H.P. Saucecraft says
… which Jeremy said was written by Duane Allman.
Johnny Concheroo says
Did he say that? Jesus!
He’s exactly the kind of bloke you’d want to write your CD sleeve notes in that case
H.P. Saucecraft says
Yes he did say it, in a knowledgable aside to the camera, to show how rock n’ roll he was.
Johnny Concheroo says
You remember how Johnny Marr got upset because David Cameron quoted The Smiths lyrics in the Commons? I feel exactly the same way about Clarkson liking prog rock. It almost ruins King Crimson for me hearing him wax lyrical about it.
Black Celebration says
What songs did Cameron refer to?
Squeal around the fountain?
Pig mouth strikes again?
duco01 says
Heaven knows I’m miserable, sow?
SixDog says
Two Bob cunt remains my longstanding personal favourite.
Liam Gallagher’s excellent solo attempt with ‘Cuntybollocks’ came close in 1996 but didn’t quite knock Two Bob off the top.
‘You plank’ is a good ‘un alongside ‘absolute fahcking weapon’
Best. Thread. Ever.
SixDog says
And Malcolm Tucker’s welcoming acknowledgment to a visitor
‘Come the fuck in, or fuck the fuck off’
Locust says
Päron. Ollon. Kukhuvud. Pucko. Pungsvett. Äckel. Spya. Nolla.
(Just google them)
General Swedish insults of varying strength that I use. But ideally I try to incorporate the specific “crime” of the person on the receiving end of it into the insult whenever possible.
Milkybarnick says
Knob is a favourite of mine – it’s not particularly rude, just completely definite, and has to be said with a downward inflection, making it even more final. “You knob!”
“Penis” also works well for similar reasons. Calling someone an “absolute penis” with utter disdain feels like it has much more weight than calling them something worse.
garyjohn says
And continuing the penis theme: tadger.
ivylander says
Hard to beat Wodehouse for terms of contempt – ‘blister’ and (especially) ‘pustule’ really deliver.
Black Celebration says
A few years back, on live TV, King Juan Carlos of Spain leaned over and said to a politician something like “why don’t you stop talking?”.
I am given to understand that it caused a sensation over there – and I have seen the footage – he delivers it well – but what was in the language that made it such an amazing moment? I’d love a Spanish AW’er to explain it.
Black Celebration says
Here is the clip.
Doesn’t seem much of an insult does it? But it’s in the tone and the actual words used. I am given to understand that a literal translation is “why don’t you shut up, love?” – the intimacy of the language (as if to a child) is what caused the outrage.
Mousey says
The movie “Spy”, with the genius Melissa McCarthy and the gorgeous Rose Byrne, has a brilliant script with a constant flow of brilliant insults. It’s hilarious. I watched it on a plane the other day and kept sploffing my cheese and crackers into the seat in front of me.
mikethep says
‘sploffing’…brilliant! I feel a new onomatopoeia thread coming on.
fortuneight says
I watched it on a flight too – some great gags, and very sweary, although Allison Janney’s single utterance of “cunt” was bleeped out.
dadwardo says
PG: “Jinnet” – is the offspring of a horse and a donkey, where the donkey is the dad. If the horse is the father, you get a mule, whereas a jinnet is useless and lazy. And sterile.
R: “Fuck-tard” – speaks for itself. Not appreciated by plain-clothed coppers on the Howth Road.
RubyBlue says
Yeah I actually really dislike anything with the suffix ‘-tard’ given its origins so it is never said to anyone other than myself in private.
I was mulling over the c-word issue; I would agree that it’s problematic given that the worst insult is the name for a part of the female anatomy but I try and use it i. in a way that reclaims it; and ii. when I’m describing what it actually is. Although I think this is a poor defence and an example of having your cake and eating it.
I would agree with the above (@johnny-concheroo) that many of the penis-related insults are more jocular, although ‘dick’ has a bit more force (?) And in terms of sheer numbers, there seems to be way, way more penis-related insults. Interestingly ‘balls’ is a compliment. Related to the unreliability/unpredictability/vulnerability of the penis?
No point to this rambling early-hours digression/over-thinking, other than ‘there are a lot of penis-related insults’.
Johnny Concheroo says
It’s complicated, isn’t it?
So, the absolute worst insult we can make refers to the most intimate/private part of a woman? I seldom if ever use the c-word, not because of any prudery, but because I just can’t separate it from its misogynistic connotations.
The same applies to bitch, whore, slag etc. Very many feminine swear words have blatant body-shaming associations and/or seem designed to humiliate women.
Except “tit” of course which is always funny.
Sorry, just thinking aloud here.
Carry on swearing.
RubyBlue says
Yeah, I don’t use ‘bitch’ at all, apart from with a few close friends, using the phrase ‘basic bitch’ which is a bit of an in-joke. Similarly, ‘whore’, ‘slag’ etc., I don’t ever use.
‘Tit’/’tits’ I really don’t like, strangely, not for political reasons but it just seems like an ugly-sounding word, although yes, it can be funny in a Carry On way; ‘oh Gawd, here I go, titting about again’.
But yes, complicated: ‘Lady love your cunt’ and all that (Germaine Greer).
aardvarknever says
I never use ‘bitch’ – I just don’t.
Mrs Never does, and when she does she is very seriously irked. The target is always female and I’ve never heard her use the word when anybody else is present.
So it seems that for us ‘bitch’ is a really serious expletive.
BaldySlaphead says
I reckon a prick’s worse than a dick. A dick has some element of pathos about them whereas a prick is just being malicious.
dadwardo says
Completely agree. They seem to used interchangably here in Australia. When someone gets called a prick (when it’s meant with a degree of blokey-ish affection) it falls hard on my Hibernian ears.
Jim Cain says
I like ‘lunch’, which is something that young people in Essex say.
“Shut up you complete lunch”.
Mousey says
That’s great, I love it
yorkio says
Not heard that one since I moved away from Essex!
Dillon was another big favourite, along with plank and, most witheringly, lemon.
fortuneight says
I’m running a campaign to bring back “cowson” – a Chas & Dave approved alternative to “son-of-a-bitch”.
mutikonka says
“Berk” – my dad used to say this when really annoyed with someone and I was shocked when I recently found out what it is rhyming slang for.
Also like doylum, which I think is just a Leeds thing.
Jim Cain says
Doylum is common the North East too.
BaldySlaphead says
A chum that grew up in the Toronto punk scene of the mid to late 80s introduced us to the expression “woojang”. It was never firmly defined but usage would place it mid-table, not far from ‘dick’.
“Foaming Dave’s such a woojang.”
“Mad Dave’s a fucking wooj.”
badartdog says
wankstain.
Getthenet says
“Turd” is a a perfect all round insult. ” Odious turd” used on special occasions for the likes of Paul Dacre, John Redwood, etc.
Diddley Farquar says
Have we had piss-breath or sack of shite yet? Arse wipe I like too.
Getthenet says
Sack of shite is most excellent.
DogFacedBoy says
My favourite for years was ‘pig eyed sack of shit’ as that’s what one of the boffins calls the Army General in ‘War Games’
JPE 1704 TKS
garyjohn says
‘Sad Sack’ the American comic strip apparently evolved from that very phrase – ‘Sad sack of shit…’
Jackthebiscuit says
The first time David Beckham bedded the lovely Victoria, he was lying in bed, deed done, & feeling very pleased with himself.
He took her hand & placed it on his right foot & asked her if she had ever felt anything like it & she replied that she hadnt, so he told that it was the foot that scored the goal that took England to the
2002 world cup finals.
He then placed her hand on his left foot & asked her the same question. Again she said no, & she said that it was the foot that laid on the pass to enable the winning goal in the 1999 FA cupfinal.
He then placed her hand on his forehead, asked the same question & told her that that was the forehead that headed the ball off the line in yet another important game for manyoo.
Victoria was by now getting a bit pissed off, so she took his hand & placed it between her legs & asked him if he had ever felt anything like that before/
David replied “Yes, when I got sent off in the 98 world cup”.
I’ll get my coat…
Mousey says
Very good sir. Might have to share that elsewhere…
Milkybarnick says
My favourite use of the C-word in film:
Black Celebration says
I was surprised to hear Al Pacino use the c word in Glengarry Glen Ross. Until that point, I thought Americans didn’t say it. Anyway there’s a good insult here:
“What’s your name?”
“F*** YOU! – THAT’s my name!”
Gatz says
I saw one of those police chase fly-on-the-wall docs a while ago (a British one in this case). A car thief had finally been stopped and put in the back of a police car.
‘What’s your name, mate?’
‘Fuck off!!!’
‘Is that you first name or your last name?’ (said with weary familiarity that suggested she’d heard it all before many, many times.)
H.P. Saucecraft says
I use “arsebasket” in reference to myself when failing at some simple domestic task. Equally effective as a breathy “to self”, or as a shout, with the explosive bilabial consonant of the “b” stressed. Either way, long “a”s are essential.
mikethep says
I made up a swearword when I was very small, about 5, I think. It was ‘bluediggerbonk’ (spelling approximate because it was never written down, but accent on the first syllable). My dad gleefully adopted it and it could often be heard coming out of his workshop when he hit the nail on the thumb. These days I tend to say ‘fuuuck’ in the same circumstances.
Mousey says
I had one when I was a kid – “hellshitfuckbumallinone”. Quite like it still actually.
Nik says
Probably my favourite pair of insults:
http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/ae117/nikhorne/E8634558-5FEE-4006-9077-D644A3596E26_zpszgvstu1o.jpg
garyjohn says
Once upon a time this was as dirty as it got.
garyjohn says
If F & S were around today, would they be thrilling the crowds with an updated version called – ‘Piss shit twat arse cunt?
Johnny Concheroo says
Funny you should say that:
garyjohn says
Not bad. Generally speaking, I prefer this:
Johnny Concheroo says
I have visions of an entire generation of rebellious teenage punks making a frantic dive for the record player volume control as their maiden aunt entered the room just when that track was about to play.
garyjohn says
Ian does it so well. Even today it would have a distinct highish level shock quality. Back then, it was off the scale. Don’t ever remember hearing it on Radio 1 surprisingly. Mike ‘Hang on a minute till I play on of my rubbish songs on acoustic guitar’ Read would have had a coronary.
Which wouldn’t have been a bad thing.
garyjohn says
I’d be making an even more frantic dash for the turntable if my maiden aunt came across me playing this JC.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp6Q_mXuMtQ
How did he ever get away with it?
garyjohn says
I don’t have a problem with the lyrics. In fact, I quite like them. Even this part where he’s (presumably) envious of a young girl’s bicycle saddle.
Smooth down the Avenue glitters the bicycle,
Black-stockinged legs under navy blue serge,
Home and Colonial, Star, International,
Balancing bicycle leant on the verge.
Trace me your wheel-tracks, you fortunate bicycle,
Out of the shopping and into the dark,
Back down the avenue, back to the potting shed,
Back to the house on the fringe of the park.
Fair enough, I suppose.
Johnny Concheroo says
Anything about schoolgirls sounds very dodgy now, but there was a time when it was just the way of things.
As we’ve discussed many times here in the past, even the sainted John Peel wrote some decidedly unsavory stuff about schoolgirls in his weekly Sounds column. Peel appears to have been given a posthumous dispensation though, perhaps because, er, he was cool and we liked the records he played.
Yeah, that’ll be it.
garyjohn says
Unlike the not at all cool and now utterly de-frocked Jimmy of Saville who was given a posthumous crucifixion. Riding my bicycle in Melbourne this morning I was overtaken by a JS impersonator – or quite possible the man himself – assuming he’s not dead after all. it’d be the perfect place for the old fraud since no one in Australia had – or has – a clue who he was. Or is.
Johnny Concheroo says
At least most Aussies would have seen Savile on old episodes of TOTP which are regularly screened down under.
It’d be much harder trying to explain Molly Meldrum in the UK I think.
mikethep says
I had no idea who Molly Meldrum was until I was a doc on him recently. This may or may not help.
mikethep says
SAW a doc, goddammit!
garyjohn says
Is Molly Meldrum the Aussie equivalent of Saville? Equally untalented but I suspect – though I’m unsure – not as amoral. Does that make John Farnham Australia’s Cliff Richard? Shit, but enduring.
Johnny Concheroo says
In case m’learned friends are reading this, I must emphasise that Molly is NOT the equivalent in Savile in any way, shape or form, other than being an eccentric and often decidedly odd TV personality/music biz figure
garyjohn says
Yeah, that’ll do it JC. As for distinguishing purposes, I think we can say Molly is a bit of a twat, whereas Savile was, undeniably, a cunt.
Sniffity says
“…old episodes of TOTP which are regularly screened down under.”
They are?
Johnny Concheroo says
Not entire episodes perhaps, but individual TOTP clips regularly pop up on Aussie TV (eg Bowie’s Starman) often featuring the various presenters before or after the song
hubert rawlinson says
Hopefully this may explain a bit.
You only have to look at a poem such as “Myfanwy” – one of his most emotionally naked – to feel the camera leading you effortlessly back and forth across the generations, as the grown Myfanwy bicycles “out of the shopping and into the dark, / Back down the avenue, back to the pottingshed, / Back to the house on the fringe of the park”, where the adolescent Betjeman first saw and fell in love with her, playing sardines at a party. Before we reach the Fuller’s angelcake we see the motherly Myfanwy once more, reading to her own children. The poem collapses the generations with such assurance. The montage of images, immediately moving, only gradually reveals its meaning as the generations extricate themselves at subsequent readings. The confusion echoes his own slight embarrassment. Is she a child or a mother? Is she a girl he once knew and lost touch with and longs for still, remembering her childhood beauty? Or just the wife of a friend? Larkin talks somewhere about the need to give the reader something to be going along with, while reserving something more to repay closer scrutiny. Betjeman manages this with cinematic blurrings of time and space.
from http://www.theguardian.com/books/2006/feb/25/poetry.johnbetjeman
garyjohn says
Very good HB – fantastic analysis of the quasi innocent and essentially unfulfilled sexuality of the poet. And wasn’t Betjeman the man who, on his death bed, wished he’d had more sex?
It’s the tune I don’t like.
Mike_H says
Calling somebody a turd is a pretty good nasty insult. Short and not very sweet at all.
Kaisfatdad says
On the subject of cursing in general, I was explaining to my son, who (like many of his pals is over-fond of the F word), that if you are angry and about to utter an expletive, you can change word in mid-utterance to avoid causing offense.
The most obvious example is Sh…..it becoming S…ugar.
Any other examples of this?
Is there one for the F word?
hubert rawlinson says
Sh.. itake mushrooms
Junglejim says
Sure is. Fu Crying out loud! My late Dad was very fond of using that one when required.
Junior Wells says
late to this but never mind
a few observations.
“Cunt” seem to be far more acceptable in the British isles than in Australia or America. Even younger people seem to use the “C-bomb” with some discrimination.
Re the obervation by @johnny-concheroo about the single finger or bird. It replaced the 2 finger salute sometime in the 80s or later. Just another example of American cultural hegemony.The thumbs up is a curious one – the vigorous movement of clenched fist with upright thumb used to be a symbol of abuse or considerable dissatisfaction perhaps a rung or two below the two finger salute. But not it seems to be confined solely to the positive thumbs up but fist always static.
Twat however pronounced I think is used less down here though has more currency when used together with other words i.e complete fucking twat. Ditto “bastard” is pretty tame these days “what a bastard” as in an unfortunate event but “complete fucking bastard” does have some gravitas.
“Bitch” tends to be confined to use by women or gays to women or gays.
“Cocksucker” is a curious one. An epithet with some potency but not to be used around someone who has or who you would like to engage in the act of sucking your cock.
Motherfucker is a curious one also . Is it wrong to fuck a mother your own ,well, quite, but mothers in general?
Johnny Concheroo says
“Bastard” in Australia also tends to be a term of endearment, delivered in a friendly, if rough and ready way. As in, “How are you, you old bastard?”
Johnny Concheroo says
As for the c-word. You’re right, it’s not generally widely used in Australia. I tend to hear it most often during drunken, public altercations involving Aborigines where it forms the mainstay of their sweary lexicon and is usually bellowed at high volume in the street. By the women, funnily enough.